Chapter 9
His chest felt tight at the gentle, careful touch. After they were separated, for a while, tears would come first whenever he thought of him. He’d tried so hard not to forget his face. If only he’d had a photo.
The first thing to be forgotten was his scent. Then the gentle touch. Finally, the memory of how comfortable it felt in his arms gradually faded.
Through harsh training and being deployed to life-or-death situations, each time he collapsed relying on stabilizers, one thing he’d wanted to remember would disappear. He tried desperately to hold onto them, to recall and remember, but the lost memories never returned.
What remained until the very end was the fact that he was truly pale-skinned, and the gentle voice that used to tell him stories.
His mind wavered the moment he called his name at the dungeon outbreak site. That site was his last mission as an NCSC member. Ten years. Exactly ten years. He’d worked like a dog for the country. He’d been trapped there for ten years.
When the situation arose where he could become a civilian affiliate, and his code name and real name—which were bound as top-secret information—would be revealed to the world, his first thought was to find Kang Raon.
During their brief time together, Raon had taught him so many things.
Although sensory memories like his sweet scent and soft skin gradually disappeared, he clearly remembered what Raon had told him. He precisely remembered Raon’s words, smiling as he said that MK would take care of him, and that they could stay together since his parents had given permission.
As time passed, he came to understand what kind of place MK was, and how different their worlds were—he, an orphan and a ticking time bomb that could outbreak at any moment, and Raon, the youngest child of an extraordinary family. Still, if given the chance, he wanted to see him at least once, even from a distance. To see if he was doing well.
He’d always dreamed of such a moment, but Raon called his name at the worst possible time.
The calm he’d barely maintained shattered, his insides twisted, and blood rushed back. Could it really be him? His heart started beating rapidly at the realization that Raon hadn’t forgotten his name and remembered someone as insignificant and worthless as himself.
Had he been searching for him? Had he wanted to remember him too?
He could feel him with his entire body. He hoped the path to this place hadn’t been difficult for him, but opening the way for him was all he could do.
He could have resolved everything instantly if he’d used all the energy he was suppressing. But Raon had emphasized to him many times: never show everything, maintain sixty percent. And he wasn’t certain he could handle the outbreak that would come after releasing all his power.
Now that he could finally see him again… he feared not his own death by outbreak, but that Raon might get caught up in it. When he saw Raon stagger, he understood what it felt like to have his heart sink.
He could hear clearly as Raon cursed through the earpiece. Had he ever cursed in front of him before? His concentration kept wavering. As an Esper, he’d faced countless more dangerous situations. But this was the first time he’d been so unable to focus.
Unable to move himself, Raon approached, tilting his head. Through the protective visor, those dark eyes were visible. His large, monolid eyes blinked, and then the protective visor disappeared.
He couldn’t think of anything to say, and only the corners of his mouth kept quirking up. His heart, which had been racing madly, settled calmly the moment he faced him.
Suddenly, he feared that Raon might not recognize him because of his mask. Without time to think, he tossed it away.
Feeling stifled, Raon immediately removed his protective helmet as well and threw it to the floor.
Then he fell into Jaehwi’s arms. Like a gentle breeze under a cool tree in early summer. Jaehwi felt his energy, like a very soft feather tickling his skin.
All the sensations he’d tried not to forget but had lost came alive in an instant. He knew he shouldn’t accept his guiding, but his body, pushed to the limit, instinctively chased after it. Raon called his name affectionately. Min Jaehwi. His name, which most people didn’t properly remember as he was more often called by his code name.
But Raon always called him by the nickname only he used: “Hwi-ya.” Suddenly, he wanted to laugh. He wanted to laugh madly, and barely suppressing his laughter at this sensation he’d never felt before in his life, he tried calling his name.
He could finally call his name, which he hadn’t uttered since they parted. At that moment, the tickling guiding flowing through his body suddenly stopped.
A fierce emotion surged up. As a faint moan escaped Raon’s lips, his own body began to crave him madly. Raon’s energy spread from head to toe through his blood. He knew he should control himself, but he couldn’t stop.
