#01
Breakup
Crack. The sound of something breaking properly could be heard.
The one and only thing cherished deep in his heart, more important than life itself, that he believed without doubt he would spend all his time in life with.
The sound of loss as hope disappeared.
“I think we need to sort things out. Both of us.”
A breakup had come to Muyoung. The bright smile and kind voice he had struggled desperately to hold onto somehow, the person who made him dream of the name of family that he believed without doubt he would have for the first time in his life.
“How many years was it? Let’s consider our obligation fulfilled for the time we spent together.”
The face speaking to him with an expression he’d never seen before somehow looked comfortable.
He could feel the man’s pheromones in the breath he drew deeply into his lungs. Even without going to bed together, he was a man who always freely released them in front of him. He remembered how that smiling face saying it made him feel properly rested had been supremely happy.
He had consistently worked hard to be a solid person who wouldn’t be ashamed in front of him, the child of a fairly well-known entrepreneur. It was the man who had been with him through all the times that were bewildering and frightening just because he had grown up as an orphan, because he was a recessive omega who manifested late. That’s why he naturally thought about marriage. That someday the two of them would be tied together harmoniously and happily as family. Because they had gone through even the imprinting that happened by chance together, he thought it would naturally be that way.
Only now did he realize there was nothing natural about any relationship.
* * *
It was while they were having dinner together in a separately prepared private room. Perhaps considering Muyoung’s situation as an actor working in the industry, though not very famous, it was a restaurant where people didn’t come and go much. The date they were having together after a long time was appropriately warm like a spring day and the sunlight was clear. So even though it was an earlier dinner than usual, it was quite satisfying. He was calmly savoring the tea aroma that came out for dessert.
At that moment, to hear words with this kind of content.
He didn’t think he had come out to hear such shocking words. Even in his confusion, Muyoung couldn’t take his eyes off the man because he regretted seeing him after so long.
“If you need financial support, I’ll help. There will be places where money is needed to handle things alone going forward. Even if not, I was going to do that much anyway.”
“……What?”
But it seemed he was the only one thinking that way. Muyoung’s lightly pigmented eyes shook finely with shock. The face that had been wearing a smile instantly lost its bearings. He tried to be calm but was busy composing his crumbling expression. Although he might seem lacking to the other person, did he think that he, who clearly had a job, would make some financial demand of his lover? His already white cheeks gradually turned pale and his long, drawn-out eyes twitched.
They had been together for seven years already. If you count the time he had secretly harbored feelings for the other person alone, it was almost over eight years. He was the only person he had been greedy for in the world he had been thrown into. Because he couldn’t immediately understand what this person was saying to him now, he only let out dumbfounded sounds.
“I thought about it well and decided, so I trust you won’t do anything foolish.”
“Sunbae, no… Jinho hyung. What are you saying right now……”
It was the day he was flustered by the suddenly arriving heat and cycle.
Having grown up as an orphan and gone to university, Muyoung was living alone in a dorm, juggling studies and part-time work. Even his scholarship was precarious, so it was a time when he could barely manage his department activities and a small theater club. There was no one around to tell him about his strange physical condition that day. The problem occurred in the club room he had stopped by alone to organize things.
The person who happened to help with the manifestation he couldn’t handle at all at that time was Jinho. It was a late manifestation that appeared while he was in his second year of university. The manifestation that everyone said showed up in middle and high school bursting out late was confusing, but Jinho also experienced a cycle caught up in his own manifestation as he floundered in the club room.
As if that wasn’t enough, they even imprinted from that incident. Imprinting, no less. It wasn’t something either of them expected. Both the manifestation and the imprinting happened suddenly. He acknowledges it was practically an accident for him and his family.
But for him, it was his first love.
The person in front of him, Yu Jinho, was the attractive alpha famous even within the club. He was also the reason Muyoung joined the club. It was a feeling he naturally assumed was one-sided love and secretly cherished alone. Joining a club that wasn’t in his plans as if possessed, enduring by devoting himself passionately to theater he didn’t know at all—it was all because Jinho was there.
He had gotten such a person caught up in his manifestation. Though it wasn’t intentional, he even avoided him for several days, worried that he might have ruined Jinho’s bright future. He would have willingly disappeared if he had gotten angry at him instead, but it was Jinho who comforted him as he cowered like that.
