“…”
“Spend your whole life jerking off thinking about me.”
“…Juwon-ah.”
“Don’t say my name. It smells like trash.”
Hyun Youngjae’s collar slipped smoothly from Jang Juwon’s hand. He abruptly stood up and walked forward with long strides without looking back. Muscles stood out on his tightly clenched jaw.
As soon as he entered his room, his legs gave out and he collapsed right there in the entrance. Jang Juwon tightly embraced his trembling body with his arms. Tears poured out uncontrollably. His sleeves quickly became soaked through. The white hoodie was soon stained drop by drop into a deep gray.
He’d pretended to be unfazed in front of Hyun Youngjae, but in truth, he felt like he was going crazy with anxiety. It felt as if contemptuous stares and whispers would follow him immediately.
‘I knew I shouldn’t have gotten involved with someone from the same department.’
“Ugh… hup…”
He shouldn’t have contacted Baek Iseon from the start. He’d been too complacent. The relationship that he’d started casually, thinking lightly of it, had somehow developed into deep feelings and was now destroying him.
Most of all, what was eating away at Jang Juwon was the longing for him. Even in this situation, he couldn’t bear it—he missed him and wanted to be held by him.
“Fuck… this is so fucked…”
This had all happened less than an hour after Jang Juwon acknowledged his feelings for Baek Iseon.
If only Hyun Youngjae had intervened a little earlier, it wouldn’t have been this painful. This was the moment when a heart that hadn’t even begun had to be folded away.
Anxiety soon turned into resignation. Right, as long as he didn’t get entangled anymore, it would be fine. And that would be very easy. It was a very simple relationship that would end just by saying he no longer wanted anything from him. They were the kind of people who had no reason to see each other if their purposes didn’t align.
It was a relationship that should have stopped someday. That moment had just come a little sooner.
‘I just need to end it naturally. I just need to not seek him out.’
After that, Jang Juwon cried for a long while.
* * *
Despite the anxiety, time passed and it was already Tuesday. The lecture hall for Applied Fluid Mechanics in the First Engineering Building was filled with undergraduate students as usual.
Even as Jang Juwon entered the lecture hall, he couldn’t hide his nervousness. Although he knew that outing him was the only card Hyun Youngjae held and that he wouldn’t act rashly, he was still on edge. Having to face him was also terrible. Fucking bastard. Jang Juwon set his bag down in a row behind where he usually sat and kept his head down, holding his forehead.
“Jang Juwon, are you sick?”
Choi Yeonho asked, seeing Jang Juwon’s poor complexion.
“Uh, no, yeah.”
A nonsensical answer popped out. Choi Yeonho narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
Just then, he heard some classmates whispering from behind. Jang Juwon unconsciously tensed up and listened closely. It felt like everyone was talking about him. And from their mouths came the name of the person he least wanted to encounter at this moment.
“Anyway, that idiot Hyun Youngjae. Seriously, he’s no help at all, no help.”
It was Lee Donghyuk’s voice. He was grumbling, bringing up Hyun Youngjae’s name. Another classmate close to Lee Donghyuk also chimed in, grumbling along.
“I know, right. Fuck, did this bastard bail because he didn’t want to show us the answer sheets?”
“What kind of employment leave at this time of year. Ugh…”
“Maybe he went to offer his ass to someone?”
“Hey, who would fuck that guy. Ew, fuck. So fucking gross.”
They giggled with low-quality jokes. Jang Juwon’s complexion turned pale in an instant. Right now it was Hyun Youngjae, but it would only take a moment for that name to change to his own. The anxiety he’d tried to suppress began to rise again. The palm of his clenched fist was slick with cold sweat. His heart pounded loudly, shaking his entire body.
Just then, someone interjected into their conversation with a loud voice accompanied by a bang. The lecture hall instantly turned cold.
“These loser bastards are making so much fucking noise.”
It was Shin Jisu. She sat crookedly with her chin propped up, speaking as if to herself but clearly directing it at Lee Donghyuk’s group.
“Hey, Shin Jisu. Are you talking to us right now?”
Lee Donghyuk approached her threateningly with a scowl. Then Choi Yeonho stood up and blocked the space between Lee Donghyuk and Shin Jisu. Lee Donghyuk hesitated for a moment at the appearance of Choi Yeonho, who was taller than him, and Shin Jisu giggled and said,
“Is there another loser bastard here besides you?”
