***
It was then that I first thought, am I really becoming a homeless person like this?
Getting used to filth too, feeling like I could eat anything as long as it filled my stomach, being able to lie down and sleep anywhere when tired. I originally didn’t care much about other people’s gazes anyway, but in a different sense from that, I’d stopped being conscious of others’ looks.
Even thinking such thoughts, it was stranger that I didn’t feel particularly miserable. I was just blank. Should I say I’d become numb, or that I’d stopped thinking about anything?
Rather, in the early period when money ran out, I was overwhelmed with helplessness and anxiety, so I’d even thought about maybe going back home. If I just went home, I wouldn’t have to worry about where to sleep today or what to eat anymore. No, rather, I’d return to a life where I didn’t even need to look at convenience store food and such. I might quickly forget things like how much a jjimjilbang day pass costs or how much cup ramen costs.
But thinking about facing Father again if I went back, the things I’d hear, living my whole life with someone I disliked following Father’s orders—it felt terrible. I shuddered more than before. I thought this current life was rather better.
Actually enduring a few more days and getting somewhat used to it, I even thought this life was manageable. Whether I’d suffered less so far, or had just become dull and accustomed to that suffering, I still couldn’t tell.
Anyway, where should I sleep today?
While spacing out blankly, I frowned at the wind that suddenly hit. Far from cool, the muggy wind even brought a stench from somewhere, causing displeasure. I turned my head the other way, but the stench didn’t leave.
Only then did I realize where that smell was coming from. It was the smell from my body. Though I’d washed as much as I could in public restrooms, I couldn’t eliminate the smell ingrained in the dirtied clothes. Moreover, it was summer. Even without washing for just one day, old sweat turned completely into a stench the next day. Realizing that, I burst into a feeble laugh. To think such a thing would happen in my life. It was something I couldn’t have even imagined just a month ago.
When I was laughing emptily alone thinking such thoughts, in front of me—or more precisely, on the road in front of the convenience store—a black SUV vehicle came and stopped. I just lifted my eyes slightly to glance at that car. It was the type of car wealthy young people mainly drove. The inside of the car with the air conditioning on must be cool. I thought vaguely that on a day like this, it would be nice to drive around listening to refreshing music while driving a car like that.
The driver’s side door opened and as expected, a young man got out. In the dimness, the light from the convenience store and streetlights illuminated like spotlights, creating a cool silhouette with his tall height and elegant movements. He seemed to be an office worker, wearing dark suit pants and shoes. Whether he’d taken off his jacket and tie, he wore a short-sleeved dress shirt on top with a few buttons undone.
Slightly grimacing at the hot air, he walked past me with large strides into the convenience store. He didn’t give a single glance to me sitting there shabbily.
“…Huh?”
Drawn by the pictorial-like atmosphere, I was absently throwing my gaze following him when I involuntarily let out a surprised sound seeing the face revealed in the convenience store light.
Straight forehead. Long, sharp eyes. Honed nose bridge and jawline.
Though his hair was more neatly cut short and he seemed to have lost a bit of weight, it was definitely a face I knew. But… could he be in Korea? Shouldn’t he be in England?
“……”
Well, thinking about it, since he was Korean, it wasn’t strange to return to Korea after graduating. Though there were many cases of extending studies by entering graduate school or finding employment positions right there, if you’re Korean, there would naturally be many cases of returning to Korea to settle down. After all, wasn’t I myself in Korea right now?
“……”
Of course, in my case there were somewhat more complicated circumstances involved.
Anyway, I turned my whole body around to peek into the convenience store. Without any hesitation, the man picked something up, immediately paid, and came out through the convenience store door. The ding-dong of the convenience store door bell and the clerk’s clear voice saying “Please come again” reached my ears.
With an indifferent face, the man moved his steps holding the purchased item in his hand, and just like when he entered, he passed right by me and took a few more steps. The reason he stopped and looked back was definitely because he felt my gaze staring intently at him. The eyes that had been indifferently looking at me widened greatly. I was the same. It was a face I knew. Wait, what was the name again?
“…Kwon Jukyung.”
3
I remembered. Right, Kwon Jukyung.
He was from the same school and one of the few Koreans. He was in the same economics department, but though there were many students, most classes were conducted one-on-one with professors. Since classes had at most 5 people, we’d taken classes together about twice?
