“Wait, you’re coming? No… where to? What were you doing outside anyway?”
In his fluster, he ended up picking up even things he didn’t need to ask. However, it wasn’t a bad feeling. A deliberately troubled smile appeared on Seongjo’s lips.
Yujeong, who hadn’t answered for a moment, said a word after the small mechanical voice the navigation spat out.
– You’re thinking a lot.
And then he added without listening to more of Seongjo’s words.
– I need to drive. I’ll call you back when I arrive.
The call ended just like that.
It was high-handed. However, for Seongjo right now, it was rather better that he was this high-handed. Just from that brief call, he’d become half absent-minded and unable to think other thoughts. At that moment, a word reached Seongjo’s ears as he stood there with an uncharacteristically dazed face.
“…You, did you get a man?”
It was Yeongbeom’s voice.
It took a bit more time to digest the content of those words. Because it seemed like words deliberately intended to upset Seongjo’s mood or insult him somehow.
His mood, which had improved considerably at Yeongbeom’s words, plummeted again. However, he wasn’t as deflated or powerless as before. It was as if that one phone call just now had created a shield. Seongjo laughed derisively and retorted.
“Why have you become so uncultured? ‘Did you get a man,’ what is that, ‘did you get a man’…”
“Don’t change the subject, answer me.”
It was a tone without composure and resolute. A tone he’d never heard from Yeongbeom. Normally, if you heard resolute and cold commanding words from someone who’d never been like that before, you’d flinch for a moment, but if it was Jo Yeongbeom and Lee Seongjo, the story was different. Seongjo snorted quietly with an angry face.
“If I did, what about it?”
Rather, it was Yeongbeom who flinched for a moment upon seeing Seongjo’s cold gaze. He looked at Seongjo with a complicated face. He looked like he was holding back anger. Yeongbeom, who had been moving his lips as if choosing his words, finally opened his mouth again.
“I know I’m not qualified to say this, but still… I don’t think this is right, Seongjo-ya.”
“What’s not right?”
“……I’m a bit disappointed. How long has it even been since we broke up?”
“……”
Seongjo raised his head, then lowered it, then turned his body to the left so that Yeongbeom’s figure wouldn’t be caught in his view at all. He wanted to let out a hollow laugh, but the breath he exhaled with a “Ha” couldn’t continue as if it was stuck in his throat. Because his thoughts weren’t organized and he couldn’t say anything, he felt like water boiling inside his throat was bursting bubbles.
It was confusing enough for a brief moment. Wasn’t it Jo Yeongbeom who had announced the breakup? And not for some other reason, but because he’d met another woman during their relationship and set a marriage promise. As he said, Yeongbeom wasn’t qualified to say such things.
Just what was his intention in talking about disappointment to Seongjo?
No, with what face…
He was curious but didn’t want to know, didn’t want to ask. Seongjo said while still turned away from him.
“Until now I thought you’d gone crazy, but I guess not. I was thinking wrong.”
“……”
“It wasn’t you, I was the one who went crazy to have met something like you.”
The past time becomes futile. Just how many more times does Yeongbeom have to make Seongjo feel this way before he’s satisfied?
“Go back in. Your wife is waiting.”
“Seongjo-ya.”
Yeongbeom called out, but there were no more words. Seongjo ignored his call and turned his back. He walked a few steps and plopped down on a bench. He habitually searched his pockets to take out a cigarette, but stopped upon seeing the no-smoking mark on the flower bed right in front of him. He made something like a hollow laugh again, then sat in a slouched posture with one hand on the bench.
He didn’t hear footsteps. It seemed he still wasn’t going back in and was standing behind Seongjo. He didn’t want to think about it, but he ended up imagining it. What expression Yeongbeom would be standing there blankly with. However, no matter what expression he imagined, instead of his mood improving, he only endlessly fell.
In that state, a time that wasn’t too short passed. A few minutes? No, did more than ten minutes pass? If you thought only suffocating silence flowed during that time, it was certainly a long time. Yeongbeom still had nothing to say. He couldn’t even feel his presence, so it seemed he might have gone back without him knowing. However, Seongjo didn’t look back.
Finally, Yeongbeom’s voice was heard.
“…She’s not my wife yet.”
