# Chapter 68
“Here, I’ll help you, try getting on.”
He brought a wheelchair in front of me, which looked like it might make uncertain sounds due to its worn-out fabric. Since I hadn’t left the bed for over a week, I couldn’t help but welcome the appearance of the wheelchair.
I slightly lifted my body, supporting myself with my arms, but my entire body felt stiff. It made sense, having been lying still for such a long time.
I grabbed Jang’s arm and awkwardly raised myself, then he lifted me up and sat me in the wheelchair. I was surprised at how easily he lifted me, despite appearing to have no strength at all on the outside.
“How is it?”
“It’s a bit unsteady, but I think it’s fine.”
“That’s good. Want to go out for a bit? Though the weather isn’t great…”
I nodded happily at his words. Shortly after, the wheels made uncertain sounds as they moved forward.
I was tense, worried the wheels might fall off, but fortunately, they weren’t that weak.
“By the way, how long has it been since I arrived? I forgot to ask.”
“Right. How long has it been? To be honest, I haven’t been counting properly. Why? Did you have an appointment?”
“Yes. There’s someone waiting for me.”
Jang stopped pushing and halted the wheelchair. Puzzled, I turned my head to look at him, and somehow his expression seemed full of questions.
“Who? A friend?”
“Yes, something like that.”
“Where?”
“…In Germany.”
I deliberately gave a vague answer without mentioning which city. He murmured “I see” to himself, then slowly began pushing the wheelchair again.
“So you were heading to Germany?”
“Yes. That’s right.”
“But it seems like you haven’t been able to meet anyone properly, right?”
Not understanding Jang’s question, I thought for a moment and then shook my head.
“It wasn’t like that originally. I’ve never had difficulty traveling like this before…”
“Where have you been living until now?”
“In Nice. I’ve been living there all this time.”
Some instinct urged me to lie. It didn’t seem like a wrong choice.
I naturally turned my gaze to the scenery he was showing me. The surroundings were enclosed by trees, and despite it being summer, light wasn’t coming in properly. I couldn’t tell if this was due to the weather or if the trees were truly blocking the light.
Cold air wrapped around my arms, seeming to lower my body temperature. Similarly, no proper warmth flowed from Jang.
As I blankly looked around for a while, I realized there was an absence of human traces, to the point of feeling a disconnect.
There was no well-maintained path leading out of the forest. There should at least be an unpaved road to leave by car.
‘How does he live alone in a place like this…?’
I had lived alone and lonely for a long time too, but I hadn’t really lived completely alone. As a child, with my parents and Hund, and recently with Woosang.
Though there had never been much mental exchange from before, I had never lived a life where human breath was completely blocked off. It was especially so because solitude was not a choice for me.
“How do you go down to the village?”
“Why?”
“Just, I can’t remember how I got here.”
Our voices echoed in the forest, as the surroundings were still quiet. He kindly whispered that he would take me when I leave.
At Jang’s words, I looked down at my legs, still wrapped in bandages. The sensation of standing on my own feet had dulled in just one week.
It was truly strange.
The forest, without even a chirping bird, gave me comfort yet also made me uneasy. I thought the fresh air would make my body feel lighter, but it seemed to make me more tired.
“Shall we go back home?”
“Ah, yes. I’m feeling tired even though I haven’t done much.”
I softly responded to Jang’s consideration. He gently patted my shoulder, asking if I was okay. The strangely rough sensation of his fingertips rested clearly on my shoulder.
“Have you always lived here alone, Jang?”
“Yes. I’ve been living here alone for over ten years now.”
Ten years. I couldn’t help but be surprised at the time that could never be short. The impression of the word might be light, but it could never express such a long time in just one word. I knew that well.
“That’s impressive. It’s not a short time…”
“Haha, but now it’s fine since Ichen, you’re staying here.”
I laughed along with his laughter. The corner of my mouth tickled strangely.
As Jang pushed me back into the house, I looked around to see if there was a car parked near the house before going inside.
Strangely, I never saw the car that had brought me here, and it didn’t seem like I would be able to find it.
***
Paris, Berlin, Brussels. Having stayed in major cities recently, this desolate place with nothing around felt a bit unfamiliar. The place where I used to live with Hund was similar to this, but unlike the familiar scenery there, everything here was strange.
One would expect to see people passing by if they stuck their head out, but there were only trees.
