Prologue
Despite it being a day when the sweltering heat was raging, a heavy silence fell, chilling enough to make one feel cold. Seo Eunho was leaning against an old sofa covered with cigarette burn marks and stains of unknown origin. Across from him sat someone he had encountered after a very long time.
“I thought you’d be living well.”
As soon as he shifted his gaze, which had been stubbornly fixed straight ahead, the silence broke as if it had been waiting for that moment. The voice he was hearing after such a long time should have been welcome, but to Seo Eunho, it felt even heavier than the silence.
“I wanted to do that too.”
Seo Eunho answered indifferently, neither smiling nor frowning. He really had wanted to live well. But he knew he wouldn’t be able to. The man—that is, Tae Shinwoo—must have known that too.
“You’re too much of a mess.”
At the words muttered as if meant to be heard, Seo Eunho let out a small laugh.
“Being a shitty person to someone’s face—I guess that doesn’t change even with age.”
Despite the blatant sarcasm, the corners of Tae Shinwoo’s lips curled up as if he found something amusing, and soon a short laugh burst out. That laughter alone made Seo Eunho feel like Tae Shinwoo was standing far, far away.
And indeed, he really had changed a lot from the appearance he had known before. Beneath jet-black hair neatly arranged with only half his forehead showing, the eyes that used to hold mischief had become much more mature, and his face, from which all traces of youthfulness had completely disappeared, looked manly. His frame, which had already been much larger than his peers, had become solid enough to inevitably draw one’s gaze even when passing by.
Perhaps because of that, the gentle atmosphere that had seemed quite kind was nowhere to be found, and he looked only cold and ruthless. It might have looked more so because of the contrast between his exceptionally white skin and jet-black hair.
Time had been given equally to both, yet it felt like only Tae Shinwoo had moved forward. It was perhaps natural, since he himself had been walking backward during that time while Tae Shinwoo had been walking forward.
Twelve years ago, when Seo Eunho first got to know Tae Shinwoo, his immature eighteen-year-old self might have been able to ignore that gap. But the Seo Eunho of now knew. The current Tae Shinwoo was someone the likes of him couldn’t dare approach.
“Do people change that easily? You don’t look like you’ve changed at all either.”
That can’t be.
Seo Eunho was about to immediately deny it but stopped. There was no need to confess with his own mouth that he had become far more shabby and pathetic than before. Rather, if there were any similarities to the image in Tae Shinwoo’s memory, he should be grateful for it. At least back then, he had more leeway than now.
“So, why did you call me here?”
Setting aside his idle thoughts, Seo Eunho asked.
“Do you have something urgent to do? It’s been so long, wouldn’t it be a shame to just talk business and part ways?”
To that, Tae Shinwoo immediately asked back. Seo Eunho didn’t answer and looked around the office where he was sitting. The place wasn’t good enough to think it would be a shame to part ways. A musty office he had been going in and out of countless times for the past five years. He hadn’t expected to meet Tae Shinwoo again in this place where he had crossed the threshold countless times to pay ridiculous interest.
“It’s late, I should go home.”
No, it wasn’t a matter of the place to begin with. Seo Eunho didn’t want to meet Tae Shinwoo again. Well. If things got a little better. If he became a better person than now. Maybe he would have considered it around that time.
But such a day wouldn’t come. Seo Eunho himself knew that fact better than anyone. That’s why he had hoped never to meet him again.
“Why? Is someone waiting for you at home?”
Tae Shinwoo asked with a twisted smile. His attitude was as if he already knew who was at his home, but Seo Eunho answered obediently.
“My father.”
“I thought you hated your father. I guess you two get along well now.”
As if he’d been waiting for it, Tae Shinwoo sneered. Seo Eunho showed no reaction. There was no reason to enumerate all his thoughts to Tae Shinwoo one by one.
Did he hate his father? He hated him. And he still hates him now. To Seo Eunho, his father was someone who was worse than not having one at all. Then and now, someone who was no help whatsoever, yet only made his shoulders heavier.
Well, Tae Shinwoo might be reading even these inner thoughts. He had always been a man who liked to see into people’s hearts.
He had called him to the office of the loan shark he owed money to. In other words, it meant he knew all about his situation. That his father had fallen into gambling and reached out to loan sharks’ money too. That he himself had been paying back that money for a full five years. Everything.
“What’s your relationship with Boss Gu?”
Instead of answering, Seo Eunho threw out a question. Though it lacked context, Tae Shinwoo wasn’t surprised. Boss Gu was a loan shark and the owner of this office.
“You wouldn’t be doing loan sharking.”
The words he muttered unconsciously weren’t really something he thought was true. But Tae Shinwoo laughed out loud as if he found those words somewhat amusing. At the low rumbling laughter, Seo Eunho closed his mouth and stared at Tae Shinwoo.
“Why are you so sure I’m not?”
It was a strange question. Well, because you’re Tae Shinwoo. That was the only answer Seo Eunho had.
