# Chapter 96
Hund stood in place, watching me as if telling me to say what I had to say.
I trembled at the realization that I was facing him just a few steps away. Given our relationship where we could attack each other at any moment, I wondered if it was really okay for us to be standing like this.
My stomach churned slightly. But if not now, I wouldn’t be able to say it, and it was something I had to say.
“I’m leaving for somewhere else now.”
“…”
“I’ll disappear from your sight forever.”
“I don’t know what you’re misunderstanding, but that’s not what you should be saying right now.”
Hund silently took out a sharp knife from his pocket, approached me, and waved it in front of my eyes.
“Do you really think you can kill me? You can’t. …Because uncle must have told you not to kill me.”
At those words, Hund strode over, grabbed me by the collar, and shallowly stabbed my side with the knife.
I felt my breath catch, but I knew he wouldn’t stab me any deeper. Still, I tried not to look at the sharpened blade due to the fear ingrained in my body.
If I looked down, I felt like the terror would mercilessly grip my entire body.
“Uncle is already dead, and both you and I are free now… But you know we can’t break free.”
“What do you know!”
Hund yelled as if he’d heard something terrible, raising the knife tip to stab me shallowly again. I could feel a little blood leaving my body. It wasn’t very deep, but at this rate, something irreversible could happen.
I wanted not to be tense, but it wasn’t working. I wanted to shake off the hand that had grabbed me.
But swallowing that tension forcibly, I whispered to him in a hollow voice.
“How could I not know?”
Through the trembling hatred and fear, I could tell what kind of emotions he had sharpened, and a strange sense of sympathy persisted alongside them.
I had met Woosang, removed the leash that had bound me, and already become free.
But Hund was still standing here, bound to the past. He was doing meaningless things, tied to a ghost that no longer existed.
I knew his emptiness better than anyone. That’s why I could make this request.
“The house in Nice, France. Remember? The house where uncle and I lived… You visited there too.”
“…”
I steadied my voice as much as possible and slowly helped him trace his memories.
“…I saw your story there.”
I had seen writings about him in the diary uncle had left. Of course, I had no intention of telling him directly what they contained.
Whether he would confirm the contents himself, grant himself absolution, or put on the leash again—that was his choice.
Shallow breathing echoed through the empty street. The sound wasn’t coming from me. It was coming from Hund.
As I observed his confused face, I soon noticed a small resignation pass over it.
He seemed to be suppressing and digesting his own emotions about this situation.
At that moment, I felt the blade that had been shallowly digging into my side slowly pushing outward. I bit my lip hard to keep from screaming at the painful sensation.
The knife fell to the road with a clatter. He trembled with his released hand, shaking his head as if dominated by unbearable thoughts.
There was nothing more I could say to him. The judgment was all his, and it would be difficult for someone who had never lived by his own judgment until now.
Soon, with unfocused eyes, Hund stared blankly at somewhere. Even in that brief action, I could sense his confusion.
“…Get out of here.”
“…”
“Before I change my mind.”
My heart pounded at his unexpectedly calm words. Afraid he might plunge the knife back into my side if I turned around, I stood still, unable to move.
As if sensing my thoughts, Hund slowly walked back in the direction he had come from.
His trembling gait and slumped shoulders made him look like an old man approaching death. He must be extremely tired.
The one who had held the leash had suddenly vanished from the world, and the last order he had given was something incomprehensible, so it was understandable.
I wondered what choice he would make.
But clearly, he would not come after me. I could vividly see his future where he would continue to live suppressing his anger and keeping quiet to fulfill the final order given to him.
Slowly, I bowed my head to look at my finely trembling hands. I clenched my hands tightly in the air and moved my body alone.
‘It’s finally over. Finally…’
A body that moves as I want. Emotions, thoughts. Suddenly, I wondered if I had now gained complete freedom.
Freedom. I rolled the word I thought I would never be able to whisper around in my mouth.
My whole body felt like it was floating with the weightless, light word. Days when I had felt countless emotions for a word without substance flashed by.
I exhaled shallowly and closed my eyes. The air that had hurt me just moments ago was now letting me breathe.
I lowered my trembling hand and caressed the side where I had been stabbed. The blood that had been pouring out enough to soak my side until just now had already stopped, creating no particular pain.
This wound felt like proof of my freedom.
I stood firmly in place, putting strength into the soles of my feet. Then I dusted off the dirt on my body. I slowly swept my hair and face with my palms.
