Of course, with Huiseo being sick, there was no way Hwan’s heart didn’t ache. Equally, no, even more so, he was suffering. Especially just now, when Huiseo’s door had opened and he’d faced that emaciated appearance—his already pale face even more ghastly white—it had truly made his vision swim.
That’s why he was upset.
‘That damn cursed protocol!’
Hwan was frustrated to bursting that because of those stuffy rules that were now useless anyway, he couldn’t call the closest and most excellent doctor he knew. It wasn’t as if he could arbitrarily take him outside the palace to a hospital either. His insides couldn’t help but rot with distress.
If it were up to his feelings, he wanted to throw dignity aside and lie down right there.
He even felt the excessive urge to drag everyone in the palace over to care for Huiseo. He thought that if he had, even if not everyone, at least some people who were soft on either Huiseo or himself would have indulged his whim.
But if he did that, conversely, it was clear as day that Huiseo would be very angry and disappointed.
Hwan found that truly frustrating and unfair.
‘…Then what am I supposed to do?’
When you’re sick.
Like this, he was always nothing but a powerless prince.
Usually, regardless of his circumstances or what people around him chattered about, Hwan didn’t care at all. So what are you going to do about it? He didn’t bat an eye. It didn’t matter. However, even in a moment like now when Huiseo was sick, realizing he could do nothing at all was still miserable.
‘…This is shit.’
The skin stung from his nails digging into his tightly clenched fist.
But soon Hwan came to think somewhat differently.
It was still the same terrible situation. However, because of that, when he thought that he could personally nurse Huiseo with his own hands, Hwan’s expression changed considerably. Separate from the feelings of resentment and upset until now, he couldn’t stop the emotions rising up without him knowing.
‘Nursing Huiseo. Me, personally.’
He’d only ever known how to throw tantrums, asking to always be together, asking to be loved. And now that same person had finally discovered something, however trivial, that he could ‘do for’ Huiseo. To add a bit of exaggeration, Hwan felt as if a huge bell—daeng—had rung in his head.
‘If I score points like this, then maybe…’
You might be able to like me a bit more too.
He secretly dreamed such sweet dreams.
***
But before long, Hwan would face a completely unexpected obstacle in that sweet plan.
‘Jeong Huiseo.’
No, absurdly, that Jeong Huiseo himself was the stumbling block.
It had been good up to the point where he obediently followed along and sat on the bed. However, what he’d thought was unusually compliant only went that far, as Huiseo soon gently pushed away Hwan’s hand that was resting on his forehead and said:
“That’s enough, so leave now.”
“…What?”
Enough? And on top of that, leave?
“What are you talking about?”
Having a mountain of things to do from now on, Hwan looked at Huiseo with eyes wide as saucers, as if struck by lightning from a clear sky.
Of course, Huiseo must be saying this because he didn’t know what kind of feelings Hwan wanted to nurse him with. Otherwise, he couldn’t so cruelly shatter this pleasant sweet dream Hwan was having for once. But no matter what, Hwan had no intention of backing down like this either.
“You… Fine. Let’s not talk. Patients should just quietly receive nursing.”
“What patient? It’s just body aches. I’ll be fine after sleeping, so don’t make a fuss.”
“A fuss?”
At Huiseo’s reaction that was beyond indifferent, even cold, Hwan’s brow furrowed.
It was a completely different atmosphere of conversation from before the palace servant.
First of all, the “Your Highness” and the polite speech endings that had been consistently attached to Huiseo’s words had disappeared. Not only that, but he’d even dared to describe Hwan’s actions as “making a fuss” right to a prince’s face. It was somehow a tone completely devoid of any deference.
This was something that, even if it only reached the ears of not the imperial elders but Huiseo’s father—introduced earlier as the Chief Secretary—he might not just be shocked but even disown him on the spot.
However, in fact, this close conversation was a small secret between just the two of them that none other than Hwan had worked diligently from childhood to obtain.
‘But, Your Highness is Your Highness…’
‘No, Huiseo-ya. When it’s just us, I said we’re just friends.’
‘That’s…’
‘If not Your Highness, then what?’
‘…Hwan.’
He’d earnestly pleaded so much that calluses formed on Huiseo’s ears, no, until he was sick of it. So in fact, if you looked at it closely, Hwan was actually more familiar with and happier to see this Huiseo than the respectful one who spoke politely to him.
He really liked both the fact that they’d made a secret just between them, and also that in spaces where truly only the two of them were left, he could feel them grow closer by about two or three steps.
‘Hwan-ah.’
When Huiseo called him like that, he was already pretty but became about a span prettier, making his heart pound every time.
