I quickly racked my brain for what troubles to tell Sojin noona about.
‘Grades? No. She knows I gave up on studying. Family problems? …None. Even people in the neighboring village know how well Mom and Dad get along. My dream? …What is my dream? Until recently, my dream was to be Seongheon hyung’s housekeeper. I can’t tell noona that!’
My thoughts were stopping. My mind felt cozy and too confused. Not just me, but Sojin noona was also now staring at the plaques hanging in the gym with unfocused eyes, frowning.
“Ha…”
Seeing both our reactions, Seongheon hyung let out a light laugh. Because of that laugh, fear came first—hadn’t hyung read all my inner thoughts?
In the midst of this, Gangjin hyung, whose presence I’d forgotten, made a dangerous remark.
“But, noona. You just used my computer until now. So did you two have time to talk?”
Of course not. As if coming to that conclusion, Seongheon hyung’s gaze became even sharper.
I didn’t know about other things, but I had to prevent the focus of our story from going to the computer. At my urgent gaze, Sojin noona seemed to make a decision and cried out.
“Yeah!! We did!”
“What did you talk about?”
“Daeyoung!”
“Yeah.”
Sojin noona, as if finally determined, answered loudly and resoundingly.
“Got a girlfriend!!!”
At those words, all three of us including me gaped. M-me?? But since I shouldn’t be surprised, I urgently closed my mouth and maintained a poker face pretending not to be surprised.
My heart pounded.
‘A girlfriend for me… Noona, that’s too far-fetched.’
But the words were already spilled, and it was too late to retract them.
“Uh… So, so Daeyoung came to ask how to make up with his girlfriend. Because she’s also a woman, he must have been curious about a woman’s psychology, right? So I told him to come and talk.”
“Wow, I was surprised twice by what noona said. One, that Daeyoung got a girlfriend, and one, that our noona was a woman.”
Gangjin hyung said playfully and poked Seongheon hyung standing next to him, but hyung wasn’t laughing at all.
Seongheon hyung blinked slowly and stared straight at me. That gaze seemed to contain various meanings, and among them, as if the question of why I hadn’t been answering calls was solved, the corners of his mouth went down.
‘That’s not why I ignored hyung’s calls though…’
But for now, I decided to let him misunderstand. Although it was a lie, anyway, it was also a moment to make the hyungs recognize that I wasn’t an easy person.
The hyungs always teased me saying ‘Daeyoung won’t be able to get a girlfriend for life, will he?’ As if cursed by those words, I actually didn’t have a girlfriend even once until my senior year.
Of course, in middle school there was a girl who said I looked like a puppy and was cute, asking to date. I was going to accept her confession with a fluttering heart, but it fell through when the girl suddenly transferred schools. Occasionally when the hyungs teased me about girlfriends, I’d strongly assert ‘I’ve received a confession!’ but they didn’t believe me.
So this time too, I thought they’d dismiss it like ‘Huh? You?’ but Seongheon hyung stood right in front of me with a serious expression.
Hyung reached out his hand, gently stroking my shoulder and arm, then lightly gripped my elbow and met my eyes. I exchanged glances with hyung while being cautious like a dog that peed on a blanket instead of a pee pad.
“Daeyoung.”
“Hm?”
“Did you really get a girlfriend?”
“Yeah…”
“Then you should have said so. Since you weren’t answering my calls… I thought something happened.”
“Sorry. I just wanted to keep it secret.”
Gangjin hyung added words as if he understood why I hadn’t revealed my girlfriend’s existence to the hyungs.
“If kkakdugi said he got a girlfriend, I guess he didn’t say anything because we’d tease him? Daesu seemed clueless too.”
“Yeah. I didn’t tell my hyung either.”
As I readily answered, Seongheon hyung’s hand that had been gripping my elbow slid down and grasped the back of my hand. No matter how much I’d hugged hyung before, we’d almost never held hands like this, so it felt strange.
Seongheon hyung’s hand was really big, and the touching part tickled like down feathers. Like that touch, I was relieved that our conversation seemed to be wrapping up well, when Seongheon hyung suddenly spoke again.
“Daeyoung.”
“Yeah?”
“Show me.”
“Show what?”
“Your girlfriend.”
Wait, hyung. Show you my girlfriend who doesn’t even exist in this world? Things were getting bigger and bigger. Seongheon hyung, making eye contact with me, gently stroked the back of my hand with his thumb and smiled bitterly.
