Only then did Kaniel come to his senses.
‘How unfair!’
He was by no means someone who acted carelessly with his body. Rather, he was cautious in every way and never showed his body carelessly to anyone.
He admitted he’d become somewhat comfortable in front of Taeyon. But that was because he’d heard that when he fainted recently, Taeyon had changed his clothes for him. It wasn’t like he was stripping naked, and he thought that since Taeyon had already seen this much once, it wouldn’t make a difference if he saw it two or three more times.
And every time they traveled, Kaniel had been held in Taeyon’s arms several times. It took quite a while before that contact, which had been awkward and embarrassing at first, became familiar. Was that being proper and well-mannered?
“When he’s the one who started it…”
The more he thought about it, the more his sense of injustice wouldn’t fade.
Looking at the shirt with its buttons fastened all the way up made him feel suffocated. Feeling rebellious for no reason, Kaniel unbuttoned the top button and threw himself onto the bed. His aggrieved feelings wouldn’t go away at all.
* * *
When Taeyon came out of the bathroom, Kaniel was already asleep. He was on top of the blanket, which was all crumpled as if he’d thrown a tantrum on the bed.
“I should have told him he wasn’t being proper…”
Kaniel, already asleep, gave no answer. Taeyon went over himself and pulled out the blanket that was crumpled under Kaniel’s body. And as he was about to cover him up to his chest with the blanket, he discovered the traces of Kaniel’s rebellion.
Between the unbuttoned front of his shirt, his neckline and collarbone were slightly visible.
Taeyon let out a heavy sigh.
Oblyad Castle, where he was born and raised, upheld rather strict values. From childhood, they emphasized the importance of family affection, maintaining proper bearing, and the code that as members of the castle lord’s household, one must do their utmost to protect the castle.
In truth, by leaving home, Taeyon had already broken most of those codes.
“……”
Taeyon, who had been quietly watching the deeply sleeping Kaniel, shook his head vigorously when he realized he was staring at the tongue revealed between Kaniel’s parted lips.
These days he was tired, so he often found himself spacing out.
Taeyon pressed firmly between his brows and picked up the documents.
He was tired, but still, if he was going to start the investigation tomorrow, he needed to familiarize himself with the basic content.
* * *
Opening his eyes in bed, Kaniel bolted upright. He was out of breath and his heart was pounding.
Tears suddenly welled up in Kaniel’s eyes as he realized this was the lodging in the city called Centanid where they’d stayed yesterday.
Kaniel was curled up, not even thinking to wipe away the tears streaming down, when he whipped his head around at the sound of a door opening. Taeyon was carrying food on a tray.
“Taeyon…”
“Kaniel? What’s wrong?”
At that voice, tears poured out. Kaniel threw his arms around the waist of Taeyon, who had set the tray on the table and approached.
“What happened?”
“In my dream… *hic*…”
It had been a truly terrible dream.
“We arrived at Oblyad Castle, and… *sniff*… *hic*…”
“At Oblyad Castle?”
“*Sob*… They told me… *hic*, to leave…”
Putting together the story Taeyon heard while soothing the sobbing Kaniel, it went like this:
In the dream, the two of them had arrived at Oblyad Castle. All of Oblyad Castle was a place that valued courtesy and propriety, to the point where everything from how to greet people to how to step aside in the hallways when meeting superiors was predetermined.
Kaniel had fanned his shirt because he was hot and was severely scolded by a superior for being improper. And afterward, when he was caught grumbling about it alone, he was kicked out, being told they had no need for a child who wouldn’t even reflect on their actions.
And at the end, he begged Taeyon to forgive him just once, but Taeyon left a single word—”regrettable”—and entered the castle, abandoning him.
“……”
As Kaniel tearfully laid out such a story, Taeyon froze with a flustered expression, unable to comfort him further. He couldn’t believe this flood of tears was because of what he’d said yesterday about being “improper.”
It hadn’t even been that serious a rebuke.
Hesitating, Taeyon carefully gripped Kaniel’s shoulders and separated their bodies. Though Kaniel showed reluctance, he slowly pulled away and looked up at Taeyon with eyes soaked in tears.
Taeyon awkwardly wiped away Kaniel’s tears.
“Oblyad Castle isn’t the kind of place that kicks people out to that extent, so don’t worry.”