But now, at least right now, he was so annoying he couldn’t stand it. He’d said that worrying about him, nursing him, was making a fuss. Where did our kid learn such bad words! In his lament, Hwan wanted to strike even his own knee.
If someone who didn’t know the meaning of playing hooky—not even the first letter of it—couldn’t even come to the ceremony, it meant he was that seriously sick, yet clumsily pretending not to be as sick was also infuriating.
“But you couldn’t send even one message?”
Welling up at the nonsense, he blurted out the question without thinking.
But soon Hwan couldn’t help but bite down hard on his lower lip with an “Oh no.” It was because he’d inadvertently said something that seemed to blame the sick Huiseo. It was truly a mistake. Who was reproaching whom—in truth, this was even more absurd.
While Huiseo had been suffering like that, what had he himself been doing?
Not knowing this, he’d just been pouting his lips and throwing tantrums like a child. And yet what had he done so well to be reproaching him—Hwan keenly realized his own childishness once again.
‘I really haven’t grown at all.’
Briefly despairing, Hwan hurriedly watched Huiseo’s reaction. Even if Huiseo found him detestable, he had nothing to say.
“No, I mean…”
But fortunately, Huiseo seemed to think it wasn’t a big deal. He just reached out to grab and examine his phone from the bedside, and upon seeing the mountain of missed calls and messages, simply seemed at a loss for words for a moment.
“…Sorry, I was asleep so I didn’t know.”
A small voice muttered sheepishly.
‘No, that wasn’t what I was trying to get an apology for.’
Huiseo’s bowed head looked quite pitiful, and Hwan’s heart conversely throbbed with pain—it was just that moment.
“But you grabbed an innocent person?”
“Huh…?”
He’d said sorry. Exactly 3 seconds later, Hwan couldn’t help but be quite flustered by Huiseo opening his eyes in triangles.
“No, that was…”
He’d thought it would pass smoothly, but it wasn’t so.
It was clearly about raising his voice in front of the palace servant he’d encountered earlier, so this time conversely, Hwan’s voice crawled in.
“I was so surprised, and because I was worried about you…”
While glancing at Huiseo’s reaction, regrettably not even a sliver of an opening showed. Before Huiseo’s pointed gaze, Hwan was truly helpless.
“I suppose I was in the wrong, wasn’t I?”
Clasping his hands politely in front, Hwan obediently tucked his tail.
***
Looking at it closely, it wasn’t that there were no unfair points, but either way, in the end it was a fight he would lose. Though it was out of worry, it was true he’d done something Huiseo disliked, and if he made more excuses here and there, it was obvious he’d only hurt Huiseo’s feelings more.
Not wanting to lose any more points, Hwan had no choice but to prostrate himself flat.
“I was wrong.”
However, Huiseo remained quite silent.
It would be better if he’d just scold him. Somehow that short silence was even more painful, so Hwan’s gaze, not knowing what to do, darted everywhere—east, west, south, north. What should he do, should he confess everything step by step starting from sulking at the ceremony, would that ease Huiseo’s feelings even a little?
With his head complicated by various thoughts, Hwan first recalled something more urgent.
“…Th-then at least lie down. Lie down and do it.”
It might sound a bit funny, but it meant that even if scolding him, please do it while lying down. Looking at the atmosphere, it seemed he’d been sleeping until just now, and he didn’t want to make him sit up unnecessarily with that sick body because of himself.
Of course, if you asked who made that sick body angry, he had nothing to say. That’s why Hwan thought he couldn’t back down even more.
He at least wanted to prevent it from getting worse.
“I’ll be scolded as much as you want, okay?”
At the affectionate coaxing words, even holding his hand pleadingly, Huiseo finally nodded obediently as if he had no choice. But satisfaction with that was brief, as Hwan’s chest sank with a thud at the small sigh Huiseo let out.
‘You’d better not think Huiseo will keep indulging you forever.’
Uselessly, it was because the advice eldest brother Kang had given earlier came back to mind.
‘…No. It can’t be over something like this.’
How many years have we spent together?
He tried to reassure himself like that, but still anxious, Hwan secretly moved his lips several times before finally mustering the courage to ask. Of course, that wasn’t what he really wanted to ask.
“…Does it hurt a lot?”
“No.”
Though even the voice saying so was finely cracking, Huiseo answered with a firm “no” even if he died. One might think how the kid could be so cold and heartless. But that absolutely wasn’t the case—at least Hwan knew.
Had to know.
The reason Huiseo was hurting so much yet couldn’t even say he hurt.
It was precisely because of none other than himself.
