# Chapter 22
‘No!’
Geonwoo tried to maintain his reason. But after an intense struggle, instinct was victorious. Geonwoo couldn’t resist it.
His desire to see Jaehee was that great. In proportion to how much he had missed him, how much he had wanted him, he wanted to be by his side, to take him in with his eyes, to feel him. Eventually, following that desire, Geonwoo’s eyes stealthily looked down at Jaehee. Jaehee filled Geonwoo’s vision completely.
‘Guide-nim.’
He could see Jaehee. Geonwoo’s eyes folded beautifully and softly. Seeing Jaehee, happiness filled his body. Geonwoo slowly took in Jaehee’s face with his eyes.
Then Geonwoo’s gaze reached the corners of Jaehee’s eyes. Geonwoo’s brow furrowed instantly. The corners of Jaehee’s eyes were red and swollen. Seeing that, Jaehee’s sad face from before he fell asleep flashed in his mind.
That raised a question.
Why? Why on earth? He had been the one trying to abandon Geonwoo. He had been so cold.
‘Did I see it wrong?’
But the face full of traces of tears that anyone could see denied Geonwoo’s thought. It wasn’t just the corners of his eyes. His nose tip was still dyed red from how much he had cried.
‘Why… did you cry… After trying to abandon me like that, what made you so sad…’
Seeing the traces of Jaehee’s sadness, Geonwoo’s emotions became complicated. Hatred, sorrow, concern for him. Geonwoo looked at Jaehee with such complicated feelings. He checked with his eyes to see where else his sadness was contained. As that time stretched on, the murky emotions dissolved into the sad traces.
Looking at Jaehee’s eyes, nose, small lips, and taking in his cheeks that looked so soft, Geonwoo slowly lowered his gaze. Tracing Jaehee’s jaw with his eyes, drawing his snow-white neckline, he reached his collarbone.
And below that…!
As Geonwoo was lowering his gaze, taking in Jaehee’s body piece by piece, his pupils suddenly shook uncontrollably.
Only then could Geonwoo recall the other situation from before he fell asleep.
‘Contact guiding!’
At the suddenly recalled memory, Geonwoo swallowed. Without time to calm his surprised heart, he urgently moved his body. He needed to get away from Jaehee.
But.
“…Ugh!”
The moment he moved slightly backward, a strong pain surged through him. It was natural since his condition wasn’t one that could heal easily. It was thanks to absorbing guiding energy through contact guiding with Jaehee that he could move even this much. That’s how desperately Geonwoo’s body needed guiding. The piercing pain that started again as soon as he moved away from Jaehee proved that.
But Geonwoo ignored it.
‘Just a little… just a little more!’
Groaning, Geonwoo moved his body backward. Getting away from Jaehee took quite a while. Geonwoo pressed his body against the edge of the bed. With reddened cheeks, he forcibly put strength into his powerless hands and grabbed the blanket. Then he used it to wrap around Jaehee’s body. He covered him up to his neck so that he himself couldn’t see.
‘G-Guide-nim! You shouldn’t do this! This is really… dangerous!’
I’m also an Esper. I’ll soon manifest as an alpha. What are you doing, Guide-nim…
Geonwoo shouted inside and tried to hold onto his reason.
While doing so, to divert his attention, he looked around the room and felt the energies around him. Though it was a small amount, there was still guiding energy from other guides remaining in the room. Feeling that, Geonwoo frowned with displeasure, then his expression softened again.
‘It’s okay. He said he wouldn’t erase our bond.’
That statement from Jaehee had tremendous power. Until hearing those words, it felt like dark emotions were eating away at his body. Everything was negative and hopeless. On top of that, the wavelengths inside his body were raging fiercely, causing pain as if his entire body was being torn to shreds.
But how about now? Just by hearing that one statement, his emotions had softened like mochi. Tranquility had come.
The only problem was:
‘Can I really… trust those words?’
That was the question. Having almost been abandoned once, seeds of doubt kept trying to sprout.
‘If only it weren’t for that anxiety, I’m confident I could be happier than anyone else…’
Then Geonwoo suddenly wondered.
‘But why did he suddenly say he wouldn’t erase our bond? Was it because I looked too much in pain? Was he… concerned about my pain?’
If that’s the case, if I keep being in pain… will he stay by my side?
Bad thoughts, as if rejecting an anxious future, kept trying to pop up.
Soon after, Geonwoo shook his head.
‘No, let’s not think like this.’
Geonwoo shook off the negative thoughts. Right now, he just wanted to think positive thoughts. Jaehee was by his side, and he had said he wouldn’t erase their bond. So he looked at Jaehee. When he saw him, negative emotions faded and a smile naturally formed.
