# Chapter 17
Familiar earthy scent, heavy night breeze flowing through neatly arranged trees. The scenery surrounding the temple remained the same as before. It was late, and the soldiers inside the building were sound asleep, not even making rustling sounds. In the courtyard, only Kadilen stood straight, staring at me as I entered through the door.
I was at a loss for words seeing his face after so long. When I stopped walking, he took his time examining me thoroughly from head to toe, as if checking what had changed since I left him. His scrutinizing gaze was sharp, not just stopping at the surface but seeming to pierce through to my heart.
I remembered that he could sense my emotions. But I couldn’t hide anything because even I didn’t know exactly what my emotions were right now.
“I visited the palace.”
I managed to utter the first words with difficulty. My voice came out cracked.
“I see.”
There was no anger in his eyes as he answered. Confused by this unexpected response, I ignored my feverish head and tried to grasp his intentions. His gaze, which had examined me thoroughly, slowly turned toward the ground. His expression was unreadable. With his head slightly bowed, he continued speaking calmly.
“When I lost you,”
“…”
“I ordered to capture you by any means.”
His voice was emotionless, not matching the content.
“But when I came to my senses, I realized your desire to return here was strong.”
He couldn’t have not known. Throughout my entire stay at the palace, I never placed any other emotion above this one. No matter how enjoyable, perplexing, or painful moments there were, the temple was at the top of my emotions. That’s how I was able to deceive Zendal and Devan.
“How were you so certain I wouldn’t kill you upon your return?”
I noticed the sword in his hand. I knew the temperature and sharpness of that sword. I hadn’t forgotten the fact that he didn’t fear hurting me. But there was something he didn’t know. Even if Kadilen didn’t kill me, I would lose my life before long. What I feared was not my own death.
“You said I must not die yet.”
He raised his lowered gaze to look at me. It was difficult to read his eyes.
“As long as I’m near your soldiers, you won’t be able to kill me.”
He still believed I had a curse. Though it was a lie, it wasn’t far from the truth. If he were to kill me, it at least wouldn’t be while I was staying within the temple. Kadilen, who had been staring at me blankly, slowly closed his eyes. When his gaze was blocked, my heart felt a little lighter. He had been thinking about something, then suddenly seemed to realize something and slowly opened his mouth.
“It’s Jiman.”
That wasn’t wrong either. Although the biggest reason for returning to the temple was Kadilen, I had been concerned about leaving Jiman behind. While I trusted that he wouldn’t harm Jiman, the longer my return was delayed, the greater the threat would grow toward him as my person.
“Is he safe?”
Kadilen didn’t answer my question. As the silence lengthened, anxiety welled up. Had I been too careless? If they hadn’t realized that Jiman didn’t know the details, if they thought Jiman was completely on my side, there was no way he would be safe, left alone at the temple.
“If you’ve come to take Jiman away, it’s a mistake.”
Finally, emotion showed on his face. I’d seen various emotions I hadn’t expected to see in him—indifference, coldness, contempt, and anger—but I had never been this surprised. His expression, as he took his eyes off me and gazed at the faint moon hanging in the night sky, was different from before.
I read exactly what that expression meant. It was clearly a face of victory.
Everything around me rippled blurrily, as if I were underwater. As the sound of wind and insects seemed to fade into the distance, Kadilen’s sword suddenly struck my shoulder. Though it wasn’t a strong force, my knees buckled on their own. He subdued me and called for several soldiers. The sentries heard Kadilen’s call and hurriedly approached.
Their faces were colored with surprise when they discovered me. Kadilen gave them instructions with a gesture. The soldiers forcibly raised me from where I had collapsed and dragged my limp body deep into the temple. It was far from my room.
My weakened legs were scraped as they dragged along the ground. Despite seeing me unable to control my body, they paid no mind and entered a dark building. It was a place I had never seen before. Upon entering, I saw a space completely isolated from outside sounds, utterly silent. Two soldiers with bloodshot eyes keeping watch, and thick iron bars. My gaze went through those iron bars.
