The aftereffects of forced imprint removal that came like a recoil had existed from early on. Muyoung was barely enduring by recklessly searching the internet and using methods floating around here and there to somehow block this situation alone.
He slowed the speed at which his body collapsed by getting suppressants prescribed and consistently taking them, and sleeping when he became lethargic. No, he was believing he had slowed it. He was just consoling himself with the fact that his appetite had decreased a bit more than before and dizziness struck occasionally, but it wasn’t yet to the extent of being uncomfortable to be active.
He thought that perhaps he was a person born this way from the beginning. Just a person who came to the world for a moment, fallen away alone, loved someone, did something he liked, and disappeared without a trace.
If he didn’t think even like that, Muyoung himself was too,
Miserable and lonely.
#02
Face-to-Face
Slowly regulating his breathing and waiting for the pain to subside, he raised his body and sat in a comfortable posture, looking at the schedule in his phone again.
The drama currently being filmed was in post-production, so filming would be completely finished in a few weeks. And the one or two commercials with remaining contract periods had no additional filming. Calculations were roughly finished in the direction of somehow blocking new works from entering and if that didn’t work, choosing works with the shortest possible period and working just a little more.
He wanted to naturally make that much effort for CEO Choi and Section Manager Kim who had worked hard for him. Although there wouldn’t be very much money, with the money he had saved until now and the deposit on the apartment where he was living, wouldn’t it be able to be somewhat courteous?
Knowing he was someone with greed for works, he planned to buy time while making excuses about taking a little rest. Considering this, wasn’t he handling himself quite calmly even in a situation connected to death?
When he was ready to convey the facts as they were and the surrounding organization he was doing slowly was finished a bit more, he was thinking of talking to the company too. Of course, it would be difficult to reveal everything in detail, like his relationship with Jinho or his own problem of not being able to organize the imprint, but just about the confession about his trait and his physical condition, they should know so the company could prepare afterward. There would be shock or hurt, but believing they were stronger and healthier people than himself, he believed they would endure well even the situation without him after some time passed.
In fact, there was no other method that came to mind besides this. Even after becoming an adult, when he couldn’t get a grip and became anxious with unknown unease, it was like walking on thin ice. So he didn’t know any methods except recklessly enduring or abandoning greed for things that came before his eyes.
He endured because acting, which wasn’t even his major, was fun, and he endured because the one person he was greedy for was by his side. He abandoned an ordinary life wanting to become even a little more solid position, and abandoned immediate greed while dreaming of a distant future.
This time, how far could he endure? Or how far could he abandon?
The agency’s matching schedule newly entered on the phone screen stood out prominently. First, he had to go out and gently refuse the meeting. Even if he met someone, he absolutely didn’t feel he could continue after that. He just hoped his excuse would seem desperate. And he just hoped they would be a person with common sense to the extent of not being offended by that level of refusal.
He looked for a long time with the agency’s address, time, and brief procedures entered, then shook his head that was becoming dazed. Recently, it was common to lose himself in the moment like this and stay up all night. It was slightly better than dreams where Jinho appeared saying the breakup again, but that also wasn’t very good. He had to at least lie down in the blankets. He moved his steps to the bedroom while stroking his forearm where he felt heat like someone about to catch a cold.
He hoped a little that it would be a night without dreams.
* * *
Perhaps because it was a weekend, he slowly walked in while looking at the building that seemed quiet. Rather than driving directly, he moved by taxi. It was a choice made because if something suddenly went wrong with his body while driving, it would become harder to handle.
Visiting the trait management agency was the first time since completing mandatory education after manifestation. With an unnecessarily awkward feeling, Muyoung looked around at the scenery that had become a bit more colorful than that time, then approached the information desk located inside the entrance.
“Excuse me… I came after receiving the matching official notice today.”
“Yes, uh……”
The staff member who had been staring at Muyoung’s face tilted their head. He knew it was the reaction when seeing someone familiar, but he didn’t show it. Soon, as if they had erased their doubt, the staff began guidance.
“If you give me your ID, I’ll exchange it for an access pass after confirmation. When you leave, you can get your ID back while returning the access pass.”
“Ah, yes.”
He fumbled inside his jacket and took out his wallet, then handed over his ID. He received the necklace-type access pass immediately offered and hung it around his neck, then passed through the security gate and entered inside. It was a much improved procedure than when he first came, but when he realized it was a public institution, his actions naturally became cautious.
Fortunately, perhaps because it was a weekend, the inside of the building was empty without people. He stroked the area around his mouth stiffening with his palm and moved his steps to the prepared meeting room following the facility map.
