“Tell me you love me.”
Hahyun said while crying. Though it wasn’t much different from what he usually said, the weight of those words felt suffocatingly heavy.
“Hurry up.”
The sounds of crying, bodies colliding, and Hahyun’s pleading mixed together, scrambling my thoughts. His movements became more intense.
“Haah… Aah…”
As his excitement heightened, Hahyun’s face contorted completely. He began to thrust harder. Unable to endure it, I arched my back and cried.
“Ah, ngh, s-slow down… please…”
“Sob, I… can’t…”
Hahyun was crying above while becoming rougher below. As we rocked violently, Hahyun bit down hard on my shoulder, and sparks flew. Blood rushed to one place. The sensation, which could only be described as a tremor, continued for a long time, and my body shuddered.
“I love you. I love you… so please.”
“No, I can’t believe it. That hyung loves me.”
My body began to shake violently again. The endless night continued until morning.
* * *
The sunlight coming through the curtains was blinding. After blinking several times, I slowly began to regain consciousness.
Then I heard Hahyun’s angry voice flowing into my ears. When I turned around, he seemed to be on the phone with someone.
“Fuck, I won’t do it. I said I won’t. It’s hyung’s company. Is it my company?”
What could he be so angry about this early in the morning?
I tried to turn my body to the side to check, but the feeling that my waist was about to break made me scream “Ahk!”
Hahyun, who had been on the phone, looked at me with a grin. Then, as if hearing something, his expression darkened considerably.
“Shit… Then let me skip the morning. I’ll come in the afternoon.”
He’s going to be late? Why?
If my memory serves me right, when told to come to work yesterday, he agreed to go on time, but it seems his mind changed in just one day.
“Ah, whatever. I can’t do any more, so fire me if you’re so fucking unhappy about it!”
After irritably throwing his phone, Hahyun turned his head toward me. When our eyes met, he smiled brightly as if he’d never been angry.
“I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?”
“Um… yeah. Aren’t you going to work?”
“Haah…”
Hahyun only sighed without answering. When I frowned from the pain that felt like my body was breaking apart, Hahyun smiled and stroked my face.
“Can’t I just stay beside hyung all day?”
“Of course not. People need to work to live.”
Hahyun blinked his eyes as if he didn’t understand.
“Why?”
“Because…”
The words I was about to say—to earn money and make a living—disappeared. Hahyun had said he had enough money to last a lifetime. So telling him he needed to work for money wouldn’t be convincing.
“Don’t you have anything you want to do?”
“I do!”
“Right, working hard for what you want to do is what work is all about.”
Just as I was thinking it was fortunate that the kid at least had a dream, Hahyun said cheerfully:
“Then I’ll call back and tell them I’m not coming to work today.”
“No, why is that your conclusion…”
Since Hahyun was holding his phone as if he was about to call right away, I hastily snatched it from him. Hahyun looked at me as if asking why I did that.
“You said you have something you want to do! You should gain various experiences for that…”
“I can’t learn what I want to do at a company that lives by sucking the blood of models.”
“It doesn’t hurt to learn anything. What exactly do you want to do…”
“Be Yoon Juwon’s husband.”
I stared at him with my mouth wide open, then belatedly came to my senses and shook my head.
“Forget it. What’s the point of talking to you.”
When I spoke, the inside of my throat felt like it was tearing. It was probably because I had screamed too much last night. I wanted to drink water, but it was too bothersome to get up, so I pulled the blanket over me. Hahyun, as if he had been waiting, slipped his arm under my neck to make a pillow.
“Rest a bit more and go to work in the afternoon.”
“…I’ll see.”
“Go to work. The company needs to be stable for me to feel less anxious.”
Hahyun, who had been wearing a dissatisfied expression, opened his eyes wide. His face seemed to ask what his going to work had to do with my anxiety.
“Do you want me to end up in prison?”
“No.”
“Then go to work. Help Hajin-ssi and defend Secretary Kim well, and make sure nothing leaks out.”
“I’ll go.”
Why did Hahyun only understand things when they were related to me? While I couldn’t understand him, I also felt sorry for him at the same time.
“Then please hug me until I leave for work.”
I gave up on pushing him and hugged him, patting his back. It was an awkward position where it was hard to tell who was hugging whom, but as our bodies touched, I felt sleepy as if it were a lie.
