Chapter 13
Hahyun headed outside. Bang! The door slammed shut loudly, like a child rushing out to play. Did my little trick work? Or was Hahyun’s childlike side just a bit cute? I smiled broadly at the door he’d just walked through.
“What’s so funny?”
At that emotionless voice, I quickly wiped the smile off my face and turned toward the sound. Hajin was wearing beige pants and a slightly sheer, loose cotton shirt. His smiling face matched his outfit perfectly.
Looking at this man who could’ve stepped out of a painting, I couldn’t help but admire him.
“Wow… Are you a model or something? You’re just wearing casual clothes, but it’s like the house turned into a runway.”
I don’t know which part of my comment bothered him, but Hajin’s face went cold. No—beyond cold, he actually looked angry. Shouldn’t people usually be pleased by compliments like that? Maybe he’s tired of hearing how handsome he is? Even so, getting angry seems excessive…
I was dying to know what was going through Hajin’s head as he kept his expression blank and his lips pressed tight. Since my life depended on the brothers’ moods, I needed to figure out exactly what set them off.
“…Do you not like being called handsome?”
Hajin, who’d been lost in thought, finally reacted. His stiff facial muscles relaxed, and color gradually returned to his face.
“No? How could I possibly dislike anything our Juwon says?”
Hajin slowly approached me. I wanted to move to another seat since his body was uncomfortably close, but I clenched my fists and endured it. He gently draped his arm around my shoulder.
“You probably don’t remember, but I used to be a model like you.”
I nodded, glancing at him from the corner of my eye. His blue eyes looked upward as if lost in memories.
“It’s just that I didn’t really enjoy that job… Haha, no. Actually, there were some good things about working there.”
“Like what?”
“Meeting you again, seeing you every day, and the way you were with us…”
Hajin, who’d been speaking smoothly, suddenly stopped and his expression hardened. I was curious about what he’d left unsaid, but somehow I felt I shouldn’t ask, so I quietly waited for him to continue.
“Ah, never mind. The doctor said it, right? Trying to recover too many memories at once could overwhelm you. Just remember that I was a model—that’s enough for today.”
“…Okay.”
Despite Hajin’s rather kind explanation, my curiosity only grew. His expression had been too intense to chalk his anger up to simply disliking his modeling career.
The hand resting on my shoulder traced a sensual line down my arm to the back of my hand.
Act natural, stay calm. And think. What’s important right now is the physical contact… No, why he was angry… Ah, wait…!
Once interrupted by the sensation, my thoughts refused to reconnect. He tapped my cheek with his finger and said:
“You space out a lot since you lost your memory.”
“Ah, well, since my memories aren’t coming back properly…”
“I suppose that makes sense.”
Just from his words alone, he seemed like a very understanding man. But he didn’t remove his hand, so I was still stuck in this uncomfortable position, fidgeting with my hands on my knees. Hajin placed his hand over mine.
“Today seems like a good opportunity.”
“Wh-what kind of opportunity?”
I looked at him in alarm, and he smiled faintly, pinching my nose before letting go.
“You little fox—why play dumb when you know exactly what I mean?”
“…I’m not playing dumb, I genuinely don’t know.”
Actually, I did know. Ever since I mentioned moving forward, Hajin had asked me every single day, without fail, when we’d take the next step.
Hajin sighed and furrowed his dark brown eyebrows. His blue eyes fixed on me intently.
“Do you think I’ve been letting this slide because I didn’t notice? Or because I thought you were cute?”
“Because Hajin-ssi has good manners.”
“Nice try slipping away with another compliment, but I wouldn’t do that today. I’m not easy-going enough to miss an opportunity when there’s no one to interrupt us.”
“I never said you were easy-going…”
The words snapped out before I could stop them. I paused and checked his expression, and sure enough, his brow was deeply furrowed. Sensing danger—that I might not even have bones left to pick up if I pushed any further—I rubbed my forehead against Hajin’s arm and wrapped my arms around his waist.
“I know. I know, but I’ve been thinking about something.”
“Thinking about what?”
“Well, I told you before. I take love and physical intimacy seriously.”
Hajin made an expression like he was tired of hearing that line again. I felt a bit intimidated, but to avoid getting swept up in his pace, I steeled myself and said what I’d prepared.
“What I’ve been thinking about is… I’ve been considering the stages of progression.”
