A brief silence continued. During that time, Seongjo couldn’t find words to say and mulled over Yujeong’s words. It seemed that in front of him, he often showed this uncharacteristically clumsy side. Soon he was barely able to smile and respond.
“Use you? For what, as a chauffeur?”
At the words thrown out like a joke as if to lighten the mood, Yujeong glanced back at Seongjo. He acted before answering this time too. He reached out and pressed a button, turning on the seat warmer on Seongjo’s side.
A seat warmer? For Seongjo, it was a function he had never used even once in his life. However, pressing the button without a word must have been an intention to be considerate of Seongjo. It was difficult to immediately say it wasn’t necessary. Did he look cold? Even so, in April?
But thinking about it, certainly, this evening’s weather was cool enough to be unbelievable for spring. It was natural to be cold since he had come out wearing light clothes without much thought. But it wasn’t to this extent.
In the end, Seongjo kept his mouth shut, neither fully accepting nor refusing Yujeong’s kindness.
After checking the passenger seat with a quick side glance, Yujeong finally answered Seongjo’s question.
“That, and in other ways too…”
“What other ways?”
Saying he could use him in other ways too. It was something he couldn’t have imagined would come from Yujeong in many respects. Wondering if it meant he had opened his heart to him that much, his mood was strange. Should he say it felt closer than ever before?
But since Yujeong didn’t answer right away, Seongjo had to guess the meaning of his words himself. What did “use” mean in the first place? Did it literally mean to take advantage of?
Yujeong looked back at Seongjo, who was lost in thought, then moved his lips as if to say something. Seongjo noticed that his gaze soon passed him and went to the window behind him. Seongjo also naturally turned his head and shifted his eyes outside the window, to where Yujeong was looking.
Outside the window, Yeongbeom was standing. He hadn’t known because he hadn’t looked back even when getting in the car. An ambiguous distance—to say he had followed or hadn’t followed. He was far away, but at a distance where his figure could be seen, Yeongbeom was looking this way.
He couldn’t read his expression. Was it a blank face? Or was he glaring… he couldn’t tell.
Seongjo, who had been looking out at where Yeongbeom was standing with a stiff face for a moment, turned his head not long after. In the meantime, Yujeong had already looked away.
He definitely seemed about to answer. Had he changed his mind while Seongjo was distracted? Or maybe he was still pondering what to say.
Yujeong’s hand moved toward the seatbelt. Seeing that, Seongjo finally noticed that the driver’s seat belt had been unbuckled.
If Seongjo hadn’t gotten in the car first, Yujeong might have gotten out. If so, would a situation where Yeongbeom and Yujeong faced each other have occurred? He couldn’t guess what kind of situation it would have been, but it was clear that he was fortunate such a thing didn’t happen.
Seongjo stopped being conscious of what was behind him and leaned toward Yujeong. When he snatched the belt he was holding, Yujeong stared down at Seongjo but didn’t stop him.
He fastened the driver’s seat belt as is. He heard the click of it locking and raised his head. Seongjo had deliberately closed the distance, and Yujeong also didn’t particularly avoid it, so the distance between them was close enough for their breaths to touch. Seongjo moved the corners of his mouth slightly to smile. Yujeong, who had been looking at Seongjo with a calm face, opened his mouth.
“It’s the first time in my life I’ve seen someone fasten the driver’s seat belt instead.”
Well, of course. Whether between lovers or when someone with interest picked up a person in their car, fastening the belt instead was mainly a consideration the driver performed for the person sitting in the passenger seat. For saying that, Yujeong didn’t seem displeased. So Seongjo also didn’t back down and said,
“You should finish the answer you were giving. How am I supposed to use you?”
Seongjo playfully curved his eyes and tilted his head slightly. The already close distance narrowed even more.
“Like this?”
Outside the car, Yeongbeom was standing. This situation would probably be visible to his eyes too. Then Yeongbeom’s thought that Seongjo had a new man would turn into certainty.
