# Chapter 86
He stared at me steadily, his silence demanding an answer. I couldn’t tell if he wanted me to confess the complete truth or if he simply wanted my agreement.
The noisy clamor scattered my gathering thoughts. This wasn’t a topic we should be discussing in a place with so many people passing by.
“Teo knows too, right? There’s no option to run away anymore. We can’t keep living like this…”
His words were right. We couldn’t keep living like this.
Forced separations, our emotions constantly misaligning meaninglessly—we were reaching our limit. We needed a break. We had completely hit our breaking point.
“So killing him is the only option.”
“…”
With his usual calm expression, he pulled my arm and whispered in my ear.
My captured arm felt like it might burst from swelling. I quickly shook him off and firmly gripped my tingling arm with my other hand. Despite this, my tense arm continued to tremble slightly.
Killing was the only option. I had known this fact for a very long time.
“If Teo can’t do it, I don’t mind doing it myself. As long as you help with the cleanup, let’s do it that way.”
For a moment, I couldn’t help but doubt what I’d just heard. The words from his mouth were indescribably chilling and began to shake me.
“No, I…”
I felt like I should respond somehow, but not a single word came to mind. After hesitating for a long time, I finally closed my mouth tightly.
Seeming to read my trembling expression, Woosang silently met my fading gaze and murmured.
“What are you thinking?”
I didn’t know either. I couldn’t understand what I was thinking now, or what thoughts I should be forming.
Just then, Bel, who had been smoking, returned with leisurely footsteps. Woosang said something to her, but I couldn’t hear it. After standing frozen in place for a while, Woosang grabbed my wrist and guided me along.
Bel said something to me as I staggered, but not understanding, I simply replied that I was fine.
Woosang glanced back at me briefly, then continued walking in silence. My heart pounded fiercely under his dropped gaze.
I couldn’t disobey what Woosang said. And the unchangeable fact was that what he suggested was the best option for our current situation.
Yes, there was no choice but to do it. There was no reason I couldn’t do it either.
***
Woosang and Bel left the hotel for tonight’s performance. Naturally, I should have gone with them, but somehow my body felt drained of strength, and I could only lie blankly on the bed.
Woosang told me to rest and personally covered me with the blanket.
Though he had left long ago, it still felt as if his touch lingered on the blanket. I reached out and caressed the warm spot.
‘How could I possibly refuse Woosang’s words…’
If what he said was absurd or an impossible hope, I might have yelled at him not to force me to do what obviously needed to be done for our safety.
From the beginning, the reason I had been relentlessly moving from city to city looking for Hund was to kill him.
‘So why am I hesitating and shocked now?’
In truth, I vaguely knew. If I had sincerely wanted to kill Hund, I could have found and killed him long ago.
But I hadn’t done that. I had avoided killing him with various excuses and repeated meaningless actions while trying to justify my behavior.
‘Woosang already knew everything. That I didn’t want to kill Hund, that I was only trying to run away, all of it.’
Woosang might not know everything about the world, but when it came to me, there was nothing he didn’t know. He was always the person who understood me best.
Perhaps from the beginning, asking him to tell me what I should do would have been the right answer.
But regret came too late, and there was no way to turn back.
I didn’t know how many hours I had spent blankly lying on the bed. I checked the time and slowly got up. It was already time for Woosang’s performance to end.
No matter how tired I was, I had to go pick him up. This was the best I could do right now.
Just then, I noticed Woosang’s top that he had brought from Paris at the edge of my vision. I reached out and brought his clothes to the tip of my nose.
Indeed, as he had said, it seemed to carry the scent that lingered in the house where we had stayed. We had a place to return to. Yet I had been hesitating and drifting around.
“What am I hesitating for…”
I muttered these frustrating words, gathered my bag, and went outside. The sky was already turning red, and tall buildings came into view.
Just hours ago, I had been distracted by buildings I’d never seen before, but now I couldn’t care less about this kind of scenery.
The single pistol I had brought just in case felt overwhelmingly heavy. This weight seemed to remind me that I was a character who didn’t belong here.
I could already see the performance hall, not far from the hotel. The performance had just ended, and audience members were heading out, laughing happily. I felt relieved that I had arrived at the right time.
After watching the passing audience for a while, I suddenly realized the inside was now completely empty.
