A gaze filled with regret, guilt, and deep affection was directed at me. Even though I had just woken up after three days, Hajin’s face looked quite haggard. I shouldn’t let my heart soften, but seeing his face, my resolve kept weakening.
“Juwon…”
“Stop calling my name. You have something to say to me, don’t you?”
“…”
Hajin closed his mouth. Not knowing whether the investigator had given him a heads-up, I decided to test him.
“I’ll decide what to do after hearing your answer, so speak truthfully. Why did you hide the fact that Secretary Kim was the one who killed Chairman Seo?”
“…You haven’t testified yet?”
“Sigh… Is that important right now? What would you do if I testified?”
“It would be better if you did testify.”
Anger surged at his brazen attitude. Does he want to preserve his pride in a situation where he and Hahyun could potentially become kidnappers? He should be begging for my help instead…
Dumbfounded, I couldn’t speak for a moment before opening my mouth again.
“Look, Seo Hajin-ssi. That’s not what I asked. Why do you keep deflecting when someone asks you something?”
Hajin pressed his temples as if he had a headache while looking at me. I glared at him intensely.
“Why couldn’t you have been honest from the beginning? Telling me you suspected Secretary Kim… If you had…”
“If I had? What would be different?”
I was stunned into silence. I never dreamed Seo Hajin would respond like this. I believed that if I asked why he did it, he would either make excuses or apologize, and I was prepared to pretend to accept either. But instead, he asks what would be different?
My head was boiling with anger, and words spilled out uncontrollably.
“Because of a murder I never committed, I had to feel guilty. I couldn’t take a single step outside, fearing I would be arrested. Is this what you should be saying to my face? I’m so outraged…”
My eyes stung as heat rose in them. I rubbed my eyes and sat up. With the cast making it difficult to balance, my body tilted to the right, and Hajin reached out his hand. I swatted his hand away. He sighed with a pained expression.
“I know you had a hard time. But…”
“Does someone who understands talk like that?”
“Oh, really…”
Even when Hajin muttered “fuck” under his breath, I still couldn’t understand him. But I couldn’t answer the question that followed.
“Can you say you never doubted me for a moment?”
“Well…”
“Neither you nor Seo Hahyun ever believed in me as I am. And now you’re asking why I didn’t tell you beforehand? What would have been different if I had told you earlier? You would have only thought about leaving us, and Seo Hahyun would have run away with you the moment he knew you weren’t the culprit.”
Every word was true, but that still didn’t justify Hajin’s actions.
“…I told you I would support you. I said let’s share the burden because it looked heavy.”
“Yes, that’s right. You said you’d carry my burden. So knowing that you and Hahyun were growing closer, I didn’t get greedy and handled it quickly. If you’re asking me to take responsibility for failing to protect you, I can kneel in front of you. But right now, you’re…”
Though it was the same Seo Hajin I’d been longing for—with his straight eyebrows, blue eyes that looked only at me, sharp nose bridge, and stubbornly closed red lips—somehow his slightly worn-out appearance seemed unfamiliar, as if he wasn’t himself.
“You’re asking me why I didn’t give up on you sooner. What should I answer?”
It was a gentle voice that didn’t match his angry expression. I suppressed my emotions to avoid falling for his absurd sophistry and tried to think rationally.
What Seo Hajin just said was strange. I had asked why he told me so late that I wasn’t the culprit, but he said that answering would mean giving me up.
How did it come to that? No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t understand, so I tilted my head in confusion, and he sighed and asked:
“You don’t understand what I mean? If you weren’t a wanted fugitive, would you have trusted me? It was obvious you would leave me once you knew you were innocent… how could I tell you that?”
“Ah…”
Suddenly, it felt like I’d been hit on the head. He had been talking about trust from beginning to end. And he wanted to blame me. That just as he couldn’t trust me, I couldn’t trust him either. In the end, we were the same kind of people…
A bitter laugh escaped me.
“So you want to blame me? Or are you trying to make excuses, saying you did it because you were afraid of being suspected?”
Hajin buried his face in his hands, looking tormented. Whether he was blaming or making excuses, the result wouldn’t change, but I wanted to see Hajin admit his mistake and apologize to me just once.
