‘Are you in contact with Tae Shinwoo?’
Kim Junseong’s face looked dispirited and flustered. Since Seo Eunho lived without keeping in touch with anyone, it wasn’t strange that he was surprised, but it seemed excessive.
‘Why?’
When he asked that, Kim Junseong immediately shook his head. Then he smiled as if nothing had happened and continued talking.
The time he’d spent hanging around with him in high school wasn’t very long. Yet the way he brazenly struck up conversation made Seo Eunho think that Kim Junseong had grown older too.
It could be considered a talent, if it was a talent at all, to act as if nothing had happened when he’d ostracized him for hurting his pride and gossiped behind his back.
‘No… it’s nothing. Anyway, it’s really good to see you after so long.’
No matter how he thought about it, they weren’t on terms to be happy to see each other.
Though it was a bit late to be thinking this now. He’d already exchanged phone numbers with Kim Junseong at his insistence.
There won’t be any reason to contact him.
Seo Eunho bounced his newly bought shoes, then touched his hair that he’d trimmed just before coming. Kim Junseong was quickly forgotten from his mind. Seo Eunho’s heart began to pound at an irregular pace.
The elevator stopped and Seo Eunho walked the path he’d already become familiar with. The cigarette he’d smoked just before coming in became desperately needed again. Though the path had become familiar, it seemed Tae Shinwoo, whom he’d soon meet, would never become familiar to the end.
At Tae Shinwoo’s words that he’d arrived first, Seo Eunho pressed the bell of the guest room. It was the first time Tae Shinwoo had arrived first, so he seemed even more nervous. It took some time for the door to open.
Why does this time feel so long?
Cold sweat was already forming. It was like this every time he saw Tae Shinwoo. It would be nice if he could look unfazed on the outside.
“…”
Soon the door opened and Tae Shinwoo revealed himself. Tae Shinwoo, who was always in neat attire normally, was slightly disheveled, perhaps having just washed.
Naturally having expected his usual appearance, Seo Eunho flinched somewhat but soon regained his composure. Tae Shinwoo tilted his head as if to say come in.
“I’ll wash up.”
Taking off his shoes and changing into indoor slippers, Seo Eunho said. His gaze averted. Strangely, it was embarrassing to make eye contact. He also felt a sense of emptiness beneath his trimmed hair.
“You cut your hair.”
As if seeing through his inner thoughts, Tae Shinwoo pointed out exactly the part that already bothered him.
“Thanks to you. I had no place to spend money.”
Seo Eunho gave the excuse he’d memorized like a spell before coming here.
Because it was true. Seo Eunho no longer needed to pay money to Boss Gu. The phone calls that had come eagerly as soon as morning broke had also disappeared. So Seo Eunho could cut his hair that he’d grown until it was uncomfortable, and buy new shoes to replace the ones that had completely worn out.
“Aha.”
That was the end of Tae Shinwoo’s reaction. Seo Eunho quickly moved toward the bathroom.
“I’m going to eat.”
However, just before opening the bathroom door, Tae Shinwoo’s voice caught his ankle. When he turned his gaze, he saw Tae Shinwoo looking at his newly bought shoes.
His face flushed hot inadvertently. There had been a time when he was shamelessly eager to receive the money Tae Shinwoo gave him. As much time had passed, there were more things Seo Eunho felt embarrassed about.
“Are you going to eat?”
It’s just, he had money so he spent it. He really had no intention of trying to look good.
Finding it difficult to deceive himself, Seo Eunho cleared his throat with a ahem.
“…Yeah.”
The answer came a bit late. It seemed he had no intention of having sex right away. Then it would have been nice if he’d called after eating.
Though he thought they weren’t on terms to comfortably face each other and have a meal, there were no appropriate words to refuse. In fact, he’d eaten a simple meal at home before coming out, but it didn’t really matter.
He eats well. Well… it doesn’t matter if he eats twice.
Though no answer came back, Seo Eunho immediately turned around and entered the bathroom.
“Hah…”
A breath burst out immediately as if he’d been holding it in with all his might. His heart pounded as if he’d just come back from a long run.
Why on earth was he like this? It didn’t seem to be this bad at first. Why did he become more and more concerned the more frequently they met? It’s not like Tae Shinwoo was treating him affectionately like 12 years ago.
