Chapter 50
I could feel the raw desire in his unbearably deep voice. As if under a spell, I inhaled and exhaled just as he told me to.
“Please… go slowly. Please.”
At my frightened plea, he gently stroked my lower abdomen. I squirmed at the tingling sensation.
“Slowly. I’ll go all the way in.”
“I—I can’t. It’s impossible.”
“You can.”
The muscles in his jaw clenched tight, probably from meeting resistance at the firmly closed entrance. My entire body felt frozen, unable to move. He brushed his lips against my shoulder and whispered.
“Breathe out. Relax and breathe.”
“N-no. I really can’t take any more…”
Before I could finish, I urgently gulped down air and bit down hard as the foreign intrusion pushed deeper.
“Ahh!”
He stopped moving and kissed me soothingly.
“It’s okay.”
The tension gradually eased at his concerned voice. Then I began to feel his every movement with terrifying clarity.
“Aah!”
I thought I might actually die like this. Just as I pushed against his shoulder with my feet braced against the sheets, flames suddenly erupted before my eyes.
“Haah!”
My thoughts couldn’t go any further. Where reason had fled, only sensation remained. My vision went dark, then bright, then dark again. When I came back to myself, I was clinging to Hajin and crying.
“Haah…”
It hurt so much, yet somehow it felt good through the pain. I stroked his back and kissed him, feeling his weight pressing down on me. Before I knew it, I’d forgotten he was the same gender as me and was simply accepting him.
After licking away all the tears streaming from my eyes, he whispered in a low voice.
“God, even better than I thought…”
Hajin moved even faster. The wet sounds disoriented me. Though tears burst from my eyes, Hajin showed no mercy.
The unfamiliar place burned hot. Through my blurred vision, I could see Hajin’s smiling face. At the same time, my hips jerked upward. I went rigid, gasping roughly for air.
“It’s okay, just relax. I need to move.”
His reassurance wasn’t comforting at all. My body only tensed more. But he paid no mind and drove me right to the edge.
I gripped the sheets and tried to endure the rising pleasure.
“Aah!”
But I couldn’t hold back and screamed at Hajin’s movements. I wanted to escape this sensation that was either pleasure or fear, but I couldn’t get away, trapped between Hajin and the mattress. My body tensed involuntarily.
“Mm… do that again. Just like that.”
I had no idea what I’d done, so there was no way I could repeat it. I simply twisted my hips as if trying to hold onto him.
He grimaced and panted.
“Haah…”
When I felt like I was going to lose my mind completely, he buried himself deep inside me.
“…!”
My throat felt completely blocked—I couldn’t make a sound. My entire body trembled. He stopped moving and breathed roughly. Instinctively, I could tell he was holding back.
“Fuck…”
Hajin cursed under his breath and roughly stimulated me. Each time, short screams escaped my lips.
“Did your body change too? Even though you lost your memory…”
He muttered incomprehensible words and moved shallowly, sending sensation racing toward one spot.
“F-faster…”
I begged without even knowing what I was asking for. He seemed to lift his upper body and then stimulated a completely different place. I gasped “Huk!” and scratched at his back.
“Aah!”
After that, he seemed even more excited and went wild. My body rocked chaotically, and I clung to him just to endure it. Then he suddenly stopped moving.
The sensation that had seemed endless continued without limit. Only after a long while did the feeling of floating in midair finally end, and all the strength left my body. When I finally emerged from that haze, a heavily scratched voice penetrated my ears.
“Don’t hide your face. Let me see you.”
Hajin forcibly pulled away the hands I’d been using to cover my face. His reddish whites and blue irises seemed to pierce right through me.
“Anyone watching would think I’m forcing you, Juwon.”
He smiled pleasantly and gently brushed his fingers over my eyes. Then he pressed his lips to various spots on my face before pulling away. I wanted to tell him to get off, but my voice wouldn’t come out. I squirmed beneath him, trying to push him off.
“That’s not going to separate us. How cute…”
Hajin laughed and withdrew from me.
“Did it feel good?”
I understand wanting to know your partner’s reaction—I’m a man too. But to ask that question to someone with amnesia, for whom this relationship is completely new… I glared at him while my shoulders trembled.
