Chapter 12
***
I woke up to strange sounds in the early dawn. When I opened my eyes, I saw someone leaving the room in the darkness. Judging by the empty space on my left, it seemed to be Hahyun.
I didn’t think much of it and closed my eyes again. But once awake, sleep didn’t come easily, and I couldn’t fall back asleep even after Hahyun returned.
Shortly after Hahyun came back, Hajin got up and went outside.
What’s going on? Why do they keep leaving?
As soon as Hajin left, Hahyun slipped his arm under my neck. I squeezed my half-open eyes shut. Just when the back of my neck was becoming unbearably itchy, Hajin returned.
“Haah…”
Hajin’s sigh was long as he approached the bed. I’d braced myself for him to get in right away, but I couldn’t sense any movement.
What’s he doing? He’s young—it’s not like he has prostate problems making it hard to pee…
I pretended to toss and turn because of Hajin, shifting my body around. Thanks to that, I was able to lower my head away from Hahyun’s arm tickling my neck.
“Phew…”
This time it was Hahyun’s sigh. Why do these guys keep sighing in front of someone who’s supposed to be sleeping… Wait, could it be?
A thought struck me, sending chills down my spine. What would happen if my ideal woman was lying next to me but I couldn’t do anything?
Being a healthy man, there’d naturally be a reaction, and I’d probably get up and go to the bathroom like they did.
These guys are really—!
I wanted to curse at them, but thinking it was better to deal with this than have them jump me, I suppressed my feelings.
That’s when Hahyun, who’d been sighing back and forth with Hajin, quietly cursed.
“Shit.”
“If you can’t sleep, go wash your face or something. Why are you cursing in front of someone sleeping peacefully?”
“Because this is fucking frustrating. It’s nothing short of torture.”
“Then go sleep somewhere else by yourself.”
“Who said I would? I’m just saying I don’t understand why I have to hold back.”
Hajin sighed again. It was hard enough controlling his own urges, but having to deal with Hahyun’s complaining too made him look exhausted. I sincerely wanted to tell Hajin: no matter how hard this is for you, it can’t be harder than it is for me, pretending to sleep while sandwiched between you two.
“Hahyun, if you want to tie Yoon Juwon up again like before, feel free to jump him. Why do you have to hold back? We’re holding back because we chose to start over and win Juwon’s heart. It’s not because of Yoon Juwon.”
“I know that. Haah… but hyung, I’m not confident.”
“About what?”
“I’m confident I can be good to him, but the standard for what ‘being good’ means—I feel like it’s different for me and Yoon Juwon.”
Hajin, who’d been speaking quietly all this time in case I could hear, suddenly burst into loud laughter. Hahyun tried to stop him.
“Are you crazy? What if he wakes up?”
Hajin replied, all traces of laughter gone from his voice.
“Yoon Juwon isn’t asleep right now.”
My heart sank at those words. How did he know? In moments like this, Hajin was definitely scarier than Hahyun. I resolved to be especially careful around Hajin from now on.
“…What?”
“With two people leaving and coming back in turns, and even talking this loudly in front of him, how could he still be asleep?”
“Then why…”
“Is he pretending not to know?”
“Yeah. He could just wake up, right?”
“Well, he probably figured nothing good would come from waking up. Even before Juwon lost his memory, his intuition was incredible. Don’t you remember how he’d prepare to attack in advance whenever he sensed something was off about us?”
“I guess that’s true.”
“At least now he’s pretending to sleep while trying to read the situation because he lost his memory.”
Finishing his words, Hajin grabbed my shoulder. “Right, Juwon?” I flinched. It was hard to decide whether to open my eyes and smile awkwardly, or keep pretending to be asleep till the end.
“It’s okay, you can get up now.”
I chanted inwardly, Don’t push them away. Don’t push them away, then opened my eyes and smiled sheepishly.
“Ha, ha… You caught me. How did you know?”
“If I don’t know Yoon Juwon, who would?”
“Ah, yes…”
“You heard everything Hahyun and I were saying, right?”
Hajin asked bluntly, like he had no intention of hiding anything. Of course I’d heard their conversation and understood exactly what it meant. But I had to choose whether it was more beneficial to act like I knew or pretend I didn’t.
After making my decision, I looked straight at Hajin with wide eyes. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness, so I could see his face clearly.
“I did hear, but what do you mean by ‘torture’?”
Hajin let out a disbelieving laugh, and Hahyun grumbled, “This is why they say the one who hits never remembers.”