In the end, Raon fainted in his arms.
***
“I’m sorry.”
The inarticulate Jaehwi apologized first. He shouldn’t have done that. Raon had said he disliked guiding. He said he wouldn’t become a Guide. He said bonding with someone was terrible, but Jaehwi had done the very thing he hated most. He shouldn’t have eagerly accepted what Raon offered.
It wasn’t that Jaehwi disliked guiding or that guiding wasn’t absorbed by him. He’d simply refused to accept any guiding from the beginning. After manifestation, all he was given was unbearable pain. He thought it would be better to die.
When he listened to the adults—no, he knew instinctively. That if he accepted what they offered him, he could escape the pain.
But Jaehwi had chosen the death that would eventually come.
What moved him was Raon. For the first time, he’d given him the desire to live. He wanted to satisfy him, to become the person he wanted.
And he became what Raon said. He became a world-renowned Esper, and though not by his real name, few people didn’t know the name Nox.
“What?”
“The guiding.”
“Fifteenth floor.”
The elevator announcement sounded just as he said “guiding.” Raon blinked, still looking at him.
His guiding sent shivers throughout Jaehwi’s body. It was electrifying and gentle, and he could feel his dying body coming back to life. It was something he should reject but didn’t want to.
“Hm? Hwi-ya. What did you say?”
The elevator doors opened, but Jaehwi, who hadn’t moved an inch, was pulled into the hallway by Raon’s hand. As expected, he hadn’t heard what Jaehwi said.
“Just… sorry for everything.”
“What are you sorry for? You were only ten, and I was sixteen. It wasn’t a situation we could control. If anything, I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. Now hyung will take care of everything for you.”
Looking at Raon’s back as he walked ahead speaking loudly, Jaehwi’s mouth tasted bitter. It was his turn to return everything he’d received from him.
‘Hyung, don’t do anything. I’ll do it all.’
He swallowed the words he wanted to say to him.
Raon loved talking very much. Right now, listening to his story came first.
Only after Raon entered the office and closed the door did he release Jaehwi’s hand. In the mirror on one side of the office, he saw his own disheveled appearance. His hair was sticking up wildly, and a light brown long cardigan was carelessly draped over his shoulders, mismatched with his shabby treatment room clothes.
A sigh escaped him as he saw the slippers with the center logo. This is really the worst. Behind his reflection in the mirror, he could see Jaehwi. When their gazes met in the mirror, Raon quickly turned around and opened a cabinet attached to the wall. He changed into loafers he’d kept as spares and took out sunglasses and a mask to wear. If only he had a hat to cover this wild hair. But there was no hat or hooded sweatshirt to cover his head.
If he’d known this would happen, he would have kept spare clothes to change into.
Raon sighed deeply and ran his hand through his hair. He could clearly feel Jaehwi’s gaze on his back.
Surely he hadn’t forgotten and still remembered him. As his hyung, Raon wanted to show only his best side, but what was this?
“Just sit over there for now. What would you like to drink?”
Raon pointed to the sofa with his hand and then put his hand in his cardigan pocket before clicking his tongue. Not knowing where his phone was, he finally approached his desk and picked up the receiver.
He should have heard some kind of response, but when Jaehwi didn’t say anything, Raon looked at him. Looking through his black sunglasses, he could view him a bit more objectively.
He gestured with his chin for Jaehwi to sit on the sofa as he stood awkwardly near the door, looking at him.
“That…”
Jaehwi’s voice echoed in the quiet space. Without finishing his sentence, Jaehwi was standing in front of Raon in just a few steps.
“If you don’t want a drink, would you like something to eat?”
“Do you have to do that?”
“What?”
In the same space, Raon and Jaehwi were speaking different languages.
“Let me see your face.”
Just because Raon had covered it with sunglasses and a mask didn’t mean Jaehwi couldn’t see his face. But Jaehwi wanted to see his face uncovered by anything.
