Chapter 55
I finally gave in. I figured it would be better to just go ask if something was wrong rather than sitting here worrying about it. So I marched straight into Hajin’s room.
“Hajin.”
He was sitting at his desk, completely absorbed in something on his screen. He was so focused he didn’t even turn around when I called his name. I walked closer and looked over his shoulder—he was watching a video of Chairman Seo’s final moments.
Why would he be watching that? Don’t tell me he’s getting some kind of sick satisfaction from it?
The thought sent a chill down my spine. Right then, Hajin closed his laptop and stood up, nearly giving me a heart attack.
“Jesus, you scared me.”
I opened my mouth to ask what was going on, but before I could get the words out, Hajin grabbed me, pulled me into his arms, and backed me into a corner. My whole body slammed against the wall.
“…!”
He pinned me there and started kissing me. My mind went completely blank as he pressed and sucked on my lips. When I tried to push him away, he just caught me again. He was so rough I thought my lips might split against my teeth.
“Haa…”
When our lips finally parted and I looked up at him, he whispered in a husky voice.
“I’ve been thinking about this all day. I avoided you because I knew if I saw you, I’d jump you. So why’d you walk in here on your own?”
And here I was, completely clueless, thinking something terrible had happened…
I felt like an idiot. Hajin let out a dry laugh and sighed.
“But since you’re here now…”
He kissed me again, his hand gripping the back of my head. Every gasping breath I took, he swallowed. Our legs tangled together. No matter how hard I tried to think straight, I only felt more lightheaded.
His hands grew more desperate. When I realized we might actually go all the way right here, I panicked too.
“S-stop!”
I broke free and glared at him. He made an annoyed face.
“It’s not even your day… This is cheating. If you’re going to pull this shit, why did we even make rules?”
“Then you shouldn’t have come. Or you should’ve stayed quiet when I was holding back in my room. If you came all the way here, isn’t it because you wanted this?”
I scoffed and shot back boldly.
“I see. So if I don’t come here looking to fuck, I shouldn’t talk to you or come see you at all? Wow… Acting like the most innocent guy in the world, but in the end, you only wanted me for this? Ha… I should’ve known. And I…”
I trailed off and turned away. Hajin cursed under his breath and grabbed my wrist.
“You know that’s not true, so why are you acting like this? Today’s a special situation.”
“Special how? I came here because I had something to ask. I didn’t expect you to attack me. Anyway, since I didn’t come here for this, I’m leaving.”
I spoke more harshly on purpose, knowing full well he’d grab me again. Sure enough, Hajin tightened his grip on my wrist and wouldn’t let go.
“Let me go.”
“Juwon…”
“I said let go.”
Ignoring my protest, he pulled me close and buried his face in my neck. His breath against my skin felt scorching hot. He sucked hard on my neck—it hurt.
“Ah! Stop… That hurts.”
“Liar. You’re enjoying it.”
To prove his point, he slipped his hand under my shirt. He bit my lip deeply while caressing my oversensitive skin.
“We can’t go any further. My body hasn’t fully recovered yet…”
“Who said we’re going all the way? Just let me stay like this for a bit. Just until Hahyun gets here.”
He looked at me with desperate eyes.
Was it because I rejected him earlier? Seeing him cling to me like this gave me a strange sense of satisfaction. It’s not fair to act this way when I’m not going to give him my heart…
Then I remembered what I’d felt toward Hahyun earlier today. The realization that I liked Hahyun more than I thought—what I was feeling toward Hajin right now was clearly the same thing.
When did I start feeling this way about him?
At first, I stuck close to Hajin because I was scared of Hahyun’s recklessness. Later, knowing I was a wanted fugitive, I didn’t want to be separated from him out of fear that something might happen if I was alone.
Come to think of it, I’d been following Hajin around like a puppy with separation anxiety. Maybe my feelings grew stronger from all that waiting.
“You’re getting weirder by the day.”
That’s what I wanted to say.
“Our situation is completely fucked up right now…”
He wasn’t wrong. I was a wanted fugitive, Hajin’s position as CEO was unstable, and Hahyun occasionally seemed genuinely insane.
“The problem is that I—the one who should be handling this more rationally than anyone—just want to throw it all away and stay like this with you.”
“Then what can we do? You’re the only one I’m counting on, Hajin.”
I felt him hesitate. In that brief moment when his body pulled back slightly, I rushed to continue.
