# Chapter 83
I spent time quietly with Bel in the room and fell asleep as if nothing was wrong.
I thought I might have unsettling dreams because of my tangled thoughts, but my body felt incredibly light after such a peaceful sleep.
After daybreak, I headed straight to the studio with Bel for performance rehearsal.
Opening the door and entering, I could see a colleague who had arrived earlier warming up. Perhaps because the performance was nearing its end, everyone had sullen expressions as if they were unhappy about coming to the practice room so early in the morning.
Still, as we entered, they all greeted us warmly as if they had never been sulking. Starting tomorrow, this project will be completely finished in a week.
‘It’s been long, indeed.’
There had been an accident where someone fell from a bridge before rehearsals, and then Teo disappeared during a performance.
Though it was already a long schedule due to being a touring performance, this particular show felt especially lengthy because of the various incidents that had occurred.
Just then, a colleague who had finished warming up approached me.
[Good morning.]
[Yes, good morning.]
[Woosang, do you have another project lined up after this performance ends?]
Looking at the colleague who asked me so casually, I shook my head. My answer seemed unexpected, as he questioned “Really?” and began to contemplate something.
[I have a friend who’s a director planning a new performance, and he’d like it if you could come audition. What do you think? Interested?]
[Where would rehearsals be?]
[Berlin.]
After considering his words, I shook my head again.
[Sorry, as I mentioned before, my home is in Paris, so I don’t think I’ll participate in performances in Berlin anymore.]
Hearing this, he expressed regret in his voice but said to contact him if I changed my mind, then returned to his place.
‘Maybe I should have at least asked about the schedule.’
As I was inwardly debating whether I’d rejected too firmly, Bel suddenly poked her head out and examined my expression.
“If there’s a performance in Berlin, you could just stay at my place.”
Having apparently heard the entire conversation, she questioned why I’d declined.
“Rehearsals could take a month or two, how could I stay there? Besides, I’m not going to practice in other regions anymore.”
“Are you planning to settle in Paris completely?”
“Yes.”
Bel kept her mouth shut for a while and just stared intently at my face. I couldn’t define her expression, but she didn’t seem displeased.
“Rather than settling in Paris, it’s because my life and my person are there right now.”
“Of course.”
“Anyway, a place itself isn’t important.”
As I spoke those words, I suddenly remembered someone who had said the same thing.
‘Come to think of it, Teo said this to me.’
His careful words about a place not being important had apparently been occupying a corner of my heart. I recalled Teo’s expression as he murmured sadly in the wide field in Berlin.
That’s right. It doesn’t matter which country you live in, or if you end up somewhere completely unknown. What always matters is whether there’s someone there who sees you.
Even I, who might have seemed to others as perfectly adapted and living elegantly in foreign lands, had always lived with a strange emptiness, as if floating in the sky.
But now, it felt like my feet were properly planted on this ground. That feeling couldn’t be expressed in any words.
“Will you let me stay if I go to Berlin though?”
“I’ll think about it.”
Her playful smile felt comfortable. Just then, someone called Bel from behind. I watched her for a while as she turned and headed toward the voice.
As I was listening to the surrounding noise, I felt a small vibration in my pocket. It seemed like a phone call was coming in. Checking the caller slowly, I was surprised to see it was from Teo.
‘He acted like he wouldn’t contact me for a while….’
After two or three vibrations, I answered the phone slowly.
“Hello?”
“…Hello? Can you hear me well?”
I thought something urgent might have happened for him to call, but his voice was calmer than expected, which was reassuring.
“Yes, I can hear you well. What’s the matter?”
“Ah, I’ve returned home now… and I was wondering if there’s anything I need to take with me.”
Listening to his composed words, I could guess that he had deliberately called to show me that nothing was wrong.
Holding back a smile that was about to form, I pretended not to know and said, no, there isn’t.
‘He doesn’t seem to know that person came here.’
If Teo had known the man was here, he wouldn’t have needed to go to Paris. It was quite fortunate for me.
“Really? Then I’ll just go.”
“Yes. Return safely.”
When I didn’t say anything else, Teo, who continued speaking in a somewhat restless voice, finally ended the call.
I wondered if I was being petty, but this seemed appropriate.
I threw my phone back into the bag I had brought it in and headed toward my gathered colleagues.
Just one more week. In just one week, he could resolve the issue that had been making him anxious for a long time, and I would also be making a new start.
Not much time remained.
I hoped that this time wouldn’t be completely painful.
