I was generally a fast eater, so I had a bit of time between when the food came out. Since I didn’t want to see Jung Yoonseo eating quickly to match my pace, I deliberately stopped eating when I was about halfway through and adjusted my speed while watching Jung Yoonseo’s plate.
Before the second main course came out, Jung Yoonseo suddenly looked at me and chuckled.
“…Good manners.”
“What?”
“You’re matching my pace right now, aren’t you?”
I was honestly surprised by Jung Yoonseo’s words. I thought it wasn’t noticeable. I answered shamelessly.
“I originally have a habit of taking breaks and eating with a fresh mindset.”
“Are you going to eat like that every time we have a meal from now on?”
From now on? It didn’t seem like there would be another meal with Jung Yoonseo. I asked with pure curiosity.
“Are we meeting again?”
“Don’t you want to?”
If you ask like that, I can’t say no… And honestly, I didn’t dislike Jung Yoonseo. If I didn’t know Jung Yoonseo’s circumstances at all, maybe, but I was someone who knew all about Jung Yoonseo’s family affairs and his arduous love history.
Moreover, I’d been thinking this for the past few days—it felt strange to maintain a friendship while knowing too much about the other person. It felt like I was committing fraud or something.
Jung Yoonseo tilted his head slightly and looked at me. As if urging an answer.
“Of course not.”
At my answer, Jung Yoonseo grinned. His face seemed satisfied, but it was ambiguous to be certain if it was genuine. Because I already knew Jung Yoonseo was good at acting with his expressions. Yeah, this was it. Every time moments like this came, I felt strange. …As if I’m committing fraud.
When the food came out, I slowly chewed my food to match Jung Yoonseo’s pace. Jung Yoonseo smiled lightly seeing me match his pace. And then the conversation broke off for a moment.
Jung Yoonseo, unlike his earlier appearance of inducing conversation throughout the day, just chose silence. I didn’t bring up a new topic either. Because I noticed that Jung Yoonseo needed silence.
Instead, I looked at Jung Yoonseo’s smoothly ironed suit, his neat nails, his white wrists visible between his appropriately tailored shirt. When Jung Yoonseo occasionally made eye contact, I didn’t avoid it. The one who looked away first was Jung Yoonseo anyway.
“Can you eat dessert?”
Jung Yoonseo eventually broke the silence himself. Judging by how he left about half of the main course, he seemed already full.
“I can eat it.”
“You’re not full?”
“Moderately?”
“You eat well.”
The dessert also came out not as one item but three in a row as a course. Jung Yoonseo ate about half of the first plate and didn’t touch the remaining two plates. I scraped clean even the sherbet that came out last.
“Was it okay?”
“Describing it as just okay would be disrespectful to the food.”
Jung Yoonseo was silent for a moment and thought about something. After a while, Jung Yoonseo asked.
“Want to have a drink?”
At Jung Yoonseo’s question, I thought for a moment. Although I had an afternoon shift tomorrow, I had already drunk with Eun Haejin yesterday. Even though the hangover had mostly faded after sleeping and waking up, I wasn’t completely fine, so it was ambiguous to say I was in a condition to drink.
“I drank yesterday, so if alcohol goes in on top of this… And you have to go to work tomorrow.”
“Ah.”
Jung Yoonseo nodded as if understanding.
“Let’s drink next time.”
“Next time?”
“Don’t you want to?”
Instead of answering, Jung Yoonseo called the staff and asked for the bill.
When the staff took Jung Yoonseo’s card and left, Jung Yoonseo spoke in a tone somewhere between questioning and stating.
“When would be good next time?”
“Tell me when you’re available. You’re busier than me, right?”
At my answer, Jung Yoonseo nodded. Just then, the staff entered the room.
“I’ll take you home.”
I got in Jung Yoonseo’s car again. When we came earlier, it took a little over 20 minutes by car, but on the way back, we arrived even slower than that. Despite it being a time when traffic was lighter.
“Don’t you need to look at the navigation?”
“I roughly know. Just guide me to your house once we enter the neighborhood.”
“Okay.”