* * *
When I woke up again, Hahyun was nowhere to be seen. He must have gone to work. Just as I was feeling proud that my efforts yesterday to get Hahyun to work hadn’t been in vain, I heard the sound of a text message. My phone wasn’t where I could reach it, so after fumbling around, I checked it. There were messages from Hahyun.
[You were sleeping so well that I left without saying goodbye. Are you okay? Tell me if you’re in pain. I’ll come right away.]
[Hyung, are you still not awake? You wouldn’t be ignoring my messages because you’re chatting with your internet friend, right?]
[Hyung. Did you run away?]
It was ridiculous that all these messages came in less than an hour after Hahyun left. The string of messages made me feel suffocated. Since Hajin was at work and couldn’t be the subject of his delusions, Hahyun seemed to have created an imaginary internet friend.
Really amazing, amazing. As I muttered this and was about to reply, another message came in.
[I’m coming now.]
He was going to abandon his work because I didn’t respond—Hahyun’s obsession clearly hadn’t diminished at all. We had sex, I told him I loved him (though it was forced), and even did that “keeping distance” experiment recently. Thinking his obsession might have lessened was just my own delusion, it seems.
It’s getting worse as time goes by…
Feeling that even the time to write a message was precious, I pressed the call button right away.
– Hyung?
“Hahyun. I just woke up.”
– Phew… Why do you sleep so much? I was worried.
“There’s a lot to worry about.”
– You’re not lying, right?
“Hey! Who’s making me unable to get out of bed right now!”
– That’s true. I’m sorry. I was just so happy…
“Yeah, I’m hungry, so I’m going to eat. Hanging up now.”
– Hyung, I’ve prepared everything on the table. Heat the soup in the microwave, and the bulgogi too…
If I didn’t hang up first, it seemed he would continue the call all day. Since I said I was hanging up, I mercilessly ended the call before he could finish. Then the phone rang again immediately.
“Ah… Hahyun, please. Let me live. Seriously, how can you…”
I checked the screen with annoyance and was so surprised that I dropped the phone.
[Number Restricted]
The moment I saw the screen, my heart sank. My heart was pounding as if it would jump out. Even as I held the phone with trembling hands, contemplating whether to answer, the call kept ringing without stopping.
Should I not answer? No. If I answer and they say something, I might find a clue?
I finally pressed the call button.
“Hello?”
There was no answer again.
“If you called, say something.”
– Static, static.
Just like yesterday, only the same unpleasant mechanical sound repeated. It must be that person. My hands were shaking so much that I had to grip the phone tightly to avoid dropping it, and I spoke calmly.
“If you’re going to make this kind of prank call, don’t call me.”
– Ha…
It was just a sound that could have been a sigh or the wind, but it made my hair stand on end. Don’t be surprised, I need to find a clue. I pressed my hand against my racing heart and swallowed hard. Then, hoping to hear any kind of voice that would help identify the caller, I pressed the record button.
– Static, static.
But again, only meaningless noise came back. Static, static. Even though I held my breath and waited for a voice to be heard, the noise continued. Unable to bear it any longer, I shouted.
“Fuck, who are you!”
The call ended. Cold sweat ran down my face from fear of the unidentifiable caller. For a while, I couldn’t move and stood still, trying to calm my mind.
Who could it be? Who would do something like this?
Could it be Choi Eunji, Hahyun’s fiancée? Or the police? If not, Secretary Kim? Or maybe that actress involved in the scandal with Hajin?
There were many people who came to mind, but none who I could definitely say was the one.
I forgot about eating and just bit my nails. Should I tell Hajin or not? While wondering if it was necessary to tell him when there was no other information about the caller, I also thought talking to Hajin might ease my anxiety.
I should tell him after all.
Having decided that, I opened the messaging app to contact Hajin, but then I remembered what happened yesterday.
Hajin, with his shameless face, saying he was responsible for that scandal. And Hajin, talking as if that scandal had nothing to do with me.
The Hajin from yesterday seemed like a stranger I had never seen before. I didn’t expect much from him. If he really had feelings for Jeon Hyesu and wanted to date her, I had hoped he would sincerely apologize to me. If that wasn’t the case, I had hoped he would explain why he had to create the scandal. But he coldly said, “Don’t you have Hahyun?”
His indifferent expression kept bothering me, making it difficult to send him a message.
If it weren’t for the suspicious call today, I could have ignored him out of hatred for yesterday’s Hajin. But facing this anxious situation, I desperately felt the need to contact him.
Because for me now, Hajin was the only person I could rely on.
