# Chapter 62
“Are you awake?”
When I entered the hospital room, Woosang was leaning against the darkened window, gazing outside.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine. Still a bit chilly and ended up like this, but I’m okay.”
He lifted his broken right arm. I had worried when he fell from a high place, but fortunately, I was told only one arm was broken with no major issues.
To me, a broken arm seemed serious enough, but Woosang wore a calm expression.
“Where did you go?”
“Just went out for some fresh air.”
“You were gone a while. Bel already left.”
The spot where Bel had been sitting was neatly cleared. I felt deeply sorry toward her. Still, it was fortunate she had been nearby, making it easier to handle the situation.
Relieved that everything was settled without incident, I asked him:
“Do you remember who pushed you when you fell by the river yesterday?”
“No. I don’t remember clearly.”
He answered as if it was nothing. That made sense. With so many people walking around at that time, it would be difficult to identify who it was.
Even so, the conclusion remained the same.
I ignored my growing anger as I recalled the small folded note in my pocket.
“They say you can be discharged tomorrow. Should we return to Paris?”
“……”
His words suddenly made me realize I had a place to return to. But knowing Woosang came to Berlin for an audition, I couldn’t easily suggest going back. And even if we could return, I had no intention of doing so right now.
‘Because there’s something I need to do here.’
Perhaps seeing my contemplation, Woosang studied my expression.
“Did you hear something from Bel?”
“Yes. That you have an audition tomorrow…”
“Don’t worry about it. Actually, it’s just a formality. I think I only need to make a brief appearance tomorrow.”
“Really?”
I couldn’t tell if his words were sincere or not, but he didn’t seem to be lying.
“Then let’s stay a few more days before going back. We need to finish your audition and discuss the contract.”
“Sounds good.”
“Come to think of it, did you eat before coming back?”
I realized I hadn’t eaten anything all day. At Woosang’s question, I suddenly felt hungry.
I was about to say I had eaten, but if my stomach made a sound, the lie would be obvious immediately. I shook my head, and surprisingly, Woosang silently took something out and handed it to me.
It was a bag with bread in it.
“Here. Bel left this for you.”
I thanked him and sat down on the makeshift chair beside him, opening the bag. The wafting butter smell made me suddenly ravenous.
I offered him some, but Woosang just shook his head.
Though I was hungry, for some reason my throat felt tight. As I forced myself to stuff the bread into my mouth, I felt Woosang’s gaze boring into the back of my neck.
After ignoring it for a while, I finally looked up at his blatant staring.
“W-what is it?”
“Nothing. You just look deep in thought.”
He spoke as if seeing right through me. Since I’d said I was just going out for fresh air but only returned after sunset, he probably thought something had happened in between.
I would have given him a clear answer if I had one, but I couldn’t.
Fortunately, Woosang’s eyes didn’t show suspicion. He merely seemed to vaguely guess my thoughts. As long as I didn’t make him anxious, it would be fine. Probably fine.
Just then, I noticed him staring intently at my waistband. His gaze was strange, so I looked down, but there was nothing unusual.
As his stare became increasingly obvious, I froze in shock when Woosang approached me.
I tried to recall if I had done something, but nothing could have happened in this short moment.
“W-what’s wrong?”
His gaze was still fixed on my waist area, increasing my bewilderment. With a suspicion, I stood up and said:
“We’re in a hospital.”
“I know.”
But he didn’t stop, striding over and reaching toward my lower body. The half-eaten bread seemed to suddenly clog my throat.
I wasn’t sure if I should ask what he was doing or stay still.
The bag I was holding fell from my hand.
“Cigarettes?”
“Ah.”
That’s when Woosang exclaimed, spotting the cigarette pack sticking out of my pocket.
Right. I just remembered the cigarettes I had mindlessly bought were in my pocket. As I stood frozen for a while, he reached for my pocket.
I stepped back slightly to maintain distance, but Woosang extended his hand, silently pressuring me to hand over the cigarettes.
“When did you start smoking again?”
“…It’s not like that.”
I obediently took the cigarette pack from my pocket and handed it to him. He looked at the still plastic-wrapped pack with suspicious eyes before tossing it into the trash can.
The can must have been empty, as the cigarette pack made a heavy sound when it fell in.
“What suddenly made you buy these?”
“Just, just saw them.”
Woosang remained silent for a while, then went to the bed and plopped down.
“Come to think of it, how did we end up quitting smoking anyway?”
“Good question.”