***
After ending the call with Woosang, I checked the duration. The number on the screen was barely over 30 seconds.
That short number somehow made me feel upset. It had only been a few days without contact, and despite Woosang sending me so many messages, when I finally called, his attitude was so indifferent that I felt a bit twisted inside.
‘He must be busy preparing for the performance, surely.’
Trying to think positively, I closed the screen. After gathering necessary items from home, I came outside and looked at the clear sky.
Unlike the cloudless sky, my emotions were soaked through, threatening to crumble my body.
I took a bus nearby and headed toward my destination. The place I was going was a small town not far from Paris.
Since I had never been there alone before, I had to ask directions from remaining passengers every time I changed buses, but fortunately, I was able to reach my desired destination without major problems.
Getting off the bus, I looked around. Although it wasn’t more than a few hours from Paris, the scenery was completely different from the glamorous city.
Roads barely wide enough for one car to pass, tall trees standing high, and the fact that the only man-made item seemed to be the bus stop sign was what made me tense.
I checked the bus schedule posted at the deserted stop. Surprisingly, there was only one bus every two hours, and the last bus ended at 4 PM.
Nevertheless, the fact that buses ran at all meant that someone lived here.
“Was it this way?”
I looked at a small path through the forest where all I could see were trees. After staring for a while at the forest where not even footprints remained, I moved forward.
‘How does one live in a place like this….’
Perhaps because I had become accustomed to city life in just a few years, or because I was tired of places with no trace of people, the endless trees stretching out were just uncomfortable.
After walking silently for a while, I began to feel a bit tired and wiped the sweat from my forehead as I looked around. Still, all I could see were trees and the small path.
Sighing deeply in frustration, I heard a small rustling sound from the end of the path.
I thought it might be a wild animal, but listening carefully, I could hear small breathing and voices too.
I calmly steadied my breathing and muffled any sound. Fortunately, they hadn’t seemed to notice me, as the sounds didn’t diminish but grew increasingly louder.
Then, a familiar person I had pushed out of my memories for a long time walked out before my eyes.
“……”
But the man just walked on, muttering something incomprehensible, as if he couldn’t see me standing plainly in front of him.
‘Ah, right. Perhaps his eyes….’
The man in my memory could see a little, I think. But the man standing before me now seemed to have gone completely blind, as he carefully stepped forward, just walking.
Forgetting that I should say something, I watched his uneasy gait for a long time.
Then, hesitantly, I slowly opened my mouth.
“Where are you going?”
“……?!”
Startled by the sudden voice, he fell backward and groped the ground.
“…Who, who’s there?!”
“Calm down.”
I almost apologized to the man in front of me out of habit. But in a situation like this, it didn’t seem right to speak softly.
“Don’t worry. I didn’t come here specifically to harm you. Do you remember me? I often worked with ‘Hund’ when I was with him.”
I deliberately made footstep sounds as I stepped back. Sensing that the sound was moving a bit away from him, the man trembled but carefully groped the ground and stood up.
“Are you that kid from back then?”
“Yes, though I’ve grown up now.”
“…Why did you come looking for me? There’s nothing to gain even if you kill me.”
The man’s behavior, seeming relieved as soon as he knew who I was, didn’t make me feel particularly good. But I didn’t feel like threatening him either.
The man was a colleague I had worked with quite a long time ago. But there had been a small dispute with another colleague, and he had been cut off from the inner circle.
When other colleagues put him in this remote place without killing him, I had watched the fate of the failed man from beginning to end.
In fact, I had thought he would be dead already, so it was even more surprising that he was alive.
His footsteps, trembling as he groped the ground, looked extremely unfortunate, but I didn’t want to be too conscious of it.
‘If I hadn’t struggled, I would have been like that man….’
Encountering with my own eyes the worst ending I had wanted to avoid imagining, it felt like the inside of my skin was itching.
Of course, if I don’t kill Hund, the end of that man and my end won’t be very different. I already knew that.
My whole body convulsed slightly as gloomy thoughts crept up. Ignoring the trembling thoughts, I asked him.
“If it’s alright, could I take something I need? You’re the only person living around here.”
“…I guess you’ve been cut off like me?”
As if his trembling and shouting just moments ago had been a lie, he slowly approached me and spoke mockingly.
“No.”
I deliberately shook my head silently so he wouldn’t know and walked toward the house visible at the edge of my sight, avoiding the man.
‘I wasn’t cut off. I cut myself off.’