It was a thought with no answer. Seo Eunho rubbed his face roughly and took off his clothes.
The traces Tae Shinwoo had made previously had faded as much as time had passed, but the wounds around his chest were still vivid. It was thanks to him chewing on them excessively.
Since his home bathroom only had one small round mirror attached, he couldn’t see properly, but facing it like this was embarrassing. Seo Eunho rubbed around his chest for no reason and turned the lever.
Should he loosen himself up in advance this time too?
Under the pouring cold water, he hesitated for a moment, but not for long. It’ll just hurt a bit. It didn’t seem like something to do while leaving Tae Shinwoo outside the door. Setting aside that day when he was drunk.
“…”
Seo Eunho buried his face in his large hands. It was just maddening. This was only the third time. He didn’t know how many more times he’d meet him during the year or so that Tae Shinwoo mentioned, but no matter how he thought about it, it seemed his future self a year later would be a complete mess.
He needed to steel his heart. He must not forget the reason for this relationship.
Though he repeated the same thought several times, his fiercely pounding heart wouldn’t easily settle down.
***
When he came out after finishing his shower, a delicious smell vibrated throughout the room. Wearing a bathrobe, Seo Eunho shook off the moisture from his hair and quietly surveyed the table. He could do so comfortably since Tae Shinwoo happened to be out of sight.
Appetizing-looking food was laid out at a glance, but it was a bit much for two people to eat.
Seo Eunho hesitated for a moment but sat down in the chair for now. In any case, since they’d decided to eat together, it should be fine to sit first. It would be stranger to stand around waiting until Tae Shinwoo’s permission was given.
“You came out quickly.”
It was then that he heard the sound of the hotel door opening with a card key.
So he’d gone outside. That’s why he wasn’t visible.
Seo Eunho tried to calm his murmuring mind with indifferent thoughts. He was more conscious of the current comfortable attire than the usual formal clothing.
By the way, was today the weekend? Seo Eunho only now calculated the date. It was natural to have no concept of days of the week since he was in a position to rest when told to rest.
That’s why it was a bit early for Tae Shinwoo to call him.
“I thought you’d come out late doing nonsense.”
The not particularly important thought dissipated at Tae Shinwoo’s strange words. As he just looked without understanding, Tae Shinwoo gestured downward with his eyes and continued.
“I thought you’d be late fingering yourself alone again.”
The explicit words were truly kind. Seo Eunho quickly made an excuse.
“That day I was drunk…”
“Ah, so you didn’t loosen up today?”
But his words were quickly blocked by the nonchalant question.
“You should have loosened up. It’s more comfortable for both of us.”
“…Do we have to talk about that in front of food?”
Seo Eunho changed the subject. For a brief moment he thought perhaps he really should have loosened up, but that probably wasn’t it.
That day, Tae Shinwoo had clearly not been pleased. Seo Eunho accurately remembered Tae Shinwoo’s jaw as he gritted his teeth and held back his anger.
He was just picking a fight. There was no need to be swayed by those words each and every time.
“I’m eating. If you’re going to tell me not to eat, say it quickly.”
“As if I’d be petty about eating.”
“It’s fortunate you know it’s petty. If we’re not doing it right away, shut your mouth now.”
Tae Shinwoo gave no particular response to the words spat out curtly and pointlessly. Seo Eunho pretended to be unfazed and first pushed his spoon into what looked like fried rice placed in front of him. Actually, his mood was a bit strange. Today was the third meeting since the day Tae Shinwoo had sought him out. In the meantime, there had been no notable conversation between the two.
They’d overlapped bodies as much as they craved. There was no time to come to their senses amid pain and pleasure. They’d only indulged as if eating and being eaten. Because of that, it was the first time he’d faced Tae Shinwoo and had a calm conversation like today. Seo Eunho newly felt uncomfortable about that.
The conversation they were having wasn’t even awkward, which made it even stranger. It was because he thought that he and Tae Shinwoo weren’t on terms to be sitting face to face having a meal like this. Seo Eunho firmly suppressed the discomfort that kept rising and just focused on eating.
It’s just because Tae Shinwoo wants to do this. He just needs to play along with his tune. Needless thoughts only made Seo Eunho himself uncomfortable. Lowering his gaze, Seo Eunho forced rice into his mouth. It was surely as delicious as it looked, but it felt like chewing sand.
