Chapter 10
***
After Hajin left, only Hahyun and I remained in the bathroom. I worried things might get awkward with just the two of us, but watching him step out of the tub and reach for the shower, he didn’t seem concerned at all.
“Hyung, lift your head up a bit. I can’t wash you properly like this.”
I kept my head firmly down. If I looked up right now, I’d definitely see things I shouldn’t.
Hahyun sighed like he was giving up and started scrubbing my body with a towel. Every time the soft foam brushed against my skin, I could barely stay still. I squirmed and accidentally made eye contact with him. When I flinched, he raised his eyebrows.
“Hyung, if you keep being difficult, I’m bringing Hajin hyung back in here to hold you down.”
Please, anything but that…
“I’m just embarrassed, that’s all.”
I quickly replied, trying to snatch the towel from his hands. But he raised it high out of reach.
Better to just get this over with than fight it. I gave in and cooperated.
His touch was excessively slow and careful as he scrubbed different parts of my body. I wished he’d just hurry up and finish, but why was he taking so long…
“You’re way too thin. Why are you so skinny?”
His voice, muttering to himself, sounded close to tears.
“This is why hyung left without seeing you.”
Why? Does it hurt to look at me?
“Of course I’m upset too, but I can handle it for hyung’s sake.”
I should’ve been startled by Hahyun getting emotional and tearing up while lost in his own thoughts, but strangely, I just felt sorry for him. This meddling guy… Who’s supposed to be worrying about who here?
“I’m glad you’re here at least, Hahyun-ssi. I couldn’t have washed myself alone.”
“Really?”
Hahyun pulled me into a hug, seemingly touched. The foam that hadn’t been rinsed off transferred to his body too, but he didn’t seem to care. With his lips so close to my ear, I could hear every breath, every word.
“This feels like a dream. Being able to hold you like this… I hope this isn’t a dream…”
Hahyun trembled as he clung to me. He squeezed me so tight I could barely breathe, then pulled back to look at my face before hugging me tight again.
His eyes welled up with tears as he looked at me, and then he started crying harder. I stayed frozen in that awkward position, and when his crying died down a little, I carefully asked:
“What were we like before I lost my memory?”
Hahyun jumped, pulled away, and blinked at me a couple times.
“Um… you’re my savior. No—you’re basically a god to me.”
What the hell does that mean?
After saying something so incomprehensible, Hahyun’s expression shifted back to looking like he might cry again. Maybe he felt sad that only he thought of me that way. Come to think of it, just looking at his face, he seemed impossibly sweet and innocent…
“What if I wake up from this dream?”
Suddenly, Hahyun pressed his lips against my neck. Remembering the awkward moment with Hajin earlier, I jumped and twisted away. Hahyun’s voice turned cold.
“What? I just kissed your neck, that’s all.”
His expression had changed in an instant.
“Do you not like it?”
“No, it’s not that I don’t like it—I was just worried soap would get in your mouth.”
Hahyun stared at me with narrowed, suspicious eyes, but then smiled with the corners of his mouth turned up. Just like Hajin, his attitude suggested he knew exactly what I was thinking but was pretending to believe me.
“Even if you said you hated it, I’d have no choice but to love you anyway. Can’t help it.”
Crying, then angry, then resigned… Hahyun’s mood shifted multiple times in just minutes. Being so easily affected by other people’s emotions, I felt sorry for him, then scared of him, then sympathetic—all at once.
“Do you think there’s any hope for us?”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
When I asked, Hahyun looked startled and swallowed his words. It seemed like something that just slipped out, but the meaning was clear enough. So I told him:
“I might’ve been crazy before, but I’m normal now, and… this is the first time I’m meeting you, Hahyun-ssi.”
Hahyun, who’d been looking dejected, nodded with a smile. I wasn’t sure what led to all this, but everything he did seemed as anxious and pitiful as a lost puppy.
Hahyun sighed and turned on the shower. The foam covering my body washed away cleanly. He grabbed a towel, dried me off, and helped me get dressed. Through all of it, I kept my eyes squeezed shut like I couldn’t feel anything.
“All done. Does anything hurt?”
No, not at all. If anything, you were so thorough it was hard for me to handle.
“No, th-thank you.”
Even to my own ears, it sounded lifeless. He must’ve noticed too, but Hahyun just smiled and picked me up.
