# Chapter 21
My body collapsed as the tension finally released.
Jiman approached and seemed to be saying something, but as my body—which had been holding up through sheer willpower—crumbled, I couldn’t understand his words. When I was dragged in without resistance, Jiman’s face turned ashen.
“It, it will be fine. He said he’s joined hands with the Garun tribe….”
Jiman hurriedly examined me as I went limp without responding. I couldn’t stop his face from growing increasingly grave. Even by my own assessment, everything—both the situation and my physical strength—had hit rock bottom.
When I first woke up in the temple, I thought I could stop Kadilen before he resolved to commit treason. I believed that since we frequently encountered each other in the same space, I would notice if there was a change in his heart. I had planned to simply maintain Ludin’s existing attitude, carefully observe him, and if necessary, secretly sabotage him from behind. But that thinking was too simplistic.
‘You’ve been experiencing shortness of breath frequently these days.’
‘Is it a curse?’
He began to question Ludin’s contradictory emotions and the sudden changes in his strength and behavior, and the rebellion started earlier than I had anticipated. With the trust already lost from previous actions, it was impossible to prevent his rebellion altogether.
After that, I hoped that news of his rebellion preparations would reach Zendal’s ears as late as possible, or if it did progress, that at least his death could be avoided. Although it was a different path from the attitude Ludin had originally maintained, and it was a choice that would bring down the royal family of Zendal, I had only one purpose. Because that purpose was clear, I could propose a deal with Zendal and Devan.
As a result, I now had information. Although circumstances had changed significantly from my initial thoughts, I wanted to prevent the ending where Kadilen dies in “The Kingdom of Zendal”—another novel where I became one of the characters. I thought I could use this information to achieve that.
But now, death was imminent.
For Kadilen, for me. For all the soldiers here and perhaps even for Jiman.
The reason I could incur misunderstandings and throw myself into danger without hesitation was because my time was limited. Ludin was terminally ill, a body destined to die anyway. I thought that rather than trying to build good relationships with someone in this state, I only needed to achieve my goal regardless of how others judged me.
But now, with death right before my eyes, an undeniably selfish thought crossed my mind.
‘If this was an unavoidable ending after all, I should have at least tried to talk and laugh with Kadilen.’
I truly liked him. From the moment I first read the book, and after reading it repeatedly several times, Kadilen was always my favorite character.
The actions of a character I discovered in a novel I read without much thought had a profound impact on my life. Reaching the final chapter, I always wondered what Kadilen would have said if he had lived until then. He was such a clear-minded person. What conviction would have been carried on his sword then? What kind of country did Kadilen want to create?
But now, the clarity I had loved about him had become a poison to me, pushing him toward death.
“Jiman, I have something to say.”
I opened my mouth, trying to keep the promise I had made to myself when I was imprisoned in the temple. Night had fallen, and by tomorrow, I couldn’t be sure of Kadilen’s life or even my own. I gathered my last strength and found courage.
“There’s no need to speak. You must rest.”
He said, his voice choked with tears. He’s so worried about me, even though he knows what I’m about to say. My weakened body was vulnerable to even the smallest emotions. I barely held back my own tears as I tried to confess about the real Ludin to him.
As I shifted my body to move closer to Jiman, something hard pressed against my leg.
“Be careful. There are some stones scattered about.”
“Stones…?”
Looking at the floor as he said, I saw several small pebbles rolling around. Among them, the one I was sitting on was particularly black and strangely luminous.
A forgotten memory surfaced.
‘Listen carefully. Place it in your palm and flip it twice.’
‘It will allow you to talk to me. Since I can’t enter the temple.’
‘Make the choice that’s right for you, Ludin. Whatever it is, I’ll help you.’
It was Devan’s stone.
Jiman approached curiously at my sudden change of expression.
“Do you recognize this object?”
I nodded, somewhat dazed. It was something I hadn’t even thought of since entering the temple, as both my body and mind had been a mess. It seemed to have rolled out of my bag due to the soldiers’ rough handling. Looking at the black stone naturally reminded me of Devan’s face.
“Perhaps… there might be a way.”
“Pardon?”
I swallowed hard. Even knowing it was my last hope, I hesitated to ask for his help. Devan had said he would help me with anything, but that was when he thought I was on his side.