Of course, if asked whose fault was greater between Yoon Juwon and Seo Hajin, it would be Yoon Juwon, but that wasn’t me… since it wasn’t me who did it, I wanted to receive an apology, even if I had to be petulant. For that to happen, he needed to make an excuse rather than blame me. Considering his pride, it was unlikely…
While I was pondering, Hajin’s quiet voice penetrated my ears.
“It might sound like an excuse…”
Inwardly surprised, I opened my eyes wide but didn’t make a sound, afraid he might close his mouth again if I reacted wrongly.
“I suspected from the beginning. There’s a big difference in strength. That time when you came into my room and saw me watching a video, that was the reason.”
“Then you should have told me then…”
“I had no evidence. I had suspicions but no physical evidence. No matter how I thought about it, you had no reason to kill Chairman Seo, and among those who could get close to him, only Secretary Kim would want to kill him… but I needed to find evidence.”
“Even if you had just said one word about suspecting someone else, I would have had hope. Even then, I couldn’t go outside, so I would have stayed here.”
“Would you have believed me without evidence? I wasn’t confident. Besides, what about Hahyun?”
I thought it was sophistry, but it wasn’t.
If I had known then, as Hajin said, that the culprit was someone else, I would have acted selfishly. I would have ignored the unstable company situation and asked him to clear my innocence first. No, maybe I would have even doubted Hajin’s words themselves since there was no evidence.
“So I wanted to present it to you as a gift after catching the evidence and sorting everything out. I wanted to boast a little about how hard I worked, and then ask you to choose between us… I was actually afraid.”
“…?”
Afraid of what? Could he mean he was afraid of not being chosen? Seo Hajin, who was confident to the point of arrogance?
“I needed to have at least one advantage over Hahyun for you to choose me. So I planned to score points by clearing your false charges at a decisive moment. But… Secretary Kim went crazy and ruined it all…”
“…”
The more I listened, the more confused I became. I had thought it impossible, but it wasn’t about his pride—it was really for such a childish reason…
“And because of me, you even got kidnapped, so I have nothing to say even with ten mouths.”
He said this with a smile.
“If you want to testify, you can. I did kidnap you, after all.”
“Then what are you planning to do? Go to prison as a gay kidnapper?”
“If that’s what Juwon wants, I can’t help it. Ah… I have one request.”
Is he finally going to hold my hand and beg me not to testify?
“What is it?”
“I don’t mind being caught after you testify, but please spare Hahyun. He’ll believe you betrayed him. If that happens, Hahyun will completely fall apart… He’s already been hurt a lot.”
Really…
Until the end, he’s trying to act cool, thinking he’s so great.
“The more I listen, the more embarrassing it is to hear. Until when are you going to pretend to be cool? Just apologize like a man, kiss me, and let’s end this.”
Hajin looked at me with a surprised face. I grabbed his wrist and cut through the complicated tangle of words in one go.
“You’re saying you delayed revealing the culprit because you wanted to impress me.”
Hajin nodded.
“I understand the reason, but honestly, you did wrong by me, didn’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Then apologize. Don’t make excuses.”
“Does a mere verbal apology have any mean— mmph.”
Sensing that his words would go on endlessly if I let him continue, I couldn’t hold back any longer and wrapped my arms around Hajin’s neck. Then I captured his lips. Hajin didn’t resist and gently bit and licked my lips. Gradually, a hot energy built up, and my heart started racing. We shouldn’t be doing this here… Hahyun could come in at any moment…
Suppressing the desire to kiss more, I pulled my lips away. He looked at me with dreamy eyes.
“I kissed you, so now apologize. I won’t accept any more excuses.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making you worry, and I’m sorry for leaving you alone even though I knew it was dangerous.”
Finally, the words I wanted to hear came from Hajin’s mouth. But my feelings didn’t improve at all. I had thought everything would be okay once I heard Hajin’s apology. Hajin couldn’t have known that Secretary Kim would be bold enough to attempt a kidnapping, so he hadn’t done anything wrong.
Yet strangely, a feeling of sadness washed over me. I hugged him and sobbed loudly. While crying, I asked why he came so late… why he left me alone that day, despite being obsessed with me every other day.