“No. It didn’t feel good. It just hurt.”
When I answered honestly, he started to smirk.
“Liar. You were so into it.”
My breathing and mind were gradually returning to normal. Which is exactly why I couldn’t admit what he was saying.
“Into it? You’re imagining things.”
“Sure, sure. Got it. We’ll go with that.”
Hajin patted my bottom like he was comforting a child.
“I’m sorry. It’s been so long I couldn’t hold back.”
Then he pulled me in and held me. His heart was beating so fast I could feel it thumping against my cheek.
I took a deep breath in and out. Anyway, it was over, so it was fine. This was about survival. I shouldn’t take it too seriously.
Just as I was trying to relax, the hand patting my back gradually moved lower.
And so it started all over again from the beginning. In the end, I couldn’t escape Hajin’s hands for even a moment until dawn broke.
When would the sun finally rise… Just how far did this man’s stamina go? The night felt so long I could barely breathe.
***
Morning was quiet. Hajin, who usually woke up first and came to get me, was leaning against the bed, looking at me with a languid expression. The moment I realized he was beside me, I jumped in surprise and averted my gaze.
“Why are you so startled?”
“What time is it?”
“A little past nine.”
“Aren’t you going to work?”
I meant for him to leave already, but Hajin didn’t respond and just lay back down. Now that I was awake, my body ached like it might fall apart.
This was the first time in my life I’d exerted myself so much through the night. My lower body still felt sore, and my legs had no strength. Only then did I understand why Hajin was still in bed so late today.
Weakling… Acting all tough, but I guess he’s tired too.
“Looks like you’re taking a sick day.”
Hajin chuckled and answered.
“I’m the CEO. Who would I even submit sick leave to?”
“True. Good point.”
Pretending to be fine when you’re actually exhausted…
After laughing under the covers pulled up over my head for a while, I needed to use the bathroom. I tried to get up without thinking but sat back down from the pain in my lower back. Hajin said, as if he’d been waiting for exactly this, while wrapping his arm around my waist.
“Obviously you can’t stand, so you need someone here. What do you need? Water? Bathroom?”
“…”
Hajin got up from the bed smoothly. Looking at his complexion, it seemed even better than yesterday. Same gender, yet one person is completely fine while I can’t even stand up… The world was so unfair.
“What? You don’t need anything?”
I wanted to use the bathroom, but I planned to lie down a little longer and go by myself. My pride was already hurt—I didn’t want to ask him to take me to the bathroom.
“I’m fine.”
“Well, that works for me.”
Hajin grinned and burrowed back under the blanket. Sensing something off, I looked under the covers and realized I was still naked.
“Mm…”
Hajin wrapped his arms around me again. The feeling of his shirt against my bare back gave me goosebumps.
If we do it now, I really might die.
I endured the pain that felt like my back would break and abruptly stood up.
“I-I’m fine. Totally fine. I just need to use the bathroom…”
Hajin grabbed my wrist and pulled me back down. To have my body, which I’d struggled so hard to raise, collapse so easily… I trembled with indignation.
“Juwon, just for a moment…”
His low voice penetrated my ear.
“Just for a moment…”
With his movements, even my breathing stopped. After everything, was he trying to control even my breathing now?
“What is it? I told you I need to use the bathroom.”
“I have to leave soon. I won’t do anything, so let’s just stay like this for a bit.”
I hadn’t noticed earlier when I was half-asleep, but looking now, he was fully dressed. The thought that he’d been watching me sleep while completely ready for work made me feel strange. And as soon as that emotion surfaced, last night’s events came flooding back, making my face flush hot.
Not knowing how to face him, I turned my head and said.
“Why are you doing this when you’re already dressed for work?”
“You were sleeping so peacefully, I couldn’t bear to wake you.”
“Aren’t you going to be late?”
“If I could, I’d stay by your side all day…”
“No, you really don’t need to…”
“I have something important today. I’m sorry.”
Despite my assurance that it was fine, Hajin kept kissing my forehead over and over with an extremely apologetic expression. Just then, the door opened and Hahyun walked in.
