Before I could express my shock at this absurd conclusion, Hahyun interjected.
“It means you don’t have to choose.”
I couldn’t understand what he meant.
“W-What are you saying? Choose both of you… Is that even possible?”
“Juwon.”
Hajin raised his head and called my name. His voice sounded somehow moist, and I just stared at him blankly.
“I absolutely, even if I die, can’t break up with you.”
“…”
“Me too. I absolutely can’t break up with you.”
Hajin looked like the world had ended, and Hahyun was dropping tears one by one. I looked back and forth between them, trying to organize my confused thoughts.
So, because neither could give me up, they wanted me to choose both? It was so unbelievable that I struggled to continue speaking.
“Are you really asking me to choose both of you? Did I hear that correctly?”
Hajin responded as if he had been waiting for my question.
“After you went to your room yesterday, Hahyun and I talked…”
When Hajin couldn’t continue, Hahyun spoke instead.
“The conclusion was that neither of us could give you up.”
“Wait… both of you, be quiet for a moment.”
I calmly organized my thoughts. If, as the brothers suggested, I could maintain the current situation without choosing either of them, it would be the best choice since there would be no pain of separation. But could the three of us really live together peacefully? I wasn’t confident.
I spoke calmly.
“It’s impossible.”
“Why?”
“Why?! Do you absolutely have to discard one of us to feel satisfied, hyung? I knew you were a cold person, but… No, you’re a warm person. Hic…”
Since Hahyun was crying, I moved closer to him and patted his shoulder.
“That’s not what I meant. It’s not about feeling satisfied with discarding… Sigh… Think about it. If I became closer with Mr. Hajin, would you be able to just sit by and watch?”
“…”
As expected, Hahyun couldn’t answer. This time, I spoke to Hajin.
“Hahyun won’t change easily. Whenever he feels anxious in the future, he’ll plot things like before… Can you be generous enough to overlook it?”
Hajin slowly nodded, then looked at me with confident eyes.
“I know we’ve often shown our ugly sides. But that was all because we were anxious, not knowing who you would choose. But you said you like both of us, and we thought your feelings were the key to properly resolving this situation.”
“That’s right. As long as hyung doesn’t abandon me. Actually, if hyung promises to love only me and Hajin hyung, I can endure everything. That’s better than being left alone.”
I was so dumbfounded that I couldn’t think of how to respond. Since they were people who had the strongest possessiveness toward me, I couldn’t easily believe their words.
“You’re skeptical. You can’t trust us.”
At this accurate statement, I honestly nodded.
“Yes, of course. Ha… Honestly, I can’t promise not to be jealous in the future.”
“Hyung, how can you say that! You should say you definitely can, even if it’s not enough…”
Despite Hahyun’s protest, Hajin continued regardless.
“But, you know. Since we’re brothers, we’ll meet someday, and how should we face seeing you by the side of one of us? Since we can’t bear that, we’re suggesting we continue like this.”
My heart began to soften endlessly. Even while thinking this wasn’t right, that it was selfish, a part of me wondered if it mattered being selfish if this was what the brothers wanted. I tried to steel my resolve by clenching my fists and straining my eyes, but…
“Juwon.”
Hajin’s desperate voice calling my name, and…
“Hyuuuung, don’t abandon us.”
Hahyun clinging to my legs made me crumble once again.
I bit my lip hard and looked at Hajin.
“I promise. If I can be certain you won’t leave our side… I’ll yield to all the minor conflicts. I’m serious.”
Hajin’s decisive words made it feel like a large stone had dropped onto my chest. The resolve I had been trying to maintain scattered beyond recovery.
I felt grateful yet simultaneously sorry for Hajin, who always tried to be devoted, both in the past and until now. I approached Hajin and embraced him. Since he was kneeling, his face only reached my waist, though he was usually taller than me. I bent down and kissed his forehead. I could feel his body trembling slightly.
“Accept us, Juwon.”
Hajin’s eyelashes quivered, and moisture began to form in his blue eyes. Feeling a tingling sensation in my chest, I nodded as if enchanted.
“Thank you…”
I hugged Hajin tighter. Then, as if not wanting to lose, Hahyun said,
“Hyung, I’ll do better too.”
“You don’t have to do better.”
“Why, why not?”
“How could you do any better? You need to do a bit worse.”
“Ah… Then I’ll try to do just a little better. No, that sounds strange… Anyway, I’ll do everything you tell me to. Except not loving you.”
With his cheeks flushed red, trembling and not even knowing what he was saying, Hahyun looked so cute that I couldn’t resist teasing him.
“Even if I say we should only hold hands while sleeping?”
Hahyun’s eyes widened.
“What?”
“I’m asking if you’ll do as I say even if I tell you we should only hold hands while sleeping. It’s not telling you not to love me.”
Hahyun began to contemplate with a serious face. He bit his lip, then made a crying face, then bit his lip again before speaking with a determined expression.
“As long as you stay by my side. Then it’s okay even if you say we should just hold hands while sleeping. Holding hands isn’t so bad.”
Choked up, something welled up in my chest. I felt like I was the one caught off guard by the question I had thrown as a joke. Hearing Hahyun, who used to push his emotions like a child, say he would suppress what he wanted to do made me fully understand how much he had been agonizing.
I stood for a long time, holding Hajin with my right arm and Hahyun with my left. I tilted my head back so the two couldn’t see me, looking at the ceiling as I cried.
The brothers were right. I couldn’t give up either of them. Although it was strange for the three of us to live together, if we’re being honest, promising a lifetime with a man in a country where same-sex marriage wasn’t accepted was already strange enough.
Throughout my past life and current one, these two had loved me the most. It was time to return as much as I had received. Although the brothers had been telling lies to avoid difficult moments, this time was different.
They were showing through words and actions. How sincere and how desperate they were. Unable to pretend not to understand their message, I decided to love them equally.
I need to make more effort so that neither feels relative deprivation, and so that my heart, divided in half, doesn’t become insufficient.
“Since you’ve apologized, go sit in your seats.”
When I said this while releasing them, both of their eyes began to waver simultaneously. I smiled at them as if to say not to worry. Only then did they each go to their seats.
Looking at their faces, I felt like I might cry again. My body trembled with the regret over the past wounds the three of us had experienced, and the guilt toward the brothers who had each sacrificed half their hearts for me. Containing all the swirling emotions, I said to them,
“Mr. Hajin, Mr. Hahyun, both of you be mine.”
Their wavering eyes stopped. Four eyes, enlarged with surprise and excitement, fixed on me.
“Because I’m selfish and need to have both of you, that’s what we’ll do. Even if you regret it later, I have no intention of letting you go, so you should be prepared.”
Hahyun approached me with tears in his eyes. I held his waist as he hugged me tightly. Soon after, Hajin embraced both of us at once.
“Thank you, both of you. I’ll do well.”
I clenched my teeth to avoid crying and said I loved them. My voice was muffled, so they probably didn’t hear it. Hajin and I looked at each other while comforting the crying Hahyun. Looking at faces mixed with tears and smiles in equal measure, I kissed Hajin. The crying Hahyun bit my neck.
For a long while, the two made sounds that could have been either laughter or crying as they kissed my face and various parts of my body.
My life as Yoon Juwon, and our love, was truly beginning now.
Only now could I fully realize that I had died and been reborn.
As I received their kisses with my whole body, I bid farewell to my previous life. And I embraced the two men tightly. The reassuring presence of these men, too large to fit in one embrace, filled my chest.
A warm breeze blew on the waves under the sun, on my body where their lips touched, and in the hearts of the brothers where anxiety had disappeared.
It was fully spring.
<The End>