“You smell nice…”
Hahyun buried his nose in my neck. His hair tickled my chin.
“Hahyun-ssi?”
“Just a second. Stay like this.”
When I looked down, I could see his hair. It was brown—darker than Hajin’s but lighter than mine. Maybe because the strands were finer than most people’s, his hair fluttered with the slightest movement. I thought it suited his cute face well.
After breathing in and out several times with his nose pressed against my neck, Hahyun finally lifted his head.
“Let’s go. Hajin hyung said he’d change the sheets.”
Despite saying that, Hahyun burrowed even deeper into my arms.
“Hyung, can’t you like me even a little?”
“I do feel affection for you.”
“No, not like that. I’m asking you to like me more than Hajin hyung. Why are you playing dumb when you obviously know what I mean? Makes me feel like shit…”
He’s angry again. But now instead of being scared, I just felt bad for him as he struggled to control his overflowing emotions. When I stayed quiet, his attitude shifted again.
“Sorry for swearing. I try not to… but I couldn’t hold it back. But hyung, couldn’t you at least lie to me?”
Yeah, what’s the harm in saying something nice? It’s not like it costs anything.
Wait, no. I almost fell for it. I need to stand firm right now.
“I don’t want to lie. Right now, I feel the same amount of affection for both of you.”
“Ha…”
Hahyun sighed, then snapped, “That ‘affection’ talk again!” Since I’d been firm once, I figured I should be accommodating this time, so I tried to comfort him:
“What’s wrong with affection? I don’t feel affection for just anyone.”
“Yeah, sure. I guess it’s better than getting cursed at or hit.”
Even after we reached the room, Hahyun hesitated for a long time before finally opening the door.
“You’re back?”
Hajin was putting sheets on the bed.
“I hope our Juwon likes the new sheets.”
Maybe because I’d just showered, looking at the bed made me yawn. As I opened my mouth wide and then closed it, Hahyun was staring at me with an ominous look.
I just yawned—why are you looking at me like that…
To show him I hadn’t done anything wrong, I blinked at him, and Hahyun’s gaze shifted to Hajin.
“Hyung.”
Hajin turned toward us when Hahyun called.
“Seo Hahyun, that look in your eyes won’t work. It won’t.”
“…What? I haven’t even said anything yet.”
“It’s my turn today.”
Their gazes locked in midair. Their stubborn staring contest made me tremble. But what did they mean by “turn”?
As Hahyun’s chest heaved while holding me, my body swayed along with it.
“That doesn’t count.”
Hajin walked over looking exasperated and painfully pinched Hahyun’s cheek. Hahyun exploded.
“Ah, shit! I told you to stop treating me like a kid! You’re embarrassing me in front of Juwon hyung.”
“If you don’t want to be treated like a child, start by fixing your habit of throwing a tantrum when you don’t get your way.”
“I’m not throwing a tantrum! I have a real reason for acting like this.”
Hahyun grumbled while hugging me tighter. Hajin pressed his hand to his forehead like he was exhausted.
“It’s bound to be bullshit, but let’s hear it.”
“Listen, hyung. The rules we agreed to follow until yesterday need to change. The situation’s different now.”
Hajin looked at Hahyun with an expression that said what nonsense is this, but then crossed his arms like he was resigned.
“What’s changed? Did Yoon Juwon disappear? Did I give up on Yoon Juwon?”
“Yoon Juwon… no, Juwon hyung is a completely different person now. So yesterday’s agreement doesn’t count anymore.”
Hajin seemed to think about it, his gaze drifting away. Watching him made my head hurt, wondering what he was thinking so deeply about. Hahyun, looking frustrated, suddenly lost it.
“There he goes again! Always! Always acting like he’s the only rational one, like he’s the only one who knows anything! Ha… it’s not even funny. Anyone watching would think there’s some huge age gap between us.”
Hajin frowned and reached toward Hahyun. It looked like they’d really get into a serious fight if this kept up.
“Excuse me. What are you two even arguing about right now? I don’t know what’s going on, but I’d rather you didn’t fight…”
Both of them looked at me at the same time.
“Does it look like we’re not fighting right now?”
At Hahyun’s words, Hajin grabbed his arm.
“We don’t have to fight. I’ve got a good idea.”
“What?”
“Let’s have Juwon decide.”
Hahyun agreed, pushing his lips out in a pout.
“Fine, whatever.”