There was Jiman, collapsed with an exhausted face, asleep.
“Go in.”
One soldier unlocked the door and pushed me inside. I immediately grabbed the bars and checked Jiman’s condition first. Fortunately, he didn’t seem to have lost consciousness, soon waking from his half-sleep due to the noise. There were strong iron bars between him and me. His eyes widened.
“Ludin…?”
“Are you hurt anywhere?!”
Despite my urgent question, he couldn’t accept the situation, rubbing his eyes. He seemed to find it hard to believe that I was here. The stern-faced soldiers closed the door again and checked the lock. Jiman, suddenly coming to his senses, hurriedly approached them and raised his voice.
“What are you doing?! Why is he…”
But before he could finish, they glanced at me and disappeared outside the building. The two soldiers sitting on watch told him to be quiet. Seeing them bringing a gag in response to Jiman’s continued disturbance, I quickly stopped him.
“I’m fine. Calm down and tell me what happened. You’re not hurt anywhere?”
“Why did you come back!! You should have stayed at the palace.”
“What are you saying? I said I’d be back in a month.”
“Hah…”
Jiman sighed heavily, rubbing his face dry.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
His eyes were tinged with worry.
“They are preparing for treason. Didn’t you know?”
“…I knew.”
“If you escaped in such a situation, you should have stayed away. Why did you come back!”
The soldier watching us narrowed his eyes at his raised voice. I calmed him and asked for details. Jiman said he wasn’t seriously injured, but he looked weakened from being confined for quite some time. His complexion was pale.
“This is not the time to worry about me. Judging by your flushed face, you have a fever. Do you have any medicine left?”
“No. But I’m fine.”
He noticed that my hands, gripping the iron bars, were trembling. Jiman approached me with a contorted face and checked my pulse. While he examined my body with another sigh, I thought about future plans with my dizzy head.
“Since when have you been like this?”
“That’s not important right now, how far have their preparations…”
“Answer my question first.”
Jiman checked with firm hands whether the old wounds had healed well. There were wounds that had worsened from not applying ointment in time scattered here and there. Annoyed by his urging, I brushed it off and demanded the information I needed immediately.
“It’s just today. I ran out of medicine. So, how much do you know? Do you happen to know how far their preparations have progressed?”
“…Ludin.”
My barely enduring body slid down. Jiman, meeting my eyes as I sat down almost collapsing, called my name with a complicated expression. My entire body still felt hot, as if melting. Everything was sickening, but it wasn’t the time to whine about being in pain. It wasn’t, but…
“I don’t understand why you’re so anxious. If you feared the treason, you should have returned with the royal army.”
“…”
“I am your person, after all. Please tell me what you’re thinking.”
He spoke to me, worriedly looking at the cold floor. Seeing him like that, I suddenly had a realization. It was a similar feeling to what I felt when I learned that Devan was Kadilen’s monitor. When reading a novel, everything was easier. I just had to follow the actions of the character I liked, and watch all characters move according to their will.
But now that all characters were breathing in front of me, it was different. Their choices could change because of me. Also, their lives could change because of my choices.
Not telling Jiman everything was a mistake. It was a decision I made out of a desire to have someone watching this place while I was away from the temple, since he was my person. But seeing him sleeping on the dirty floor, locked up here, I realized my choice was wrong. I should have pushed him away so he could act regardless of my desires, as I had done with Wimu. Instead of making him help me, I should have given him the opportunity to leave the temple when I left.
There was a fact I had been deliberately ignoring. He was Ludin’s person, not mine. Concealing Ludin’s illness was his choice, but being imprisoned here, unable to report Kadilen’s treason to Zendal, couldn’t have been his choice.
Guilt made my stomach churn.
“If he starts a rebellion, he will die.”
“Pardon?”
“Zendal’s preparations are thorough. He will never succeed.”
