# Chapter 14
When I opened my eyes in the morning and was getting ready, my phone plugged into the charger caught my eye.
In fact, I had turned off my phone a week ago, and since then, I had turned it on and immediately turned it off again without giving messages a chance to arrive.
So I had no idea what kind of contact might have come from Woosang.
Perhaps during these few weeks, he might have been trying to forget me again.
I wondered if I was troubling him, but I thought it was right to end this situation, whatever it might be.
After putting on proper clothes, I was about to leave the house, but my reflection in the mirror still seemed unfamiliar, making it difficult for me to step out.
If I were to stand in front of Woosang like this, I thought I would look too miserable.
‘It’ll be okay. It’s okay. It’s nothing.’
Roughly pressing down my trembling fingertips, I opened the door and came out. Fortunately, the weather today was insanely good, without a single cloud in sight.
Perhaps because people liked such weather, there were more people on the streets than usual.
There were still people who bumped shoulders or seemed sensitive, but now I also made an effort to avoid them properly and blend into this street.
On the other hand, I felt somewhat burdened as I sensed the gazes of passersby occasionally directed at me.
Thinking it might be because I was now properly giving my attention to this city, I quickly left the spot. My trembling heart made a loud sound with each step I took.
The place where Woosang was performing today was at most a 30-minute walk from home.
It would take about 10 minutes by bus, but for once, I wanted to walk.
People leaving breathlessly on bicycles, people jogging or exercising despite it being a weekday afternoon were quite noticeable. I felt somewhat strange thinking that there were more diverse people living in the world than I had thought.
‘Was this place originally this wide?’
But among these emotions, only my feelings towards Woosang remained most vividly within me.
Not long after, I arrived at the square where the stage was set.
There were quite a few people gathered, as if some already knew about the stage, and there were speakers and simple equipment, with mats laid out on the floor.
Suddenly, I recalled when I first met Woosang.
Him, alone, seeming precarious, separated from other dancers.
That meaningless smile he wore.
And conversely, I remembered the gaze that was reflecting some emotion towards me.
A smile with some meaning bestowed upon me. Those gently fluttering eyes.
‘Just as I was confused, was Woosang the same?’
Even Woosang, whom I believed to be perfect, might have been confused.
Everything that came to mind was only vivid.
As I casually fixed my bangs and exhaled deeply, a familiar person passed by my side.
“…!”
It was Woosang.
Not understanding why he passed by my side, I quickly turned my eyes to follow him, but he continued forward without showing any surprised expression even after seeing me.
It was the start of the performance.
Stunned by his cold eyes, I absent-mindedly followed him with my gaze, but soon all the dancers gathered in the center and led the stage.
Amidst all that, I couldn’t say a word.
Normally, I would have focused on watching what kind of dance Woosang performed and how he acted, but due to his cold eyes, the stage didn’t register in my mind.
I recalled what Woosang had said in the past.
‘How does my dance look to you, Teo?’
‘…I’m not sure. But it seems definitely different from the ballet I’ve been watching on TV. It’s more dynamic… and seems somewhat emotional.’
At that time, he somehow seemed excited by my words. He clearly looked happy, even though his lips didn’t visibly curl up or his face didn’t frown.
‘When I dance, I dance to show the emotions I feel. I’m not sure how Teo might feel, but I’ve been told since I was young that I’m emotionally awkward. But when I dance, everyone says they can tell what emotion I’m in. Not just by my expression, but by the gestures I make, I appear sad, I appear happy, I appear passionate. That’s why I wanted to keep dancing.’
Woosang, who had been speaking rapidly then, showed me a faint smile.
At that time, he looked happy.
I think I saw a definite emotion in that hazy performance.
‘Perhaps it was I who had been turning away from Woosang’s emotions.’
Woosang continuously wanted a special emotion from me. He seemed to want to express himself. He must have wanted someone to truly understand him.
Maybe he wanted someone to look at the essential ‘Yun Woosang,’ not just through his dance.
I remembered the Woosang from that time.
But in today’s Woosang, I couldn’t see any other emotion. He just looked sad. Could the weariness and groaning visible on his usually expressionless face be seen only by me?
Why he had such an expression, why he couldn’t get excited at all, I had many things I wanted to ask.
I had an obligation to ask him that.
***
I eagerly followed him and watched the stage, but there was none of the dramatic emotion I felt when I first met him.
He seemed powerless, as if he had deliberately tried to erase other emotions. I couldn’t guess what had made him like that. With these dizzy thoughts, the 40-minute time passed quickly. It was a time that was both short and long for me.
After the stage ended, the audience applauded, and Woosang greeted the audience. Bel, who had been naturally attached to Woosang’s side, seemed to have spotted me, as she whispered something into Woosang’s ear and pointed in my direction.
