Ruman’s Goal (1)
“That’s right.”
Yeah. I didn’t expect anything from hyung anyway. That’s just who hyung is. Strangers are more important than me, his own brother.
I felt completely deflated. My powerless voice seemed to drag my two legs down. I almost staggered but held on through sheer stubbornness. I could barely see straight ahead, dizzy from losing too much blood from my nosebleed, but I kept my eyes wide open.
If I cry here, I’m a fool.
Blinking to hold back tears, I glared at hyung’s face.
“That’s hyung for you. Hyung, the Hero.”
Because hyung has to be a Hero, no matter what. It’s okay, I’m used to it. Whatever.
“Take him.”
It was a common occurrence anyway, and something like this was neither a wound nor anything else.
“Fine.”
“Hey. What are you going to do after that? Hand him over to the village chief?”
Ruman frowned.
Temarr lifted the man up in one swift motion, placed him on his shoulder, then turned his back.
“I should.”
“That’s it?”
“Want me to do more?”
At hyung’s question, Ruman looked at me.
“You should at least let your brother vent his anger.”
At Ruman’s matter-of-fact words, Temarr looked at me.
“Do you want that, Ren?”
“No. Just hurry up and come. Give me the…”
Forget it. Give me what? How many times am I going to say the same thing? Pathetic. Hyung doesn’t even listen to me anyway.
“Never mind.”
“Alright.”
It felt like something was off.
The feeling that hyung and I weren’t communicating.
My chest felt so blocked up and stuffy that I wanted to pound on it frantically.
“What’s wrong with you two, all of a sudden?”
“……”
“……”
Temarr hyung went down the hill just like that.
‘He’s really going? Without asking me? Without asking if I’m okay?’
No. He’ll turn around anyway.
I stared blankly at hyung’s back as he moved farther away.
Ruman, who had been looking back and forth between hyung and me, frowned.
He’s leaving again. Again. Leaving me alone.
Yeah, since hyung’s a Hero, I have to understand. I’ve always known that others come before me, so it’s not even surprising anymore.
Hyung wouldn’t care even if I died, would he?
Maybe that would actually be fortunate.
“Are you crying?”
“……”
“I don’t carry handkerchiefs or anything like that.”
“…Hic.”
I really hate hyung. I really hate him. I’m really going to hate him.
“This is troublesome.”
Ruman awkwardly patted my shoulder and sighed.
“What am I doing?”
“Hic… Sniff… I don’t need, your comfort or anything. Get lost.”
Fuck! Why is my nose running, damn it.
I cried with hiccupping sobs. I held my breath because I didn’t want to cry, then let it out heavily because I couldn’t breathe. I repeated this until my breathing grew heavier and my shoulders started shaking, then suddenly my view shot up high.
“What are you *hic* doing! Let go!!”
“Sorry, but I don’t know what I’m doing either.”
“Let go!! Hic… I said let go!”
Ruman picked me up dangling and slowly walked toward the cabin.
“I said let go!!”
I’m not going home!!
I don’t want to see hyung’s face!!
“Geez. Really, what am I doing…”
“Let, *hic*, go!”
“Why am I babysitting a kid?”
Ruman, who had stopped for a moment, looked at me.
Ruman’s eyes were so bright I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
As I hiccupped, trying to hold back the tears that kept coming while my shoulders shook, Ruman poked my forehead. The yellow light I’d seen earlier flashed for a moment.
“Cry comfortably.”
Ruman, who had looked around, grinned. His golden eyes curved gently.
“I, I *hic*… I hate hyung the most…”
Waaaaah.
“Yeah, yeah.”
“*Hic*… *Sniff*… Hyung’s an idiot. Hyung is…”
“Mm. Yeah, yeah.”
“He can’t even think straight, *hic*, he’s a stupid idiot…”
“Pfft. Yeah. Yeah.”
An idiot who can’t even recognize an Orc woman’s arms when he bumps into them and doesn’t understand my feelings.
Waaaaaah.
It felt like all my pent-up grief was exploding. Ruman’s responses and answers were insincere, but my inner feelings kept bursting out.
Why do I keep talking to someone I met for the first time today!! But if I didn’t talk, it felt like my heart would explode with a bang!
Why does it always end like this with hyung… *sob*…
Why!! What did I do wrong for him to leave me behind again!! Because I’m not a good little brother? Because I don’t suit being a Hero’s brother? But if I only acted nice, people bullied me. They looked down on me and made me do everything… They ignored me for being young!! They were jealous because I have a Hero hyung!!
