“Eat three more bites.”
Since Jaehwi set the number of times he had to eat in an indifferent voice as if speaking to a child who wouldn’t eat, Raon picked up the spoon he had put down again. Jaehwi, who was as big as a door—no, seemed even bigger than that—felt like a wary baby kitten.
If I don’t listen to this either, he’ll really sulk. Raon scooped up a large spoonful and pushed it into his mouth. The abalone porridge, which hadn’t tasted like anything just moments ago, filled his mouth with various flavors. Jaehwi, who had seemed like he would only show his back, approached and placed a cup of warm water on the dining table.
After finishing the abalone porridge in his mouth, he defiantly scooped up another full spoonful of porridge and ate it.
“It seems like it’s time for honest talk, so while we’re at it, tell me one more thing. Why did you go to the dungeon?”
Raon, who had been savoring the nutty taste of the abalone porridge, stopped chewing. Jaehwi, who had been swaying this way and that in his palm just moments ago, had already escaped his hands. The unfathomable abyss-like eyes of Jaehwi sitting across from him seemed like they would read everything inside him.
“I’m a Guide, but I’m trying to become a combat-type Guide.”
There’s no such thing as a perfect lie in this world. But there was a way to make a lie plausible. Mix truth into the falsehood. The words about becoming another’s Guide were a lie, but trying to become a combat-type Guide was the truth.
“Huh.”
A sigh filled with absurdity flowed from Jaehwi’s mouth. Of course he’d be dumbfounded. To him, there was clearly no statement that would feel more preposterous than this.
“Bbobbo will steadily accompany me to dungeons too. Then I can raise Bbobbo’s abilities as well. My abilities will gradually improve too. Since you’ll be with me, there won’t be any incidents like getting hurt like this, right?”
“Just how far does that absurd thinking of yours extend?”
“If you tell me not to do it, will I stop?”
He returned the words Jaehwi had said earlier.
“What if I say even now that I won’t accompany you to dungeons?”
“…I’ll find another Esper. At least I won’t go alone. Unless I’m an idiot, you think I’d be crazy enough to go in alone again?”
“You’re fully the type of person who would do that. Then. One question. Do you like me? Really? Why?”
“Min Jaehwi! You said one question, why are you asking three?”
“Just answer.”
Raon briefly glanced at the water cup being pushed toward him, then looked at Jaehwi again and ate a full spoonful of porridge.
“I like you. I like you to death. You were cute and pretty and everything even as a kid, and you grew up so well on your own in a place with no one to protect you, how could I not like you? I want to hug you and pat your back, kiss you, and press our stomachs together, but I’m holding back because you say you don’t like me.”
Though Jaehwi’s coughing sound interrupted in the middle of his words, Raon said everything he wanted to say while chewing his porridge thoroughly.
“Are you really six years older than me?”
“I thought we weren’t talking about age!”
At Jaehwi’s outrageous act of bringing up age first out of nowhere, Raon slammed the spoon he was holding down on the table with a sound.
Jaehwi pressed his temple with his hand as if a headache was coming on, slowly inhaled, then exhaled just as slowly.
Watching that Jaehwi, Raon bit his left index finger to hold back the laughter that kept slipping out. Pretending to be an adult. Pretending to know everything. Pretending to care for you. Once he stripped away those pretenses, he could finally see Jaehwi properly and see himself properly.
If you like something, say you like it. If you don’t like something, say you don’t. If you want to do something, do it. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it.
He let go of thoughts like having to take care of Jaehwi, having to take responsibility, and the sense of responsibility that he had to alleviate his pain. He found himself utterly pathetic for having put forward things like age and position in front of him all this time.
“I don’t know about other things, but give up on the idea of being a Guide.”
“If you don’t like me becoming another person’s Guide, just let me be your Guide.”
As if giving up, Raon threw back words in a self-abandoning voice and spoke without backing down to Jaehwi’s back as he stood up holding the bowl of porridge he had left unfinished.
“I said no.”
“Hwi.”
“It’s Min Jaehwi.”
Do you think you can create distance now after all this? Having succeeded in peeling off one of the thick shells surrounding Jaehwi, Raon smiled and leaned back in his chair, then wrapped both arms around his torso at the sudden pain that came.
“Ppoo?”
Bbobbo, who had been moving its head diligently looking back and forth between the two during their ping-pong-like exchange, flew up. Then as it circled around Raon and landed its small body on his shoulder, Raon turned his head slightly.