At those words, Seongjo snorted without realizing it. Since he was turning his head away, Yeongbeom wouldn’t have seen Seongjo’s bitter expression. So that was fortunate.
What was his intention in saying such things? Was it lingering attachment? Was it a nasty disposition where he didn’t want to have it himself but didn’t want to give it to others either? If he had rather acted like he had no lingering attachment at all. If he had just continued to treat Seongjo like an awkward, avoidable person, would his feelings have been a bit different? Instead of interrogating him asking if he’d already gotten a new lover, and emphasizing the fact that he hadn’t married yet as if trying to leave some room…
“So what?”
“Seongjo-ya.”
At the short and cold retort, Yeongbeom called Seongjo once more. It seemed like he’d definitely liked his name being called in that low, gentle tone until they broke up. Now his feelings were just complicated. Seongjo asked with a small sigh.
“Do you even know yourself what you want to say right now?”
“……”
As expected, Yeongbeom couldn’t answer. Though he didn’t look back at his expression, his feelings would be complicated too. However, if he chose to turn away from his lover and family, he had to take responsibility for that. That was Seongjo’s thought. He didn’t have even the slightest intention of wavering.
“Don’t blurt things out impulsively. I’m only going to let it slide up to here.”
When he warned like that, a small laugh was heard from behind him. It was a bitter sneer that was laughing but didn’t seem like laughing. Yeongbeom said.
“You haven’t changed at all. You were always like this… thinking that you’re letting me off.”
“Then?”
Seongjo laughed quietly. As if asking, isn’t that right?
If he’d heard these words before they broke up rather than now, Seongjo’s attitude would have been different. However, it wasn’t a reason for him to waver now.
Before Yeongbeom’s answer came out, Seongjo’s phone rang. Seongjo, who confirmed Yujeong’s name on the screen, got up from his seat and a car parked in the distance entered his view. Though it wasn’t certain because of the distance, Seongjo was convinced that it was Yujeong’s car.
“Hello?”
– I parked the car behind the hotel.
“I see. I think I see it now.”
Seongjo moved his feet with his phone still against his ear. He felt a hesitant presence from behind. Was Yeongbeom following behind again? He couldn’t know that. Because he didn’t look back until the very end.
* * *
Yujeong was waiting for Seongjo with his car parked on the roadside. Seongjo lightly touched the clean silver sedan, then opened the car door. Seeing Yujeong greet him with his eyes made him feel like he had to smile naturally. He opened his mouth with a grin.
“You really came.”
And then he naturally got in the car and threw out a question.
“How did you think to come all the way here?”
Seongjo firmly closed the car door. Yujeong didn’t answer right away and turned his eyes. It seemed like he was looking outside the window. Yujeong, who slightly tilted his head and gestured with his chin in that direction, asked back instead of answering.
“Did you deliberately bring him out?”
When he turned his head following the direction Yujeong was looking, he could see Yeongbeom’s figure through the window. Though there was quite a distance, it was clear he was looking this way. Seongjo’s lips, which had been smiling, stiffened. He sighed briefly and took his gaze away from Yeongbeom.
“No, no way.”
Still, should he be grateful that at least he didn’t seem to be thinking of approaching any closer? Certainly, just Yeongbeom following Seongjo out was already a situation worthy of being on people’s lips. At least he didn’t seem to have lost his mind enough to knock on the door of the car Seongjo had gotten into in such a situation.
At Seongjo’s answer, Yujeong nodded as if convinced. He didn’t ask more about Yeongbeom and naturally changed the subject.
“Are you curious why I came?”
It seemed he was trying to answer the question Seongjo had asked first after all. When he immediately nodded, Yujeong glanced only his gaze away to look at Seongjo.
“Lee Seongjo-ssi…”
Yujeong’s gaze, who had parted his lips, briefly turned away from Seongjo. Even without deliberately looking in the same direction as him, he could tell Yujeong was looking at Yeongbeom. If he followed him and looked at Yeongbeom again, it seemed like Yujeong’s mouth, which had finally opened, would close.
Seongjo didn’t turn his eyes away and concentrated on Yujeong. He didn’t drag it out long and continued speaking.
“I thought it seemed like you could use me a bit.”
Yujeong, who said he came to be used, was smiling a little.