“This bitch, I let you slide because you have a pretty face…”
Lee Donghyuk clenched his fist. He looked like he was about to throw a punch at Shin Jisu any second. Just as Shin Jisu’s lips were about to part again, the professor and TA entered the lecture hall right on time.
“You, I’ll see you later…”
Lee Donghyuk glared at Shin Jisu, muttering quietly through gritted teeth, then returned to his seat.
“Why? Are you going to confess again?”
“Shin Jisu, you stop too.”
At Choi Yeonho’s intervention, Shin Jisu also sat down. The oblivious professor and TA began distributing quiz papers. Jang Juwon felt a pain like his insides were twisting. This entire situation felt too threatening. Lee Donghyuk mocking Hyun Youngjae and giggling, the near-fight that had just almost broken out—everything made him freeze up completely.
The hand holding the pen trembled. His vision spun. Cold sweat trickled down his forehead. His hand gripping the paper tensed. The paper crumpled weakly with a rustling sound. In the silence pervading the lecture hall, all eyes flew toward him at the jarring sound. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t bear it anymore.
“Huk…”
His body lost balance and tilted toward the floor. He felt his head hit the floor with a crash. Because of the dizziness, he didn’t feel any pain at all. He couldn’t make out anything. His eyelids began to close.
“Jang Juwon! Hey, Jang Juwon!”
He thought he heard a voice calling him. He tried to open his eyes, but his eyelids just trembled weakly without strength.
“Jang Juwon!”
After that, there was only pitch-black darkness.
* * *
With the professor’s permission, Choi Yeonho hoisted Jang Juwon on his back and rushed out of the lecture hall. Left alone, Shin Jisu’s eyes caught sight of a phone on the floor. It was Jang Juwon’s. It must have fallen out of his pocket when he collapsed. Shin Jisu picked up the phone.
Near the end of the lecture, his phone vibrated. When she checked it, it was a text message from Baek Iseon.
Come out^0^ Today we’re going to eat something delicious><
“Ha, that way of texting is really fucking awful…”
As soon as the professor announced the end of the lecture, Shin Jisu called Baek Iseon using Jang Juwon’s phone. Before the ringtone even finished, Baek Iseon answered as if he’d been waiting.
— Juwon…
“Sunbae-nim.”
— …Who is this.
At the unfamiliar woman’s voice, Baek Iseon responded sharply. Shin Jisu inwardly snorted.
“You need to come to the Fluid Mechanics lecture room in Engineering Building 1 right now.”
– Hah……. You’re that kid who’s always stuck to Jang Juwon, aren’t you?
“Yes. You need to come quickly.”
– ……I don’t know what’s going on, but I’ll trust that you have a reason for saying this.
Click. The call disconnected in an instant. Baek Iseon was a man with fairly good instincts. Shin Jisu crossed her legs and sat in the chair, waiting for the next situation to unfold with a leisurely attitude. Not even a few seconds had passed when angry footsteps—thud, thud—could be heard from behind her.
“Hey, Shin Jisu.”
It was Lee Donghyuk. He growled in a low voice as he approached and stood in front of her.
“What?”
Shin Jisu replied halfheartedly as if annoyed. That only provoked Lee Donghyuk’s anger further.
“What are you gonna do now that all your slave boys are gone? Huh?”
“You were scared of Choi Yeonho earlier……. Now that there’s just a girl alone, I must look real fucking easy, huh?”
“What did you just say?”
“But what can you do? I can handle trash like you all by myself.”
“Cut it out, Shin Jisu!”
“Bullshit. This idiot bastard got thrown a few words and now acts like he’s something.”
“You’re really……!”
Lee Donghyuk clenched his fist tightly. His body trembled. Even though he knew he shouldn’t, his hand rose up on its own. Rage paralyzed his reason. Finally, Lee Donghyuk swung his hand.
Smack. Lee Donghyuk’s hand was caught by something solid. Before his eyes stood a man a good hand span taller than him, gripping his arm. He tried to pull his hand free, but it was held so tightly he couldn’t budge. Lee Donghyuk’s face turned deathly pale as his eyes met the man’s. Lee Donghyuk knew him. Baek Iseon—there wasn’t an undergraduate who didn’t know him.
