* * *
For Seo Hahyun, liking Yoon Juwon was both inevitable and hellish at the same time. From the day his heart was stolen by Juwon’s small kindness, Hahyun visited him every day. And for a few months, heavenly days followed.
“Why is Hahyun so pretty and sweet?”
“Am I pretty and sweet?”
Hahyun, unable to believe these words he’d never heard before in his life, asked Juwon repeatedly. And Juwon, without getting annoyed, complimented him time and again.
“Ah… what a waste. If Hahyun were a woman, I’d ask you to marry me…”
“Really? Then should I change into a woman and come back?”
Truly, Hahyun would have been fine with anything if he could just marry Yoon Juwon. So his words about becoming a woman were sincere. But Juwon took it as a joke and replied:
“Such a pretty boy with a good sense of humor too!”
To have someone who saw everything he did as pretty… That was something he hadn’t experienced even from Hajin, the only person he trusted and depended on. So from morning when he opened his eyes until he fell asleep, Hahyun thought about Juwon all day.
When he wanted to see him but couldn’t, it was so painful that he wanted to stop thinking about Juwon, but he couldn’t stop.
On a day when Chairman Seo had beaten his backside until it was raw, making it impossible to sit properly, Hahyun waited for Juwon in the props room. After practice ended, Juwon returned to the props room and asked with a sympathetic expression when he saw Hahyun limping:
“Why are you walking like that?”
“It’s nothing.”
“No, it’s not nothing. You look like someone beat you or you’re hurt…”
A warm hand gently stroked Hahyun’s backside. The feeling of someone soothing his wounds felt so good that Hahyun unwittingly began to cry. Just as he was thinking how embarrassing it was to cry in front of someone he liked, Juwon’s hand touched his face.
“How can even your crying be so pretty? They say if your crying is pretty, your tears will never dry. Stop crying, okay?”
“…!”
Juwon’s lips made a soft sound as they pressed against Hahyun’s mouth and then pulled away. Hahyun stared at Juwon with wide, dreamy eyes before crying even harder. Seeing this, Juwon kissed his lips again with a concerned look.
After that, Hahyun used tears as a weapon, and crying so often made it a habit to tear up whenever he saw Yoon Juwon.
Having someone he could cry freely in front of was a great blessing for Hahyun. He thought just being with Juwon was enough, but the more time they spent together, the greedier he became. So after agonizing for several days, Hahyun shyly confessed to Juwon.
“Hyung, I like you. No, I love you. Please go out with me.”
Though he had thought of countless confession lines all night, what came out of his mouth in front of Juwon was the most common phrase. Nevertheless, Juwon accepted Hahyun with his usual gentle expression.
“Let’s do that. Then today is our first day.”
To think that the day would come when he could date the person of his dreams.
From the moment he started dating Juwon, Hahyun stopped having the nightmares he’d had every day, he was able to go to school which he had thought had no meaning in his life, and he started doing the sports he used to enjoy again.
Then one day, it was the day before an important fashion show. Hahyun stood below the stage, absently watching Juwon doing final checks. He couldn’t take his eyes off Juwon, who captivated him completely.
At that moment, with a loud bang, a light fixture fell, sending fragments flying in all directions.
Hahyun collapsed on the spot without even noticing the light that had fallen right in front of him.
“Move! Get out of the way! Hahyun!”
Was that Juwon’s voice he heard last? Hahyun couldn’t even understand what was happening in this unexpected accident. Screams came from all directions, and everything went dark as if someone had turned off the lights.
For a moment, a nightmare flashed before him. Hahyun curled up, trying to avoid the golf club that might swing at his body at any moment. But what came then wasn’t a golf club but warm arms wrapping around him. Despite the darkness and his disorientation, Hahyun instinctively sensed that it was Juwon.
“Hyung?”
“Juwon, are you okay? You fool. When a light falls, you should have moved away.”
When Hahyun heard Juwon’s voice, he finally escaped the nightmare.
“Hyuuung…”
Fortunately, he hadn’t been hit directly by the light, and there wasn’t a single wound on his body, but Hahyun clung tightly to Juwon and exaggerated his pain.
“It hurts. It hurts so much I feel like I’m going to die.”
Juwon tightened his arms around him, pulling him closer. Then he snapped at the people around them.
“What are you doing? Can’t you see someone’s hurt? Hurry up and call 119 and clear the area.”