Though Jang occasionally took me outside, I couldn’t go out as I pleased. I always had to ask him, and sometimes he agreed readily, but unexpectedly refused coldly at other times.
He was an inconsistent person. He could be endlessly warm, but then would say strangely cold words that made the air awkward. I couldn’t tell whether he was aware of this or not.
So I couldn’t help but develop a strange anxiety.
“Are you going out again today?”
“Yes.”
Unfortunately, today’s Jang didn’t seem like one could expect kindness. But I was getting used to this too these days. And that meant I was also getting used to building walls against Jang on my own.
By now, I could at least transfer myself to the wheelchair and move around the house, but going outside was still not easy because there were stairs below the threshold.
He let out a small sigh and shook his head.
“Stay at home today. My back hurts, so it’s difficult to take you out.”
His words created a strange feeling of defiance in me, but there was nothing I could do. I answered that I understood, then went back to my room.
It felt like about two weeks had passed since I arrived at this house. But Jang still didn’t tell me the exact date or the geography of the area.
He said it was a small village in Vosges, but I wasn’t even sure if this was really Vosges. Things I had initially dismissed as unimportant were becoming concerning.
He might have noticed that I was feeling discomfort. The strange tension between us never ceased.
‘What happened to my car and belongings?’
I suddenly wondered where my possessions were from when the accident happened. Even as a fugitive, I needed identification, and all my other belongings were in the back seat of the car.
I couldn’t ask him today because he wasn’t in a good mood. But even if his mood improved, he was unlikely to answer me.
This kind of relationship couldn’t last long. If it had been the past me, I would have kept my mouth shut and done as I was told, but now everything that stemmed from an unequal relationship flashed through my mind.
It was the same with Woosang. When I had unbalanced conversations with him, I would shrink as a person, contrary to Woosang’s intentions.
“Want to eat?”
“Ah, yes.”
I answered him as he poked his head into the room. I didn’t really have any thoughts about it, but I couldn’t refuse.
I needed to recover quickly and get out of this place. I was worried about Woosang, and there were unresolved matters.
I silently ate the food he gave me and looked out the window. The forest, still looking dark, didn’t show an exit.
When I went outside, I observed the surroundings diligently, but I couldn’t see any direction I should go.
“It seems a bit chilly.”
“Really? Should I get you a blanket?”
“Yes, please.”
He said he would and got up from his seat, heading somewhere. It seemed like Jang stayed on the second floor, not the first floor where I was staying.
A place I couldn’t go up to. For some reason, I felt like my belongings might be there.
I counted the time it took for Jang to go up and come back down. Since I wasn’t sure of the size of the second floor, this was all I could do.
He came down with a blanket.
The time wasn’t very long, but if it was a small space, it would have taken less time than this. I smiled at Jang and thanked him.
He seemed to like my response, and his hardened expression softened.
“Let’s go out tomorrow. My back should be better by then.”
“Sounds good.”
I forced a smile as I stuffed what he gave me into my mouth. After eating, my stomach felt painful, and as I grimaced, he handed me medicine.
“Want to take some digestive medicine? It must be uncomfortable just sitting.”
I stared at the medicine for a while and then nodded.
In this way, Jang occasionally gave me medicine. At first, I took it without suspicion, but now I had a rough idea of what role this medicine played.
He watched me swallow the medicine. After hesitating, I put the medicine in my mouth and pushed it with my tongue to stuff it beside my molar. Then I pretended to swallow it while drinking water.
Somehow, it felt like the medicine might dissolve in my mouth, but fortunately, I could still feel the foreign object beside my molar.
Amid the tension, Jang took the cup from my hand without suspicion. As he turned around, I took out the medicine and threw it between my clothes.
“I’m tired, so I’ll go get some sleep.”
“Alright.”
Jang kindly tried to take me to my room. I wanted to refuse his action, but decided to watch without saying anything.
His peaceful expression that seemed free of worries, his gestures, his occasionally sensitive attitude, and the fact that he hadn’t gone out once in over two weeks.
I looked down at my legs. My stiff and uncomfortable legs were unnatural.
I needed to think.
And I needed to act. If people hadn’t been involved in the situation, it might have been simpler, but this continuing sensitive situation wasn’t good for me.
If I kept treading water, I felt like I would have to try extreme methods.
But I didn’t want to. I needed to prove that one could live without using such methods.
That was the task ahead of me.