Seongjo hadn’t told Yujeong who Yeongbeom was, but Yujeong seemed to have already guessed everything. Just seeing how he deliberately glanced outside the window, as if saying it was okay to use him for the purpose of showing Yeongbeom. Finding Yujeong, who acted like he knew everything, both interesting and cheeky, Seongjo threw out a mischievous question for no reason.
Yujeong didn’t answer with words. Instead, he raised his hand and cupped the back of Seongjo’s head. There was no particular change in his expression. He didn’t grab the back of his head and pull him closer either. He just quietly let the hair scatter between his fingers.
But that was enough. After all, from where Yeongbeom was standing, he wouldn’t be able to see properly what exactly Yujeong and Seongjo were doing.
Would it look to his eyes like Yujeong and Seongjo were kissing right now?
Thinking of Yeongbeom trembling, it should feel satisfying, but his heart wasn’t very comfortable. It was because this very action felt like it meant he was conscious of Yeongbeom to that extent. In the end, leaving Yujeong, who had been responding to Seongjo’s actions, Seongjo tried to pull back first.
Yujeong didn’t pull Seongjo closer this time either. However, he didn’t pull away as if he had no regrets either. He lightly tousled Seongjo’s hair as he tried to distance himself. Just like stroking it. Only then did his hand fall away.
For a moment, his complicated mind went blank. Ridiculously, only after Yujeong stroked his hair did he realize it. That he was in a state where he needed comfort.
Yujeong turned his head as is and started the engine. Seongjo just stared at Yujeong, even forgetting to be conscious of Yeongbeom outside the window. Rather, it was Yujeong who first turned his eyes away and looked outside the window again.
Did his and Yeongbeom’s eyes meet?
If so, what expression would Yeongbeom have been making…
* * *
Yujeong started the car silently. Seongjo also didn’t speak first, lost in thought, so silence pervaded the car.
Seongjo didn’t look back toward Yujeong, keeping his gaze fixed outside the window. The evening cityscape passing by quickly didn’t really register in his eyes. It was hard to grasp his thoughts. He didn’t even know exactly what kind of feeling he was experiencing right now. For Seongjo, who always had confidence in himself, it was truly a rare thing.
However, it wasn’t strange. It was the first time meeting his ex-lover again after breaking up in that way. He had thought the moment of separation would be rock bottom, but having seen an even deeper bottom than that today, it was a situation where he couldn’t be indifferent.
When the car stopped at a red light, Yujeong, holding the steering wheel with one hand, held up his remaining hand in front of Seongjo’s eyes and waved it lightly. Only then did Seongjo look back at Yujeong as if startled.
“Stop thinking.”
He said. His face somehow looked displeased. He didn’t know if it meant to stop thinking itself, or to stop thinking about Yeongbeom. To Seongjo’s ears, it somehow sounded like the latter. Thinking that way, laughter somehow leaked out immediately.
Yujeong looked back at Seongjo with a strange look, who suddenly laughed out loud instead of being lost in thought. Only after a moment did Seongjo stop laughing and brought his hand to his mouth while clearing his throat. He threw out a question as if changing the subject.
“What brought you to this area? It’s dinner time, but you came out alone?”
When he asked while full of laughter, Yujeong became slightly dissatisfied in expression. Glancing away and examining Seongjo’s expression, he asked back instead of answering the question.
“Why are you laughing like that?”
“I’m laughing because my mood got better, not because it’s funny.”
Those words were true. And the fact that his mood had gotten better was entirely thanks to Yujeong. Perhaps noticing the hidden meaning even without saying it in words, Yujeong no longer expressed dissatisfaction and gave an answer.
“Just so you know, I didn’t do anything like a background check. Don’t worry.”
He hadn’t even thought that someone like Yujeong would secretly follow Seongjo while doing a background check. Was it a simple joke? Or was it something he brought up in advance because Seongjo seemed like someone familiar with background checks? He had never even done a background check on Yujeong, but Seongjo responded playfully with a laugh for no reason.
“I wouldn’t mind even if I did?”