By now, Devan must have noticed that Kadilen’s rebellion had begun. After all, it was Devan’s army lying in wait at the place they would arrive tomorrow. He probably believed I was still acting as a spy, monitoring the situation.
I fidgeted with the stone, pondering. If I called him and begged for Kadilen’s life, what decision would he make?
Devan held no personal grudge against Kadilen. I knew he was only monitoring him on Zendal’s orders, without the vengeful motives I had falsely claimed. Devan was a magician who had remained neutral even during the war of the five nations. The reason he sided with Zendal was simply because that’s where the power currently resided.
There was no strong reason for Devan to oppose keeping Kadilen alive. He was someone who didn’t particularly care how politics flowed as long as his own safety was secured. What worried me, though, was his relationship with Ludin.
If I revealed everything and asked him for help, Devan would learn that I had been deceiving him all along. He would discover that when I said I wanted Kadilen, it meant I wanted his success, not his downfall. Though he might not have had personal feelings about Kadilen until now, I wasn’t sure if that would remain true after learning this fact.
After all, he had feelings for Ludin.
I imagined the worst-case scenario.
Devan becomes disappointed in Ludin and refuses to help save Kadilen. The outcome would be the same as it is now. The only difference might be that I’d lose my life a little faster.
If even in the worst case the outcome was the same as now, my choice should be obvious. Yet I couldn’t make a decision easily and just kept staring at the stone. I had vaguely anticipated this situation, but it felt worse than I had expected.
I knew my decision between Kadilen and him would hurt Devan. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to become emotionally attached to him from the beginning.
I should have left the matter between him and Ludin to themselves, without taking interest. There were no scenes mentioning Devan in the novel anyway; he was probably just someone Ludin had taken up with as part of his wandering phase. If I had known his feelings, I should have avoided getting close to him even more.
As deep night fell, everything quickly quieted down just like the previous night. Even after the soldiers had gone to bed, I put Jiman to sleep first and hesitated for a long time.
When dawn breaks, Kadilen’s army will walk straight into the trap.
Recalling the scene of his death that I had seen in my dream, I gritted my teeth. As I put my hands together and flipped them twice, the stone became hot as if on fire.
I closed my eyes, lacking the courage to hear his voice. But soon I heard his loud groan.
“Ugh! What the—where am I?”
“Shhh!!”
This… I hadn’t expected this. The effect of the stone, which I thought would only allow us to talk like a telephone, was different from what I had imagined. Devan’s voice wasn’t coming from the stone but from the man standing right in front of me. He cried out as if he had hit his head on the box. I quickly hushed him and told him to be quiet.
“What is this? Wood?”
“Please be quiet.”
I listened carefully to see if anyone had noticed the commotion outside, but there was no sign. Forgetting my worries, I stared in amazement at his sudden appearance.
“You actually come in person?”
“Of course. It’s better to talk face-to-face. But it’s too dark to see—just a moment.”
He moved slightly, and soon a small light warmly filled the wooden box.
I couldn’t hide the feeling of gladness despite the selfish words I was about to say. But Devan’s expression, upon discovering me in the bright light, gradually hardened into a grim look.
“What the hell is…”
“I’m fine. More importantly, I have something to tell you…”
“Turn around.”
He ordered me to turn so he could examine my condition more closely, but it was difficult to turn smoothly with my injured leg. Devan gritted his teeth as he watched me struggling to turn around.
“These bastards, really…”
“I said I’m fine.”
“Did they catch you?”
I couldn’t easily answer his question about whether my role as a spy had been exposed. Devan took my hesitation as affirmation and cursed with a contorted face.
“They’ll all die tomorrow. We discovered them as soon as they left the temple. They’re heading in just the right direction to all die together.”
His words made me tremble. Devan, not noticing that my agitation was due to his words, reached out and slowly ran his hands over my body. Wherever his hands touched, the pain subsided as if warm water had been applied. The wounds that had festered were quietly healing with just one touch of his hand.
The chest pain from my illness remained faintly, but the injuries on my face and body from the soldier’s beating, and my leg that had been crushed against the floor, healed completely. I quietly watched him as he concentrated on healing me, muttering curses in a low voice.
Thinking of the words I was about to say to him.
The thought of his loving face contorting made my heart ache. I should never have given him my affection in the first place.
I should have left the matter between him and Ludin to themselves and not taken an interest. There were no scenes mentioning Devan in the novel anyway; he was probably just someone Ludin had taken up with as part of his wandering phase. If I had known his feelings, I should have avoided getting close to him even more.