Woosang muttered something to Bel and didn’t even look in my direction. Somehow, my chest ached as if it would burst.
‘He’s not looking in my direction.’
I felt like I could taste the forgotten sourness in my throat again.
After greeting for a while, one of the other dancers picked up a microphone and began to explain about the performance.
During this time, Woosang just looked at the floor without moving an inch. But I still couldn’t take my eyes off him.
Before I knew it, the explanation came to an end, and applause poured in from around again. In this busy place, all I was looking at was Woosang.
It had always been that way, but the important thing was that I was now aware of that fact myself.
The noisy sounds around my ears subsided, and the audience began to leave one by one.
During this, my gaze coincidentally met Woosang’s. I hoped that gaze wouldn’t break.
At that moment, Woosang muttered something to Bel and unexpectedly began to approach me.
I was momentarily flustered. I thought I should turn away or move elsewhere, but realizing that I had come here to talk to him in the first place, I just watched as he approached with an expressionless face.
Woosang, who stood in front of me, kept his mouth shut for a while and then slowly parted his lips.
“…Hello.”
“Hello.”
“What brings you here?”
“Well.”
“…Do you now feel like talking to me?”
I nodded slightly. Woosang looked at me with a strange expression that neither smiled nor showed anger.
“…Woosang, can you spare a moment?”
“I need to go back. I need to clean up after the performance… the work isn’t done yet.”
Woosang said, looking into my eyes with a monotone voice.
Thinking about it, that was true. Today’s performance was a one-time event, and since it was held outdoors, there would certainly be cleanup or after-parties.
I just realized that I had come too impetuously, but I couldn’t bear the time without seeing him anymore.
My heart, beating without rest, was screaming for me to hold onto him right now, but I couldn’t do something so impulsive.
I bit my lip deeply and chose my words.
“Right… I was too thoughtless. Then, will you contact me when you’re free?”
“…Contact?”
“Yes.”
A small sigh was heard.
“After ignoring all my messages until now, you’re asking me to contact you? Why do you want to shake me like this? Do you find it amusing that I like you? I….”
He urgently closed his lips tightly with a face that looked like he might cry. That expression again.
A naive expression as if he had never been angry before and didn’t know how to get angry.
My fingertips tingled.
“…I’m sorry. I feel like I’m going to be emotional again. Teo, will you forgive me?”
Once again, he apologized for an action that didn’t require forgiveness.
I was about to nod at Woosang’s peculiar behavior, but it seemed like there was nothing I could do.
At that moment, Woosang grabbed my short sleeve. Neither I nor Woosang could move. It felt like the tension between us might burst.
“…”
After looking at that hand for a while, I gently wrapped my hand around his.
Woosang seemed surprised by my gesture and showed a perplexed expression. But without pushing my hand away, we just looked into each other’s eyes.
He reached out his other hand and lightly touched my cheek. I wanted to startle and push that hand away, but I controlled myself and felt the touch of Woosang’s fingertips.
Woosang’s eyes were very slowly changing to become gentle as usual. Fortunately, he seemed to want to talk to me properly.
“You’ve lost some weight.”
“…Yes. Somehow a little…”
“Can you wait for a moment? Is the time okay for you?”
“…Yes.”
“I’ll be back quickly, let’s go back together.”
Woosang put down my hand and ran back to the stage. After that, he apologized to Bel and other colleagues, then immediately grabbed his bag and ran to me.
I wondered if this was okay, but I wanted to talk to him quickly too, so I couldn’t ask him if it was alright.
Bel and I made eye contact.
We weren’t acquaintances who met frequently, but Bel didn’t seem to dislike me much. But since this was a somewhat special case, I thought she might hate me, which would be unavoidable.
But for some reason, there was relief in Bel’s eyes. That emotion I saw put me in a strange mood.
“…Shall we go? Ah, wait a moment.”
Woosang took out something like perfume from his bag, moved far away from me, and sprayed it on his body. Then, after checking if there was a smell for quite some time, only then did he approach me.
Since I had never smelled anything from him until now, I didn’t understand why he was spraying perfume.
But since that perfume was also a scent that often came from Woosang usually, I silently inhaled that scent on purpose.
Walking beside him after such a long time, I felt longing welling up.
I wanted to cling to him right now, but I held back with all my might.
From that day on, I seemed to have become an endlessly impulsive person.
“…”
The two of us walked silently along the street. Among people moving without rest, only the two of us seemed relaxed.
In reality, we also had not even a moment’s relaxation, but that didn’t matter.
Turning my eyes slightly to look at Woosang, the sweat droplets slightly formed on his nape and his reddened chest caught my eye.
There was no way to divert people’s gazes from Woosang, who had always had an appearance that caught attention at a glance.
“Ah…”
A small moan escaped.