If I said ‘I actually don’t have a girlfriend’ here and now, Sojin noona who made excuses for me would be in trouble, I’d become a laughingstock to the hyungs again, and I’d have to confess even my purpose for coming here.
The die was already cast.
So I had no choice but to start adding flesh to the lie.
“Hyung, my girlfriend is very shy…”
“Really? Hyung will do well so she won’t be uncomfortable. I’m curious what kind of girl is dating our Daeyoung.”
“She’s ordinary, kind, and treats me well.”
“Hm?”
At my answer, Seongheon hyung raised his eyebrows as if asking if that was all. It seemed hyung had no intention of letting this go. As if that were true, he gripped my hand more firmly and pulled me toward the entrance.
“If you’re going home now, I’ll take you instead.”
Sojin noona belatedly said “I was going to take him…” but her hair was wet since she’d just showered. She seemed to have hurried down to take me home quickly.
Seongheon hyung pointed that out and didn’t bend his opinion.
“Noona, if you go out with wet hair, you’ll catch a cold. I’ll take him and come back.”
“Huh? Still…”
‘No, noona! Don’t abandon me!!’
I appealed with my eyes, but Sojin noona waved her hand containing both apologetic and pitying feelings.
Right, Sojin noona had helped me this much, so wanting more would be shameless. And above all, the urgent matter was to quickly escape this scene.
“Let’s go, Daeyoung.”
“U-uh.”
I walked along just looking at Seongheon hyung’s back as he went outside. Hyung was still holding my hand, but the palm that had initially covered the back of my hand was now wrapping around my fingers.
‘This is strange. Was holding hands this awkward?’
In the past, at a sports festival, I held hands with a girl I wasn’t close to for folk dancing. Right before holding hands, we were so awkward we couldn’t even make eye contact, but we quickly got used to it, and later we were busy practicing holding hands like it was nothing.
Back then, I realized holding someone’s hand was no big deal, so I thought if I got someone to date later, I should be the one to hold hands first.
But.
‘Why is this so uncomfortable?’
The other person was a hyung I’d known since childhood, and even now he was just dragging me along to put me in the car, but like our intertwined fingers, my head was tangled up. I concluded it must be uncomfortable because of the lie I’d told and the current situation of coming here secretly.
Seongheon hyung took me to the passenger door gripping my hand tightly as if he’d never let go. The car itself was pitch black and matte, so it felt threatening as if I’d be submerged in darkness once I got in.
When hyung clicked open the passenger door, my heart felt chilled as if opening a coffin lid.
“Get in.”
“I can just take the bus though.”
“I said get in.”
“…Okay.”
Only then did Seongheon hyung’s hand that had been intertwined between my fingers fall away. It felt like hyung’s handprints still remained all over my hand, like making handprints on clay. I got in and sat in the passenger seat, rubbing both hands trying to erase those traces.
Seongheon hyung got into the driver’s seat next to me and quietly started the engine. Because of the headlights illuminating ahead, hyung’s profile became clear. Like the car’s heavy engine sound, hyung’s expression also looked heavy.
As I stole glances at that profile, hyung suddenly turned his head sharply and stared at me.
“You need to put on your seatbelt.”
“Okay.”
Feeling like I’d been too obviously watchful, I hastily pulled the seatbelt in my fluster, making a clicking sound. When that sound was heard twice in a row, Seongheon hyung leaned his upper body toward me.
Because of the woody scent that rushed in, I stopped breathing and froze for a moment. Hyung’s long arm crossed in front of my chest trying to grab the seatbelt, and hyung’s firm chest casually touched my left shoulder.
‘H-his face is too close…!’
When I tilted my head toward the opposite window, a small laugh penetrated my ear and hyung’s face moved away again.
“Why are you so nervous? Am I going to eat you?”
“…No, just.”
If he found out I’d revealed the hideout to others, he might really eat me. Really, this kind of thing doesn’t suit me. Moreover, it had only been a short while since I’d seen Seongheon hyung’s rough side, so I was even more nervous.
After that, the car started smoothly and entered the road. Warm air had begun circulating inside the car, and my tension gradually started to ease.
Perhaps having noticed to some extent that I was nervous, Seongheon hyung leaned against the steering wheel for a moment at a traffic light, then looked at me with a gentle expression.
“Our Daeyoung.”
His voice was heavy like the night air, but affectionate.
“Yeah?”
“Now that you have a girlfriend, you don’t like hyung anymore?”