His words suddenly brought back memories of last summer. The small light we faced in front of the sunset sky. The scent from then. Perhaps that sensation remained so completely that I had no room to focus on anything else.
The emotions I first felt then still lingered within me.
Because every time I thought they had faded, he reminded me like this.
After watching him sit for a while, I gently caressed his slightly scraped cheek. It must still have stung as Woosang winced, but he didn’t say anything.
Seeing that he didn’t reject my touch, I suddenly felt my heart beating faster.
I liked how he didn’t try to push me away, always looking at me steadfastly. The knowledge that Woosang wanted me made my insides tingle.
Suddenly I realized why I had been so calm when Woosang fell into the river.
He was already a solidified presence within me. That’s why I couldn’t even think of him disappearing or being erased from this world.
But seeing him injured now revived my faded anger.
I didn’t want to lose anything. Neither the emotions nor the person he was. Everything.
I lowered my head and pressed my forehead against his. Closing my eyes, I leisurely enjoyed the warmth. After a silent moment, he lightly kissed my lips.
“…We’re in a hospital.”
Without answering, he grabbed my neck with his uninjured arm.
Hot breath approached me again.
***
Morning came, and after leaving the hospital, we looked for somewhere to go. Woosang’s audition was in a few hours, so we needed a place to stay until then.
“By the way, besides Bel, do you have other friends in Berlin?”
“I do have some, but I’m not very close with them.”
I thought he had quite a few friends, but maybe that wasn’t the case.
I mumbled “I see,” and Woosang seemed oddly flustered.
“It’s not just me. Everyone living abroad, I mean in Germany, doesn’t have many friends.”
He made a strange excuse, saying it was the same living in France. But in my memory, Woosang was always surrounded by people. And didn’t Bel say she wanted to be with him, despite pretending otherwise?
“More importantly, do I come across as someone who meets a lot of people?”
“That’s not what I meant… I’m not particularly suspicious.”
“You asked something you don’t usually ask, so it seems that way.”
It seemed he took it as me being suspicious of him. I waved my hands saying that wasn’t the case, but Woosang glared at me for a while.
Not much later, Woosang pointed to a café.
“Shall we have coffee here and wait? The audition will take about two hours. You can walk around the area if you get bored.”
“Hmm, then I’ll go look around the area after a little while.”
I sat with him at an outdoor table at the café. The server came, and after ordering coffee, I looked around.
This place again. A spot with a view of the cathedral and the river. The Mitte district, central Berlin.
Somehow, during our days in Berlin, we had rarely left this area.
“It feels like we’ve been staying around this area the whole time.”
“That’s because performance venues are concentrated here. Would you like to go somewhere else?”
“No, it’s fine.”
I spoke calmly, not wanting to reveal that I had visited another area. Though Woosang seemed to already know I had been elsewhere, I still didn’t feel like discussing it.
“Or should I call Bel?”
“No, that’s okay.”
I didn’t want to call her after she had been coming and going because of us for several days. Woosang didn’t insist further and explained the geography of Berlin.
He mentioned that some districts were better avoided, specifically mentioning the Kreuzberg district I had visited. That made sense. It had a rougher feel compared to this neat and peaceful area.
After some time passed, Woosang got up and prepared to leave.
“I’ll be going now. Contact me if anything happens.”
“I will.”
He waved as he headed toward what looked like a tall building. After watching him walk away, I also cleared my spot and headed to the station.
I rode the subway for about 15 minutes before getting off at my destination.
‘The flower shop inside the station.’
Looking around, there was a flower shop right in front of the stairs leading to the surface. After gazing at the tidy entrance, I went inside.
Inside, a person who appeared to be the owner was arranging flowers. When I silently watched, the man spoke to me in German.
He was probably asking if I needed something. After looking at him for a moment, I handed him the note I had received earlier.
When I took out a bill from my wallet and offered it, he took it and gave me another note from his pocket.
The man, as if his business was done, went to a hidden area and didn’t come back out.
I stared at the folded note in my hand.
“……”
I wasn’t particularly tense or anxious. This was all just a predetermined event.
I couldn’t keep hiding with Woosang, nor could we live openly. So killing Hund was my best option.
I had known this all along. But a corner of my mind had been trying to stop me.
Whether that was an unconscious programming to prevent rebellion against my master, or a restraint I had placed on myself, wasn’t clear.
Now there was no leash binding me. So there’s no helping it if I tear him apart.
“…Let’s go back.”
Without opening the note, I stuffed it into my pocket and went back down to catch the subway.
This is an inevitable action.
To survive, to be free, this is the only way.
