“Ugh… huk…”
In truth, he knew. It wasn’t because of the app. It was because of Jang Juwon, himself. All of this was entirely his own fault.
* * *
The next day, thanks to the professor’s accommodation, Jang Juwon and Choi Yeonho got the opportunity to retake the Applied Fluids quiz during a free period. Neither of them said it out loud, but they both thought that this inflexible, stubborn professor giving them this opportunity was probably because of Jang Juwon. Since he’d already submitted a blank paper once, he was guaranteed an F otherwise. But even Professor Gwak probably didn’t want to give an F to this diligent and exceptionally bright student who had been getting high scores ever since.
“Jang Juwon, thanks again this time.”
Choi Yeonho said as they left the lecture hall.
“Haah, this is the end of that too.”
“Yeah. It’s okay.”
Choi Yeonho knew what his words meant. The day before, he’d seen him crying after his conversation with Baek Iseon. He didn’t know what had happened with that sunbae, but he intuited that this comfortable life with study guides had now ended.
“Hey, Jang Juwon. Why are you looking so gloomy? We can just study together. You’ve got tons of materials you’ve received so far.”
“…Sorry.”
“I’m the guy who tutored Shin Jisu and got her into college. You don’t trust me?”
“Pfft.”
Jang Juwon laughed. Now he would really focus on school life normally. He’d taken a bit of a detour, but this was how it should have been from the beginning, and he had decided to do so. So it would be okay.
* * *
Life continued cycling between three places: school, the study cafe, and home. At first, he couldn’t concentrate well and wanted to go out drinking, but after a few weeks passed, he had somehow adapted. Choi Yeonho was like this originally anyway, but Shin Jisu also had to live this life along with them. Unlike Jang Juwon or Choi Yeonho, Shin Jisu still couldn’t adapt to this model-student-like daily routine.
That day too, the three of them gathered at the cafe, flipping through their major textbooks. The early summer night breeze was so cool, yet having to be holed up in this cramped cafe irritated Shin Jisu. By now, she thought she had waited enough. She thought she’d given Jang Juwon plenty of time. However, he never opened his mouth first in the end. Instead, the way he pretended nothing was wrong was pitiful. So she couldn’t wait any longer. She had to take action herself.
“Hey, Jang Juwon.”
“Yeah?”
“Let’s go out for a smoke.”
The two of them went outside the cafe and entered a secluded alley to light their cigarettes. As Shin Jisu expected, the weather was absolutely fantastic.
“Ha… fuck…”
Shin Jisu muttered. Since it was a common occurrence, Jang Juwon didn’t pay much attention. But apparently Shin Jisu did. Suddenly, she got angry at Jang Juwon.
“Hey, what the hell is your problem?”
“Huh?”
“Why do you look like you’re at a funeral!”
“Why are you acting crazy again?”
Jang Juwon couldn’t even guess why she was angry. Looking like he’s at a funeral? He thought he hadn’t shown it. Her eyes couldn’t be fooled.
“What did Baek Iseon do?”
Jang Juwon’s body flinched. It was a name he was hearing after a really long time. He’d been trying not to think about it, but now he’d recalled it again.
“Why are you suddenly bringing up that name?”
Jang Juwon got angry. She was originally like this anyway, but this was the first time he felt Shin Jisu was this insensitive. He hated her for casually mentioning his name even though she must have roughly guessed the situation. After all his efforts. She had so easily turned it all to nothing.
“You slept with that bastard, didn’t you!”
“So what? So what. Is he the only one I’ve slept with?”
“Then act like you normally do—why are you acting like some dying kid!”
“When did I…”
Did it show? How much? Since when? Jang Juwon’s voice crept in.
“You think I’m a complete idiot fool.”
“What…”
“Tell me, Jang Juwon.”
“…”
“Tell me what happened!”
“Shin Jisu…”
Jang Juwon was a bit surprised. Shin Jisu’s eyes glistening with anger were welling with moisture. Her eyes, catching the streetlight, sparkled.