A full twelve years ago. When Seo Eunho first got to know Tae Shinwoo, that very moment when he suffered from a fever so terrible—he remembered that Tae Shinwoo so, so vividly.
“I think I told you. That I’d probably be doing gangster shit. Don’t you remember?”
“……”
“I’d be hurt if you really forgot.”
‘I’ll probably be doing gangster shit.’
Behind Tae Shinwoo’s voice that sounded fabricated, the voice of someone much younger than now could be heard. At the same time, a small wooden bench in front of an old supermarket was drawn in his head.
Twelve years ago, a supermarket not far from the house he lived in. On the bench in front of it, just once, they spent time together. Uncharacteristically, each holding ice cream.
Why was that? Why had Tae Shinwoo come all the way to his house? He couldn’t remember that far. The clear memory was that he had suddenly asked Tae Shinwoo what he would do when he became an adult.
He thought it was pointless to ask since he was such a successful guy anyway. But then suddenly talking about gangster shit. It wasn’t strange that the conversation from that day remained strongly in his mind until now.
‘Gangster shit?’
‘Yeah. Gangster.’
‘What kind of bullshit is that?’
‘I’m serious. Does it sound like bullshit?’
Seo Eunho had thought Tae Shinwoo was playing around again back then. Tae Shinwoo was playful and would throw out jokes whenever possible.
“Sorry to disappoint you, but it is loan sharking. You can just think of me as a gangster bastard.”
Tae Shinwoo’s eyes folded wickedly. Even though his atmosphere and physique had clearly changed as much as time had passed, thinking that his personality was still the same, Seo Eunho clicked his tongue. He felt so foolish for being glad about such a trivial thing.
“Thanks to that, I got to know roughly about your situation too.”
“……”
“You haven’t been able to pay back the principal at all and have been paying only interest for five years already.”
Seo Eunho gave no answer.
“And even that interest keeps growing.”
“……”
“It’ll soon become unmanageable. What are you going to do?”
To him like that, Tae Shinwoo urged an answer. Only after a moment of silence passed did Seo Eunho answer irritably, ruffling his hair carelessly.
“Just get to the point. Don’t annoyingly beat around the bush.”
“This is the point.”
“Don’t fuck around. Whether I have debt, whether it’s manageable or not, what does that have to do with you? Are you going to pay it off for me?”
Seo Eunho wanted to get away from this place quickly. The situation of being laid bare, and to Tae Shinwoo of all people, was not at all pleasant.
Should I just run out of here?
If he had known that it was Tae Shinwoo who had made Boss Gu call him here in the middle of the night, he wouldn’t have come. Whatever retaliation Boss Gu might take afterward.
Just as such belated regret was filling up—
“I paid it off, already.”
Tae Shinwoo spouted nonsense far too casually.
“What?”
At the same time, Seo Eunho’s face crumpled as he asked back, but Tae Shinwoo just shrugged nonchalantly.
“I didn’t erase your debt. The person you have to pay back money to just changed to me.”
“……Why would you do such a thing?”
Seo Eunho’s tone was sharp. As if finding something amusing about that, Tae Shinwoo immediately burst into laughter. There was no particular explanation. Seo Eunho frowned and let out a short sigh.
“Put it back the way it was.”
Forget it. There was no need to hear the reason. He didn’t need to know what benefit he gained by buying up his debt either. In fact, there was no reason to care who would receive his money in the first place, but……
“Why? The money going out is the same, so what does it matter who it is?”
His words weren’t wrong. However, he hated that when Tae Shinwoo took over his debt, it created a connection between them. Meeting him this one time was enough. Seo Eunho hadn’t even dreamed of a reunion with Tae Shinwoo in the first place.
“And I’m better than that bastard, right?”
Tae Shinwoo gestured outside with his eyes. It seemed he was talking about Boss Gu.
“I can live just fine without this money. That bastard would be desperate for every penny though.”
Seo Eunho gave no answer. Because he couldn’t openly say that he didn’t like it because seeing him was uncomfortable.
“Think about it carefully. I could save you, couldn’t I?”
“Ha…… Save me.”
Seo Eunho laughed incredulously as if he’d heard bullshit. It wouldn’t be an illusion that he seemed to have heard similar words before. Seo Eunho deliberately hardened his face more.
“How are you going to save me? Since you can live without that money, you won’t take it? Or will you at least remove the interest?”
At the thoroughly sarcastic tone, Tae Shinwoo shrugged. Seo Eunho slowly let out a long breath and continued speaking calmly.
“If you’re not going to do that, then don’t say pointless things—”
“I’ll do that for you.”
But the calmness didn’t last long. It was because Tae Shinwoo nodded readily as if he’d been waiting for it.
“Instead, make a different deal with me, Seo Eunho.”
At the word “deal,” Seo Eunho’s lips stiffened. Tae Shinwoo continued speaking calmly even while looking at him like that.
“Pay back this money in a different way.”
Whether then or now, the way you try to control people with money hasn’t changed.
