# Chapter 15
‘Has Woosang always been someone who attracts attention like this?’
From the beginning, Woosang was quite famous in the dance world. At first, I couldn’t really feel that he was popular, but certainly, Woosang received attention wherever he went.
Moreover, just checking his SNS, there were many people flirting with him.
I felt a strange feeling about that sometimes. Then suddenly, I remembered that Woosang had told me he liked me.
This beautiful, competent Woosang, who seemed to know everything, told me he liked me.
It wasn’t something that someone as insignificant as me should hear. Perhaps that moment was a dream?
‘What if it was just my delusion, and Woosang is forcing himself to accept me?’
Such a vague thought occurred to me.
I wondered what meaning the emotion Woosang spoke of then had.
After walking silently for a while, Woosang carefully sat on a bench placed in a secluded area.
And he gestured for me to sit as well. I sat slightly beside him and waited for him to speak first.
After choosing my words for a long time, wondering what to say, I felt Woosang sending a gaze to me, and I looked at him too.
Our eyes were quietly facing each other. What might he be thinking?
And what do I want to say to him? Are he and I harboring the same thoughts?
“Teo.”
“…Yes.”
“I’ve thought a lot too. Because it was my fault that you had such thoughts.”
“That’s—”
My lips twitched slightly. All the words I had carefully prepared were long gone. I quietly waited for Woosang’s words.
“Still, I don’t pity you.”
“About what I said then, I also…”
I couldn’t bring myself to say that I knew he didn’t pity me.
“I like you, Teo.”
“…”
“I didn’t know what to do either… The reason I said I didn’t want to meet anyone back then was because I felt like some kind of relationship would form with Teo. I was afraid of that.”
Woosang told me he was afraid. Previously, I couldn’t understand how one could fear something just because of a small emotion.
But now I seemed to understand. I couldn’t be absolutely certain, but Woosang seemed to have the same heart as me.
I liked him, and at the same time, I was anxious.
It seemed Woosang was the same.
“…Do you like me?”
“Yes. …I like you.”
I mulled over the words Woosang uttered. It was a strange feeling.
“Why do you like me? I can’t do anything on my own, I’m not eloquent… and I’m a man.”
I was someone who didn’t suit him.
At my words, Woosang stopped as if something was broken and couldn’t open his mouth.
He just stood there still, as if he hadn’t expected me to say such things at all.
I couldn’t do anything on my own, and I didn’t have anything that would catch the eye either.
Moreover, I didn’t even know my own emotions and had been frustrated alone like a broken doll.
I couldn’t really guess Woosang’s heart who said he liked such a person as me.
‘Does he really not pity me?’
I didn’t know how someone who couldn’t even have confidence in themselves could be loved by anyone. I was anxious.
I had somehow come to know the emotion called anxiety.
“Teo. Do you know how long I’ve been active in Europe?”
“…No.”
“It’s almost been 6 years in Europe.”
Six years was truly a long time. I lived in my hometown only until I was 10, but memories from that time still dominated me.
So 6 years was by no means a short time.
“I finished my studies in the UK and wandered around, and now I’ve gained some recognition. But honestly, I don’t really think my recognition is because of my dance.”
This was the first time I’d heard this.
Woosang and I didn’t talk about each other’s past as much as we thought.
It was always about the present, or about the world we had come to know.
I knew he had stayed in France for more than 2 years, but I didn’t know he had been in Europe for so long.
I certainly knew that he had studied in the UK and worked in Berlin, but hearing the number 6 years felt like he was presenting all that time to me.
Moreover, I couldn’t believe that someone as perfect a dancer as him wasn’t famous because of his dance.
Woosang’s dance was perfect.
It was his movements that bound me from the beginning. Woosang continued speaking with a bitter smile.
“Someone like me is not just a dancer. I’m just an Asian. Always, as if it’s natural, such modifiers are attached to me. Asian, good for an Asian, distinctive because I’m Asian, things like that. So I always doubted others. You know my friend Bel? We’ve been together for years, but I don’t completely trust her. I’m in the habit of doubting others. From the beginning, I didn’t even properly trust my parents.”
“…”
“But Teo looked at me.”
“That’s really—”
It really was a natural thing. How could one not look at Woosang?
