“Who says? Write a screenplay.”
“When I get discharged, I’ll come to the office in the mornings. So you can write quietly.”
“…Yes, but.”
Hahyun put down the apple he was peeling on the tray on his knees and looked at me, his mouth twitching. He seemed to have something to say.
“Is there something you want to tell me?”
“I have a favor to ask in return for going to work.”
“Tell me. Let me hear it first…”
Hahyun bit his lower lip nervously, released it, then bit it again repeatedly. I was becoming anxious waiting to hear what he was trying to say.
“What is it that you’re taking so long to say?”
“I’ll go to work properly. I won’t ask to do it every day. I’ll really listen to what you say and won’t fight with Hajin hyung. As long as he doesn’t start it.”
He said he had a favor to ask, but he was just listing things like a child’s written apology. I stroked Hahyun’s head and praised him for thinking well. Then I asked:
“So what’s the favor?”
“In return for all that, please don’t abandon me.”
“…”
Tears welled up in Hahyun’s eyes as he said this. I didn’t understand why he would say such a thing when I hadn’t pushed him away.
“Why are you suddenly saying this?”
“You’re not a wanted person anymore. Since you don’t need to hide, what if you suddenly leave?”
“I can’t leave alone with my leg like this.”
“But you’ll go once your leg heals, right?”
“…”
As I closed my mouth, at a loss for words, Hahyun continued with reddened cheeks:
“You’ve been feeling trapped, so it’s obvious you’ll leave.”
It seemed his delusion about me possibly running away with Hajin had changed to me leaving alone. I looked at Hahyun with sympathetic eyes. He was looking at me with eyes that seemed ready to spill tears any moment.
Looking at him, I suddenly had a strange thought. Would Hahyun have become obsessed with me if Yoon Juwon hadn’t saved him in the past? Is Hahyun’s current obsession with the past Yoon Juwon? Or with me now?
That thought made my chest sting as if a thorn had been lodged in it.
“Hahyun.”
When I called his name seriously, he misunderstood that he was about to be scolded and lowered his head, answering “Yes.” I lifted Hahyun’s cheek to meet his eyes.
“You know I’ve become a completely different person from before, right?”
Hahyun tilted his head as if wondering what I was talking about.
“You’ve become kind and affectionate. The feeling when you hug me is completely different too. But before you treated me badly, you were a kind person, so I don’t really notice much of a difference.”
Since Juwon had always pretended to be nice in front of Hahyun, he must be more familiar with the kind demeanor than the betraying one. That fact made me feel strangely disappointed, and I sighed.
“Why are you sighing?”
“Hahyun, I think I’m feeling a bit hurt too.”
“Why? What reason could you have to feel hurt by me?”
“I don’t remember anything about the past. The past me and the current me are different people, you know? But it seems like no matter what I do, you only like the past me.”
I knew well that what I was saying didn’t make sense. How much more confusing must it be for the person hearing it? Hahyun stared at me blankly as if he really didn’t understand, then ran his hand through his hair. He then put the tray on his knees aside and climbed onto the bed.
“What a strange thing to say. But since you’re curious, I’ll answer. I like both the past you and the present you, but actually, I like the present you more. Even though you’ve lost your memory, you feel more stable than the person you were before.”
I understood what he meant. The original Yoon Juwon was a person who, obsessed with the ambition to succeed, didn’t look around at his surroundings, lost all precious things, and ruined his own path.
I smiled brightly and kissed his cheek.
“I like you as much as you like me.”
“…I know you like me. But that’s not what’s important.”
“Then what’s important?”
“Even if you like me, you might not want to live with me. I’m saying I want to live with you.”
So he thinks being together is more important than feelings.
I answered in a calm but clear voice:
“I can’t go anywhere since I don’t remember anything anyway. No, actually, I don’t want to go. I think I’d be lonely if I were alone.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“You won’t leave even when your leg fully heals, right?”
I didn’t know how many times I needed to say it, but thinking this was all due to the karma Yoon Juwon had accumulated in the past, I nodded.
“Yes. I’ll stay with you.”
Still anxious, Hahyun wasn’t easily convinced.
“What if I fight with Hajin hyung?”
