From the moment I saw him drenched in blood, the emotions I had been holding back swirled around in my mouth.
Why do you grieve my death so much?
Did you truly love me?
Why didn’t you tell me?
Is it really love? Isn’t it just pity or attachment?
Questions and resentments I had never dared voice opened their sealed lid and surged back in reverse. But after all that poured out drained away, the dregs that remained were ultimately self-reproach.
From the moment I became unable to use prophecy, I had been endlessly anxious and uneasy. Excluding prophecy and tactics including swordsmanship, I had no particular talents. I’d been told repeatedly that I lacked tact and was too much of a knight to be suitable for the imperial palace, so the idea that I had no talents wasn’t just my own thinking.
‘Once I’m no longer useful, he might cast me aside.’
I didn’t mean that he wouldn’t acknowledge my achievements or would exclude me politically. His Highness was always someone who rewarded work done, or even more than that. However, he also wasn’t someone who kept useless people by his side.
In the end, I was afraid of being abandoned by His Highness. Furthermore, I didn’t want to watch from a distance as he married his fiancée, had children, and brought prosperity to the empire. I wished for His Highness to live so gloriously, but I was a coward who didn’t have the confidence to watch it happen.
‘Should I have lived longer?’
At the time, it was too overwhelming.
If only His Highness had shown me a corner of his heart. What if he had at least told me that he cherished me with feelings different from those for other knights? I tried to gauge what hadn’t happened, but no conclusion came. Even after pathetically ending up like this, I still couldn’t be certain about the form of His Highness’s heart, so predicting something that never happened was difficult.
In the quiet room, the sound of a heartbeat echoed. His Highness occasionally let out rough breaths, then patted my back as if confirming I was there. When I stayed docilely in his embrace like that, his breathing returned to calm as if nothing had happened.
‘I hope you’re comfortable, at least in your dreams.’
If all of this His Highness was going through was because of my death, I had no idea what to do. Still, I hoped this night at least would pass peacefully.
* * *
I hear bird sounds.
‘I’ve heard these bird sounds often.’
As my consciousness gradually returned, I soon realized why these sounds were so familiar. It was because they were the tone of the larks being raised in the Crown Prince’s palace garden. If the birds were singing this much, it was already well past seven o’clock.
‘Wait. Shouldn’t this be a problem?’
At the ominous feeling, I opened my eyes wide to find the bedroom already filled with sunlight. Waking up at this hour was a big problem, but an even bigger problem than that was…
“You’ve opened your eyes.”
His Highness, whose wake-up time had long passed, was looking down at me.
‘My sleeping face… No, that’s not the problem right now. Why didn’t he wake me and was watching me instead? And why did I fall asleep?’
I thought I absolutely wouldn’t be able to fall asleep because of my wildly beating heart and complicated feelings, but I was wrong. Aila’s body, not yet adapted to hard physical labor, could fall into sleep even in this absurd situation.
“I deeply apologize. I have committed an impertinence. I shall take my leave…”
I hurriedly tried to get up and get out of the bed, but the blanket got tangled around my feet.
‘Even in this situation, I dutifully slept covered with the blanket? Have I lost my mind?’
Unable to believe myself, I ignored the tangled cloth and tried to move outside, but my body was about to crash straight to the floor. Wouldn’t it be better to just let my head hit the floor and pass out rather than deal with this situation in full consciousness? I squeezed my eyes shut.
“Careful.”
A large hand grabbed my waist and pulled me back, sitting my body on the bed. The only person who would do such a thing in this place was His Highness.
“I have committed a mortal sin.”
Saying I was sorry wouldn’t work anymore. I should have woken up before he did and pretended nothing happened. But I fell asleep.
“A mortal sin. Don’t say such things.”
Perhaps the confusion was mine alone, as His Highness’s voice was calm, even sunken low.
“I heard briefly from Sir Ken about yesterday’s events.”
I was very curious about exactly what he’d heard and from where to where, but no further explanation followed. What was at least reassuring was that, as Sir Ken had said, His Highness seemed to have no memory of yesterday. As is typical with sleepwalking.
‘He must have forgotten that I answered him too.’
Even if he did remember, he probably thought I was imitating Tienas.
“I heard that yesterday’s me avoiding being covered in blood was thanks only to you.”
“No. I didn’t do much, I was just lucky. It was coincidence.”
Unable to speak the complete truth, I mechanically exchanged pleasantries. I wanted to know in detail how he’d heard the explanation, but that was something to ask Sir Ken about separately later.
Only after he released my waist could I properly see His Highness’s appearance. Whether he’d already received treatment and changed clothes, there was no more blood on his clothing.
‘But why is he still wearing sleepwear?’
Of course it wasn’t strange to be wearing sleepwear in a bedroom, but it was a bit odd that someone who should be going out soon changed clothes but chose sleepwear again rather than regular garments. No, I myself was stranger for being conscious of it. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen it, yet I felt strangely unfamiliar, making it hard to keep my eyes still.
‘Is it because we’re too close?’
I tried to step back to widen the distance, but His Highness came closer again by as much as I moved away.
“Coincidence…”
The end of his voice cracked roughly. He was someone who always maintained a gentle tone, but I thought perhaps yesterday’s aftermath hadn’t completely disappeared. The embarrassing feeling that had risen was swept away, and yesterday’s emotions surfaced again.
‘Is there no way to treat this? Is there a role I must play in it?’
Just waiting for time to pass was too much after the shocking scene I saw yesterday.
“I don’t believe in coincidence.”
“Yes. Ah, but not everything that happens has a reason, does it?”
I mustered up courage to refute, but His Highness didn’t seem to be thinking deeply. He just seemed to be gauging something with narrowed eyes.
“Starting today, you’ll serve as indoor guard.”
Soon a bomb-like order fell.
“Pardon? Wh-what do you mean?”
“I should confirm whether I sleep well when you’re present. If yesterday’s events were truly coincidence as you say, then nothing should change, right?”
“While the offer is too great an honor, I am still insufficient to guard Your Highness right by your side.”
“I’m not making an offer. I’m giving an order.”
An offer was something that happened between equals. I knew that, but tried to escape once. I was afraid that if I saw His Highness suffering, I might blurt out again that I was the person he was looking for, like yesterday.
“Do you intend to disobey the order?”
Even setting aside being a knight, I couldn’t refuse His Highness’s order. There weren’t many people who would reject such an opportunity, and backing out now would mean there was something suspicious about me.
‘But more than that, the biggest reason is that I absolutely cannot refuse His Highness’s orders.’
Even if what this person was giving me wasn’t an order but an offer or request, if he asked this clearly, I wouldn’t have the confidence to refuse.
“I will comply.”
“Good. Sir Ken will tell you what you need to do. I won’t be asking you to do anything difficult, so there’s no need to be so stiff. Whether it’s to monitor and figure out what schemes you have, or to test you, it’s simply that it seems better for Sir Aila to be by my side.”
“I will do my best.”
Perhaps about to carry out his daily routine, His Highness called in the attendants waiting outside.
“I heard you were in the same class as Tiel when you were at the Academy.”
“Yes. We were, though we didn’t interact.”
His Highness tapped the table with his fingers a few times, then soon nodded and added one last thing.
“Things like what happened at the training grounds won’t happen anymore. Go in and rest for today.”
And so, I became His Highness’s exclusive knight once again.
