# Chapter 87
Woosang and I walked silently through the bustling streets. Whenever we stopped at traffic lights, we deliberately turned our gazes away as if trying not to look at each other, and neither of us could say anything about it.
Back in the room, I sat there blankly when Woosang handed me a towel and pointed toward the bathroom.
“Go wash up first.”
Though showering after returning was normal, given our awkward conversation just now, his action of pushing me away felt like he was simply trying to block any further dialogue with me.
But fearing my immature thoughts might escalate into an argument, I took the towel and clothes he offered without protest and entered the bathroom.
After closing the door, I stared at the mirror that filled the bathroom. It plainly reflected my exhausted expression and the emotions that clung to me.
‘Anyone would tell me to rest if they saw this face.’
That must be why Woosang wasn’t forcing me to deal with matters related to Hund. So I shouldn’t overthink things.
While washing, I tracked the faint sounds coming from outside the door.
Only about three days remained until the performance ended. Yet here I was, meaninglessly counting down the days.
I organized my thoughts under the lukewarm water. The shower definitely helped clear my mind compared to before.
After finishing, I looked around the room. Puzzled by the silence, I found Woosang sitting in a chair, staring blankly at the scenery outside the window.
“Finished washing?”
“Yes.”
“Just a moment. I’ll take a shower too.”
He must have felt uncomfortable after coming straight from the performance, but Woosang offering me to shower first was clearly giving me time to clear my head.
That’s when I realized I’d left the towel I’d had draped over my shoulders in the bathroom.
Water droplets trickled down my neck from my still-damp hair.
‘I should just grab the towel.’
Since I hadn’t heard the sound of the door locking, the bathroom door was probably still open. I lifted my body from the chair and slowly headed toward the bathroom.
Knock knock.
I lightly tapped on the bathroom door.
“Can I come in for a moment?”
“What? No, wait…”
Since I only needed to grab the towel, I ignored his voice and pushed my body inside.
“I left my towel, so…”
Through the open door, I could see Woosang’s naked body. Then his surprised expression and strangely stiffened shoulders. The lingering warmth of the bathroom gradually froze me in place.
“…”
“…The towel? Here.”
Momentarily flustered, Woosang lightly tossed the towel at my chest and tried to close the door as if nothing had happened.
But I had already seen the wounds exposed on his shoulders and back. I pushed back against the closing door and stepped quickly toward him.
With a deeply furrowed brow, I asked him:
“Did you fall?”
“…No. I collided with another dancer during practice.”
I carefully examined the visible wounds as he spoke, but they didn’t look remotely like injuries from practice.
His shoulders were covered with finger-shaped bruises, as if someone had gripped him incredibly hard, and each visible wound looked like it might start bleeding at any moment.
“I don’t think these were there yesterday. Did this happen today?”
“Yes, during afternoon practice.”
Though I tried to ask as calmly as possible, my jaw had tensed unconsciously, forcing me to speak more harshly than intended.
“I’m certain there isn’t a single word of truth in what you just said, is there?”
Woosang didn’t answer my sharp retort. I could quickly guess what that silence meant. Still, I quietly waited for him to speak, hoping my assumptions might be wrong.
“Remember when I told you I saw that man recently?”
“…Yes.”
“Unlike before, he didn’t seem intent on hurting me this time. It was more like he just wanted to threaten me…”
His expression, uncharacteristically gauging my reaction, made my blood boil even more. The fact that he had anticipated my anger and deliberately hidden it was unbearable.
If it had been something trivial and insignificant, that would be one thing, but how could I possibly overlook his nonchalant deception about something where his life was at stake?
“A few days ago, he just passed by briefly, but today he was deliberately loitering around in plain sight, so I had no choice.”
He added, as if making excuses. At his words, I could no longer suppress my emotions.
“After what happened last time, how could you possibly…!”
“But nothing serious happened! I did get these marks, but actually, I hit that bastard in the solar plexus…”
I didn’t want to let him continue with these pathetic excuses. But seeing Woosang’s contorted expression and hearing his panicked voice, my surging anger rapidly cooled.
Somehow, the absurd incidents Woosang had recounted in his usually calm voice started coming back to me one by one. I could now understand why he had spoken as if describing events happening to someone else.
It couldn’t be that he’d gotten used to it. It must have been because he couldn’t bear it without hiding the accumulated anger somewhere.
I didn’t want to be swept up in the situation and become emotional. If Woosang couldn’t remain level-headed, I needed to stay calm and see things clearly.
