# Chapter 43
Winter was racing toward its end. The sunlight coming through the window was warm, and I stared at it absentmindedly.
A few weeks ago, we had returned to Paris and cleaned up our messy home, and spring had arrived.
We returned to our home in Paris’s 7th arrondissement. Woosang disposed of his house, and we made this place our sanctuary.
When getting rid of his house, we sold or threw away everything except what we needed from his remaining belongings. I suggested bringing the items in good condition to our home, but he refused.
Feeling regretful about this, before disposing of his belongings, I went to Woosang’s house and brought back a few items I had grown attached to. Perhaps because of this, the house was more cluttered than before.
I felt a chill watching him organize his belongings without any attachment. It was somewhat sad that things meaningful to me had little significance to him.
Someday, if I find a stable job, it might be nice to move together to a slightly larger home. I wanted to fill it with things Woosang wanted. I didn’t want to create our shared space unilaterally.
Looking at Woosang dozing off while leaning on the sofa, I recalled what I needed to do.
“The time…”
It was already lunchtime. Time to move. Recently, shopping outside had become my responsibility, not Woosang’s, so I had many tasks.
Paris, where we moved after living in Brussels, was bustling with people all day, and Woosang, seemingly not wanting to mingle with crowds, tried to resolve everything through delivery.
I wanted to do that because the weather wasn’t good, but lately, watching people wasn’t so bad.
I put the note with the shopping list in my pocket. I also placed the keys deep into my pocket and held a basket in one hand as I opened the door.
Coming down the familiar stairs and breathing the outside air, it felt like my stuffiness was clearing up.
The unchanging city still felt awkward to me. I’d lived in Paris for quite some time, yet why did it still feel so unfamiliar?
Probably because “I” as a person had changed so much.
I knew that people could change, but I had no idea that after changing, even the way one views the world could transform. That’s why I wanted to experience all these things slowly, at a gradual pace.
“…Ah.”
Walking absentmindedly, I looked around and realized I had passed the supermarket. After looking around a few times, I gathered my thoughts and went back.
Just then, I heard something being hammered somewhere. Lifting my head at the rhythmic sound, I saw an unfamiliar store. It seemed to be under new construction.
“When did this…”
It definitely wasn’t there just a week ago. The sign read ‘Bookstore.’ There certainly wasn’t a proper bookstore nearby.
Of course, I could quickly get to a bookstore by tram or bus, but the fact that a bookstore was opening right in front of us was pleasing.
As if entranced, I approached the store under construction to see how large it was inside. I felt my heart flutter at its larger-than-expected size.
“When does it open…?”
I carefully examined the paper attached to the door.
‘Opening scheduled for April. Now hiring staff.’
There was still time until April. I’d have to go elsewhere until then, but still, this was something.
Just then, the words ‘hiring staff’ written small at the bottom caught my attention, and I moved closer once more.
But the workers inside, thinking I was scrutinizing them, stared back at me. The intense gaze of the men was uncomfortable. I couldn’t stay any longer.
Do bookstore employees work every day? Having never worked in a store, my curiosity about the unknown grew.
At the bookstore I usually frequented, employees posted recommended books in each section, and reviews were written for all books in the bestseller section. And they constantly organized books and managed the register.
Somehow, I thought that such a job wouldn’t be bad.
Returning home and taking out the keys from my pocket to open the door, I found Woosang awake and looking at me.
“I’m back.”
“Where did you go? The supermarket?”
“Ah.”
Realizing that my hands, which should have been heavy, were light, I stopped in place.
“Didn’t you go to the supermarket?”
“…I went for a walk.”
“I see.” Woosang took a sip of water and stretched slightly. Embarrassed, I hung the empty basket at the entrance and told him about the bookstore I had discovered earlier.
“A new bookstore is opening right in front.”
“Really? That’s good. Now we won’t need to take the bus.”
“Yes.”
Unable to find what else to say, I mumbled softly. Woosang, perhaps puzzled by my vague answer, looked at me for a moment before turning his steps toward the sofa as he noticed an alarm going off on a phone placed there.
Hearing the alarm, I realized it was my phone. Usually, I had no reason to contact anyone other than Woosang, so my phone was always neglected.
But recently, someone other than Woosang had been contacting me. It was Oliver, whom I met in Switzerland.
Oliver had been contacting me daily since the day he left Switzerland. He talked about which city he was in and when he would go to Paris. I didn’t understand why he was telling me these things, but since there was no reason not to respond, I replied casually.
He said he was traveling alone and felt bored, so he wanted faster replies, but that was beyond what I could manage.
Eventually, I asked Woosang for help with the responses. After he replied on my behalf a few times, there was no more contact from Oliver.