Jiman’s face was filled with confusion. He tilted his head as if not immediately understanding my words.
“Then isn’t that fortunate? If His Majesty has made all preparations…”
“That’s not what I want.”
Jiman waited for me to continue with a tense look.
“I want to save Kadilen.”
It was the first sincere confession since I came here. Silence followed.
It was a dangerous statement. After all, it meant I was siding with Kadilen. Jiman was a royal physician, and Ludin, to whom he had sworn loyalty, was Zendal’s son. There was no way Jiman would gladly hear that I wanted to save someone who had committed a serious crime.
He fell into thought. Having given him a choice that was already too late, I had no right to blame him whatever answer came from him. But after pausing to think for a while, Jiman smiled faintly.
“Then I will help you.”
It was my turn to be surprised. It wasn’t an easy choice to make. My voice trembled in shock.
“I’m not asking you to help me…”
“I know.”
Jiman looked at me steadily with a face still wearing a shallow smile.
“I want you, Ludin. I have no beliefs I cannot abandon because of that.”
“…”
“Whether Kadilen succeeds or fails doesn’t matter to me.”
I couldn’t distinguish whether this dizziness was due to my symptoms or because his gaze was so intensely deep.
“I will support you until the day you die.”
With Jiman’s last words, I lost consciousness. His unconditional affection only added to my distress.
* * *
I was deliriously sick for several days. Occasionally when consciousness returned, I could see Jiman shouting toward the outside through the iron bars. Although he and I were in the same space, he couldn’t even examine me because we couldn’t reach each other. I was merely sleeping, but I understood his feelings as he watched me suffering in full consciousness. However, my untreated body couldn’t maintain clear consciousness for long.
How long had I been sick? My faint consciousness finally found its place. When I lifted my heavy eyelids, I saw Jiman with a tired look watching me. Even with bars between us, I could feel his anxious gaze scanning my body. In the end, they didn’t grant his request to allow him to examine me.
“Are you conscious now?”
He spoke, almost sobbing. Judging by my smooth breathing, it seemed the fever had gone down. I still lacked strength, but the dizziness had also subsided considerably. I composed my expression to comfort him.
“A bit better.”
I felt sorry for the struggling Jiman. As I regained some strength, I felt I had wasted too much time. It had already been several days since being imprisoned, and I had been unconscious since then, unable to utilize the information I had obtained from the palace. Jiman was now completely pressed against the bars, observing my every movement, as if doing so could cure my illness.
I smiled a little and calmed him down. I didn’t know when my body might collapse again. I thought this was an opportunity now that the fever had subsided. Looking around, I saw rotten food and a makeshift toilet. Next to it was my luggage, carelessly thrown by the soldiers when they dragged me here. I picked up whatever I could grab and threw it outside the iron bars. Jiman was startled and tried to stop me.
“What are you doing? They might harm you.”
“Just wait.”
The soldier, who had been ignoring me at first, turned toward me after the continued commotion. Having finally succeeded in getting his attention, I cleared my throat and said to him:
“I have something important to say, so bring Kadilen here.”
After looking at me briefly, he snorted and turned back around. But I didn’t give up.
“If you don’t relay this, you’ll be the only one to regret it. Leave the judgment to him. Tell him I’ve called, and you won’t regret it.”
Jiman looked at me with tense eyes. The quiet soldier approached me, seeming slightly worried. I hid my pounding heart and calmly instructed him again.
“Your master shouldn’t suffer loss because of you… If you bring him here, I’ll tell him your contribution was significant.”
“…If your lie is discovered, I will punish you myself regardless of my master’s orders. Be prepared, Ludin.”
The hesitating soldier turned around reluctantly. I felt relieved seeing him disappear to call Kadilen. Beside me, Jiman was silently protesting, his face demanding an explanation.
“Everything will be fine. None of this is your fault, Jiman.”
He bowed his head in distress. I stood up to receive Kadilen. After waiting a little while, I heard whispering from outside, followed by someone’s footsteps.
