# Chapter 89
Just then, the sound of the lock opening echoed through the room. I focused my blurry consciousness and looked at the door.
Woosang entered quietly through the opening door without saying a word.
I just blinked blankly, wondering if I was seeing things. The faint sound of footsteps circled my ears, making my head spin.
I noticed his tightly closed lips and furrowed brow, as if he were deep in thought. The anger that had filled me until just now disappeared without a trace, replaced by dizzy questions.
“…Where did you go?”
“I went to where Bel was.”
I approached him with quick steps and lifted the hem of his clothes. I checked for signs of a fight, but there were no new marks besides the wounds I had seen yesterday.
Woosang quietly examined my serious expression and then waited patiently despite my rough handling.
“Were you really with Bel?”
“Yes.”
Looking at him nodding, I exhaled a deep sigh of relief. Unable to bring myself to embrace him, I clenched my fists and turned back toward the window.
I saw my faint reflection. My contorted expression looked ridiculous. The bag I had been holding was already rolling around in a corner of the room, and I only felt Woosang’s unpleasant presence as he held his breath in tension.
“…I thought you were dead.”
After tearing at my hair with one hand, I picked up the bag sprawled on the floor. Then, giving up on finding words to say to him, I headed toward the door to go outside.
My legs felt as heavy as if someone was gripping them, but I moved mechanically. As I grabbed the doorknob, Woosang urgently pulled at the strap of the bag I was carrying.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to kill that bastard, just like Woosang said.”
“…”
After looking at Woosang’s slightly confused expression, I shook off his hand without finding words to say. The lightened bag was once again slung over my shoulder.
“Don’t go right now.”
At his words, my feet seemed glued to the ground and wouldn’t move. Why was he telling me not to go now? When the end was so near, his words were completely different from what he had said yesterday.
Unable to understand, I wondered if I had misheard him, and replayed his words in my mind.
“Just stay here for now.”
Woosang spoke firmly again. His solid tone tickled my insides, threatening to explode the anger I had barely suppressed.
“…”
I tightly closed my parting lips. But his eyes, which looked anxious yet righteous, made my anger surge. My throat itched so much it was difficult to endure.
“After pushing me like that, why are you saying this now!”
The anger I had been holding back, as if someone was controlling me, came gushing out endlessly.
I had never spoken to him with unfiltered emotions before. But now, I simply couldn’t speak calmly. Nor did I want to speak so dispassionately.
I was too tired. Even knowing the goal was right in front of me, I wanted to collapse and never get up again.
I staggered and quickly leaned against the wall.
“…”
But Woosang, seeing my emotions, approached with steady steps without blinking and met my eyes. I don’t think I’ve ever disliked his calm appearance more than now.
Even when I was swept away by my own emotions, I believed that Woosang would guide me since he remained more composed than anyone else in emotional situations. But who would have known I’d see him fall apart like this.
Everything felt tedious. It was hard to bear Woosang’s appearance, casually seeing right through me. I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut and ignore him.
“I’ll apologize for pushing you. But at times like this, we need to stay calm. You know that.”
“No, I don’t. I don’t understand at all.”
My head spun as I was completely out of breath. How could he remain so impassive, and conversely, why couldn’t I be as calm as Woosang… I just couldn’t understand, vaguely recalling emotions from unknown origins.
“…I’m going. I’ll go, solve everything, and come back.”
“I told you not to go.”
“Why are you trying to control me as you please…?”
Finally, my cracked voice came out with resentment. He still showed no reaction. That made me even more anxious.
I was suspicious enough to wonder if his past angry outbursts toward me had all been fabricated.
He grabbed my arm abruptly and led me in the opposite direction of the door. Normally I wouldn’t have been caught so easily, but now I had no choice but to be led helplessly.
Woosang pushed me down onto a chair and opened the lid of a water bottle on the table, handing it to me.
I silently looked at the bottle and carefully took it to drink. Perhaps because of the heat in the room, the water was lukewarm, but that seemed to help lower my rising anger a bit.
“Those words you just said, would the usual Teo have said them?”
“…”
“But I understand. Don’t worry too much, I can understand what anxieties you might have, and how you feel.”
