# Chapter 18
Because my guide told me to accept the guiding.
Because he said he released guiding energy for me.
Through Geonwoo’s opened sensory gap, he could feel Jaehee’s guiding energy. Geonwoo’s smile deepened.
But that smile soon faded. His guiding energy wasn’t the only one in the room. Among the abundant guiding energy filling the room, his energy was only a minuscule amount. There was too much guiding energy from other guides.
‘This shouldn’t be happening…’
So Geonwoo tried to alert Jaehee. He moved his lips again. But unlike before, Jaehee wasn’t looking at him.
‘Guide-nim! Guide-nim!’
Geonwoo grew increasingly anxious.
He needed to tell him quickly…
‘Guide-nim, you shouldn’t accept this! Our bond will weaken!’
Geonwoo knew from his bodily experience that the more he accepted energy from other guides, the more his bond with Jaehee would gradually fade.
So Geonwoo tried to make eye contact with Jaehee. Since he didn’t seem to know, Geonwoo wanted to tell him quickly.
But then,
“Don’t resist. Accept all the guiding energy in the room. If you don’t want to die like this.”
Such cold words flowed from Jaehee, whom he had waited for so desperately. Geonwoo froze without even blinking.
‘What… did I just hear?’
Jaehee’s words sounded so cold to Geonwoo. It even felt like he was drawing a line.
‘That can’t be right. He’s my guide…’
Right. That can’t be.
Then?
‘…Did I hear wrong?’
His guide wouldn’t treat him like that. That belief changed the essence of the words. It made him escape toward what he wanted to hear.
‘Right. I heard wrong. He’s just worried. Because I look like I’m in so much pain, he wants me to quickly receive guiding and get better…’
That’s how Geonwoo interpreted it. That Jaehee was upset seeing his Esper lying there powerlessly. That’s why he spoke so coldly even while painfully crying.
‘Because he’s worried about me…’
Thinking like that, Geonwoo’s stiff eyes melted softly and folded beautifully, as if they had never hardened. That sweet eye-smile was naturally directed at Jaehee.
‘I’m okay! Guide-nim! Now that you’re here, I won’t be in pain anymore. I’ll get better quickly once I receive guiding. So don’t worry!’
With these thoughts, Geonwoo closed his sensory perceptions even more. He rejected the guiding even more. Before him was Jaehee, whom he had waited for so desperately. He was so happy about that, he didn’t want their bond to fade even slightly.
Even the ecstasy of pain subsiding that he had felt when he opened his senses earlier wasn’t as important as his bond with Jaehee.
On the other hand, he also wanted to be praised by Jaehee. For enduring well. For protecting their bond despite being in so much pain until Jaehee arrived. He wanted Jaehee to be pleased with him.
With those feelings, Geonwoo stared intently at Jaehee. Every minute, every second was precious. Even after looking and looking, he wanted to see more; he would be happy just looking at him forever.
But,
‘I’m right here… Guide-nim, please look at me…’
Jaehee kept looking elsewhere. With tears wetting his cheeks, he kept staring at the wavelength measurement machine, then briefly looked at the floor, and now, as if entranced, he was staring fixedly at a particular guide.
Geonwoo’s gaze naturally followed Jaehee’s. He needed to know who was stealing Jaehee’s attention.
At the end of Geonwoo’s redirected gaze was an ordinary guide.
Geonwoo’s expression changed. His eyes looking at the guide were completely different from when he looked at Jaehee. The sweet eye-smile, as if soaked in honey, disappeared the moment it bypassed Jaehee, leaving only an infinitely cold gaze.
Why. Why? Looking at the guide, Geonwoo felt his mood sinking.
‘Why is that guide occupying his gaze?’
The more this question filled his mind, the more his depressed mood accelerated.
‘He’s my guide… he’s my guide alone…’
Just because Jaehee’s gaze was fixed on that guide, Geonwoo became impatient. An inexplicable displeasure soaked his emotions. All his feelings were evident in his sunken gaze, and that look was directed at the guide who was monopolizing Jaehee’s attention.
‘He’s my guide. My guide.’
An unchangeable fact. Despite knowing this, the displeasure didn’t fade. As an unpleasant anxiety joined in, Geonwoo couldn’t understand the nature of the emotion he was feeling.
All emotional stems were connected to one emotion. Incomprehensibly, it was anxiety.
