Chapter 15
The hot breath he let out all at once made my knees buckle. Hajin caught my collapsing body firmly and pulled me against the wall. When our bodies pressed completely together, a cool hand caressed the nape of my neck and tangled in my hair. With nowhere left to escape, my body tilted forward, ending up cradled in his arms. With each movement, our lips deepened their connection, and I went still, having lost all will to resist.
Sensation overpowers reason. No matter how much I denied it, my body was gradually heating up.
“S-stop. Listen… Hajin-ssi, rejecting my feelings and wanting to take physical intimacy slowly are two different things.”
Hajin pulled his lips from mine and raised his eyebrows with a confused expression.
“How are they different?”
“Well, you see. I’m—I’m scared.”
“Scared?”
Why did I blurt that out? Scared of what? Why? Fear of being discovered as heterosexual? Or because my heterosexual identity was wavering? Or…
In that moment, my mind cleared like a dark sky suddenly brightening. I quickly voiced my thoughts.
“I don’t know why I’m like this… Was I afraid of physical intimacy before I lost my memory? Or do I have bad memories or trauma related to it? My body gets so stiff, you know?”
“…”
No words escaped his tightly closed lips. Hajin’s hand covered his face in anguish, blue veins standing out on the back of his hand. Seeing his excessive distress, it seemed my guess was right—something must have happened to Yoon Juwon regarding physical intimacy.
Afraid Hajin might suddenly change his attitude, I stayed completely still, not even daring to breathe. After suffering for what felt like ages with his face buried in his hands, Hajin slowly moved away from me and collapsed onto the sofa. Leaning back against the cushions and stretching his legs forward, he looked utterly exhausted.
Now, could I finally breathe? Hopefully he wouldn’t try anything again… That would be a relief, but…
I stood there in a daze with an uneasy feeling, staring at Hajin. I should clearly be relieved to have escaped the crisis of physical intimacy, but his slumped figure kept bothering me. Yet I didn’t have the courage to approach him first. While I was wondering what to do, I suddenly heard the sound of someone pressing the keypad at the door.
“…”
“…”
Hajin and I both turned toward the entrance in surprise, and there stood Hahyun, seething with anger.
“I knew this would happen.”
“Ah, no…”
“What about school?”
I was flustered, while Hajin calmly asked a question any older brother might ask. However, the thoroughly agitated Hahyun didn’t seem to hear either of us.
“Is school the issue right now? Fuck. Seo Hajin, Yoon Juwon…”
He was so angry that he even dropped the honorific he always used with Hajin, whom he usually called “hyung.” My shoulders trembled with fear. His expression now was much scarier than on the first day when he’d tried to confine me.
Without thinking, I hid behind Hajin. Even knowing such an action would further provoke the jealousy-blinded Hahyun…
Upon seeing me, Hahyun naturally exploded with even greater fury.
“Yoon Juwon, hyung. Are you really trying to make me lose my mind? Huh? Whose side are you taking right now? You want to do this while I’m watching?”
“Ah…”
I froze right where I stood. Why had I dug my own grave in front of Hahyun? Just moments ago, I was trying to get away from Hajin… People can be so hypocritical.
“Why are you so angry?”
While I was hesitating, Hajin brazenly asked Hahyun. Honestly, even I thought Hajin’s question was tone-deaf. It’s not like he didn’t know Hahyun’s personality, and how could Hahyun possibly stay calm when the two of us were doing things like that behind his back?
No… Wait a minute… The moment Hahyun entered, we were just standing together, not embracing or kissing. Then shouldn’t we be able to act confidently?
Hahyun confronted Hajin in disbelief.
“What? Why am I so angry? Put yourself in my position and think about it. What if you had to go out because of work, and when you returned, Juwon and I were embracing and kissing? How would you feel?”
“I’d feel like shit.”
“Yeah, fuck. That’s exactly how I feel right now! Do I really need to explain this to you?”
As Hahyun raged, Hajin smirked and added:
“Did you see? I thought you went to school. When did you see this?”
“Crazy… What do you take me for? Do you think I’m stupid enough to go to school leaving Yoon Juwon alone with you? Of course I knew this would happen, so I was hiding and watching.”
I gasped. If he was hiding and watching, it meant he’d seen everything that happened before. If he’d only seen the first part, he would have seen me resisting, which would be fine, but if he’d only seen the latter part, he would have seen me losing my mind during the kiss… which would be a serious problem.
“You two were really going at it, huh? Hey, Yoon Juwon?”
