# Chapter 17
When I opened my eyes, I was on the bed in my house.
After having dinner with Woosang yesterday and drinking a few more glasses, it seemed like I had another blackout.
I wanted to refuse Woosang’s offer of alcohol, which was clearly intended to get me drunk, but he seemed to be enjoying it so much that I couldn’t possibly stop him.
I tried to recall last night through my hazy memories. I definitely remember leaving the restaurant and going to a nice bar nearby, where I drank three glasses of whiskey and cleansed my palate with sparkling water.
No matter how much water I drank, the smell of alcohol kept rising from my throat, making me nauseous. I clutched my queasy stomach and sat on a nearby bench, feeling Woosang’s gaze on me.
‘Why, why do you keep telling me to drink?’
‘Because I want to see Teo drunk.’
‘Why, why? When I’m drunk… I can’t walk…’
‘I’m here for you. Come on, lean on me. Hurry up.’
Woosang, who had forcibly made me stand despite my drunken state, was laughing, clearly enjoying himself. Staring intently at him, I gently stroked his face and mumbled.
‘Woosang, you’re so pretty…’
‘Am I? I’m glad I look pretty to you.’
‘…Why do you keep… seducing me?’
‘You just realized that now?’
Woosang created a strangely intimate atmosphere as he ran his hands over my body.
Startled, I pushed him away and groaned as I hit the wall. Woosang looked down at me and reached out his hand again.
His hand……
After that, Woosang looked down at me for a while, then helped me up again and supported me.
‘Stop, stop touching my body…’
‘Why?’
‘Why… you ask… it feels weird…’
‘That’s why I’m doing it.’
After that, I pushed Woosang away, telling him to stop, but in the end, I was kneaded like flour dough and got into a taxi heading home.
‘Was it a taxi, or did we walk?’
I couldn’t remember.
As I was rubbing my face vigorously due to the embarrassing memory from the morning, I felt someone’s gaze from beside me.
“…!”
I knew exactly whose gaze it was, so I couldn’t bring myself to turn my head. But whether he knew how I felt or not, he slowly sat up as well.
“Did you sleep well?”
“Yes….”
“You seemed too drunk yesterday, so I helped you get back. Is your stomach okay?”
“…Yes. I’m sorry for the trouble. I should stop drinking from now on. I keep blacking out when I drink.”
“Just wait a moment. I’ll make you some coffee.”
I slowly got up from the bed and followed Woosang to the kitchen. For some reason, I felt like I shouldn’t mention remembering last night, so I was playing dumb, but Woosang glanced at my face briefly and then casually put water in the coffee pot.
We had originally planned to go grocery shopping after the meal, but because we had been drinking, the refrigerator was still empty.
“Since we’re meeting Bel a little later anyway, let’s just wait and eat something delicious.”
“Ah.”
The appointment with Bel. That’s right. I nodded, remembering the fact I had completely forgotten.
Bzzzz-
Just then, Woosang received a phone call. Startled by the vibration sound, I watched as he said he would take the call briefly and stood by the small window next to the kitchen to talk.
It was an unfamiliar language, one I was hearing for the first time. Woosang spoke briefly in a language I couldn’t understand, maintaining a monotone voice, and then hung up as if nothing had happened.
“Who was it?”
“Ah, my mother. We talk occasionally.”
“Are you… close with your family?”
Woosang, who momentarily stood still at my question, seemed to be lost in thought.
“Yes. Not bad. Still, I fulfill the duties between a child and parents well.”
“Duties?”
I thought about my parents and Hund. Perhaps a parent’s duty was to love their child and fulfill their educational obligations.
Thinking about these things, I suddenly became curious about what kind of people Woosang had grown up with. Then, looking at Woosang who had approached me, I asked quietly.
“I’m curious about Woosang’s family.”
“Are you? Then tell me about Teo first. Come to think of it, I know nothing about Teo. We always talk about me.”
“I guess so….”
He took my hand and led me to the sofa. Following his lead, I sat on the sofa and stared blankly at Teo.
‘What could he be curious about?’
Not able to anticipate, I blinked and waited for his words.
The truth was, I had nothing I could tell him. My job, my identity, everything was a lie, so I was anxious about whether there was anything I could tell him truthfully.
That was it. I was anxious. But thinking about it, the only lie I had told him was about my nationality, and other than that, I didn’t seem to have lied to him much.
From the beginning, Woosang seemed to know that I was reluctant to talk about myself. As I was sitting there blankly, Woosang asked me a question.
“What are Teo’s family members like?”
He asked before I could sink deep into my thoughts.
“Family…”
When it comes to family, should I talk about my parents? Or should I talk about Hund?
To my biological parents, I was nothing, and to Hund, I was just a dog.
In fact, neither was a proper definition. Still, if I had to define it, I thought of Hund as my parent. After all, he raised me.
“…Actually, I don’t really have a family. My parents died when I was 10, and the person who raised me after that also passed away recently. Um, I don’t have siblings, so… I don’t have a family anymore.”
Woosang blinked at my story and kept his mouth shut for a while.
Then, he slowly took my hand and, with a slight smile, said it must have been hard for me, gently rubbing the back of my hand.