Then Bbobbo’s soft fur gently brushed against his cheek, and soon its moist, soft nose tip pressed firmly against his cheek.
Jaehwi who tries to be cold but can never truly be cold, and Bbobbo who’s just bright and cheerful… As the pain gradually subsided and he barely straightened his body, Raon exhaled as if spitting out the breath he had been holding.
“Take your medicine.”
“It tastes bad.”
Isn’t it too much to tell him to take medicine right away when he just got a bit better? Raon, who had been gently rubbing the painful chest area with his palm, raised his gaze at a strange feeling.
At Jaehwi’s expression looking at him pathetically while standing crookedly with his arms crossed in front of the sink, he quickly turned his gaze elsewhere.
“Make sure to take it in 30 minutes.”
“It still tastes bad either way.”
“Are you done acting like an adult?”
“Yeah.”
Since Jaehwi found him burdensome and pushed him away, he had tried to be pushed away obediently. Seeing him receive guiding from other Guides and trying to find a Guide compatible with him, he thought backing down was the right thing to do. After spending time together with him in a comfortable state for once, the feelings he had tried to fold away came back to life.
When he pushed away and tried to avoid, did Jaehwi feel this way too? He was doing what Jaehwi had done—being brazenly shameless, making absurd excuses while staying close, then distancing himself again, wandering.
“Hwi.”
“Yes.”
“Want to watch a movie? What genre do you like?”
Even while placing the medicine he needed to take and warm water on the living room table, Jaehwi didn’t answer. Raon, who stood up from his seat with one arm wrapped around his torso and the other hand supporting himself on the dining table, approached Jaehwi who was silently turning on the TV.
If he received Jaehwi’s help, he could move a bit more comfortably, but Raon didn’t ask for help, and Jaehwi didn’t make any move to help either.
“I’m asking what genre you like.”
Having barely sat on the sofa with his own strength, Raon asked again.
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know? Is telling me your favorite genre that difficult?”
An answer Raon couldn’t have imagined flowed from Jaehwi’s mouth as he sat not right next to Raon but with one seat between them.
“I’ve never watched a movie. Team Leader. What would you like to watch?”
With simple remote control operation, a list of recent movies appeared on the TV screen. At the question delivered with a peaceful expression, Raon took the remote control from his hand. Then he played a family movie among the recent films that was rumored to be fun.
Exactly 30 minutes later, Jaehwi handed him medicine and water, and Raon had to take the medicine he gave while watching the movie. And at his suggestion, he moved to lie down on the soft couch, and a thick blanket was spread over Raon’s body.
As word of mouth said, the movie was fun, but Raon, who lost to the sleepiness that came over him, couldn’t watch the movie to the end.
* * *
When he opened his eyes again, what Raon faced wasn’t Jaehwi.
Though it was awkward because it was an unfamiliar place, the space that had been full of Jaehwi’s scent had changed to the room of his family home where he spent his childhood.
“You went there because you had nowhere else to go, and what is this state you’re in?”
At his mother’s words as she stroked his head with an expression full of worry, Raon exhaled briefly as if letting out a breath.
He thought he would be with Jaehwi even after dozing off and waking up. He thought he could stay at his house at least until his body healed. Though it was in a slightly different way than he had thought, Jaehwi, who had been reluctant to give him his side, had opened his heart a little. But he missed that opportunity like this? Though he shouldn’t hastily judge what happened while he was asleep, he could vaguely guess what the situation was.
Without saying anything and just frowning, the hand that had been touching his head gradually slowed.
“Raon?”
At the worried voice asking if perhaps another problem had occurred with him, Raon slowly closed his eyes and opened them.
“Please give me some water.”
“Oh my. You really. Mom was startled. Can you sit up?”
Raon’s gaze sank calmly as he watched his mother bustling about alone with a sigh of relief. Even after barely raising his upper body with Jay’s help and drinking water, he didn’t readily open his mouth.
“You liked traveling so much. Did you think a dungeon was some kind of travel destination? How could you go there… And what exactly did that Esper who accompanied you do? What’s an Esper’s job! What good is being highly capable? While a person got to this state… He himself was perfectly fine…”
Having confirmed that he was okay, Hyeyeon seemed to have started her nagging in earnest. Since it was full of worry, Raon had been listening silently, but at the same time she mentioned Jaehwi, he raised his eyes that had been lowered.