“Huh?”
“What if I throw a tantrum about not wanting to go to work, and insist on it at night too?”
“…”
“Will you leave home if you get sick of me?”
When I frowned at Hahyun, he started crying again. I had no choice but to hug him, pat his back, and promise I would never leave. Then, he gave me a headache with yet another question.
“Okay then. Let’s say you won’t leave, but what if you only talk to Hajin hyung inside the house…”
I couldn’t stand it anymore and pushed Hahyun away.
“Fuck! Take it easy. You’re a kid who doesn’t know what moderation is. I’ve already told you. I like you both, and that’s why I have no intention of leaving that house! How many times do I have to say it before you understand?”
“Do you dislike me asking multiple times? I’m asking because I’m anxious. You could just answer…”
Hahyun sobbed pitifully. His sniffling sound grated on my ears. I put my hand on my throbbing forehead and sighed.
“I would be happy even if you asked me a hundred or a thousand times. But that’s not how you feel, right? Then doesn’t that mean you could leave me anytime? Because you don’t like me as much as I like you.”
Watching Hahyun speak while sniffling and covered in tears, my chest felt constricted. It was obvious he wouldn’t believe me no matter what I said. The distrust of Yoon Juwon that had continued for years wouldn’t improve in a day or two. So what could I do for him?
I patted Hahyun’s back and then placed my hand on his cheek.
“Hahyun, I’m sorry for getting angry. But I just told you earlier. I’ve become a completely different person now. So there’s no way I’ll betray you like before. I got frustrated because you keep not listening to what I say and falling into your own delusions.”
“…”
“If words don’t get through, I could just stop talking. But why do you think I keep repeating myself?”
“…Because you’re afraid I’ll do something crazy.”
I almost laughed at Hahyun’s honest answer. That might have been true in the past. I would have tried to appease him somehow because I was afraid of what crazy thing he might do. But now, I was more afraid of him getting hurt than of him doing something crazy.
“No, you’re wrong. It’s because it hurts me to see you thinking that way.”
“Then?”
“Because I like you. I’m trying to understand you somehow.”
Though I had said similar things a few times before, I was still awkward about saying I liked Hahyun. Even Hahyun, as if he couldn’t believe it, persisted in questioning my statement of liking him until the end.
“So you really won’t abandon me?”
Hahyun’s pupils trembled anxiously as he looked at me. I couldn’t easily answer because I understood that the hidden meaning behind his words was asking if I wouldn’t abandon him even when choosing between Hajin and Hahyun.
What should I do? I haven’t decided between the two yet… Can I promise not to abandon him?
After contemplating, I hugged him and kissed him. His lips, moist from tears, parted and swallowed my lips. Hahyun changed the angle of his face and pressed the back of my head, but he was still trembling.
Haah, at this rate I’ll really break this child, I’ll break him.
While patting the back of Hahyun’s hand that was gripping mine tightly, I thought—
The moment of decision that I’d only wanted to postpone was approaching…
* * *
Arranging a meeting with Chairman Kim of A Tech proceeded without difficulty. Upon receiving Hyunwoo’s call, Chairman Kim readily accepted the meeting with Hajin, as if he had been waiting for it.
Hajin’s steps were heavy as he entered the chairman’s office. While this was someone he shouldn’t make an enemy of, if his suspicions were correct, he didn’t think he could maintain a compliant attitude toward him until the end.
“He’s been waiting for you. Please go in.”
Hajin entered through the door opened by the secretary at the desk. Chairman Kim didn’t even stand up but gestured for Hajin to come in.
“Have you been well?”
“Yes. We haven’t seen each other since the funeral, right?”
“Yes.”
Chairman Kim asked the waiting secretary to bring tea. After the secretary left and the door closed, Chairman Kim spoke first, feigning a generous smile.
“A busy CEO like yourself wouldn’t come without reason…”
As Chairman Kim’s gaze traveled from Hajin’s head to his toes, trailing off his words, Hajin also didn’t take his eyes off him.
“Perhaps you’ve come to pay your respects?”
“Respects…”
“Come on, why pretend not to know? The news has been buzzing about how you were hiding Yoon Juwon.”
