Chapter 36
“With all this, you won’t be bored even if you can’t go outside for a while, right?”
My heart had been pounding the entire time I’d been looking at this hidden world beneath the house. Am I going to die of a heart attack at this rate?
“Do you like it? I can get you anything you want. Enjoy it however you’d like.”
I’m possessed in a tragic novel character, and I’m a murder suspect on top of that—am I really allowed to be this happy?
Whenever a screenplay wasn’t coming together or my carefully written script got rejected, I used to say this like a mantra: How nice would it be to just watch other people’s movies and occasionally write whatever I wanted? But reality wasn’t forgiving enough to allow that, so the life I wanted always remained just a fantasy that ended as a dream.
But now, the fantasy I’d dreamed of was unfolding before my eyes as reality. Like I was in a trance, I walked back into the movie theater and sat down. It was spacious enough for about five people to lie down comfortably. Hahyun giggled and said:
“Now, let’s start our first movie.”
When Hahyun pressed the remote, the lights went out and the opening credits appeared on the massive screen. Complete with popcorn and cola. It was a perfect moment that couldn’t get any better.
***
Whoosh— hot water poured down over his head. Hahyun had been standing under it for a while, and strangely, he felt like crying again. He rubbed his face as if washing it.
“It’s definitely weird. He doesn’t seem like Yoon Juwon.”
But when he asked himself if he disliked it, that wasn’t the case at all. If anything, the problem was that he was liking it more and more. For Hahyun, Juwon had always been someone who was right beside him but could never be caught. It felt good to have him there as a living, breathing person, but at the same time, it was unsettling. If Juwon had been acting out or hurting his feelings like before, his heart would have ached, but he wouldn’t have felt this anxious.
“What’s he plotting? Is he planning to make me deliriously happy and then run off with Hajin hyung?”
His thoughts kept drifting in that direction.
He was happy because he liked this current version of Juwon—the one who wiped away his tears and patted his back when he cried—but because he liked him so much, he was terrified of when things might change. Should they just hold hands and die together instead?
The dark thoughts that had always lurked dormant in Hahyun’s mind began to creep up.
Even when Juwon had been making things difficult, Hahyun had said he wanted to die together because the pain was unbearable. Whenever that happened, Hajin always told him the same thing: to find another way, that they’d escaped from hell, so there was no way they couldn’t find another solution…
Recalling Hajin’s words, Hahyun muttered to himself:
“He did say he feels attracted to me. He said he doesn’t love hyung more than me.”
Hahyun, who’d been standing under the water until his entire body turned bright red, suddenly remembered it was his turn tonight and quickly stepped out of the shower.
After roughly towel-drying his hair, he walked into the room where Juwon was busily typing away on a laptop. It was surprising to see someone who’d hated writing so much—he’d even made his manager write his profile because he found it too annoying—actually writing something. He was so focused he didn’t even notice Hahyun approaching.
Shin Woohyung – No one was at the mountain lodge? That can’t be… I definitely saw…
The name “Shin Woohyung” written right in front of the blinking cursor made Hahyun’s heart—which he’d just managed to calm down—start racing again.
“Hyung!”
“Huh? Hahyun-ssi, when did you come in?”
He clenched his fists, trying not to cry, but seeing Juwon looking at him with such a bright expression right after writing another man’s name made his shoulders tremble.
“How could you do this right before sleeping with me? You really don’t give me peace of mind for even a single moment.”
“What? What did I do? Hahyun-ssi, we just had a misunderstanding earlier that caused problems. This might be a misunderstanding too, so tell me step by step what made you upset.”
Hahyun blinked at the calm voice. Somehow, Juwon seemed to be becoming more like Hajin. Thinking about that made him angry all over again. It was strange. Juwon was clearly being good to him, and even when Hahyun got angry, Juwon tried to comfort him—so why did he get angry so often? Is this what happens when you love someone?
Juwon closed the laptop, got up from his seat, and pulled Hahyun’s arm. As if hypnotized, Hahyun moved closer and hugged him. Patting his back gently, Juwon whispered:
“It’s okay, tell me. Whatever you say, I’ll answer honestly.”
“…”
“You don’t want to tell me?”
“Promise you won’t hate me if I tell you.”
Juwon nodded.
“I will never hate you. I’ve told you several times already. I feel attracted to you.”
Juwon’s face looked so affectionate as he said this that Hahyun ended up speaking honestly:
“Who is Shin Woohyung? Who is this bastard that you’d write his name on your laptop? You’ve never written my name even once, but why are you writing that person’s name?”
Juwon seemed taken aback and couldn’t respond right away. Hahyun resented him for saying he wouldn’t hate him when he clearly couldn’t hide how he really felt.