Jung Yoonseo took advantage of stopping at a signal to turn on music. A pop song I’d never heard before was playing from the middle, but it was calm and nice. I listened quietly to the song, then looked at Jung Yoonseo’s profile as he drove.
Jung Yoonseo had a different feeling from Eun Haejin or Cha Hyunwoo. He felt much more adult than the two. The way he didn’t try to act mature to match the other person made it especially so.
Jung Yoonseo’s light-colored hair fluttered in the wind coming through the slightly open window. That sight felt so alien, like part of a meticulously directed film. Jung Yoonseo was someone who knew he was handsome and knew how to appropriately use it.
I looked at Jung Yoonseo’s long, dense eyelashes, his beautifully lined nose, and well-sculpted lips from the side, then spoke honestly.
“You’re handsome.”
Instead of answering, Jung Yoonseo looked at me briefly. I felt my hair also fluttering in the slightly open window.
Instead of urging Jung Yoonseo for an answer, I hummed along to the tune of the pop song. Even as the playlist continued to the next songs, I didn’t know any of them, but I could hum along well enough. If you listen, you can predict the next notes.
Jung Yoonseo drove the car in the direction I indicated. He briefly stopped the car in front of the alley leading to my house.
When I brought my hand to the handle to open the car door, there was a click and the door locked.
“…Hyung?”
“Are you doing it on purpose?”
Jung Yoonseo’s question tone was gentle, but it had a strangely pointed feeling. Not knowing exactly what he was asking, I kept silent, and Jung Yoonseo made eye contact with me and asked again.
“I’m confused whether you have an intention or not—was it deliberate?”
“Which part?”
The corners of Jung Yoonseo’s mouth smoothly curved up.
“Are you doing this knowing that I’m okay with men too?”
This time, it was me who closed my mouth.
***
Jung Yoonseo watched my reaction for a moment, then let out a laugh like a sigh. His face looked slightly deflated.
“Straight, right?”
That doesn’t mean straight as in going straight ahead, does it?
But it was awkward to answer Jung Yoonseo’s question. Kang Seojin had been, but Lee Hyun was…
“I… I guess so?”
“Aha?”
Jung Yoonseo raised his eyebrows and turned his body to face me, saying playfully,
“Haven’t you tried this either, so you don’t know?”
When I didn’t answer, Jung Yoonseo continued as if it were nothing.
“Kindness without intention is a bit dangerous.”
“Kindness with intention seems more dangerous to me.”
“It depends on what kind of intention…”
Jung Yoonseo softly drew out his words and leaned toward me. Just when I felt Jung Yoonseo’s face had gotten too close, he continued.
“Today I did have an intention, but I didn’t know it would flow in this direction. Because you were acting like we were on a date.”
I could feel Jung Yoonseo’s breath touching my cheek. At that moment, with a clicking sound, the car door opened.
“Get home safely. I’ll ask about the recovery and contact you again.”
I nodded with a stupid expression at Jung Yoonseo’s words. Jung Yoonseo muttered to himself in a murmuring tone.
“Even though I put on cologne…”
…That really wasn’t intentional. For now, I got out of the car and waved to Jung Yoonseo.
“…Get home safely.”
Jung Yoonseo smirked at my greeting and smoothly drove off. I watched Jung Yoonseo’s car drive away for a moment, then slowly entered the house.
When I got home, my legs gave out without me realizing it and I sat down. Actually, thinking about it, Jung Yoonseo, Eun Haejin, and Cha Hyunwoo were all people who liked men in the end, weren’t they? Of course, love happens regardless of previous sexual orientation, but…
…Have I been acting too obliviously all this time?
It was something I hadn’t thought about at all. However, this was a problem that wouldn’t have an answer even if I worried about it. But I couldn’t suddenly act coldly from tomorrow on just because of the possibility that they might like me. …To judge more objectively, I… am not that much…
It wasn’t that Lee Hyun’s appearance was bad at all. Lee Hyun objectively had a tall height and a decent face. But when I thought about the other three… hmm.
I came to a conclusion that might sound cold and just went to wash up. My whole body felt sticky since I hadn’t showered all day today.