Despite the sudden informal speech, I had no choice but to respond politely.
“Yes.”
“Do you want to be tied up again?”
“What?”
Why is this happening?
If I’d tried to escape and been caught, I could understand if the crazy Seo Hahyun spoke to me like that, but it was absurd for him to say such things when I had no intention of escaping. Though I was scared, I felt I needed to speak up when something was wrong, so I squeezed out what little courage I had.
“Um, why? Why would I be tied up? I didn’t even try to escape.”
At my words, Hahyun, who was still standing at the entrance without even taking off his sneakers, walked into the house with his shoes still on. With his gaze fixed only on me, he approached step by step, just like a ghost. I immediately regretted mustering my courage.
“Why, why are you doing this? Um, Hahyun-ssi? C-calm down.”
Hahyun approached me with a murderous look and gripped both my wrists so tightly it felt like he’d break them. Then, lowering his eyes, he suddenly started sobbing loudly.
“…?”
Confused, I stood still in front of the sobbing Hahyun, not knowing whether to comfort him by saying it’s okay, don’t cry, or to apologize. I’d never seen a grown man cry in front of me before, and being surrounded only by women my whole life, I had no idea how to console a crying man.
What should I do? Should I comfort him like I would a woman? I awkwardly put my arm around his shoulder and patted him.
From the other side, Hajin glared at me, but I winked at him and pursed my lips. It meant, “Why be so uptight with someone you’ve kissed?” It seemed to work, as Hajin let it go without saying anything.
Meanwhile, Hahyun continued crying and speaking.
“I want to tie you up again. When hyung was tied up, I had no worries because we both rejected him. But now that hyung has said he likes both of us, I can’t leave with peace of mind. Out of concern, I pretended to go to school but stayed outside watching… How could you do something like that in the living room without even closing the curtains? Really… it’s too much.”
Hahyun kept talking, then sobbing loudly, then talking again, then burying his face in my chest and sobbing again—he looked truly heartbroken. However, if I’d actually tried to escape, or had pushed away only Hahyun, or had kissed Hajin because I had real feelings for him, I wouldn’t even feel wronged…
While I was wondering how to console him, Hajin interrupted.
“Seo Hahyun, that’s enough, don’t you think? If you keep going, it’s going to get really unpleasant.”
Hahyun, who’d been wiping his tears by rubbing his face all over my chest, sharply turned his head toward Hajin.
“Hyung, you stay quiet. If you keep this up, I’ll tie Yoon Juwon up again and we’ll take turns having him each day like before.”
“Why? By what right?”
The atmosphere was becoming increasingly ominous. Hahyun raised his bloodshot eyes and retorted.
“I was the one who suggested bringing Yoon Juwon here first. When you get down to it, he’s mine.”
This was going too far, even considering the bad situation. I’d been quietly listening, but enough was enough. Am I an object? To be owned in turns?
I was at a loss for where to begin with these crazy brothers. Still, if I stayed quiet in this situation, it seemed likely they’d do it again, so I decided to speak up.
“Excuse me. Hajin-ssi, and Hahyun-ssi.”
The brothers, who’d been glaring at each other, turned to look at me simultaneously. Hahyun’s eyes were still brimming with tears, whatever was making him so sad.
“I don’t know what happened before I lost my memory, but I am not an object that you can possess or discard as you please.”
The point of my statement was that I’m an independent person deserving of respect in my own right, but Hahyun fixated on something strange and flared up.
“What! Who’s discarding you? Absolutely not. I don’t know about Hajin hyung, but I have no intention of discarding you at all. Hyung… is it because I mentioned I’m still a college student? Are you worried about making a living? I’ve inherited a ton of wealth. We could live our whole lives without working, you know.”
Yes, good for you being born with a silver spoon, you brat. But that’s not what I’m talking about right now. While I was saying this to Hahyun in my mind, Hajin cut in.
“I have a lot of money too. Even if you discard me, I’ll pick you up again, so don’t worry.”
They really were brothers. I maintained my composure and explained step by step.
“That’s not what I meant. I’m here because I want to be, not because you two forcibly brought me here.”
The brothers stared at me with wide eyes. It was an inappropriate thought given the situation, but looking at them like this, they somehow seemed both similar and different at the same time. Anyway, that wasn’t important right now, so I continued speaking while looking at their differently colored eyes.
“Right now, my memories haven’t returned, and I’m in a very confusing situation, but there’s one thing I know for sure. You two are my benefactors.”