At his calm voice, my cooling emotions seemed about to burst out in a different direction. I couldn’t completely trust his words right now.
‘I can’t trust Woosang.’
Something was clearly terribly wrong.
I know that even he, who seemed like he would never be swept away by anything, has always lived with great loss. So why was he forcing me to endure and be patient like this?
It was too cruel to have to hide all thoughts and feelings in an unbearable situation.
The inside of my eyes felt damp. It was as if my body was screaming at me not to endure this situation.
“I, I can’t always be calm like you. If I ever seemed composed, it was only because I was following you…”
My voice trembled so much I couldn’t speak anymore. I abruptly straightened my hunched body and breathed rapidly. Wanting to shake off the constriction, I shook my head vigorously several times and moved a few steps away from Woosang. His expression that came into my view was completely different from before.
If I looked in a mirror right now, I thought my expression would resemble the one he was wearing.
At that moment, I felt my mood sink endlessly, feeling as though I had hurt him again.
‘If I stay here longer, I’ll only make mistakes.’
I caught my breath and pushed down the words that had welled up in my throat. I turned around and headed toward the door. I was extremely tense, afraid he might grab me again, but there was no sign of that.
Before opening the door, I carefully turned back and spoke to him.
“I’ve always been lacking compared to Woosang. So…”
Please understand. Unable to finish, I escaped outside as if fleeing. I felt pathetic for not facing things properly, just like yesterday, but now it was an inevitable escape.
***
I passed through the hotel lobby, went outside, and looked around. Hund was probably watching the hotel entrance.
I didn’t want to confront Hund with such a mess of emotions, but it might actually be suitable for clearing away these dizzy thoughts.
As I surveyed the area near the entrance, a familiar shadow naturally fell at the edge of my vision.
We faced each other at a distance neither close nor perfectly far, with just one crosswalk between us.
With each step I took, it felt uncomfortable, as if gum were stuck to the soles of my feet, but that didn’t matter.
Seeing me move, Hund slipped into an alley where people didn’t walk, as if trying to lure me.
In the past, I wouldn’t have followed into such an obvious trap, but now I had no choice but to go there as if it were natural.
‘Yes, I just need to finish everything today.’
After finishing the job, I would return to Woosang to apologize, and ask him how to handle these stifling and difficult emotions. He would know the answer as if it were obvious.
My mind seemed to have turned completely blank, but not to the point where I couldn’t kill that old man.
I took a breath and fumbled through my bag. But somehow, the inside of the bag felt infinitely lighter than it had been before Woosang came in.
‘No way…’
In my urgency, I searched through the bag. But mocking my shock, there was nothing inside.
It seemed that when I dropped the bag in the room earlier, everything inside had spilled out.
I couldn’t tell exactly whether the problem was trying to proceed with the job while my mind was elsewhere.
Just then, as I hesitated and stepped back, Hund, noticing my intent to flee, grabbed me by the collar and threw me to the ground with all his might.
“…!”
It felt like a loud bang echoed as my head hit the floor. But my vision scattered and my head was spinning, making it difficult to hear properly.
“Didn’t you come to kill me? Why are you trying to run away?”
The unpleasant face of the man hung over my field of vision. I wanted to spit at him right away, but I was too exhausted to move my body or mind as I wished, making it impossible to take any action easily.
He clenched his fist and struck my face mercilessly. Pain surged, but there was no signal entering my brain about what action to take.
When there was no reaction, he lowered his raised fist casually.
“So weak…”
His voice faded like a deflated balloon, as if he had lost interest. As he said, I was too weak to be strong enough to take any action.
I knew better than anyone that this fact had always tormented and pursued me.
Perhaps it would be better to die at his hands here. The path I had walked was too arduous to live relying on hope that might never come.
Suddenly, it seemed like Hund had looked down at me like this in the past too. I didn’t have a clear memory of why it happened then.
‘What does it matter? It’s all going to end here anyway.’
I didn’t want to waste energy on useless thoughts.
As I lay limp with my eyes closed, Hund’s noisy voice pierced my ears. I just wanted to shake my head at his shouts that seemed to be telling me to get up.