He was even more flustered when he found out later that the strange reaction that day was because of mutual imprinting. Even so, Jinho’s words saying he felt good that they seemed to react only to each other were like magic to Muyoung. It was the moment when his heart that had been suffering from affection and guilt was washed clean.
It had been like that. Seven whole years that started that way.
“It’s not sudden. You must have been expecting it too. Wasn’t it?”
Even in this situation, in a calm and gentle tone, he couldn’t say anything to the words spoken as if troubled.
The replies to texts sent between filming gradually becoming slower, encountering news of the man getting busier only through news articles—he worked hard to console himself that it was just because he was busy. Was it wrong to believe it would naturally be that way in the future because they had time spent together? Or did he gradually distance himself because he knew that was the kind of person he was?
“Even so, that’s… Of course I just thought you were busy……”
“I think it’s been over a year since we stopped spending our cycles together.”
That was right. At first, it was simply because of his lover’s busy schedule. He soothed the man who apologized repeatedly for urgent business trips and gatherings, saying it was okay. Unlike Muyoung whose relationships were limited, he was someone with many people to meet and much work. Each time, he smiled and acted relaxed. Yet frightened of the cycles he spent alone, he clutched the prescribed suppressants and checked the schedule when he needed to take medicine over and over. Enduring cycles with medicine was frightening. When they passed safely, he was relieved again. Looking back now, even that waiting was meaningless.
There was once when he had postponed a meeting because filming schedules suddenly changed on his end too. Even then, he asked for understanding in advance. He considered it courtesy. Even though they didn’t have time to spend the night together so they only exchanged greetings by phone and occasionally met to drive and just eat before parting, that was all. He thought it would be okay. Because they had gotten along well until now. Because that’s how it could be if they were both busy.
When cycles came around without Jinho, he had no choice but to use suppressants to prevent his body from getting excited. Was that rather the mistake? His head was all dizzy.
“……That’s, that was because our schedules didn’t match well. Saying we should suddenly break up……”
“Muyoung.”
“……”
“You know it’s not like that.”
The red lips that had been mumbling and spitting out desperate excuses pressed tightly shut at Jinho’s firm voice. Yes, it was an excuse. Even though he had directly heard the words “let’s break up,” it was his own excuse for finding it difficult to immediately accept the situation.
But wouldn’t anyone be like that? At a place he thought was a date after a long time, to face a breakup in this way—wouldn’t it naturally be difficult to accept at once?
“Like, like this……”
His confused state of mind was revealed outside as is. Muyoung soon squeezed his eyes shut then opened them. He couldn’t stop his brow from naturally narrowing. He barely controlled his expression distorting painfully and looked at the man again. Before he knew it, his fingertips that had been quietly placed on his knees trembled. He urgently clasped both hands together and bit down to hide his lower lip.
Jinho sitting across from him looked even calmer than usual. Even the sight of him drinking water was just peaceful.
He had always been someone he wanted to resemble and admired as a senior, someone kind who had been with him as his one and only lover. For such a person to become the past. Even the man’s unconcerned appearance at this moment overlapped with the past and was agonizing. But as if those feelings of Muyoung’s weren’t conveyed at all, Jinho showed not the slightest waver. The only thing that came across as fact was the conclusion that he had probably already sorted out many things, alone.
“I’m planning to get the imprint removal procedure soon. I’ll let you know the date and time in advance, so you organize things to match too. Otherwise, it’ll be inconvenient for both of us going forward.”
“……”
“If you need help, I’ll give you a separate contact. You can talk to them.”
Jinho’s voice transmitting only facts without a speck of emotion could be heard clearly. If only they were all words he couldn’t hear, he could have not heard them. He knew that even such self-deprecating thoughts only tormented himself, but they wouldn’t stop.
Slowly shaking his head to substitute for his intention was all the strength Muyoung could muster right now. Even though it was a reality he had never imagined even in dreams, it was strange that the lover notifying him of the breakup was the same as usual.
Jinho’s appearance turning his wrist to check the time seemed like urging for a definite answer. Clearly, until he prepared to go out today and came to the appointment and had a meal, it was just good. It was an ordinary time when he was in love with the person in front of him.
Muyoung found the Jinho he was facing awkward. At the same time, he found himself now feeling awkward unfamiliar.
“I’m fine……”
“Right, you’re strong and smart, so you’ll do well going forward too. You grew up well alone without family.”
“……”