Appearance and such weren’t actually that important. In the end, what attracted me to Woosang was Woosang’s emotion.
“Because you saw me as a person, naturally, I liked Teo. The things I wanted to express… When I was with you, for the first time, I felt like I existed as the person ‘Yun Woosang.'”
We had met for barely a few months at most. But why did Woosang come to think that way?
‘Could it be because of the anxiety he’s built up living here?’
I still couldn’t fully believe in Woosang’s emotions.
But I wanted to believe a little. I hoped that just as I was attracted to him, Woosang also felt a fateful attraction to me.
“I wanted Teo to look only at me. At first, I was confused, but now I think that feeling is here. So, this is not pity. Rather, I want to be pitied by you…”
He forcibly raised the corners of his stiffened mouth.
We looked anxious. Not just Woosang, but I couldn’t confirm anything either.
Neither he nor I knew anything.
Still, Woosang’s pain was clearly conveyed to me.
His story, which had been stuck in his throat, made me sad.
Had there been no one to tell such stories to until now? Why did he have to doubt others?
‘Why did he, who is more perfect than anyone, have to be lonely, not someone insufficient like me?’
I didn’t let others into my world, and he couldn’t let others in.
Perhaps we have similarities.
Though I wasn’t certain yet, I wanted to define this emotion.
My heart seemed to quicken.
I could see that there was something that attracted him and me to each other.
I liked that. It wasn’t just my heart. He too, though not knowing me exactly, wanted me.
Feeling like I might cry, I squeezed my eyes shut. My dizzy head wanted him right now.
At that moment, something soft touched my parched lips.
Startled, I opened my eyes to find Woosang with his eyes half-closed, pressing his lips against mine.
I tried to hastily separate my body, but instead, Woosang came closer to me, caressing my cheek and leading me.
My whole body tingled. It seemed like I had felt this before. It was when he looked at me as if I were beautiful.
I looked deeply into Woosang’s eyes.
His black pupils somehow seemed to hold a cool light. And that gaze seemed to want me.
‘Was Woosang also feeling like this back then?’
I muttered with trembling lips.
“…Your eyes are pretty.”
At that, Woosang had a momentarily surprised look and then smiled incredibly widely.
It was a smile I had never seen before.
I had never seen him smile like this.
Realizing that I was the one who had erased his faint smile, I was overwhelmed by an indescribably ecstatic feeling.
In this time of knowing nothing, I truly feel alive now. I want to forever cherish this expression he has shown only to me. If I could have him, I felt like I could kiss even his feet right now.
I pushed my about-to-burst heart towards him and exhaled deeply. Feeling Woosang’s breath, it seemed hotter than mine. The smile didn’t fade. Woosang buried his face in my chest and muttered.
“…If you stay by my side, I’ll give you everything too.”
So don’t leave.
I didn’t know how to respond, but for now, I wanted to express affirmation.
I nodded my head slightly and lightly kissed the top of his head. It was a sweet feeling I had never read about, even in books.
If I could just take this feeling away, I felt like I could live forever. I gently stroked his head with both hands. At that touch, he raised his head and made eye contact with me again.
Deep black pupils were looking at me as if piercing through me.
There was still a deep smile on his lips. I was happy that it was me who made him smile. I can’t believe that I can be with him.
Our fervent expressions didn’t fade.
If I were to stop breathing right now, it would be quite alright.
It was a moment that could never be erased. Emotions I thought I would never feel in my lifetime all poured down at once, at an unmanageable level.
I just blinked at him, intoxicated by him.
His beautiful laughter echoed in my ears. It was a deep sound I had never heard before.
As if entranced by that sound, I held his hand. And to hide my embarrassment, I moved slowly.
Sweat seemed to flow between our held hands, but neither of us could easily let go.
I tried to carefully release my hand for fear that Woosang might feel uncomfortable due to the sweat, but he quickly grabbed my hand as if afraid to lose me.
My face seemed to heat up at Woosang’s temperature. But that temperature was never unpleasant.
A person’s body temperature was hotter than the blood flowing from a corpse. Whether it was Woosang’s temperature or mine, I couldn’t tell, but the hot heat approached me gladly even in this summer.
Though I couldn’t bring perfect certainty, I wanted to create increasingly clear emotions.
I desperately hoped that Woosang would wait for me like this.
