Having a fairly generous balance in his bank account felt awkward. Having nowhere in particular for money to go was an even more awkward matter. It was natural that money would remain since he no longer needed to give most of what he earned to Boss Gu, but he couldn’t understand why it felt so awkward.
Knowing it was impossible, he’d once imagined what he’d do first after paying off all his debt. It was a very long time ago. So long ago that he couldn’t even remember what he’d wanted to do back then.
Thanks to that, Seo Eunho wasn’t accustomed to having leftover money. He no longer needed to pay off debt, yet he naturally thought this month would be tight too.
Only today, on the due date, did he realize he didn’t need to do that anymore. The 13th. He’d hated this number’s return so much, but now for Seo Eunho, this day had become a day without any meaning.
“…Today’s the due date, right?”
His father spoke to the dazed Seo Eunho. When did he come out? He’d been spacing out and hadn’t even noticed his presence.
Seo Eunho looked at his father’s face. An embarrassed and sorry face. But a father who didn’t actually find even a single odd job for Seo Eunho’s sake.
His father couldn’t use one hand at all. It was because of the gambling he’d done day and night. One leg limped a little too. To a slight degree.
However, Seo Eunho knew his condition was at a level where he could earn even pocket change if he set his mind to it. But he didn’t particularly urge him to work, to earn money.
Because he wouldn’t do it anyway. Even knowing that, he didn’t want to upset himself with pointless words.
“Yes.”
Seo Eunho turned off his phone screen and stood up, putting on his sneakers. Perhaps because he didn’t distinguish between shoes for working and not working, he had no intact shoes. Well, he didn’t have enough pairs to distinguish anyway.
Should I buy sneakers? The thought that came while tapping the toe of his shoe against the floor felt somehow new. Still, wouldn’t it be okay to do at least that much? If he had at least one pair of shoes to wear when not working…
Let’s just go out first, whatever I do. Seo Eunho came to a clear answer.
“I’ll be back.”
“You’re going to Boss Gu, right? I’m sorry. I wonder why he wants to see your face every time…”
His father naturally concluded Seo Eunho’s destination. Well, of course—usually on his days off, Seo Eunho stayed holed up at home.
There was nothing particular to do, and going out meant everything cost money anyway.
Thinking of the time he’d wandered outside for a week because he hated seeing his father’s face, it was ridiculous. But both his father and he had changed a lot from before. Seo Eunho had neither money nor stamina. It had been long since he’d learned firsthand that it was better to lie down all day than to stubbornly insist for no reason.
“Yes. I’ll be late.”
Seo Eunho didn’t particularly deny it. There was no reason to. Unless he was going to tell his father straightforwardly that he didn’t have to pay off debt anymore, that he’d become a bit freer.
Well, hiding that fact was natural for Seo Eunho. Not only because he couldn’t explain the reason, but because he didn’t want his father to feel relieved.
“Late again today? Why are you so late these days?”
“…Just, a bit. Anyway, rest.”
He needed to hear even an empty apology. He wanted to make him live forever as a person who’d sinned, watching his mood.
“I’ll be back.”
Leaving his father’s answer behind, Seo Eunho quickly left the house. His steps were neither heavy nor light.
***
Just a bit away from the neighborhood where he lived, a fairly bustling alley appeared. The street where people’s conversations and laughter never ceased seemed a bit different from the world he lived in. Leisurely enjoying meals, drinking coffee, entering stores on the street and buying things they wanted. Because he had no capacity to enjoy those obvious and trivial things, Seo Eunho tried not to enter this street even deliberately.
Once he started looking, he’d end up blankly watching people and thinking ordinary people were enviable. Seo Eunho didn’t want to pity himself. Because nothing changed from doing that. If thinking that he seemed to be the most pitiful person in the world would make money drop down, he could do it as much as he wanted.
“…”
Seo Eunho, who’d been hesitating, soon began walking with large strides. Buying new shoes had been just a passing thought, but once he actually left the house, he thought it might be okay to buy them. Just one pair of shoes, and just one clean outfit, and save the rest. He wanted to have a neater appearance than this the next time he met Tae Shinwoo. If it hadn’t been for Tae Shinwoo, Seo Eunho probably wouldn’t have even thought about buying something. Unless something had completely worn out and become utterly unusable.
“Welcome!”
As soon as he made up his mind, what he entered was the nearest shoe store. Seo Eunho nodded his head lightly at the vigorous greeting and looked over the displayed shoes. Seo Eunho, who’d become accustomed to sneakers costing about ten thousand won displayed on the street, briefly frowned at the price marked on each shoe in the store. Did he really need to buy them? He briefly had that thought, but quickly dismissed it.
The shoes Tae Shinwoo wore came vaguely to mind. Leather dress shoes. He didn’t know the price range, but it was clear they’d be far more expensive than the shoes before his eyes that made him hesitate. So it would be better to have at least one pair.
“…”
Seo Eunho slowly looked over the display. Usually he bought whatever looked sturdiest, but today he found himself funny for agonizing over buying something that looked somewhat pretty. In the midst of it all, his gaze was quite sharp too.
When Seo Eunho, who’d been looking around for quite a while, had just found shoes that looked fairly neat among them and was starting to examine them properly.
“Seo Eunho?”
He heard someone’s voice calling him. Thinking there was no one who would know him, he turned his gaze first, and a familiar face was looking at him with a somewhat flustered expression. Seo Eunho’s brow furrowed slightly. That was also thanks to recognizing the other person.
“Right? Wow, it’s really been a long time.”
