‘Huh?’
Just now, Seongheon hyung…… cursed?
It was the first time I heard Seongheon hyung curse, and I didn’t know he had such a strong way of speaking. His voice was naturally so low that even when hyung spoke kindly, it felt weighty, but when he deliberately spoke in a threatening tone to someone, the pressure was indescribable.
Seongheon hyung strode into the house ahead of the other hyungs. I could hear him cursing as he went, but that cursing seemed to be routine for the hyungs as they casually cursed back.
“He seems happy we came, doesn’t he?”
Daesu hyung nodded at Gangjin hyung’s words, but I couldn’t agree.
‘I don’t think that’s it……’
Daesu hyung, who had entered first, ran up as if to put his arm around shoulders, then wrapped his arm around Seongheon hyung’s neck from behind, and Seongheon hyung poured out another round of curses telling him to get off. Just looking at that, it seemed like he really hated being touched by anyone.
Seeing Seongheon hyung shouting not to touch his body, the past when I hugged him in greeting every time we met flashed before my eyes like a panorama.
‘……This is strange. Is this the Seongheon hyung I knew?’
I stood behind Gangjin hyung and just peeked my head out slightly to look at Seongheon hyung’s back, and I was shocked yet again there.
I don’t think it was there before…….
In the time I hadn’t seen him, hyung had grown eyes on his back. A truly giant tiger was glaring at me as if to devour me, giving me goosebumps. Perhaps because it was a broad back with defined muscles, every time Seongheon hyung walked, that tiger seemed to move alive as if crawling down.
When I was following behind and fell back slightly, Gangjin hyung turned his head to look at me and asked quietly.
“Aren’t you going to go greet him?”
“Gangjin hyung.”
“What?”
“S-sorry but…… I want to go home……”
“Didn’t you follow because you wanted to see Seongheon?”
“No, just. I was curious what the hyungs were doing and playing…… Anyway, I’ll go.”
“Hey, how are you going to get home from here?”
“Just, somehow.”
I quickly turned around and went to the entrance. I put on my shoes, neatly arranged the slippers I had carelessly taken off, then opened the front door and came outside.
“Hey, Kkakdugi.”
“Shhhh!!!!”
I covered the mouth of Gangjin hyung following me out and desperately pleaded for him to be quiet. If I ran into Seongheon hyung now, I felt like I wouldn’t be able to manage my expression.
I didn’t know that Seongheon hyung, who was always kind like sunshine, cursed constantly, and not only that, even lived with a tiger on his back. As if the Seongheon hyung I knew didn’t actually exist, I was too confused right now.
“Anyway hyung, I’m just going. Keep it a secret that I came here.”
“……Okay. Then get in for now, I’ll take you.”
“Okay.”
I quickly got in the car and fastened my seatbelt, and the vehicle pulled out of the gate again.
‘I shouldn’t have followed.’
I had felt this way before. I cut out and memorized interview articles and famous quotes from a sports player I liked, but after finding out he habitually assaulted juniors and committed adultery despite being married, I regretted having been a fan.
Of course, my admiration for Seongheon hyung now didn’t plummet as much as back then, but if I met him now, I felt like I couldn’t greet him as usual. Even if Seongheon hyung smiled and spoke kindly, having just seen him spewing vulgar curses, those words couldn’t possibly resonate.
After thinking for a moment, I glanced at Gangjin hyung driving.
“Gangjin hyung, can I ask you something?”
“Don’t bite, it hurts.”
“Ah…… hyung. Dad joke.”
“It’s funny though.”
“You know, hyung. Was Seongheon hyung always like that?”
Seeing my gloomy face, Gangjin hyung burst into a small laugh as if absurd.
“Why are you laughing?”
“How well did you think of Seongheon that you’re scared after just seeing that?”
“I don’t know.”
“That side of Seongheon is really just a part of him.”
“Really?”
“You’ve never fought with kids, have you?”
“Mm-mm.”
“You wouldn’t have. I figured our good Kkakdugi wouldn’t.”
Gangjin hyung reached out his right hand and tousled my hair. Normally I would have whined telling him not to, but right now I needed someone’s touch to soothe my heart.
Normally I would have thought of Seongheon hyung as someone who would do that, but now it was regrettable that I couldn’t.
“Kkakdugi— no, Daeyoung.”
“Mm-mm.”
“Everyone has various sides to them. Don’t you know that from seeing that this kind of car is my taste?”
True, Gangjin hyung had been climbing onto giant horses and enjoying speed since middle school. So I thought he’d buy a car with a horse emblem brand, but it was surprising that he drove a cute beetle car.
“But Seongheon hyung was always kind.”
“That’s because you’re Daesu’s younger brother. Other kids were all scared of Seongheon. They’d quietly avoid him just from making eye contact.”
“Really?”
“You didn’t know because we went to different middle and high schools? Seongheon was famous at school for being good at fighting.”
Even when I was in middle school, Seongheon hyung would smile broadly like a morning glory and warmly hug me whenever he saw me. His cheek rubbing against my face was soft, and his touch interlocking our fingers was so kind that I wanted to meet and greet him all the time.
“If he went around fighting like that, his father must have been worried.”