It’s not like I wanted to be a bad little brother!! I didn’t want to become the village troublemaker!!
But if I couldn’t be a perfectly good little brother, it was better to be a hellion.
That way, only I would get cursed at, and at least hyung wouldn’t be dragged down with me…
“Hyung doesn’t understand my feelings… *sniff*.”
“Yeah. Mm.”
“Why does he just leave, *hic*, again?”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Even so… *hic*, he could at least ask if I’m okay—! Waaaah!”
“…Mm. Heave-ho.”
With a voice that didn’t sound strained at all, Ruman said “heave-ho” as he hoisted me up.
“Still got a long way to go. Not my fault if you get swollen eyes.”
“Waaaah. Waaaaah.”
Who said anything about taking me to a doctor!? Who said anything about him doing what a Hero does!! I didn’t complain about that! And begging him not to go was all when I was little! I understand now, so I let him go without… well, not exactly willingly, but anyway, I let him go!
Then, then at least he should worry about his little brother, right?
He should ask if I’m okay, right?
If hyung asks me if I’m okay, then I, I!
Feel like everything would be okay.
***
Ruman circled around the house until I stopped crying.
Although he answered in an annoyed voice, Ruman’s hands were warm.
By the time I was laid on the bed, I had already fallen asleep as if passing out.
Ruman’s sighing sounded like a lullaby, and I didn’t hear the sound of hyung returning.
***
“Geez.”
Having laid Ren down, Ruman pulled over a chair and sat.
Staring intently at the boy while resting his chin on his hand, he suddenly sighed.
“He was tottering like he’d collapse, but he held on quite a while.”
Even though Ren’s words as he cried pitifully for a long time were slurred and hard to hear, only the two words ‘hyung’ and ‘idiot’ seemed to stick in his ears. For a moment, Ruman recalled Ren’s face all scrunched up crying “waaah” and bit his lip.
Oops. Shouldn’t laugh when it’s serious.
Ruman cleared his throat with a cough.
“Pfft.”
But it was no use.
Probably for a while, whenever he saw Ren’s face, he’d remember that tomato-red face sobbing away and would want to laugh.
“Better control myself.”
I thought he’d get angry that my comforting words were insincere, but that was unexpected too.
Maybe he’s more docile than I thought.
Ruman didn’t bother stopping his thoughts from flowing toward Ren as he pulled the blanket over him. Moving without any benefit didn’t suit his temperament, but well, comforting a kid wasn’t that much work.
Should I consider it the last service as a Hero?
Ruman stood up from the chair with a smile.
The sun had already set.
Normally, it would be well past the time to have left with Temarr. Usually Temarr would have followed right away, but today things got strangely twisted. Like suddenly saying he’d take his brother with him.
“He must be worried.”
Ruman assessed dryly, without any personal feelings.
Ren was pathetically thin and excessively pale, but he was pretty.
Not just pretty—fucking pretty.
Even in the capital, other kingdoms, and even in the Empire, the number of boys or girls as pretty as Ren could be counted on one hand.
His pure golden hair was utterly dry and brittle, but should I say his eyes were exceptionally pretty, to the point where even that seemed to shine?
Looking at each feature individually, his long slender fingers were pretty too, and though he was thin, his basic frame and bone structure seemed naturally well-formed. His waist and neck weren’t hunched either…
“Hmm.”
Is this the first time?
Something like that bastard groping his ass.
Ruman’s face twisted in displeasure.
Temarr had only been here for a year. Before that, he must have lived mostly alone, so was getting this isolated house the reason why?
“One year, huh.”
Wasn’t it still too far off for a world that didn’t need Heroes?
Seeing how he’s being called back when not even a year has passed.
So shouldn’t you stop now?
Ruman suppressed a laugh as he recalled his goal.
Unfortunately for Temarr’s brother, if he left his Hero position, that burden would fall on those who remained. It might become even harder to see Temarr in the future.
Thinking about it that way, Ren seemed pitiful.
“My principle is not to care about others.”
But there are far too many things in this world that don’t go as planned.
Ruman left the cabin without much deliberation.
Thinking that if Temarr insisted firmly on taking Ren, he should help persuade him a bit. While also smoothing over the atmosphere between the two whose conversation seemed to have gotten out of sync.
His developed ki sense told him that Temarr was coming this way.
