# Chapter 27
“Do you think that makes any sense?!”
“…”
Despite my outcry, the man hastily disappeared from my sight. Only silence remained where he had vanished. I still couldn’t quite grasp everything, leaving me in a daze.
I took a few more steady breaths. The terrible pain had vanished without a trace. With my foggy mind, I tried to understand the situation. Soon, heavy thoughts overwhelmed me.
Zendal, believing he had no hope left, must have devoted all his energy to creating an escape route for Luan and establishing contacts within the palace. Thanks to his sacrifice, Luan survived and found a way to contact me in his place. But Zendal had also been betrayed. He departed without knowing that Luan was the very person who tried to kill his firstborn son.
What would have happened to Ludin if he had known the truth? Would he still be alive now, diligently preparing to succeed the throne, and would Zendal have never become a tyrant? If Kadilen had failed in his rebellion as in the original story, would Ludin have trusted Luan until the moment of his death, alone with his illness, never knowing the truth? Countless hypotheticals followed one after another. Something was fundamentally askew. As various thoughts entangled, at some point my complicated mind quietly set down the unsolvable knot. My body, which had been sitting, collapsed to the floor as the tension released.
The rough sensation of hay touched my cheek. My upper body, still painted by Devan, remained bare. Cold wind seeped through the old cloth that soldiers had carelessly draped over me. Though my illness had stopped, I coughed out of habit.
I slowly blinked while looking at the moldy ceiling. Nothing would change. The fact that Luan contacted me while revealing his own ulterior motives even as he fled meant he was that desperate. He had nothing left to lose. Even if I decided to take revenge on him out of anger, he was already a fugitive. It was probably an attempt to somehow elicit my cooperation using my life as leverage in a desperate situation.
It was a meaningless thought to me. Luan was missing something.
I hadn’t sided with Kadilen due to personal grudge or desire for power. Moreover, this life was someone else’s that I could abandon anytime if I wanted. If I had valued my own life, I wouldn’t have helped Kadilen without gaining anything. Everything was over, and I had no strength left to do anything more. I just intended to accept the results brought about by the choices I had made. And when my time was up, I would leave this place without regrets.
Therefore, I would never accept Luan’s proposal to extend my life. Kadilen was safe.
Reaching this conclusion brought an overwhelming sense of relief. I kept dwelling on the fact that he was safe. Each letter hit me breathlessly. My worn-out heart was faintly rejoicing. I lay powerlessly, waiting for Devan. Thanks to the drug, my body felt lighter than ever, but I had no desire to sit up. With muffled ears, I quietly listened to footsteps. Devan’s two feet swayed like dancing each time they touched the ground heading towards me, making a sound as light as the wind.
“Let’s go, Ludin.”
The lock that had been firmly attached came off with a smooth slide at his gentle touch. I slowly turned my head to see his face looking down at me.
At the end of burning affection, his pitch-black eyes containing ashes stared at me as if they might shatter.
* * *
Devan placed his hand over mine, which was lying limp.
The stable with its musty smell instantly distorted, and a space filled with darkness appeared. Even though the movement had ended, Devan bent his fingers further to hold me so I couldn’t slip away. My body, staggering from the sudden movement, naturally leaned toward him. Devan, who caught me in his arms as I fell without maintaining my balance, smiled with satisfaction.
“Just the two of us now.”
His voice had weight, as if pressing down on the air. After letting my bound body remain in his embrace for a long time, Devan, finally reassured, carefully released me.
It was so dark that I couldn’t distinguish whether my eyes were open or closed. My hand, which had been painfully gripped, circled in the empty air before returning to him. With my vision pitch black, I had no choice but to rely on Devan. He lifted my slumping body with ease and laid me down among soft bedding.
“Aren’t you going to ask where we are?”
“…”
“You’re pretty when you’re silent, but…”
Devan’s face approached. His gaze, scrutinizing me thoroughly as if observing, clung to me. There was no need to ask where we were. It didn’t matter where.
“It’s no fun if you’re too quiet.”
Devan’s eyebrows, which had been examining me, raised slightly. It hadn’t been long since I realized the exact meaning of my promise to do anything for him. After endlessly giving up various things, I finally became able to keep that promise. If that’s what you want, I should make things interesting for you.
“What kind of words do you want?”