‘What did you send? It seems like there’s no contact these days…’
‘I just blocked him.’
‘Blocked? But it wasn’t that annoying… How do I unblock it?’
‘Why?’
‘Well, that’s not polite.’
‘Having conversations with another guy while having a boyfriend isn’t polite either.’
Woosang was about to get angry with me but then said he understood and unblocked Oliver. Instead, when Oliver contacted me, Woosang usually checked first, and my phone had somehow become his possession.
“What was the alarm for?”
“What do you think? That damn bastard.”
“…”
Passing by Woosang, who was cursing strangely harshly, I headed to the kitchen. Since I hadn’t gone shopping, I needed to check what was left.
But of course, there wasn’t much in the refrigerator.
“Woosang.”
“Yes?”
“Do you want to go out? I think we need to shop.”
“…Alright.”
He tossed my phone carelessly into a corner and got up. I prepared to go out again, grabbing the shopping basket and putting on my coat. Woosang also came to the entrance wearing his coat.
Looking at Woosang, whose gait seemed lighter due to his substantial weight loss, I felt a sense of pity again today.
When I looked at him, strong guilt and sadness still remained. But I still didn’t know exactly what I needed to do. We had quite a lot of time. But if time just passed without doing anything, what would be the point?
As I stared absentmindedly, Woosang seemed to feel my gaze and smiled slightly.
“What is it?”
“Nothing, just…”
I wanted to say I was grateful that he was here, but my mouth remained closed. As always, I just waited for him to understand.
I had definitely changed from before. And I would probably continue to change. So I decided not to rush.
While pondering absentmindedly, I remembered the notice attached to the bookstore. It felt like an opportunity for change given to me. If only I could do a proper job and meet new people to make myself more dignified.
‘How wonderful that would be.’
A feeling that was indistinguishable between joy and sadness flickered. I carefully took his hand and walked.
“We passed the supermarket. Where are we going?”
“Since we’re out, let’s walk a bit more before going.”
“…Alright.”
Woosang nodded and tightly held my hand. His hand was particularly warm today. People passing by glanced at us, but I didn’t mind much. It seemed Woosang felt the same way.
We hadn’t walked far, but the Eiffel Tower was suddenly right in front of us.
Behind it, the Seine River was visible, and in front, people were passing by quickly. Until just a moment ago, the weather didn’t seem this good, but now the sunlight was shining brilliantly.
We walked silently in that light.
The Eiffel Tower, which I hadn’t found beautiful before, looked decent today. Even the numerous people passing in front of it weren’t particularly bothersome.
Just then, at the edge of my vision, I saw people dancing. As I turned my gaze towards them, Woosang also looked their way and seemed lost in thought.
What thoughts does he have while watching them? Does he want to dance? Or has it become a meaningless action to him? He might even have grown to dislike it.
I was always curious about Woosang’s thoughts. Just as I didn’t talk about myself, he kept everything tightly concealed, and he didn’t reveal himself as much as I did.
“Do you know how to waltz?”
“What?”
“Isn’t that what those people are dancing? A waltz?”
“Yes. They’re waltzing on the street. How peculiar.”
I sensed some emotion in his final word, ‘peculiar.’ Not missing it, I asked:
“Can you teach me? The waltz.”
“What? I’ve never learned it except in theory.”
“Then, we can learn by watching those people.”
“We’ll look foolish.”
He withdrew his hand, horrified.
“So what? You said you don’t care about people’s gazes.”
At my words, Woosang replied, “Forget it,” and strode ahead. I followed him.
My eyes were still on the people moving on the grass. Watching them move their bodies without caring about others’ gazes, I felt my heart swell.
‘I wish he could understand this feeling.’
I wanted to move with him on the grass, caring about nothing.
***
“We should stop by the supermarket.”
I called out to Woosang, who was walking briskly. He seemed to realize and hesitated, looking back at me. Seeing a supermarket right next to us, I pointed to it, and he nodded, heading there.
Being near the Eiffel Tower, the interior was messy and crowded with people, but we had no choice as we might go home empty-handed again.
“Did you bring the shopping list?”
“Yes.”
I scanned the list Woosang handed over. Puzzled by the surprisingly short list, I was about to ask when he suddenly grabbed my arm.
For some reason, Woosang was openly displaying displeasure. Since such expressions were rare, I stared at him.
“What’s wrong?”
“Let’s go to the supermarket near our home.”
“What?”
“Quickly!”
Shocked by his forceful tone, I stood dumbfounded and dropped the note I was holding. As I hurriedly picked it up, a familiar voice called from a distance.
“Hey, isn’t that Teo over there?”
