# Chapter 13
It was a question that killed my appetite. I thought about playing dumb and examined his expression, but seeing him waiting for my answer with an intense gaze, I gave up early. His curiosity seemed far too strong to casually brush off.
“It’s not that I want him…”
He waited for me to continue without moving a muscle. I swallowed hard.
“I respect him, something like that…”
“Huh, respect?”
Yes, it was absurd. But I couldn’t think of anything else to say. That I wished for Kadilen’s treason to pass safely? The moment I mentioned it, my head might fly off. That I wished for Kadilen to stay alive? I couldn’t explain how I knew he would die. I would either be treated as a prophet, causing troublesome situations, or be considered even crazier than I already was. Devan seemed to hear my mind racing because the scrutinizing gaze that had been watching me was withdrawn with a small chuckle.
“Fine. If you don’t want to say it, don’t.”
“…Huh?”
“I don’t force things people dislike.”
I was inwardly relieved by his merciful treatment, but then immediately heard his casual voice.
“Though I could make you want to tell me.”
A relaxed smile spread across his face as he spoke nonchalantly while slowly chewing his food. I didn’t know exactly what he meant, but it gave me chills for some reason. I recalled his expression from the previous day when he was pouring alcohol into a nobleman’s cup with a delighted face. Following that, I imagined a horrific torture chamber and Devan’s grim face waiting for me to open my mouth—inappropriately fitting for the situation. Trying to shake off the surprisingly well-matched scene, I attempted to resume eating, when suddenly I felt nauseated.
“Urgh.”
“Hey. What’s wrong?”
The trouble was that I had hastily stuffed myself with proper food for the first time in a while, knowing it might be too much for me. The food I had eaten mindlessly wasn’t digesting properly and was coming back up. Cold sweat broke out as I continued to dry heave. Devan, seeing me quickly cover my mouth, approached from the other side of the table with a startled expression.
“What’s wrong? Are you in pain?”
My stomach didn’t feel good, but I wasn’t about to throw up right away. After checking my pale complexion, he hesitantly raised his hand and brought it to my forehead.
“You don’t have a fever…”
“I drank too much alcohol.”
Fortunately, I had a good excuse. Devan frowned as he watched me trying to compose myself. Though I tried to resume eating casually, I couldn’t bring myself to put any food in my mouth. I sat blankly waiting for the meal time to end properly, but Devan merely observed me with a suspicious face, not touching the food in front of him.
The misery of not being able to eat despite all the delicious food laid out was immense. If only I had enough of the medicine Jiman had made for me, I could have quickly settled my stomach and enjoyed more. Counting the remaining doses of medicine, I felt worried. I had to endure the symptoms as much as possible unless absolutely necessary. Otherwise, I might not be able to overcome the symptoms when it really mattered, resulting in an awkward situation.
Devan’s curiosity about Kadilen seemed quickly forgotten due to my small commotion. Since yesterday, I had shown particularly vulnerable sides to him. It was because he had appeared right beside me, openly staring, at a time when Jiman wasn’t around and medicine was scarce.
He probably had formed his own hypothesis in his mind, and though I couldn’t know what it was, I intended to play dumb until the end. After all, once I returned to Kadilen’s temple, I wouldn’t meet him again. If Ludin’s body held up, there might be a few more chances to encounter him, but the limit was gradually approaching. I suspected that once I returned to Kadilen’s side, my life here would end not long after. I only desperately hoped it would be after I confirmed that his end would be peaceful.
My mind grew heavy with thoughts. When Devan, who had been watching me as if observing, opened his mouth to say something, a servant entered as the quiet dining room door opened. Approaching me with a silver tray in both hands, he respectfully handed over a piece of paper placed on the tray. As I stared blankly at the paper, Devan gestured for me to check it quickly.
Unfolding the neatly folded paper, I found roughly scrawled writing:
‘To my room.’
Though there was no sender indicated, it wasn’t difficult to guess who had sent it. Apart from the presumptuous Devan, there was only one person in this palace who could address Ludin informally. Seeing my expression stiffen with tension, Devan walked over to me again and snatched the paper.
“Why is he suddenly summoning you?”
The servant looked at him with a shocked face at his blunt tone. Devan casually tore the paper a couple of times and put it in his water glass.
“This is a message His Majesty personally wrote…!”
“Don’t go. It’s obvious what he’s going to say.”
The startled servant’s voice trembled. But Devan arbitrarily commanded me without even looking at him. Watching his behavior, I was more curious about his relationship with Zendal than anything else. From the way he naturally strode around various parts of the palace, it seemed suspicious to just be a guest invited to enliven the banquet. He was so natural that I hadn’t even considered it strange until now, but one by one, odd details began to surface in my mind.
“How do you know so well?”
“What do you mean, know so well…?”
Devan awkwardly turned his head at my question. There was something else I had been suspicious about but had temporarily forgotten after my mood improved yesterday. How he had found and helped me at once while I was being chased by Kadilen’s soldiers. He said he had merely discovered me while passing by and guided me, but it was an explanation that made no sense at all. Just as he was curious about my illness and relationship with Kadilen, I found his identity suspicious.
“Excuse me…”
The timid voice of the servant was heard while I was lost in thought. He was waiting for my answer, seemingly at a loss for what to do.
“I’ll go right away.”
Relieved, he bowed politely to me and slowly disappeared outside the dining room. He didn’t forget to slightly glare at Devan as he left.
I quickly got up to follow him. I intended to respond to Zendal’s summons while Devan was flustered by my question. In fact, since the purpose of coming to the palace was to meet him, it was welcome news from my side that he had called for me first.