As deep night fell, everything quickly quieted down just like the previous night. Even after the soldiers had gone to bed, I put Jiman to sleep first and hesitated for a long time.
When dawn breaks, Kadilen’s army will walk straight into the trap.
Recalling the scene of his death that I had seen in my dream, I gritted my teeth. As I held the stone and flipped it twice, it became hot as if on fire.
I closed my eyes, lacking the courage to hear his voice. But soon I heard his loud groan.
“Ugh! What the—where am I?”
“Shhh!!”
This… I hadn’t expected this. The effect of the stone, which I thought would only allow us to talk like a telephone, was different from what I had imagined. Devan’s voice wasn’t coming from the stone but from the man standing right in front of me. He cried out as if he had hit his head on the box. I quickly hushed him and told him to be quiet.
“What is this? Wood?”
“Please be quiet.”
I listened carefully to see if anyone had noticed the commotion outside, but there was no sign. Forgetting my worries, I stared in amazement at his sudden appearance.
“You actually come in person?”
“Of course. It’s better to talk face-to-face. But it’s too dark to see—just a moment.”
He moved slightly, and soon a small light warmly filled the wooden box.
I couldn’t hide the feeling of gladness despite the selfish words I was about to say. But Devan’s expression, upon discovering me in the bright light, gradually hardened into a grim look.
“What the hell is…”
“I’m fine. More importantly, I have something to tell you…”
“Turn around.”
He ordered me to turn so he could examine my condition more closely, but it was difficult to turn smoothly with my injured leg. Devan gritted his teeth as he watched me struggling to turn around.
“These bastards, really…”
“I said I’m fine.”
“Did they catch you?”
I couldn’t easily answer his question about whether my role as a spy had been exposed. Devan took my hesitation as affirmation and cursed with a contorted face.
“They’ll all die tomorrow. We discovered them as soon as they left the temple. They’re heading in just the right direction to all die together.”
His words made me tremble. Devan, not noticing that my agitation was due to his words, reached out and slowly ran his hands over my body. Wherever his hands touched, the pain subsided as if warm water had been applied. The wounds that had festered were quietly healing with just one touch of his hand.
The chest pain from my illness remained faintly, but the injuries on my face and body from the soldier’s beating, and my leg that had been crushed against the floor, healed completely. I quietly watched him as he concentrated on healing me, muttering curses in a low voice.
Thinking of the words I was about to say to him.
The thought of his loving face contorting made my heart ache. The thought that I was going to rationalize my decision to myself also hurt. Ludin’s body was approaching its end anyway, regardless of Kadilen. If Devan had feelings for Ludin, he would surely be deeply saddened by his death.
So at least if my words now made him give up his affection for Ludin…
I thought that on the day of my death, he wouldn’t have to shed tears. I shuddered at my own selfish thoughts.
“Who are you?”
Jiman, who had woken up without my noticing, was looking in our direction, watching my reaction. I opened my mouth to explain to him, but when it came to telling him who Devan was, I was at a loss. As my explanation delayed, Devan gently smiled and intercepted my words.
“His lover.”
Jiman’s face frowned. Despite his playfulness, my face remained dark. Jiman seemed as if he wanted to ask something more as his lips quivered, but he ended up just watching Devan’s actions with a furrowed brow. His expression was complex—clearly displeased yet seemingly satisfied that Devan was healing my wounds.
“I’ve patched you up roughly, but I’ll treat you properly once we’re out of here.”
“Huh?”
“Isn’t that why you called me? Let’s go.”
He smiled matter-of-factly and gestured to Jiman and me. When I just stared blankly at his outstretched hand, as if urging me to take it, Devan finally sensed something was wrong and tilted his head to examine my face.
“What’s wrong?”
His pitch-black eyes met mine. Devan’s eyebrows rose as if trying to read the emotions tangled in my eyes. I clenched my fists, trying to steel my resolve. The words wouldn’t come easily.
“I don’t know what it is. Don’t you want to come with me?”
I looked at him as he asked with such natural innocence. His face, completely unprepared for the words that were about to fall from my lips, was full of concern and gladness. I spoke, almost in a whisper:
“I said I had something to tell you.”
“Yes. Tell me.”
“Save Kadilen.”
