Chapter 59
“Ugh.”
Seo Hajin sending kiss emojis… It really didn’t suit him. Thinking this, I sent a reply.
[Me: You already know everything anyway.]
[Seo Hajin: It makes your heart flutter when you get things like this, right?]
Somehow, my heart did feel ticklish.
“I guess I like this stuff.”
No, that can’t be right. I nearly threw up at those kiss emojis just now…
Only then did I admit to myself that I’d been feeling empty since the moment Hahyun stopped crying in front of me. That must be why I felt this flutter at Hajin’s cheesy message.
[Me: Haha, I understand.]
[Seo Hajin: Good boy.]
Since taking food pictures wasn’t hard, that evening I snapped a photo of my dinner and sent it to Hajin before eating. Twenty minutes later, he called.
“Why don’t you text after you finish eating?”
“Why do we need to go that far? To make our hearts flutter?”
A low laugh came from the other end. My response must’ve caught him off guard.
“When are you coming home?”
“Why? Do you miss me?”
“…”
“Or are you turned on?”
“I’m hanging up.”
“How cold. I won’t be too late.”
“Okay.”
Despite saying he wouldn’t be late, neither Hajin nor Hahyun had returned home by 1 AM. Hajin occasionally checked the cameras and exchanged messages like before, so that was fine, but there was no contact from Hahyun.
“Should I text him?”
The thought crossed my mind, but remembering Hahyun’s cold responses over the past few days, I couldn’t work up the courage.
“Forget it. It would just complicate things anyway.”
***
“Ahhh!”
I woke with a start at a cold sensation on my cheek, then jolted when I saw Hahyun’s face right in front of mine.
“Y-you, what are you doing?”
“What do you mean? It’s Hahyun. Hic! Don’t you, hic, recognize me?”
Maybe because I was half-asleep, but Hahyun seemed off. His entire face was flushed red, and he kept hiccupping.
When Hahyun grinned and leaned closer, the strong smell of alcohol hit me, and I realized—this guy was drunk. That’s why he’d barged in even though Hajin was sleeping next to me.
I tried my best to get Hahyun out without waking Hajin.
“Whyyy… Why do you keep pushing me? I want to sleep too.”
“Shh, Hahyun? Come on, I’ll put you to bed. Let’s go outside.”
“Really? Great. I like Juwon-hyung, and I like me too, hic. Everything’s good. Everything… good…”
Even though Hahyun said it was great, he seemed to have no intention of leaving and tried to lie down on the floor. I quickly propped up his back to stop him. He was already a big guy, but with alcohol in his system, his body felt like a complete boulder.
“Our Hahyun is being so good? Let’s go outside now.”
Please get up!
I was going crazy worrying about Hajin. Even though Hajin seemed lenient with Hahyun, he’d be furious if Hahyun broke their promise regarding me, so I had to get him out of here somehow.
“Don’t treat me like a kid. Fuck. How long are you gonna think I’m a child?”
“Yes, yes, I know. I know, so let’s go.”
Realizing I couldn’t drag Hahyun out, I thought at minimum I shouldn’t be in this room, so I left first. Hahyun, who’d been so stubborn about not leaving, followed me out like a magnet the second I stepped out.
I somehow dragged the childish adult bear to his room and practically threw him onto the bed. I was out of breath. Thinking he might be uncomfortable, I took off his socks and started to unbutton his shirt when Hahyun suddenly opened his eyes wide.
“Hyung, are you undressing me right now?”
“No, I’m just helping you breathe easier.”
“Ahh, hic… You’re trying to have your way with me… I should stay still.”
Figuring there was no point talking to a drunk person, I just kept sighing deeply. Hahyun looked at me and grinned. Then suddenly, he started crying.
Usually his crying just irritated me, but today—maybe because it’d been a while since I’d seen him cry—I couldn’t take my eyes off him.
After crying for a bit, Hahyun blinked at me.
“Why aren’t you comforting me?”
Then he grabbed my wrist and placed it on his chest.
“You’re supposed to pat me like this. Why…”
Hahyun started sobbing again. Looking at him, I wondered if the person in front of me was the same one who’d been giving one-word answers earlier today.