“Hmm, now I’m starting to get interested in what you’re going to say.”
“It’s too long to explain verbally. I asked Hahyun-ssi for paper and a pen yesterday and wrote something down.”
I pulled out the paper I’d spent all night working on from my pocket. It was a carefully prepared love letter, neatly folded into a square with a red heart drawn on the outside in red pen.
Of course, when I wrote down those progression stages and drew that heart, I wasn’t really myself—I was the fictional character Yoon Juwon. Kim Sojin would never do something like drawing red hearts on notes to give to men.
Hajin’s eyes curved pleasantly when he saw the note. I was relieved that he at least seemed happy to see the heart.
But would that expression last after seeing what was inside? Probably not… My heart started pounding frantically.
“Haha, I didn’t know our Juwon had such a coy side.”
Hajin took the note from my hand. He carefully unfolded the creased paper, his expression serious as his eyes moved from top to bottom, reading. However, his face hardened more and more as his gaze traveled down the page.
♥ Stages of Physical Intimacy
Stage 1 – Holding Hands (touching fingertips, placing hand on back of hand, palms facing each other, interlocking fingers, holding wrist, touching wrists together)
Stage 2 – Hugging (touching shoulders, arm around shoulders, pulling shoulders close with one arm, pulling shoulders close with both arms, wrapping one arm around waist)
Stage 3 – Pecks (forehead, nose, chin, cheek, neck, lips) *Note: not kissing
Stage 4 – Kissing (pressing lips together for more than 1 minute, licking lower lip…)
…and so on. The note listed about 10 items per stage, totaling around 100 stages.
While creating those stages, I felt like my head would explode for two reasons. First, I was trying to break down the physical intimacy I’d had with girlfriends into stages, but I couldn’t recall the detailed progression clearly. Second, I wondered if these stages would even be useful with the brothers.
“Ha…”
Hajin let out a deep sigh after reading through the entire note. I tried to tell myself it was fortunate he wasn’t angry, but seeing him with his mouth pressed into a tight line made me increasingly anxious.
Hajin asked in a strained voice.
“I have a question.”
“…Yes.”
“Don’t tell me the stages are just holding hands, hugging, pecking, and kissing?”
I quickly blurted out the response I’d prepared for exactly this kind of question.
“No! Stage 1 is touching fingertips, Stage 2 is placing hand on back of hand, Stage 3 is palms facing each other…”
The more I spoke, the more Hajin’s expression seemed to crumble, so my voice grew progressively quieter.
“Ha… Juwon.”
“Yes?”
“Are you out of your mind?”
“No, I’m not.”
Hajin dangled the note in front of my face.
“You make something like this and say you’re not crazy?”
Anger crept into his words at the end. Being a man myself, I could understand his feelings. But for me, a straight guy who had to engage in physical intimacy to survive, going through these stages was the best option I had.
I glanced at him cautiously, trying to figure out how to explain myself. Hajin’s expression was terribly contorted.
“Juwon.”
I had nothing to say even if I had ten mouths.
“Baby? When I call you, you need to answer.”
My heart pounded at his lowered voice. Thinking I needed to be more confident in this situation, I looked straight into Hajin’s eyes.
“Of course I’m not crazy. In fact, I don’t understand why Hajin-ssi is treating the letter I worked so hard on like this.”
“…What? You call that an explanation…”
“I’ve decided to practice abstinence before marriage from now on. I don’t know how I was before, but the current me thinks platonic love is more important than eros.”
Hajin’s lips twisted at an angle. It looked like a sneer, but somehow it also seemed lonely—a complex expression. I could understand why he was angry with me, but I couldn’t understand why he looked so desolate.
There’s no reason to be sad just because the physical intimacy stages are lengthy, right?
There must be some story behind Hajin’s reaction.
“Abstinence before marriage… Platonic love, you say? Yoon Juwon? Ha…”
Hajin repeated the words to himself, then buried his face in his hands. The number of question marks in my head multiplied at his sudden reaction.
Right now, Hajin was acting like someone who’d been betrayed by a lover. Why? For what reason? Because Yoon Juwon’s behavior was different from the original story?
The original work never mentioned Yoon Juwon having any special relationship with other men.
I began to fear that giving him these physical intimacy stages might have been a huge mistake.
He removed his hands from his face and slowly opened his mouth.
“This isn’t just memory loss—it’s like you’ve been possessed by a completely different person…”