I had never thought it was difficult to not have a family. But if he cherished and cared for me because of it, that seemed good enough. Besides, for some reason, he seemed to be pleased with my story.
Unable to find a response to his smile, I turned my head and looked at the hand he was holding. I couldn’t tell if he was worried about me or pitying me.
“But now Teo has me.”
“…That’s right.”
I have him. I don’t know when he will leave, but for now, Woosang was with me. So it would be okay. It would be okay for the time being.
“I’m an only child, so I only have my parents. They are in Korea, and we occasionally call to check in.”
“Don’t you want to see your parents?”
“Well, occasional phone calls are enough. My parents are busy people, so it’s awkward to contact them often, and even when we meet in person, we don’t talk much. That’s how it always felt in Korea too. They let me do whatever I wanted, didn’t interfere much… They’re good people.”
The family story he was telling somehow felt strange. I thought a normal family would be like those in dramas, a family that gets along well. But Woosang didn’t seem to care much about his family.
‘Why?’
Come to think of it, he said he wasn’t interested in anyone. He couldn’t attach himself to anyone, not even trusting his family. Yet he liked me.
Somehow, it’s a strange sentence. I couldn’t completely like or dislike his attitude. However, he was someone I needed. That way, I felt that Woosang was becoming the closest yet most difficult person to me.
“Still, I might go to Korea briefly next year. It’s been 4 years since I last went.”
“You haven’t gone for a long time.”
“Yes. My parents came here, so I didn’t need to go. They came last year, so I should go next year.”
I nodded lightly. Then Woosang leaned his head toward me and looked at my face.
“Want to come with me?”
“…What?”
“To Korea. Have you been there before?”
“…No.”
“Let’s go together.”
“Yes….”
Embarrassed by his approaching face, I just nodded. He then stroked my arm, whispered thank you, and stood up.
Looking at the time, it was already time to meet Bel. He said he would shower first and went into the bathroom. All I could do was stare blankly at the bathroom he had entered.
***
“Hello.”
Bel greeted me and replaced her greeting to Woosang with a hug.
It had been a very long time since the three of us had met like this, so I couldn’t hide my awkwardness. But Bel acted as if it was nothing, asked me how I had been, and sat at the table guided by the staff.
“What do you want to eat? I’ll pay today.”
“Will you? Then I’ll buy the coffee.”
“Ah….”
When I was dazed at the conversation between the two, Woosang smiled and said it was okay. I nodded and looked at the menu. Then Woosang naturally recommended a menu to me and asked for confirmation if it would be alright.
Usually, this behavior seemed natural, but with Bel in front of us, I felt somewhat embarrassed by my complacent appearance.
“Teo, what have you been doing these days?”
“I’ve been staying at home because of work.”
“Really? Woosang was really worried, did you know?”
“Yes….”
“Enough. It’s all in the past now.”
When I stammered, Woosang coldly told Bel not to do that. Bel just laughed at his attitude as if it was nothing.
Bel was a difficult person for me. She was two years older than Woosang and me, and having been born and raised in Paris, she was more familiar with the streets than we were.
Four years ago, after working with Woosang in Berlin, she had been taking care of Woosang ever since, she said. So she knew Woosang better than I did, and in a way, she was like a noona to Woosang and his closest friend.
“So are you two completely resolved now?”
“Yes. No need to worry.”
“…Alright. So I can be relieved?”
“Yes.”
Bel, now seemingly relieved, sighed once and took out a cigarette.
“…Teo doesn’t smoke, so don’t smoke.”
“Already looking after your boyfriend first?”
I couldn’t find the words to respond to that and just stared at the fork in front of me.
It was uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable.
Still, I smiled slightly because I liked the fact that Woosang was concerned about me. Bel snorted at that sight and put the cigarette back.
“So what’s the occasion, why did you call Teo too?”
“Oh, I called because I’m leaving Paris now.”
“…What?”
“What are you saying?”
Bel casually blurted out an important fact.
Even Woosang, who usually showed no change in expression, seemed shocked and paused for a moment. But soon he returned to his expressionless face and drank the water placed in front of him.
Although I wasn’t that close with her, I couldn’t believe that she, who was closest to Woosang, was suddenly leaving.
“I went to Germany last time, remember? I had an audition then. They contacted me saying I got in, so I’m going there now. I’m tired of living as a freelancer, tired of France, just thinking of leaving.”
“…I see. It’s about time for Bel.”
“What about you? Will you continue to stay in Paris as a freelancer?”
“Yes. I’ll stay like this for the time being. Being affiliated would be more comfortable than now, but if a project I want to do comes up, I won’t be able to do it freely. So I want to stay here for a few years.”
The two talked as if it was nothing. They didn’t seem to have much regret for each other.
I was rather puzzled by their attitudes towards each other, so I closed my mouth and watched silently.
‘Is this how all people who live without roots are?’
I haven’t lived in one place for a long time either, but I felt a bit sad when leaving a place where I had stayed for a long time. But I couldn’t feel that regret from the two of them.
‘What would a life of always wandering be like?’
I resigned myself and tormented my innocent fingertips.