However, I was a bit worried because Devan’s negative reaction seemed quite confident. From Zendal’s perspective, it was understandable that he would be disappointed in Ludin. I remembered how he had looked straight at me with cold eyes during his speech. Though I didn’t avert my eyes like other nobles, I had felt somewhat intimidated.
“Are you really going?”
“It’s a royal command, should I not go?”
Devan irritably ruffled his hair but didn’t stop me from moving away from him. Once outside, I could see the palace interior better than when I had followed him to the dining room earlier. Now I could observe things I hadn’t noticed before, being embarrassed about last night’s mistake.
Most impressive were the paintings hanging on the walls. Countless paintings in splendid gold frames hung along the corridor. The subject of the paintings was mainly war. Zendal commanding the war from horseback, numerous corpses beneath his feet, the kingdom’s soldiers bravely fighting against enemies.
As I walked slowly along the corridor examining the paintings, one piece suddenly caught my eye. A man standing with a bright smile beside the majestic figure of Zendal who had gained the upper hand.
It was Ludin before his illness.
He looked quite different from now in the painting. He appeared much larger with considerable muscle, and his eyes were full of vitality, not the tired eyes soaked with pain that visited whenever he let his guard down and the constant fatigue that followed him. His figure, holding a flag together with Zendal, looked genuinely happy, making my heart ache.
“Do you miss it?”
I snapped back to reality at the voice right beside me. Startled, I turned my head to find Zendal, who had been standing proudly in the painting, watching me with a complicated expression.
“I heard you summoned me.”
At my awkward response, he silently stared at the painting I had been looking at. I was more tense than ever. Even if I could get by adequately in front of others, he was Ludin’s father. Above all, Ludin was once his favored firstborn who monopolized his affection, and also a loyal subject who had led the war to victory with him. I was worried that he, who knew Ludin better than anyone, might find my behavior suspicious. I needed to be as sparing with words and cautious with my actions as possible.
“I called you because I have something to ask.”
“Ask me anything.”
While he took a moment to gather his thoughts, I swallowed nervously. After a brief silence, Zendal opened his mouth.
“How is Kadilen?”
It was a completely unexpected question. As I looked at him with a dumbfounded face, Zendal clicked his tongue in displeasure.
“As I thought, you’ve lost much of your sense. Pathetic fool. Did you think there was no intention in sending you to the temple?”
Although it was true that I had come to the palace to discover what he thought about Kadilen, I never dreamed I would hear this. He was confessing that he had sent Ludin there with the intention of monitoring Kadilen.
“I truly didn’t know.”
“There were plenty of other options. When I decided to cast you out, sending you to his temple rather than some other wasteland was also a last chance for you.”
My mind went blank with shock. I knew that Zendal was wary of Kadilen, but I didn’t know he was concerned enough to send someone to watch him. My first thought upon hearing his scheme was that there might be another trap. If there were other monitors besides Ludin, the possibility that Zendal would notice what was currently happening at his temple increased significantly. My heart started racing frantically with anxiety.
“Gathering my last hope, I gave you a chance. But seeing that you didn’t understand my intentions at all, it was in vain. At first, my anger was unspeakable, but now all that remains is sadness.”
“Your Majesty…”
“I have truly lost you.”
Zendal covered his anguished face with both hands. I needed to find out more about this new information and find a way to use it to my advantage. Although his grief over losing his son was palpably heart-wrenching, I had a purpose I absolutely had to fulfill.
“If you give me another chance, I won’t disappoint you.”
“I said it was my last chance, how can you—”
“Please, Your Majesty. Consider it the last thing I can do as your son, as your first servant.”
I ultimately chose to make his trap my own. If he was already taking concrete actions based on his suspicions toward Kadilen, I at least needed to be the one in control. Only then could I find out threatening information in advance and help Kadilen be careful. At my earnest request, Zendal’s gaze changed slightly.
“It’s been over two years since I’ve been at his temple. I can’t say we’ve formed a good relationship, but we’ve been together in the same space every day. Kadilen won’t think I’m a threat since I gave up my place as successor. With no other ambitions, I’ll remain in a position to monitor his temple.”
I proposed to be his spy. I thought it would be better to find out Zendal’s other plans while simultaneously preventing information about Kadilen’s treason from being passed on. Zendal carefully examined my confident face, and soon displayed a satisfied smile.
“Very well. I cannot deny your request.”
“I will repay your trust.”
He had always been weak for Ludin. I felt guilty seeing Zendal genuinely pleased, but quickly composed myself. After all, our goal of preventing Kadilen’s treason was the same, so I convinced myself that my actions would ultimately help him too.
“Then you must have much to discuss with Devan.”
I froze in shock at his subsequent words. Devan? I couldn’t understand why his name was mentioned.
“For what reason do you mention Devan…?”
“Didn’t you hear from him? He has been helping me by watching over the temple. Since it was before you entered that place, he must have accumulated quite a lot of information by now.”
It was absurd. Although I had found him suspicious, the fact that he was connected to Kadilen made this a troublesome situation for me.
Wait, why would it be troublesome?
I pondered why my heart was so unsettled. Despite knowing he was hiding something, I wasn’t entirely happy after finding out what it was. Was it just because his connection to Kadilen was a headache? It was a more complex emotion. I recalled the image of Kadilen swinging his sword with an indifferent face, and Devan scolding me upon discovering Kadilen’s wound.
I could easily find the reason. In just one day, I had grown attached to him.