“But…”
Opening and closing his mouth, hesitating several times, Kaniel hung his head low and said:
“Everyone says that and then leaves. Liars…”
His father had been like that. When his mother was alive, he’d loved his adopted son dearly, but hadn’t he turned cold the moment his mother passed away? Though he and Kaniel lived in the same house, he no longer felt they were together. Because the father who used to exchange emotions with him was no longer there.
This incident had shocked Kaniel greatly, and afterward, Kaniel found it difficult to trust people. His inability to get along well with coworkers might have been because of that too.
Even when he grew close to someone, the thought that the person might leave or change would suddenly well up and make him step back.
“…Kaniel, look at me.”
Kaniel raised his head with his chin trembling faintly.
“Do I look like someone who would lie?”
“You lied about being a knight who came after receiving a dispatch today.”
Feeling aggrieved, Kaniel challenged him.
“No, I didn’t.”
At the firm answer, Kaniel furrowed his brow and recalled today’s memories. He was about to nitpick over when exactly that had happened, but surprisingly, Taeyon’s words were true.
Taeyon had never once affirmed the guards’ words asking if he’d come after receiving a dispatch. He’d simply remained silent and followed where the guards led.
Realizing this fact, his eyes widened, and Taeyon spoke again:
“If you make a mistake, I’ll tell you what you need to correct. I’ll teach you common sense too. You’ll need to learn etiquette, but it’s not to the point where how to step aside in hallways is predetermined.”
“You won’t… abandon me?”
“Right, I won’t abandon you.”
“*Sniff*…”
Kaniel shed tears again in streams. Taeyon sighed as he pressed and wiped Kaniel’s eye area with his sleeve.
“Stop crying now. I don’t understand why this is something to cry about in the first place.”
“But I was so upset…”
Kaniel wasn’t originally someone who gave his heart easily. Rather, he was disliked because he gave his heart too little. It couldn’t be helped. Kaniel didn’t know how to give his heart moderately. Moreover, he was afraid of being hurt after giving his heart.
But with Taeyon, it was different.
While caught up in sudden events, he’d given his heart to him without being able to control it. Because he’d defeated the monster that attacked him and saved his life, and even more so because in that forest, there were only the two of them, him and Taeyon.
Thinking coldly about it, he knew it was really just a dream and nothing to be upset or sad about.
“I thought we’d become quite close, but then suddenly you were like that…”
“I wasn’t like that.”
“Yes, in the dream.”
“…Haah. Go wash your face first.”
Kaniel obediently went to the bathroom as instructed.
When he came back out, both his eyes and face were clean.
“Anyway, I’m sorry for causing a commotion.”
“At this point?”
Wondering if he was angry, Kaniel tried to gauge his mood, but Taeyon had a faint smile on his lips. Relieved, Kaniel sat in the chair across from Taeyon.
“When I was young, well… I went through something not so good. The dream reminded me of it, so I think I acted a bit overly dramatic.”
“What did you go through when you were young?”
“My mother… as soon as she passed away, my adoptive father… he started… ignoring me.”
Even living in the same house, he never spared him a glance. When he spoke to him, he ignored him, and when he held his hand wanting to talk, he shook it off. He didn’t buy him clothes, books, or notebooks. Even in winter, he couldn’t use warm water. He couldn’t even have a single photo of his mother.
Inside the house where just the two of them lived, Kaniel felt alone.
Then one day, his adoptive father spoke to him. Kaniel, thinking his adoptive father had “gotten better,” was excited. And because of the documents he signed that day without understanding, all the inheritance Kaniel received from his mother became his adoptive father’s.
“So… just, sometimes I have times when I can’t control my emotions well like this. Though it’s the first time showing it in front of someone…”
Usually this happened when he was alone in his small monthly rental. Because of the bright moon, because of the warm spring breeze, because of sparrows chirping outside the window. The reason was different each time.
“Anyway, I’m sor—”
“That’s enough, so eat your sandwich.”
Taeyon blocked the apology while handing Kaniel one of the sandwiches he’d brought. Swept up in feelings hard to explain, Kaniel nibbled on the sandwich then raised his head.
“From now on, I’ll fasten my shirt buttons properly.”
“Good. You thought well.”
It was when the two of them were finishing their meal like that. Suddenly, urgent footsteps could be heard from the hallway, and then almost simultaneously with a knock, the door burst open. It was Oderic.