‘Huh, did I miss Woosang?’
That couldn’t be. Even if I had missed him, he wouldn’t have missed me. So clearly, the current situation was strange.
Usually, Woosang would just change clothes and head straight home. So it was unusual for him not to come out after all the audience members had left.
Wondering if he had already left for the hotel before I arrived, I called him, but Woosang’s phone was turned off.
Anxiety suddenly gripped me.
Woosang had told me he saw Hund near the performance hall. And Hund had threatened me by letting me know he was watching Woosang.
Despite this, I hadn’t perfectly guarded Woosang’s side, and overcome by my emotions, I had been cooped up in the hotel.
“Was I, was I momentarily insane?”
That was the only way I could explain it. Why had I so casually turned my eyes away from Woosang? I must have been completely out of my mind.
I jumped up and followed the people who were already heading home. Thinking Woosang might have passed by without noticing me, I checked each person one by one, but he wasn’t there.
It felt like my throat was being strangled, making it hard to breathe. I could only hope that the thoughts forming in my head wouldn’t become reality.
After wandering the streets for a long time, I returned to the front of the performance hall, but now even the lobby doors were locked.
“Hah…, no. It can’t be.”
I muttered words like sighs. My heart was so constricted that I felt like I should do something, but I couldn’t think of anything right now. First, I needed to clear this stupid head of mine.
Just then, I felt someone firmly grip my shoulder.
“…!”
Startled, I grabbed the stranger’s hand and pulled it strongly in front of me. Somehow, the touch of the fingertips felt familiar. The calluses on the inside of the hand and the long, extended fingers. It was a sensation I knew well.
Realizing it was Woosang’s hand I had grabbed, I quickly put down my clenched hand.
“Are you okay?”
“…Yes. Is your hand okay? I think I grabbed it too tightly.”
Like me, Woosang seemed a little surprised by his suddenly grabbed hand, as he stared at me with round eyes for a long time. It was understandable. My current frightened appearance must have looked ridiculous to him.
“Your face has turned pale… Have you been thinking bad thoughts again?”
“It’s not, it’s not like that.”
“Then I’m glad.”
Suddenly, the tension released, and the bag hanging on my shoulder dropped to the floor with a thud. I stiffened at the small sound, startled.
Standing rigidly in place, I only rolled my eyes to look at the bag.
Woosang reached out, picked up the bag, and hung it over his own shoulder instead. The bag on his shoulder looked infinitely lighter than when I had been carrying it earlier.
“…Where’s Bel?”
“She said she’s spending the night with another friend, so she left first.”
“Really? It would be better if you stayed together…”
If Hund had seen Woosang and Bel constantly together, he might already know about her. I wasn’t sure if it was okay for her to stay separately in this situation, so I held my dizzy head and looked around.
Noticing that I was still not in my right mind, Woosang reached out and gently stroked the back of my neck.
“Relax. I was worried about Bel too, so I just escorted her and her friend to their lodging.”
“…I see.”
“Yes. And…”
He hesitated a little before adding the rest.
“I want to clarify that what I said this afternoon wasn’t meant to force you. If Teo wants to leave for another place as we are, I have no problem with that.”
His tone was infinitely gentle, but I knew I shouldn’t take his words at face value. Woosang had already said that we didn’t have the option to leave.
He leaned his face slightly toward me as if to reassure me. Woosang’s breath touched the tip of my nose. As his warm breath and warmth reached me, my rigid body definitely seemed to relax.
We looked at each other without saying anything. I wanted to know his exact feelings, but I wasn’t sure if I could ask him to clearly share them with me.
“We still have a few days until the performance ends, so think about it a bit more. Don’t be too tense.”
“……”
I almost nodded in response to his kind words, but ultimately couldn’t. I couldn’t understand at all how Woosang could be so composed.
When I didn’t respond, Woosang gave a bitter smile and lowered his hand from my neck to gently pat my back.
Nevertheless, my insides were still so tightly pressed that they were busy screaming.
‘How wonderful it would be if I could be as nonchalant as Woosang.’
Of course, I know that even though he always seems to maintain his composure, he isn’t like that all the way through.
I had no way of knowing whether he, like me, was wringing out his painful insides, or if he had made all the decisions and was just informing me.