“See? I knew if I told you, you’d think I was weird…”
“No, I’m not quiet because I think you’re weird—I’m just a bit surprised.”
“About what? That I’m jealous over something so trivial?”
Juwon shook his head.
“Then what?”
Juwon smiled brightly.
“I just got a really good idea.”
It was frustrating that Juwon kept saying things Hahyun didn’t understand, but for now, he was just relieved that Juwon didn’t think he was strange, so he didn’t press further.
“Hahyun-ssi can read my writing for me.”
“…?”
“You know I like movies, right? Since I have so much time now, I’ve been trying to write a screenplay. But I was feeling discouraged because I thought no one would read it—but you can read it for me. Then I’ll be happy, and you’ll be happy too.”
“A screenplay? Then that man’s name is a character in the movie?”
“Yes.”
Even if it was just a fictional character in a movie, it still bothered him that Juwon was thinking about another man and writing his name. But Hahyun held back, worried that Juwon would dislike him if he showed his feelings.
“I was worried. I thought you might be thinking about another man instead of me. I’m really relieved.”
Instead, Hahyun used his anxiety as an excuse to hug Juwon tightly. Juwon didn’t push him away—he hugged him back.
“God, I’m really, really relieved.”
Hahyun walked toward the bed while still hugging Juwon.
If I just fall down like this, it should work, right?
Every time Juwon squirmed, instead of pushing him down forcefully, Hahyun sniffled. Like magic, the resistance stopped. And just like that, they became one tangled unit and collapsed onto the bed.
“I’ll read it for you. I didn’t know you liked movies that much. I almost got jealous.”
“Haha, did you?”
“Still, when we’re together, I want you to look only at me. You’ll start getting busy soon, so when we’re together, just look at me.”
“I-I will.”
Maybe because he’d been in hot water for so long, as soon as he hugged Juwon, his body heated up. He couldn’t afford to make a mistake right now, but he also hated the thought of letting go more than death itself.
“Um, hyung…”
“Yes?”
“I have a favor to ask.”
Juwon’s body in his arms flinched.
“W-what is it?”
“Can I kiss you? You already kissed me first, so that much should be okay, right?”
“Well, that’s true. But can you really stop at just kissing?”
Hahyun nodded vigorously, secretly surprised. He hadn’t expected Juwon to give permission so easily.
‘I’m glad I stayed alive. If I’d died when I wanted to, I would never have known this feeling.’
Even before their lips met, he already felt amazing.
“You’re asking if I can stop at just a kiss.”
“You’re so cold, hyung.”
“I didn’t say I wouldn’t do it—I said I would, so how am I cold?”
“I promised not to force anything, so you don’t need to say things like that—I’ll know what to do myself. It hurts my feelings…”
Hahyun immediately regretted speaking without thinking. He knew he shouldn’t be greedy.
Yoon Juwon probably wasn’t acting this way because he had real feelings—he was just trying to get along somehow. But the more Juwon gave in, the more Hahyun’s feelings grew out of control. Even though he needed to restrain himself for fear of being hated forever if he followed his desires, it wasn’t easy. Hahyun lowered his head for a moment to calm his racing heart.
“If you cry again, there won’t be any kissing or anything else.”
It was an uncharacteristically firm voice coming from Juwon. When Hahyun reflexively lifted his head, a tear rolled down his cheek.
“Hahyun-ssi, look at me.”
Juwon gently cupped Hahyun’s cheeks and lifted his face. When their eyes met, the corners of Juwon’s eyes drooped slightly. Hahyun couldn’t understand Juwon’s behavior—saying he wouldn’t do anything if Hahyun cried, yet still being so affectionate.
“I didn’t say anything harsh, so why do you keep crying? It makes me sad.”
“…What? It makes you sad? You’re sad when I cry? Really? Why?”
“Just like laughter is contagious, sadness is too.”
Though he didn’t quite understand what that meant, Hahyun gazed at Juwon as if entranced, loving the sound of his voice.
How can a person smile like that? How can someone speak so tenderly?
“It’s human nature to feel curious and concerned when even a stranger cries, so of course I feel sad when I see Hahyun-ssi, someone I like, crying. Do I really need to explain something like this?”
Of course, this was something he would never have known without the explanation. Despite having cried countless times in front of Yoon Juwon before, he’d never said anything like this. Hahyun could only blink in surprise and confusion. The tears that had pooled in his eyes fell one by one.
Juwon gradually moved closer and kissed him on the cheek. The spot where his lips touched burned as if it had been scalded. A thrill that he’d never felt before—even when doing far more intense things with Juwon—spread throughout his entire body.