“Do you really not know? Or are you pretending?”
Hajin’s sharp gaze looked like he was about to devour me on the spot. I was nervous, but I decided to be even more brazen. As long as I didn’t push them away, it should be fine, right?
“I just heard bits and pieces while half-asleep, and now I just want to sleep, okay? When someone talks next to me while I’m sleeping, I can’t fall asleep. Please be quiet.”
Hajin, who’d been standing by the bed, climbed onto it. His hand naturally played with my hair. Then Hahyun, who was on my left, patted my chest with his palm.
“Sleep well. We won’t talk anymore.”
Now I’d completely figured out how to handle them. Never push them away, and when faced with something I couldn’t accept, make a different request instead.
And…
Feel a little sorry for those who had no choice but to be this way.
True to my adaptable nature, despite being possessed by a captive on the day of his death, I’d managed to get through the day well. I would continue to survive.
With a slight sense of hope, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to sleep.
***
As a screenwriter, I had a habit of viewing reality as if it were a novel or movie. Ordinary daily routines became special just by changing how I thought about them, and I believed my entire life would become special only if each day became special.
However, that doesn’t mean—!
I didn’t mean I wanted my life to actually become like a novel or movie.
They say if reality gets boring or difficult, you can escape into fiction, but where do you escape to when your reality is fiction? Without any information about this world, I had nowhere to run, and everywhere I went was a dead end.
Ha, shit… Just because someone asks you to review their writing doesn’t mean you should always do it. I should’ve refused the moment I heard the term “BL”… What was I thinking with that pretentious attitude?
All this trouble started with my misguided desire to show off while reviewing Kim Hyunju’s writing.
Except for my love of writing, the reality I’d experienced was no better than a sewer. A sick and selfish mother, a father who always seemed mentally checked out.
The imagination created by my habitual escape from reality, which I’d chosen to survive somehow, was the driving force behind my writing. Maybe that’s why I enjoyed being treated like a genius for my early literary debut and showing off in front of friends who asked me to review their work.
“Wow… as expected from someone from a prestigious family. How do you come up with expressions like this?”
“Haha, it’s nothing. You could do it too if you tried.”
Looking back now that I’m older, my peers were just using me because I was weak to praise. Pathetically, I spent my time and effort reviewing other people’s writing.
What’s the use of regretting it now? What’s done is done…
Anyway, even though I was currently in captivity, I was getting by fairly well thanks to the brothers taking care of me.
As long as it wasn’t related to physical intimacy, the brothers treated me well when I didn’t push them away, and as I continued living with them, I gradually adapted to the skinship I’d thought would be unbearable.
So I spent my time arrogantly thinking I was handling the brothers well, only to realize belatedly that it wasn’t that I was handling them well—they just needed time to adapt to my sudden change.
After adapting to some extent, the brothers gradually started showing their true colors.
***
After breakfast, while I was watching a DVD in the living room, Hahyun came out of his room dressed neatly. Having only seen him in t-shirts and sweatpants, I couldn’t take my eyes off him in well-fitted pants, a shirt, and a cardigan.
“Hahyun-ssi, where are you going?”
Hahyun blinked like he was wondering why I’d ask such a question, then smiled. “Ah, right, memory loss,” and came over to link his arm with mine.
“Hyung, I’m going to school. Actually, I’ve been skipping for a few days because I didn’t want to leave you alone with Hajin hyung, but I don’t think I can skip anymore.”
I didn’t know how to respond, so I kept quiet. Hahyun misread my reaction.
“…What’s wrong? Do you not like me linking arms with you?”
“Ah, no. How could that be? It’s just that you said you’re going somewhere without me.”
Hahyun sighed deeply. Then he looked straight into my eyes.
“If Hajin hyung suggests taking things further, avoid it. I’ll check everything when I get back.”
I just smiled awkwardly.
“Oh? You’re smiling now. Hyung, do you think I’m joking because I’m being nice about it?”
“No, that’s not why I’m smiling. It’s because your suspicion is so ridiculous. I’ve always told you, haven’t I? That I like you, Hahyun-ssi. Why would I do anything with Hajin-ssi when you’re not around?”
Hahyun showed an innocent smile and nodded.
“I guess you’re right—you like me, so my suspicion was unnecessary. Right?”
I followed his lead and nodded vigorously.
“Of course. Don’t worry and have a good day.”
Hahyun, as if he’d been waiting for it, kissed my forehead.
“I’ll be back soon.”