When no words followed, Woosang also closed his mouth and anxiously lowered his gaze to the floor.
“Did you think I would ask how you fought?”
“…But.”
I turned my back to him and sighed deeply.
The warm air in the bathroom had grown chilly. If we stayed like this, he would surely catch a cold. Silently, I gripped the towel he had handed me and walked out.
Even as time passed, Woosang didn’t move from the bathroom, but eventually turned on the water and resumed showering.
As I quietly listened to the sound, the anger I had pushed down started rising from the tips of my toes. I thought it might get better with time, but with each intermittent water sound and wet footstep, my thoughts systematically crawled back up to my head.
Woosang must have known for quite some time that I had already turned away from killing Hund. That’s why he had clearly tried to resolve the matters related to Hund independently, for my sake.
‘Still, I wish he had told me.’
I couldn’t say what he did was completely wrong. But if he thought I would turn away even after reaching this point, that was a deception toward me.
I might be weak, pathetic, and a goddamn clueless bum, but if I had to choose between the person I love and my ugly past, there was obviously only one answer.
Of course, I knew I wasn’t someone to be trusted and relied upon.
But we had promised not to hide things from each other anymore. And that promise was as vivid as if it had been made just yesterday.
I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath. If Woosang had resolved the issue with Hund alone and simply informed me afterward, the situation would have been even more extreme than it was now.
‘So I should be glad I found out even now. Really, I should be relieved.’
After a while, the water sound abruptly stopped, and Woosang came out of the bathroom.
He approached me, shaking his still-damp hair with his hand. Having just bathed and changed into clean clothes, he looked remarkably handsome even in casual attire.
But contrary to his appearance, Woosang seemed uncomfortable, his lips pressed tightly together as he looked down at me sitting in the chair.
“…”
“…”
I waited blankly for him to say something, but Woosang seemed unable to find the words and soon turned toward the corner where his belongings were.
With his shoulders strangely slumped and his complete silence, he felt unfamiliar to me.
It had always been me who was anxious and clung to him, but now he was the one searching for words to say to me.
I asked him calmly:
“What are you thinking?”
Woosang turned his head to look at me. It felt strange to return the words he always said to me.
“I was wondering what Teo would want to hear.”
I slowly rose from the chair. Then I approached Woosang and silently helped him up from where he was sitting on the floor. Rising as I guided him, Woosang maintained a peaceful expression as usual, as if nothing had happened.
“Were you preparing something else behind my back without telling me?”
“Preparing? I didn’t really…”
“We promised to be honest with each other. I’m not asking you to tell me everything right now. I admit I haven’t explained properly either.”
It seemed like the first time I was making an emotional plea to Woosang rather than the other way around. I wasn’t sure if my feelings would reach him.
‘Is this how Woosang felt when he asked things of me?’
I had no idea if he had spoken to me with this numb, desperate feeling.
“I know well that neither I nor Woosang is perfect. So I understand perfectly well that we can hide things or make mistakes. But, but…”
I didn’t want to release the bitterness that was about to pour out. I wanted to take back my words and hide them away forever.
But I couldn’t erase what I had already said. So I had no choice but to speak honestly.
Yet I worried he might think I was speaking out of turn. I moved my lips and spoke, suppressing my emotions:
“But these situations where things have already happened and you just inform me afterward sometimes make me feel unbearably miserable.”
Do you understand? It wasn’t a question expecting an answer. My chest felt so tight I thought I couldn’t speak anymore. I wanted to cover my mouth and go somewhere deserted to curl up and hold my breath.
I didn’t want to go back to the time when no one knew anything, like before. But right now, I wanted to be lost in thought and catch my blocked breath.
“…Do you dislike hearing this?”
I added words of blame to him, who gave no answer.
Suddenly after finishing, I couldn’t properly organize what I had just said to him. Slowly, I lifted my lowered head to look at his face.
But seeing his expression, I could only step backward. I staggered to the wall and placed my hand against it.
My body, which had been warmed from the shower, had already cooled, making even the slightest breeze feel like rough sandpaper against my skin.
And Woosang’s expression was even harsher than this sensation.
Suddenly I was afraid of everything. Something had clearly gone terribly wrong. Hesitating like that, I quickly turned toward the empty space.
Somehow, it felt like I absolutely shouldn’t be in the same space with him right now. Though I knew we shouldn’t be separated, I didn’t have the courage to stay.
“…I’ll go get some fresh air.”
I hurriedly finished speaking and closed the door before Woosang could answer.
I stood still in front of the door, but no sound came from inside the room.