Seo Eunho looked at Tae Shinwoo with sunken eyes. He himself, who had no choice but to be controlled when controlled, was no different from back then either.
“Let’s have sex.”
“……What?”
He would demand an absurd price. Because he remembered the Tae Shinwoo of the past, Seo Eunho had prepared himself to some extent.
“Have sex with me. Then I’ll set you free.”
But he hadn’t expected to hear such words. He couldn’t help but doubt his ears.
“……Crazy bastard.”
The moment he realized he had heard correctly, Seo Eunho abruptly stood up from his seat. He couldn’t just sit still at the chilling sensation in one corner of his chest. He couldn’t believe it even after hearing what Tae Shinwoo had spouted at him.
“The time limit is until I get tired of it.”
“Do you even know what you’re saying?”
“But I won’t go over a year.”
To the words spoken out of absurdity, Tae Shinwoo just laughed. His words blocked, Seo Eunho just clenched both his hands into fists.
Seo Eunho thought he was stuck at rock bottom. He thought there was nothing he wouldn’t do if it meant he could escape that situation. He had thought that because it was terrible to keep pouring water endlessly into a bottomless jar, he could do anything—sex or whatever—if only he was told to do it.
But not with Tae Shinwoo. He hated that. He didn’t want to show such feelings of his to Tae Shinwoo, of all people.
“I don’t want to.”
At his firm shake of the head, Tae Shinwoo tilted his head.
“Why should I do such a thing?”
He wasn’t at rock bottom to that extent. Seo Eunho spouted lies. He didn’t want to show such a miserable state.
“……I thought you’d like it.”
But Seo Eunho’s wish was useless. The voice tinged with puzzlement that returned to Seo Eunho, who was expressing his refusal, told him that.
“Why are you refusing?”
“……”
“You’re good at calculating gains and losses.”
The following words were cold. The laughter that had been in his voice just moments ago had disappeared without a trace.
“It’s a hell that will never end. Are you going to live your whole life just working like this? Will things get better if you do?”
Tae Shinwoo’s gaze swept over Seo Eunho. Seo Eunho felt utter humiliation.
“I’m saying I’ll pull you out of hell with just one year. So why are you refusing?”
“……”
“You know. That sticking with me is much better. You’re not stupid enough not to know that.”
Shut up. Would he nod his head at such a ridiculous proposal?
He wanted to say that, but his mouth wouldn’t open. Seo Eunho’s eyes wavered. His desire to kick his chair and leave was as great as a chimney, but the comfortable days that came to mind at his words shook Seo Eunho’s heart.
Was he harboring this pathetic heart even now because he couldn’t forget that comfort? Because the past twelve years had been such an arduous time, was he unable to run away even at this moment when he had shown all the rock bottom he didn’t want to show?
While Seo Eunho hesitated, Tae Shinwoo approached step by step. He pulled his arm without delay, and Seo Eunho couldn’t push him away. Though his steps following him were heavy, they didn’t stop either.
“Ugh.”
Soon Seo Eunho reached the sofa where Tae Shinwoo had been sitting. At that moment, his hair was grabbed and his body was shoved down onto it. Pressing down on the nape of Seo Eunho, who was trying to stand up by grabbing the back of the sofa, Tae Shinwoo muttered.
“I’ll take it as consent, and we can count the period starting from today. Right?”
Mixed with Tae Shinwoo’s voice, there was a click, click sound, and immediately Seo Eunho’s pants were pulled down. So he really means to do it. Only then, coming to his senses, his body twisted reflexively, but soon all the strength drained from his entire body.
He seems to already know. That during the long years of twelve years, he had become someone who could be treated carelessly if only money was given. So was there really a need to struggle desperately to not look that way to Tae Shinwoo?
The resistance that had flared up very temporarily disappeared in an instant. Seo Eunho squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lip.
This might be the punishment Tae Shinwoo was giving him. Because that day twelve years ago had affected Tae Shinwoo. Because as soon as he saw him, a desire for revenge arose. So that’s why the situation became like this—that’s what he thought.
Thinking that way, he felt like he could accept this situation of being crushed by Tae Shinwoo with his clothes being torn off a little more easily.
“Ugh……!”
Without any foreplay, an unfamiliar sensation was felt between his legs. His breath caught at the hole being spread open without warning, and his body stiffened. However, Tae Shinwoo didn’t care at all and was poking around inside the hole with his fingers as he pleased. This made him feel exactly like an object.
Ah, isn’t this a fucking fantastic reality?
Would it have been okay if it had been someone other than Tae Shinwoo? Maybe it would have been.
If only he weren’t the once closest friend he’d met after twelve years, and the first love now buried deep in his heart. Then he wouldn’t be feeling this desperately miserable feeling flooding over him at this moment.
“Ugh……”
Seo Eunho swallowed his breath and closed his mouth tightly. Above that, his eyes, now tinged with resignation, were hidden behind his eyelids.