Sitting in the small meeting room simply furnished with chairs and a table and waiting for the other person, he felt a little anxious. It seemed better to arrive with time to spare rather than at the set time, but coming early was apparently not a good choice for Muyoung.
The meeting room, not very different from the atmosphere of any government office, was cozy and simple. A table with simple refreshments was positioned in the center with chairs, and a small water purifier and simple refrigerator were placed in the corner. He didn’t fumble because there was a usage guide next to the door. A round wall clock engraved with the agency name “Trait Management Agency” and the agency logo on the white wall caught his eye. The moment he glanced to check the time then turned his head to the entrance of the meeting room again, a tall man entered through the opening door.
At an awkward eye level, he could only see a suit in a quite classic style. The clothes darkly wrapping the body looked luxurious at a glance. The formal attire to the extent of making him reflect on himself who had dressed slightly casually tightened his throat with tension he had been trying hard to release until just before. As he slowly raised his head, he was surprised at the face that appeared.
It was a refined appearance that wouldn’t lose at all even compared to people he had faced while working quite a bit in the industry. The neatly arranged black hair and black eyes looked cold and the eye shape was sharp. But unlike that, his mouth corners that held a smile to the extent of not being uncomfortable were deep, so his gaze naturally went there. When their eyes met, the area below his prominent eyebrows deepened more and the slight eye-smile that formed suited him well—he was a handsome man to the extent that even the celebrities he had seen until now would be flustered in front of this person.
He was surprised at his appearance and tremendously tall height, but even though covered by the suit, his physique that looked solid was to the extent that the meeting room that had seemed empty until just before felt full because of the man.
“You came first. I’m sorry.”
“Ah, yes. Hello. No. The time hasn’t even……”
Only after seeing the greeting made while approaching closely and the hand extended simultaneously did he hurriedly stand up and lightly clasped and released it. He thought that while working as an actor, he would have had enough experience facing completely unfamiliar faces. While reflecting on himself floundering from the start, Muyoung chewed his lower lip hard.
“Let’s sit.”
Following the man taking a seat leisurely, Muyoung also carefully sat again. The indoor air that had been even slightly stuffy had completely changed just from one person entering. But because it wasn’t entirely comfortable either, Muyoung had to take a deep breath without realizing it. After barely calming his heart, he straightened his posture. He had to properly greet him again.
“I’ll greet you again. I’m Lee Muyoung. I came after receiving matching guidance, but in fact, this kind of thing is my first time.”
“Yes, you’re better in person than on screen.”
“……What?”
When he awkwardly raised his face that had been bowed in greeting, the appearance smiling while making eye contact was beautiful like a picture. He hadn’t thought at all that he could be recognized just by looking at his face. In a general case, he might think it could be so, but the man in front seemed like he would have no connection whatsoever with TV or movies.
“You’re an actor. Aren’t you? Am I mistaken?”
“No, you’re not. That’s right. I just didn’t expect you to recognize me right away……”
“Muyoung-ssi doesn’t know himself well.”
“That can’t be……”
Although he occasionally heard that he went around without awareness of being an actor, he hadn’t expected to hear it from a man he was meeting for the first time. Muyoung stroked his face once more. Even though he denied it and showed reluctance, the voice creeping in seemed to rather be proof that the man’s words were keen.
“I’m Han Dowon. Nice to meet you.”
“Yes, nice to meet you.”
The fingertips naturally taking out a small case from inside his jacket and handing over a business card were neat. Bringing the rectangular paper in front of his eyes and reading carefully, there was a familiar company name and unfamiliar title stamped, so he unknowingly hurriedly raised his head.
J Ent.
CEO Han Dowon
Jaeyoung, a major media group that no one in Korea wouldn’t know. The entertainment company under it was J Entertainment. Moreover, CEO—he looked to be only in his 30s at most. He was gazing at him with no change in expression.
“Is there some problem?”
“No, no. That… it says CEO.”
“Yes, I am the CEO. If identity verification is needed, it’s not difficult.”
“I didn’t mean that! ……No.”
Muyoung, who was still blank with the business card placed in front, even extended his hand and shook his head at Dowon’s words. Dowon, who had been quietly watching that appearance, smiled and leisurely leaned his back against the chair he was sitting in. The man had leisure ingrained in his body. That attitude and posture wasn’t the kind that could be easily obtained. Muyoung knew that fact well. It was because of the experience and time left by traces of a past person.