“According to my dad, when Jongsik ahjussi was young, he was more extreme if anything, not less. So it seems he doesn’t interfere much. You know what ahjussi and Jongheon hyung do, right?”
“Dad said they buy and sell land, develop it and stuff. He said Jongheon hyung handles it all……”
“You were scared of Jongheon hyung.”
“I’m still scared of that hyung.”
“When Seongheon gets angry, even Jongheon hyung can’t stop him.”
“Whoa……”
I had once visited Seongheon hyung’s house and saw Jongheon hyung, who is 6 years older than hyung.
An unapproachable aura emanated from him standing with people in black suits, and when we bowed in greeting, he took out a wallet made of crocodile leather from his pocket and gave us each a check. There were six zeros on the money, and I was so shocked that I froze without even being able to say thank you.
“You have to get along well with Seongheon.”
The words to get along well sounded exactly like “I won’t let it slide if you fight.”
Of course, I wouldn’t have any reason to defy Seongheon hyung, but perhaps because of the thick ring on his finger, Jongheon hyung’s hand patting my head felt burdensome, like it was pressing down on my head.
“Seongheon’s house is originally a bit bleak. Sometimes the people who come and go from the house include many ahjussis who look like gangsters. That’s probably why Daesu didn’t particularly take you to Seongheon’s house. For us, we’re friends who’ve known each other a long time, and our parents all know each other’s situations so we just accept it…… but you seemed to think of Seongheon a bit like an idol.”
“I didn’t know Seongheon hyung had that kind of side. He wasn’t like that to me……”
“As I said earlier, people have various sides. Even though Seongheon is originally rough, the fact that he’s good to you is sincere, so don’t think too complicatedly about it.”
“I understand with my head, but it feels like Seongheon hyung isn’t the person I knew…… Like he’s someone I’m seeing for the first time.”
“Earlier you said you were fine with someone you’re seeing for the first time? You said you’d gladly open the door.”
“That and this are different.”
Gangjin hyung said he’d calm my shocked heart and stopped the car in front of a convenience store for a moment and bought cigarettes and strawberry milk there.
Gangjin hyung returned to the car and handed me the strawberry milk, asking “Do you know what a strawberry says when it gets fired from work?” and I indifferently just said I didn’t know.
“Strawberry syrup.”
“Yeah, okay. I’ll drink it well.”
Ignoring hyung’s words, I stuck a straw in the milk and took a big sip. I don’t know why Gangjin hyung keeps making these jokes when he doesn’t laugh himself…… At times like this, it was like an artificial intelligence machine imitating a person.
“Kkakdugi, you don’t smoke, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Good, try not to learn.”
“Okay.”
Gangjin hyung smoked with the car window open, and I sat next to him sucking on strawberry milk and closed my mouth. The usually sweet and pleasant taste now felt tasteless like I was drinking plain water.
♫♪—.
Just then, I heard a ringtone.
Gangjin hyung finished putting out his cigarette and took out his phone from his pocket. Perhaps because the three characters “Gam Seongheon” were displayed on the screen, he glanced at me and immediately answered the phone.
“Yeah, what?”
—Are you with Daeyoung now?
Perhaps because it was quiet around, Seongheon hyung’s voice leaked out clearly from the receiver. Since my name was mentioned, I stopped sucking and listened closely.
“Yeah, why?”
—Let me talk to him.
I frantically waved my hands not wanting to show my gloomy voice. Gangjin hyung watched me flailing and waving my hands, then sighed through his nose and deflected appropriately.
“Daeyoung’s sleeping.”
—Sleeping?
“Yeah. He came to your house then suddenly said he was sleepy, so I’m taking him home.”
—Bring him back. I’ll let him sleep in my room.
“Why would you let him sleep in your room, just send him home. The kid snores too.”
As Gangjin hyung looked at me as if to make a sound, I made a snoring sound and acted it out realistically with a snore.
I couldn’t sleep facing the tiger on Seongheon hyung’s back, so I think I made the sound more desperately. Fortunately, after listening to my snoring for a while, Seongheon hyung complied saying “He snores like crazy.”
“Anyway, I’ll take him home and go. Are you going out drinking today too?”
—Yeah. My mood is fucking terrible.
“Then why are you telling me to bring Daeyoung?”
—It’s fun playing with him.
“Forget it, just put on clothes. You’re going out right away, right?”
Not only was Seongheon hyung’s unfamiliar way of speaking strange, but the moment I heard “It’s fun playing with him,” for some reason the words Daesu hyung had said in the past came to mind.
“Do you know why Seongheon let you join? He wanted to use you as a meat shield. You don’t even realize that and keep trying to join without any sense? You think he’s going to play seriously with you? He’s just playing around with you. Because you’re an easy target.”
‘Because I’m an easy target…… So he hid his true self and just played around with me? Because it’s fun playing with me.’
I thought Seongheon hyung thought of me as special and treated me better…… but that was a misconception. He just looked for me because I was fun to play with.
I won’t think of Seongheon hyung as special anymore either, and I’ll treat him like the other hyungs.
I mulled over what Seongheon hyung said internally. I stopped acting like I was snoring and just glumly eavesdropped on the phone conversation, but after that, no matter what sounds I heard, I couldn’t concentrate.