“Tell me what you’re thinking right now.”
Interest returned to his eyes. While watching him lower his guard and gently cover me with a blanket, I recalled what I was thinking.
“…It’s the end.”
Devan’s head tilted. His hand, which had been gently wrapped around my waist, tensed.
“What’s ending?”
“Just everything…”
His breath touched my ear. A subtle warmth was transmitted through the heavy cotton blanket that tightly wrapped around my body. Devan’s body was hot, like someone burning with fever. He was always like that. The places where his hand had brushed left hot marks like burns. They were marks that would disappear someday, but it wouldn’t matter if they never did.
“You’re with me, so why is it the end?”
“…”
“You should only say pretty things, Ludin.”
Now his limbs, as always, radiated heat and were tangled all over my body. I lay numbly, thinking about the drug that Luan’s man had fed me. Could I vomit that liquid back out? My body, which had seemed on the verge of death, had obediently recovered as if nothing had happened. Since I hadn’t taken all four remaining pills, there shouldn’t be a problem meeting my end, but my remaining life had clearly been extended. The time I needed to keep my promise to Devan had also increased.
I closed my eyes, suppressing the urge to retch. Luan had succeeded in disrupting both Ludin’s life before I took possession and my current life. He had added a hellish moment to the very instant I sincerely wished for everything to end.
Someday after I breathe my last breath here and return to the only world I knew, where my life existed.
Could I forget everything as if nothing happened? Such a thought suddenly occurred to me. But as if blocking unnecessary thoughts, Devan’s strong hand forcibly turned my head. I relaxed my body as I faced him, who entered my field of vision. The darkness deepened.
* * *
It was a succession of very quiet and monotonous days.
Devan didn’t disappear and stayed by my side. When he gave me food, I ate it, and when he touched me, I quietly surrendered my body. At some point, my guilt toward him faded and was replaced by a sense of helplessness. I gradually adapted to the darkness that had been suffocating because I couldn’t see even a step ahead. As my blocked vision narrowed, it felt like the world was narrowing. I couldn’t consciously recall the deal I had made with him from the beginning.
I had promised to do anything because I felt bad about betraying him, and I simply accepted the consequences that promise brought. Between those were my own choices and judgments about the situation. But now, I couldn’t easily recall even why I had made the promise. I just buried myself deeper, as if I had originally been left here with Devan.
“I should have just done this from the beginning.”
“…”
“I shouldn’t have let you go to the temple.”
He often spoke words that I couldn’t tell whether they were directed at me or just to himself. He didn’t particularly mind the lack of response.
Devan never treated me carelessly. He always held my name with a voice that couldn’t be any more tender. He prepared everything so that I wouldn’t need to take a single step outside the bed. I hadn’t seen sunlight for days. Looking only at the dim outline of Devan, I ate, bathed, and breathed as he led. With his black hair, black eyes, and black clothes, he absorbed the darkness like a shadow.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had properly seen Devan’s face. I sometimes wondered what expression he was making. But there was no way to check. Even if I had the opportunity, I probably would have turned my eyes away. Because I was afraid his face would be covered with genuine happiness.
As the sleeping time grew longer, it became harder to count the days.
Each time I closed and opened my eyes, I couldn’t be sure how much time had passed. There was only the same scenery, the same touch in place every day.
“You’re happy too, right?”
When Devan occasionally asked, I quietly nodded. I didn’t know if he could see my nod, but I had become so accustomed to following his orders. Reasons gradually disappeared, leaving only actions. I sensitively felt what Devan wanted and made choices to please him without much thought.
While I was scared of myself for not wanting anything, I didn’t know what to want. If even a little greed arose, a much greater guilt followed. Devan’s soft voice often contained resentment toward me.
“This is what you wanted, Ludin. So you should smile.”
I thought he was right. These were the things I had wanted. I had precisely achieved my goal, and Devan had done everything for me. Even now, he took care of me as I lay still and showered me with endless affection. Smiling for him was an easy thing to do.
“That’s right. Well done.”
I heard Devan’s fulfilled voice as he confirmed a smile that even I couldn’t see. I closed my eyes again. Desperately praying that when I opened my eyes again, everything would be over. Simultaneously, detesting myself for hurting Devan with such prayers.
He had perfectly possessed me, just as he wanted.