In that moment, Hahyun made up his mind. No matter what Yoon Juwon did, he would stay by his side for life.
But the happy moment was brief.
When Juwon realized that Hahyun might not be of much help to him, he began to interrogate Hahyun.
“So… you’re saying Seo Hajin will succeed the management rights?”
“Yes. I don’t know much about it.”
“Why? Seo Hajin isn’t even a biological son.”
“Well, my body might be good for being an athlete, but they said I’m too big-boned and bulky for modeling. I’ve been that way since I was young. So from the beginning, they adopted a son to raise as a model.”
“What does that have to do with anything? Is there a reason you have to be a model to succeed management rights?”
Hahyun hesitated briefly, wondering whether he should be honest, before finally speaking.
“The thing is, I have some problems.”
“What problems?”
Juwon persistently asked about the problems. But Hahyun simply couldn’t tell him that he had developed mental illness due to the constant abuse since childhood, and that doctors had diagnosed that he might have difficulty living like normal people.
“I don’t really know. They said I don’t have what it takes to be a manager. You know well, Hyung, that the Chairman is a cold person.”
From then on, Yoon Juwon’s attitude began to change gradually.
“Didn’t I tell you not to come around anymore? I never once said I would date you.”
“Hyuuung…”
“Why am I your hyung? Your brother is Seo Hajin, damn it! How can two brothers who aren’t even blood-related both be so fucking unlucky?”
The lips that habitually called him pretty now spat out curses, and the gentle gaze that once looked at him lovingly changed to a contemptuous glare. When Hahyun cried to get attention, he was told to cry somewhere else because it was annoying, and if he deliberately hurt himself hoping Juwon would touch his wounds, Juwon would flee in horror.
How could a person change so completely in an instant?
Hahyun simply couldn’t accept Juwon’s transformation. And of course, he had no intention of giving up.
He rationalized that it was just a temporary phase and continued to follow Juwon around. When Chairman Seo caught him doing this, terrible words came from the Chairman’s mouth.
“You’ve completely lost your mind. Chasing after a male model, not even a female one, and Yoon Juwon at that…”
Chairman Seo didn’t look like a father scolding his child out of concern. He resembled a predator whose prey had been taken away. So Hahyun didn’t hold back and talked back. He would have done the same to anyone who claimed ownership over Yoon Juwon.
“Ha, you dare raise your fist at me? You must truly be insane. This won’t do. You need to go back.”
Despite hearing such words from Chairman Seo, Hahyun continued to follow Juwon without missing a day. Even if he ended up in a mental hospital, seeing Juwon was more important.
But Juwon began to grow increasingly tired of Hahyun’s stalking.
“If you follow me one more time, I’ll report you as a stalker. No, you won’t understand if I put it that way! Fuck, if I catch you one more time, I’ll kill myself.”
“…I’m sorry. I won’t follow you anymore. Hyung, please don’t die. What would I do if you died?”
“Shut up!”
After that, Hahyun followed him without being caught by Juwon. The process was so painful that there were many days he wanted to die. Yet he simply couldn’t stop. When he was alone, he kept imagining Yoon Juwon laughing, chatting, and kissing someone else…
There were several times when he nearly died by Chairman Seo’s hand after self-harming with suicidal intentions. Then one day, Hahyun finally witnessed it.
The sight of Yoon Juwon entering a hotel with some sleazebag who appeared to be a friend of Chairman Seo, and the scene of that person changing every week…
He imagined finding them and killing them, but he kept remembering Juwon’s words that he would kill himself if he saw Hahyun again, so he held back.
After enduring patiently many times, Hahyun finally saw a scene he should not have seen.
That day too, Hahyun secretly slipped into the costume room, which was busy with show preparations, to avoid revealing that he was following Juwon. Though the clothes blocked his view, he thought he could at least hear Juwon’s voice. After forcibly squeezing his body into a narrow gap and parting the clothes to look into the costume room, Hahyun felt his blood run cold.
“Ah, ah, ahhh…”
“Hold still. I need to loosen you up to make it better. Seriously, who told you to push yourself so hard?”
Hajin was massaging every inch of Juwon’s body. Even though Hahyun blinked several times, telling himself he must have seen wrong, that they were enemies and couldn’t possibly be doing this, it was indeed Hajin and Juwon.