Why were there suddenly so many old connections he was running into these days? Seo Eunho swallowed a short sigh while looking at the other person with a deliberately calm face. The person he’d unexpectedly run into at the shoe store was Kim Junseong, who like Tae Shinwoo had completely cut ties 12 years ago—actually, ties that had been somewhat cut even before then.
“Yeah, it’s been a long time.”
As soon as Seo Eunho answered calmly, Kim Junseong’s face brightened considerably.
“I actually recognized you right away from when you came in, but I was seriously agonizing over whether I should talk to you or not. Wow man, seeing you like this, I’m really happy.”
Something like a name tag was dangling around Kim Junseong’s neck. Seeing it said “Manager,” it seemed he was working at this store. Seo Eunho grabbed Kim Junseong’s hand that was suddenly extended. The hand shaking as if truly happy was a bit funny. It didn’t seem like they were on terms to be happy to see each other. Though they’d been people who didn’t even greet each other from some point on, maybe after about 12 years they could be happy to meet. Seo Eunho, who didn’t have any particular ill feelings left toward Kim Junseong then or now, just figured that’s how it was.
“Your face hasn’t changed at all. Did you get procedures? You don’t even age.”
“You’re the same too.”
“Hey man, same my ass. Maybe because I’ve struggled so hard to make a living, these days my body is really…”
“…”
“Mm. Well. Uh, buying shoes?”
Kim Junseong’s mouth, which had been chattering away, shut tight, then the topic changed too obviously. It was after Kim Junseong had looked him up and down once. He could tell what he’d thought.
Ah, this bastard’s situation was really fucking bad.
Just like before, the thoughts in Kim Junseong’s head were amazingly readable.
“Yeah, that one’s popular these days. It came out really neat and clean. Time to change shoes, huh? Try it on. What size do you wear?”
Words poured out ceaselessly. Seo Eunho guessed he was doing this because he was embarrassed. Getting older, it seemed he’d learned what embarrassment was. Thinking of their high school days, he’d been utterly shameless.
“270.”
“Wait a sec. I’ll bring them.”
Seo Eunho nodded. Since it was popular these days and came out neat and clean even to others’ eyes, there seemed no need to agonize further. While Kim Junseong briefly disappeared, Seo Eunho looked at himself reflected in the mirror. It had been a long time since he’d groomed his hair, and his clothes were faded. Because there was no need to care about his appearance, he’d neglected it and ended up like this.
Should I get a haircut? Though he found himself funny for only thinking about spending money just because he’d gotten some, it wasn’t wrong so it didn’t matter. It’s not like he’d wanted to live shabbily either.
“Try them on.”
Just as he turned his gaze from the mirror, Kim Junseong returned. Seo Eunho sat down and changed shoes. The size fit perfectly, and there was nothing uncomfortable. Seo Eunho decided easily and nodded.
“I’ll take these.”
“Okay. Want to wear them out? The shoes you were wearing—”
Kim Junseong’s words were fast. Seo Eunho was about to shake his head at the question of whether he’d wear them out, then hesitated. Just then his phone started ringing, and it was because the caller was Tae Shinwoo.
A moment of silence flowed. Seo Eunho was absorbed in staring at the screen. Seo Eunho, who furrowed then relaxed his brow, took a long breath in and answered the phone. He shook his head toward Kim Junseong while taking off the new shoes.
“Yeah.”
—Where are you?
But why did Tae Shinwoo ask where he was, both last time and this time? Anyway, the reason for contacting was obvious, so wouldn’t it be better to just notify him to come somewhere by what time?
“I stepped out for a bit. It’s my day off.”
For both of them. Tae Shinwoo would find that more convenient too, and he himself wouldn’t need to have his heart flutter momentarily at this kind of contact.
Honestly, Seo Eunho liked Tae Shinwoo’s contact. Though it would sound pathetic, strangely even after spending painful and difficult nights, Seo Eunho waited for Tae Shinwoo.
That was the problem. He shouldn’t do that. If he ended up unable to hide his feelings and showed them… Truly, it would be an utterly shabby ending.
“I’m not off tomorrow.”
Seo Eunho belatedly collected himself and spoke coldly. However, at the low laughter heard through the phone, his heart quickly crumbled.
—So?
At the question asked as if incredulous, Seo Eunho couldn’t answer right away. It was both because of his heart that was damn well pounding, and because he was at a loss for words at what Tae Shinwoo said.
Tae Shinwoo’s contact was the same as asking to spend the night together. And every night Seo Eunho spent with Tae Shinwoo, he couldn’t move the next day, sprawled out. That’s why he said he wasn’t off. That he had to work tomorrow, so not today.
But thinking about it, it wasn’t a situation Tae Shinwoo needed to consider. Seo Eunho cleared his throat and replied.
“That’s what.”
Seo Eunho, who’d been about to change back to his original shoes, put the newly bought shoes back on his feet. Then he made eye contact with Kim Junseong. Kim Junseong, who’d been standing with a subtle expression to package the shoes, picked up the tattered shoes instead of the new ones.
“Where should I go? By when?”
His circumstances weren’t important to Tae Shinwoo. He’d realized that, but in the midst of that, he wished there was just a little time. Then in the meantime he could get a haircut and buy clothes… No, isn’t this a bit strange?
It seemed like he was becoming stranger and stranger as a person. His position was to become Tae Shinwoo’s plaything and pay off his debt, but somehow as time went on, he couldn’t erase the feeling of being increasingly excited.
Was it good even to spend that kind of night? Whatever the reason, did continuing to meet Tae Shinwoo make him want a bit more?
Seo Eunho raised the corners of his lips. The thought naturally came that there was no crazy bastard quite like him.