Everything I touched with my palms felt intense. I didn’t want to forget this sensation.
‘I should go back.’
I slowly lifted my feet and headed toward where the hospital was. With each step I took, I vividly felt that I was standing firmly on the ground.
I wanted to tell Woosang about these rising sensations and thoughts.
Thinking I wanted to see him, my slow walk gradually quickened, and even my heartbeat started to change faster.
Entering the lobby, I bowed my head to the nurse who was sitting quietly. I was worried she might notice the blood on my side, but due to the dimmed lighting because it was night, she didn’t seem to notice.
It was fortunate, as I was worried about causing a commotion.
The nurse smiled at me and then turned her attention back to what she had been doing.
‘I should do what I need to do too.’
Slowly, I recalled the things I needed to focus on.
Standing again in front of the hospital room I had been in until just now, I lightly knocked on the door.
From inside came a brief, “Yes.” I opened the closed door, went inside, and smiled faintly.
***
I slowly recalled the season when we first met.
It seemed like just yesterday that we faced each other under the hot light of a summer day, but already we had spent a new summer and were waiting for another summer to return.
I stood by the window, looking at the outside scenery. Although it was autumn, the temperature hadn’t dropped severely, so a pleasant warm breeze leaked through the gaps in the window.
Woosang and I stayed at the hospital for a few more days, and afterward, I confessed to Woosang that we couldn’t return to Paris.
Woosang, who had worn a confused expression for a while, nodded in understanding, saying it couldn’t be helped.
He suggested we ask Bel for understanding and head to her house in Berlin where she was staying.
It had already been a week since we came to Berlin.
“What’s outside?”
“Nothing, just looking because the weather seems nice.”
“Come and look at this with me?”
“What is it?”
At Woosang’s call, I closed the open window and approached the sofa where he was sitting.
And gently brushing his hair aside, I looked at the screen he was holding out.
“A house to stay in when we go to Canada.”
“You found one already?”
“It’s not a place to stay permanently, just a temporary place to stay before finding a new home.”
He showed me the pictures and told me the locations of the houses. Some were located in big cities, and some were in smaller places.
Then suddenly, seeing a familiar place name, I asked him to stop.
“Do you like this place?”
“…”
The place he showed me was a small apartment in the center of Quebec. It was some distance from where I had lived, but I couldn’t help being drawn to it more.
But I couldn’t easily suggest going there either. I was afraid of stirring up my past, and I was also worried about encountering something I knew.
“So Quebec it is, right?”
Entranced by Woosang’s gentle voice that seemed to know everything, I nodded my head slightly.
Woosang said this place was actually his first choice and that he would contact them. As I watched him composing an email, I noticed that his hands had stopped, so I took my eyes off the tablet and looked at him.
When Woosang kept staring at me silently for a long time, I was about to speak out of awkwardness when he spoke to me first.
“Actually, from the first time I met Teo, I thought you might be an immigrant from somewhere else.”
“What? How…”
“Very occasionally, but when you pronounced foreign words, it was different from the French people.”
“…”
I couldn’t hide my embarrassment as I looked at Woosang, who was smiling in an amusing way. I wanted to ask exactly when he had noticed, but I was also afraid that if I found out, I would end up tracing through my past one by one.
He reached his hand toward me. Just as I was thinking I wanted to avoid his hand out of embarrassment, the sound of the front door opening came from the entrance.
I headed quickly toward the entrance with relief.
“I’m back… What? Why are you waiting at the entrance?”
“Just because.”
Bel looked perplexed as I approached her, stepping back slightly before handing me the bag she was holding.
Wondering what it was, I opened it to find several donuts inside.
“Thanks. You’re going to eat too, right?”
“Yeah.”
She went to her room saying she would change clothes, and I took out the donuts and brewed coffee, substituting for Woosang whose legs were uncomfortable.
Although she occasionally brought something back, this was the first time with donuts, so I asked Bel curiously.
“Why donuts all of a sudden?”
“I heard in Canada they eat donuts and coffee like that every day. Just thought of it and bought some.”
“…You heard we’re going to Canada?”
Bel shrugged and acted nonchalant. But somehow her behavior seemed awkward to me, and I felt a pain as if someone was pricking my stomach with a needle.
I wondered what she was thinking about our upcoming farewell.
If she didn’t mind much, that would be sad in its own way, and if she was sad, I thought I would become gloomy too.