‘Why… why am I so anxious? What am I so afraid of?’
Until now, he hadn’t been afraid even in the tearing pain of his body. He hadn’t been this scared.
But with Jaehee in front of him, he was so happy, and just as much… afraid.
‘We’re bonded… that means no one can break us apart…’
Why was he so anxious? Geonwoo couldn’t understand. He just disliked everything when anxiety overwhelmed him. The guide Jaehee was looking at, the people looking at Jaehee, their hands holding onto Jaehee. He disliked it all.
The anxiety endlessly multiplied, creating endless questions.
‘He’s my guide, so why are you, not me, holding him and standing beside him?’
‘I’ve waited so long, why are you stealing my guide’s gaze?’
‘He should be beside me. He should be looking at me.’
The questions piling up intensified his emotions.
‘Don’t touch him. Don’t look at him. Don’t steal his gaze.’
If anyone tried to take him away…
‘I’ll clear them all away… I’ll eliminate them all… if they try to take Jaehee from me!’
…Huh? Rough breaths burst out. Geonwoo’s chest rose and fell violently. He was simultaneously shocked by his own thoughts.
‘What… was I just thinking?’
His heart raced. Why is this happening? Geonwoo was surprised by his own behavior, so unlike his usual self.
Just now, he disliked all the people around Jaehee. He wanted them all to disappear, and he wished that only he could see Jaehee, touch him, be in his sight… only him.
Had he ever been like this before?
Had he ever wanted someone so much and been so terribly afraid of losing them?
No, definitely not, not even once. This clingy and sticky emotion, so intense it disgusted even himself, was a first in his life. He couldn’t understand why he felt this way.
‘They say bonding usually brings stability… why am I the opposite? Why am I more anxious?’
That question was suddenly answered through Jaehee’s words. In a direction he never wanted.
“Will you… continue to reject the guiding?”
Jaehee’s gaze was still directed at the guide. Jaehee spoke to Geonwoo in that state. As if not expecting an answer, Jaehee’s words continued.
“You’re trying to protect our bond, right? But, do you know you’re rejecting it even though it’s a one-sided bond?”
At Jaehee’s words, Geonwoo frowned. There was an unfamiliar term in Jaehee’s words.
‘One-sided bond?’
To Geonwoo, that was an unfamiliar term. Having not yet received proper education as an Esper, he didn’t even know about the existence of one-sided bonds. The only bond Geonwoo knew about was the destined pair, the mutual bond formed when both desperately want each other.
So Geonwoo naturally thought his bond was mutual. Just as he had desired Jaehee so much, he thought Jaehee would naturally feel the same.
But Jaehee was now saying it wasn’t so. That they weren’t bonded. That only Geonwoo had bonded. He was drawing a line like that.
‘What… are you saying? That can’t be right…’
Geonwoo looked at Jaehee with eyes that seemed to say, “Don’t lie.”
‘I don’t like that kind of joke…’
But Jaehee didn’t deny it. He just sat silently, as if giving Geonwoo time to accept the truth. Because of that, Geonwoo’s lips closed firmly in a straight line. His eyes were also greatly distorted. Suddenly, Geonwoo’s face was filled with a pitiful expression.
Unable to see that face, Jaehee continued speaking.
“It’s a one-sided bond, so all those emotions that Esper Choi Geonwoo is feeling right now, you’re feeling them alone. Yearning alone, possessing alone. And then hurting alone… There’s no need for that. What’s the point of protecting it alone?”
Stop it. Geonwoo didn’t want to hear anymore. Because Jaehee was trying to break something precious that he had tried so hard to protect.
“So accept the guiding.”
Stop! Please, stop… Guide-nim…
Geonwoo wished Jaehee would stop talking.
But,
“Erase the bond.”
Jaehee’s words continued,
“Because I have absolutely no intention of becoming Esper Choi Geonwoo’s guide.”
And announced the end to Geonwoo.
At Jaehee’s words announcing the end, Geonwoo’s breathing became rough. Whether unwilling to accept reality or overwhelmed, Geonwoo shook his head slightly.
In sync with this, the wavelength values went wild. Jaehee immediately turned his head to check the values. They were rising steadily. Alarmed by the rapid increase, Jaehee shifted his gaze to Geonwoo.
And the expression that had been on Geonwoo’s face moments ago was now erased.