“I’m trusting that you’ll find a way to save me somehow. I can’t live as a fugitive forever. And I can’t wear special makeup every time I step outside.”
His eyes wavered. Without him saying a word, I could read that look. He wanted to ask if we could just stay like this. Because no matter what we tried, the fact that Yoon Juwon killed Chairman Seo couldn’t be erased.
“I know it’s hard. But it’s you.”
I meant it, at least partly. Despite such a horrible childhood, he’d stayed strong, fulfilled his responsibilities, and even taken care of Hahyun.
After a pause, Hajin asked.
“You trust me?”
“Yes. I trust you.”
“Even though I locked you up?”
“It wasn’t locking me up—it was protecting me. Because there was evidence that couldn’t be explained away. Honestly, I’m going insane with guilt too. Not because of you or Hahyun, but because I’m living with regret over something I don’t even remember doing.”
“…”
I don’t know how we ended up having this conversation, but as we started seriously discussing our situation, the heat between us gradually cooled. Hajin seemed to feel the same way—he stepped back from me.
He sat down on the bed and gestured toward the desk chair, telling me to sit. I walked over and sat without a word.
“Let’s handle the urgent stuff first and think things through slowly. Our Juwon likes successful men, so I’ll get my shit together.”
Seeing his dejected expression made my chest ache. Hajin enduring Chairman Seo’s abuse and trying so hard to do well—it was all ultimately because he wanted Yoon Juwon’s approval.
I’m not usually someone whose emotions swing around like this… but when it came to these brothers, my feelings jumped up and down several times in a single hour.
Without thinking, I placed my hand on top of his. He smiled bitterly and covered my hand with his other one.
“Even if you fail, the effort is enough.”
Hajin flinched and looked at me in surprise.
“Don’t feel too pressured. Take it slow. Let me know if there’s anything I can help with. You don’t have to carry everything yourself.”
I meant it sincerely, but his momentarily serious expression gradually filled with mischief.
“Are you trying to seduce me right now?”
“What are you talking about?”
“God… Is this torture or what? When I make up my mind to back off, you act sweet. When I come closer, you push me away… A hot-and-cold ice prince… What is this if not seduction?”
“What the hell are you even saying!”
Next thing I knew, I was pinned down on the bed again. He tormented me until my lips were swollen and felt like they’d burst.
“Hnng… Hajin, seriously, stop…”
“No. Wrong answer.”
He pressed closer.
“W-what answer do you want?”
“Want a hint?”
“Yes.”
But instead of giving me the hint I asked for, he took my hand and pressed it against his stomach. When I glared at him, he finally spoke.
“Say you seduced me because you get turned on whenever you see me. Say it’s all your fault because you’re horny.”
“Y-you’re fucking insane!”
Was he out of his mind? No, I knew he was crazy, but how could he ask someone to say something like that while stone-cold sober?
I’d rather die than say that.
“You don’t want to? Can’t help it then.”
Hajin pinned my arms above my head and grinned. His smile was so wicked that my resolve from a minute ago completely crumbled.
“I get turned on whenever I see you, Hajin. Yes, I seduced you. It’s all because I’m horny. I’m so fucking turned on right now.”
I rattled off the words like rapid fire. Hajin released my arms and threw his head back, laughing.
“You’re just too damn cute.”
Taking advantage of the moment, I scrambled away from him. As I slipped out of the room, I muttered.
“Fuck. He’s even crazier than Seo Hahyun.”
Though I was the craziest one for having even a moment of positive feelings toward these lunatics.
***
“God…”
Even after returning to my room, I couldn’t shake off the psychological damage.
“I can’t believe those words came out of my mouth.”
I could somehow rationalize the physical stuff because of our agreement, but this—even I couldn’t understand this.
The more I thought about it, the more frustrated and angry I got about telling Hajin I was horny. But what was that weird feeling I got when he looked down at me with that happy expression, like he was delighted by what I’d said?
I really must be losing it. Am I actually getting off on perverted stuff now?
Could it be that I was gay all along? That I lived my whole life without knowing and suddenly discovered it…?
“Ah, forget it! It’s not like overthinking will help me escape from these guys. As long as I’m not disgusted, that’s good enough!”
My habit of burying myself in books or movies whenever complicated problems came up hadn’t changed.
I completely ignored the changes in my body and mind, and soon lost myself in a book.