During my time at Leroy, I studied a lot and played a lot. Leroy alone had dozens of libraries, and there were countless pubs and restaurants students frequently went to, but whether our roaming boundaries were similar, I quite frequently ran into Kwon Jukyung both inside and outside campus. It wouldn’t have been impossible to naturally mix in and hang out together, but Kwon Jukyung wasn’t part of the group I hung out with. I strangely didn’t want to hang out with Kwon Jukyung. Or maybe it wasn’t strange. First of all, Kwon Jukyung’s first impression was poor.
‘Hey, Yoon. That hot guy over there is looking at you, do you know each other by any chance?’
It was when I was studying with my friend Shane to prepare for a one-on-one discussion class with a professor. We were sitting at the cafe’s outdoor table to make it easy to chat while studying, when Shane suddenly poked my arm and pointed somewhere.
Where Shane pointed, three or four men were standing in a group, and I didn’t need to ask which one in particular. First of all, whether by physical appearance, face, or fashion sense, there was only one person who would catch Shane’s eye as a handsome guy radar, and he was clearly looking at me. Since it wasn’t a very far distance, our gazes collided directly. But as soon as our eyes met, the man frowned and turned his face away abruptly. It was quite blatant.
‘Wow… are you two on bad terms by any chance? Did you fight?’
Since Shane said that, I hadn’t seen wrong. I was dumbfounded and flabbergasted. Because in fact, I was seeing Kwon Jukyung for the first time then and naturally didn’t even know his name.
‘No, I don’t know him. This is the first time I’m seeing him?’
‘Really? Then what’s with that reaction? Did you steal that guy’s lover without knowing it or something?’
At the time I passed it off with a hollow laugh saying not to talk nonsense, but later I even seriously wondered if I’d really done such a thing. Because even when we had a mutual acquaintance later and formally exchanged greetings, he glared with a frowning face and his manner of speaking was short and stiff. I thought maybe that was his original personality, but I was surprised again to hear he unexpectedly got along well and sociably with other people.
If it had ended at that level, I would have just let it go and forgotten about it. Anyway, Father had said I didn’t need to build connections there, so just study quietly without mixing with Koreans and come back. The world was surprisingly small too, so if unlucky, there was a high possibility the other person was a child of a family known through connections. Then there would be no point in not revealing detailed personal information here and living pretending to be a Beta.
But after that, that bastard…
“Kang Doyun…?”
Just as I was slightly frowning at the unpleasant past that suddenly surfaced, Jukyung called my name.
“Don’t tell me you’re Kang Doyun?”
“Why are you here?”
When I asked bluntly and discontentedly, Jukyung’s face contorted.
“Why am I here?”
Jukyung swept over my shabby appearance with sharp eyes and made an absurd expression.
“What are *you* doing here in that state?”
I shrugged my shoulders.
“Well, I ran away from home.”
At my lightly thrown answer, Jukyung let out a hollow laugh.
“Are you a middle schooler?”
“Well, everyone has their own circumstances.”
I answered as if grumbling. It was bothersome to explain circumstances one by one. We weren’t close enough for that either. But.
It was the first time someone I was acquainted with besides family had appeared on Korean soil. Instantly, like in a cartoon, a light bulb went on in a corner of my head.
“Anyway, it’s good we met. Lend me some money.”
The thought flowed out abruptly as words without weighing this and that. Naturally Jukyung made an absurd face, and honestly I was a bit surprised at my own shamelessness too. Of course, I didn’t show such signs.
“Did you deposit it? Ridiculous. Are you in a position to ask me such a favor?”
I tilted my head. I certainly acknowledge it’s a shameless request, but is there even a need to talk about positions?
“Well, still, aren’t we college classmates? I don’t know what position should be like, but as you can see, I’m not in a situation to pick and choose. I’m at a point where I’m wondering if I should sell my body to avoid starving to death. I don’t even have money to buy one cup of ramen.”
Of course, selling my body was a figurative expression meaning I was that desperate, but at those words Jukyung scrunched his face to a degree that could be called vicious.
“Sell your body, are you crazy?”
I was more surprised at Jukyung’s intense reaction.
“No, I mean, that’s just how the saying goes, who would really do that? I’m saying I’m struggling that much.”
At my words said with wide eyes, Jukyung clicked his tongue and shut his mouth tight. A moment of awkward silence hung, but I somehow had a feeling the conversation would go well from Jukyung’s unexpectedly intense reaction. At least he didn’t seem like a heartless guy who would just leave not caring whether an acquaintance starved to death or not.
“Actually, I know it’s really absurd to make this request between people who at most know each other’s faces and names.”