Come to think of it, he was right in front of him. Safely covered up too. Geonwoo had also created some distance by sticking to the edge of the bed. Feeling reassured like that, Geonwoo now began to openly admire Jaehee. He took in the silhouette of Jaehee hidden under the blanket.
‘He’s really small. Is he younger than me? He looks like a younger brother no matter how I look at him. Is that why he’s so small?’
Geonwoo scrutinized Jaehee carefully. He was small no matter how one looked at it.
‘They say when you manifest as an Esper, you become really big due to physical enhancement abilities. I wonder how much smaller he’ll look then…’
Forgetting both the fact that he was already tall and that when manifesting as an Esper, he would become incomparably larger than ordinary people, Geonwoo just kept seeing the average-height Jaehee as incredibly small.
Moreover,
‘They say alphas become violent when in rut… being so small, will he be okay…’
Dreaming of a distant future full of hope, Geonwoo was already worrying.
Just then, something happened that erased all of Geonwoo’s fantasies.
“…Uh…”
A faint moan escaped from Jaehee, who had been sleeping quietly. Was he having a nightmare? Geonwoo became worried. So as he was checking on Jaehee,
“…Hic…”
The small moan soon changed into a sob.
‘G-Guide-nim?’
Surprised, Geonwoo tried to wake Jaehee by shaking his blanket-wrapped body. But Jaehee didn’t open his eyes. He just cried, his lips moving slightly.
“…uh…”
Geonwoo urgently moved closer to Jaehee. And he heard it.
“…Geon…woo…”
Right now, Jaehee was,
“…Geon…woo…ya…”
Calling his name.
“…Hic… hic…”
He was crying while calling Geonwoo’s name.
Faced with something incomprehensible, Geonwoo couldn’t easily accept the current situation.
‘Why? Why me…’
Jaehee’s tossing and turning grew worse. With those movements, the blanket slipped down, and Jaehee’s body was gradually revealed. Jaehee’s arm came out from under the blanket and flailed in the air. As if searching for something, he wandered here and there, then suddenly began scratching down his arm.
‘Guide-nim, what’s wrong? Stop it! You’ll hurt yourself!’
Alarmed, Geonwoo hurriedly grabbed Jaehee’s hand. As their skin touched, their senses opened to each other, and Jaehee’s guiding energy transferred to Geonwoo. Conversely, Jaehee also felt and accepted Geonwoo’s wavelength. Their energies mixed like that.
Amazingly, Jaehee’s sobs slowly subsided. He gradually calmed down.
Jaehee firmly held Geonwoo’s hand that was holding his. Afraid that he might drift away again, that Geonwoo might disappear. Unconsciously, he intertwined his fingers with Geonwoo’s. In that state, he pulled Geonwoo toward himself. With a very slight force.
“…Geon…woo…”
It was a weak pull that seemed like it would break with just a little resistance. Nevertheless, Geonwoo couldn’t defy it. As if being pulled by an enormous force, he helplessly moved his body closer as Jaehee led.
So Geonwoo’s body grew close to Jaehee again. But there was a blanket between them. Jaehee, disliking the blanket that was separating him and Geonwoo, kept tossing and turning.
Geonwoo immediately lifted the blanket and went under it. Even that small movement caused beads of cold sweat to form on his forehead.
Geonwoo’s body touched Jaehee’s again. Jaehee’s face relaxed languidly. As if confirming that this was the person he was looking for, he burrowed into Geonwoo’s embrace. As if not wanting to be separated, he didn’t allow even the slightest gap.
Geonwoo’s pain disappeared just as much.
‘G-Guide-nim… It’s okay. I… I’m here.’
Holding Jaehee in his arms, pat, pat, Geonwoo comforted him with awkward gestures. Asking if he was really looking for him. If so, telling him he was here. Telling him not to cry. That everything was okay. He kept comforting him like that.
Jaehee fell back into a deep sleep in Geonwoo’s arms. With a peaceful expression, Jaehee was even wearing a faint smile, as if feeling safe.
But not Geonwoo. He was far from a stable state. Now Geonwoo couldn’t escape while holding Jaehee in his arms. He had to embrace him fully. Because if he moved away, Jaehee might cry again. He might suddenly have a fit.
Geonwoo closed his eyes. He wanted to sleep. He needed to sleep. It was the only way to escape the current situation. But he couldn’t fall asleep. His heart was beating too fast.
What should I do.
‘How… can I sleep… like this…’
A novel form of torture he was experiencing for the first time continued throughout the night.
For Geonwoo, it was the first such long night in his life.