“…Please.”
Shin Jisu pleaded. Her expression looked so pitiful. Jang Juwon was seeing her like this for the first time. It was hard to see his friend suffering because of him.
“…It’s not because of Baek Iseon. It’s just… time will solve it.”
“Am I… someone who can’t help you?”
“It’s not like that!”
A teardrop finally fell from Shin Jisu’s large, dark eyes. Jang Juwon felt guilty. Unfortunately, Shin Jisu wouldn’t be able to help. It wasn’t something she could solve. If she knew the truth, she might actually make things worse. She might go find Hyun Youngjae right away and actually kill him.
“Then why are you still hiding it so tightly?”
“…Sorry.”
“Juwon-ah.”
“Still, I can’t tell you.”
Jang Juwon responded quite firmly, yet he couldn’t look into her eyes. His chest stung sharply.
“Why, because I’m useless to you?”
“Where would such words come from? It’s just, just… I’m afraid you’ll… kill him.”
“Who!”
“Shin Jisu… Can we just stop here?”
If he said one more word, it felt like tears would flow. The longing for one person and the anxiety about another person that he’d tried to forget by burying himself in studying were growing again.
“Jang Juwon.”
“Shin Jisu…”
“…”
“I’m… having such a hard time.”
In the end, tears flowed. The cigarette, still half remaining, fell weakly to the ground.
“Ugh… huuk…”
“I’m sorry.”
Shin Jisu hugged him tightly.
“I’m sorry, Jang Juwon. I’m sorry for not knowing anything… I’m sorry I can’t help at all…”
“Ah…”
Shin Jisu’s arms tightened around Jang Juwon. Jang Juwon realized he couldn’t hold on anymore. Those words of hers broke down Jang Juwon’s walls. Once the emotions burst, they overflowed so much that he couldn’t bear it without letting them out. In truth, he had wanted to confide in someone for a long time. Jang Juwon slowly opened his mouth.
“Hyun Youngjae… is blackmailing me.”
“Blackmail?”
“He says he’ll out me.”
“What? Fuck… Hyun Youngjae, that fucking bastard…”
Shin Jisu trembled with rage at that disgusting and petty behavior. For her too, outing wasn’t someone else’s problem, so the weight of the anxiety her friend must have felt all this time hit her even more realistically.
“I’m so anxious. I’m scared. I feel like I’m going crazy…”
Shin Jisu gently patted the sobbing Jang Juwon’s back. She had thought something was going on, but she never imagined it was something troubling him this much.
“So what does that bastard want? He must want something if he’s blackmailing you, right?”
“…He doesn’t like me meeting someone.”
“Ha! Fuck, what kind of pathetic bastard…”
Jang Juwon deliberately didn’t mention Baek Iseon. The moment he talked about his name, Shin Jisu would surely notice his feelings for Baek Iseon. If nothing else, he wanted to hide just this one thing. And anyway, they were feelings he’d never bring out. Jang Juwon buried his chin in Shin Jisu’s shoulder and closed his eyes tightly. Shin Jisu’s touch patting him was quite warm and affectionate.
“It’s okay, Jang Juwon. It’s okay… Nothing will happen.”
“You’re not going to try to kill Hyun Youngjae, right?”
“…What the hell do you think I am?”
“…”
She said that, but Shin Jisu truly wanted to go find Hyun Youngjae right now and strangle him. But there was no need for that now. There was someone else who would handle it for her.
“You know blue doesn’t suit me.”
“Crazy… Pfft.”
Jang Juwon laughed. Shin Jisu laughed along. But the meaning of her laugh was a bit different from Jang Juwon’s. If Jang Juwon had lifted his head to see her laughing, he probably would have been startled.
Shin Jisu sent Jang Juwon inside first and remained alone in the alley. She was thinking of smoking another cigarette, but now that she’d heard the whole story from Jang Juwon’s mouth, there was no need to delay any longer. She lifted the corners of her mouth upward and pressed the call button on her phone without hesitation.