“Are you not going to talk to me anymore?”
“Hahyun, let’s sleep first and talk tomorrow. Hyung is tired.”
“Hyung shouldn’t be tired. But you know what? I’ve been thinking. Since I don’t really understand what true trust is… I wondered if you’d come to hate me.”
I deliberately squeezed my eyes shut and pretended to sleep. It was obvious that if I responded once, the conversation would drag on forever.
“So I looked it up. What true trust is—I looked it up in books. And it said it’s accepting and acknowledging the other person as they are. Even if they do things that don’t meet my expectations…”
Inwardly, I thanked whoever wrote that book.
“So I thought about it again. Can I really do that for you?”
So what was the conclusion?
“Wow… No matter how much I thought about it, it was fucking terrible. Shit. Trust someone when they’re acting against my expectations? Does that make sense? If you broke up with me and said you never wanted to see me again, to just accept that… That’s something I absolutely can’t do. So intentionally…”
Hahyun, who’d been rambling nonstop, soon fell asleep, breathing evenly.
Wait, so what was the conclusion?
I felt like I was losing my mind with curiosity, like I’d watched a drama that cut off at the climax. But I couldn’t wake up a drunk person just to ask.
Ugh… How frustrating. Should I wake him or not? After going back and forth several times, I gave up and got to my feet. But the guy who could sense when I left his side even when he was sick showed no reaction—he was out cold. I returned to my room with a strange sense of disappointment.
In the room, Hajin was staring at me while leaning against the bed. God, that scared me. He’s not a ghost… Feeling guilty for no reason, I spoke first.
“You’re awake? Because of me?”
“Where did you go?”
“To the bathroom.”
“I thought I’d have to send someone after you again.”
“Why would you need to do that? I’d get caught by the police the second I left the house anyway.”
Hajin smiled gently and said, “Come here.” I was going to anyway, and I didn’t understand why he had to say such a cheesy line, but I obediently went and snuggled up with him.
Hajin fell asleep quickly too. He must’ve been exhausted after coming home so late tonight. But I couldn’t sleep because I was curious about what Hahyun was going to say at the end.
In the end, I spent the entire night awake in Hajin’s arms, thinking about Hahyun.
***
“Huff… Haah…”
“Why are you already panting when you haven’t done anything?”
“Gasp! Hajin wouldn’t do this, but…”
Hajin pressed the stop button.
“It’s because you don’t exercise. Everyone does at least this much.”
“Is it over?”
Surely it must be over.
I asked with that hope, but Hajin just smiled. Then he checked his watch and his smile vanished abruptly.
Yes, there’s not much time left before he has to leave for work, so we must be done.
Just as I started to relax, a shocking statement came out of his mouth.
“Now that the warm-up’s over, it’s time to lift some weights.”
“…?”
I wondered if he was in his right mind. Just gradually increasing the walking time by 10 minutes and slightly raising the speed was already killing me, and now he wanted me to lift weights too?
Feeling my life was in danger, I pleaded,
“My wrists might break.”
“Stop being dramatic. You think that’ll work on me?”
“No, seriously, this isn’t a joke. I think something’s wrong with my spine.”
“You seem fond of spinal problems. I can’t give in today either, so do it properly.”
Who was the idiot who said a healthy mind dwells in a healthy body? While exercise was making my body healthier, my mental state was becoming more desolate, and my personality was slowly deteriorating too.
But I stood in front of the bench press, led by Hajin’s hand. Just as I was debating whether I really had to lift this thing, Hajin’s phone rang.
I internally cheered. Hajin sighed and answered.
“Yes, this is Seo Hajin.”
I could see his expression gradually twist. Something must’ve happened at the company.
“Weren’t the models for next spring’s collection already selected?”
Please go to work early…
“So why suddenly…”
After that, Hajin just listened to the other person, then hung up while cursing.
“Haah…”
“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
“I don’t have time to explain, but I’ll tell Hahyun, so exercise with him.”
Hahyun was someone I could handle at my level. Feeling happy, I tried to suppress the smile that kept breaking through as I saw Hajin off. In response to my “Have a good day,” Hajin gave me instructions to contact him every two hours before leaving the house.
