# Chapter 11
“Do you… like me?”
Woosang asked me again.
‘Why is he asking that? Is my opinion important to our relationship?’
Perhaps if I had such feelings, he might want to get rid of me. If he asked whether I liked him, of course I did.
I dream of him every night, and just seeing his face makes me happy. I find his small smiles lovely and wish I could remain in his memories.
But if asked whether this was the kind of love described in novels, I couldn’t be certain.
Perhaps I had blindly come to like the first person who showed me warm attention. So this might not be proper love.
Who could tell if I was simply mistaking ordinary affection for love?
If I told Woosang I liked him, he would probably accept me with his kind nature.
‘He’s so kind and benevolent that he would accept someone who follows him blindly without even liking him.’
He would eventually create scandalous rumors like Isadora Duncan. And it was obvious he wouldn’t even resent the person who was the source of those rumors.
I didn’t want to ruin him.
“…I do like you, Woosang. But it’s probably not the kind of feeling you’re thinking of. Don’t worry.”
“…”
“I really, really like you as a friend. Though it’s embarrassing to admit, I’ve never had any friends until now. I thought eating was just about filling my stomach, and I believed that dancing like yours only existed in classical stories from the past.”
I moved slightly closer to Woosang and gently placed my hand on his shoulder.
“But you showed me, didn’t you? How to enjoy a meal, how pleasant it feels to take a walk in the sunshine. And I don’t have any bad thoughts that would ruin this grateful relationship.”
“…”
“I truly like you as a friend, as a teacher who has shown me good things. If I made you think otherwise, I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to make you uncomfortable. From now on, I’ll maintain more distance.”
I carefully shared these possibly somewhat submissive words with him.
Of course, there was definitely a part of me that liked him romantically, but I didn’t want to ruin our current relationship because of such unnecessary emotions.
After hearing me out, Woosang had stiffened for some reason. His lips were tightly closed, and his somewhat cold black eyes didn’t blink even once.
“…”
I quietly waited for his answer, but even as time passed, he couldn’t open his mouth. Somehow, I felt sweat forming on my hands.
What did he want to do with this relationship?
“…Well.”
He finally opened his mouth and slightly lowered his head. I bent my head slightly to hear his voice.
But he closed his mouth again and maintained silence. The prolonged silence that followed made things awkward between us.
What was making him so heavy-hearted?
“…Then, in Spain, you didn’t come to see me?”
I nodded slightly.
“…No. I went there for work. It was sudden so I couldn’t tell you separately. Besides, where we met was far from the performance hall where you were… I didn’t think you would be there. Was that what caused the misunderstanding?”
I felt breathless, but added one more word: sorry.
Woosang raised his head and stared into my eyes. Somehow his gaze seemed sad. I couldn’t guess why he had such an expression.
‘What if something I said hurt his feelings?’
My chest felt heavily weighed down.
‘Our relationship will end soon anyway, I’ll carefully disappear from his life. Will I not even be able to enjoy that time?’
I pressed a deep sigh down my throat.
“Teo. Actually, I feel differently from what you’re thinking right now.”
“…Pardon?”
“I think I’ve been changing little by little. So, my feelings seem different from what you described. I can be certain of that.”
At Woosang’s low voice, I was taken aback and removed my hand from him, slowly stepping backward.
His gaze was different from what I’d seen before.
‘Could he make such an expression?’
At my reaction, he approached me with a smile I’d never seen before and strongly grabbed my arm.
It was such a strong grip that I couldn’t understand how such strength came from his thin wrist. The spot where he grabbed me stung as if it might burst.
“I didn’t want to say it like this… but I like you, Teo.”
“…”
It was a breathtaking sentence.
I repeated the incomprehensible sentence once. ‘I like you.’ Could I be understanding correctly?
“Like.” It felt like a word I had never encountered before.
“…Teo. I want you to be happy when you’re with me, not someone else. I want to be your only person.”
“W-wait a minute.”
“You were only smiling when you were with me, weren’t you? Even though you didn’t even glance at others, you always smiled brightly whenever I talked. So why are you lying? Didn’t you like me?”
Woosang continued speaking faster than usual, as if angry.
His expression was still blank, but I could tell he was quite angry. Since Woosang, who was indifferent to everything, had never shown anger like this before, I couldn’t possibly keep up with his reaction.
I stepped back to remove his arm, but my legs had already reached the sofa placed in the corner.
With a thud, I sat down on the sofa, and Woosang looked at me with very angry eyes.
“Last time too, you called my name at night looking for me. Wasn’t that really directed at me?”
Momentarily flustered, I unconsciously touched my lips.
‘What does he mean? Did I call for him when he came to this house?’
I swear I didn’t dream of Woosang that day.
‘Besides, didn’t Woosang hear me calling Hund’s name that day? Did I perhaps do something to him and completely forget about it?’
If so, he had noticed my feelings weeks ago. I didn’t know how to handle this situation.
I didn’t have the eloquence to just let this enormous incident pass.
“…”
As I remained silent with my mouth closed, unable to say anything, Woosang softened his angry expression and was returning to his usual expressionless face.
I took a deep breath inwardly and just waited for Woosang’s words.
“…I’m sorry. I spoke too emotionally. Were you surprised?”
“I-It’s okay. That’s…”
I took a deep breath and continued speaking.
“…I’m sorry for lying. You’re right. I, I do like you, Woosang. But this is probably because it’s the first time someone has been so good to me like you have. So, you don’t need to say you like me just because of my behavior.”
“…Teo.”
“…Weren’t you with me because I didn’t like you, Woosang?”
“What do you mean?”
“I thought you kept me around because I was comfortable since I don’t do dance and I’m not friends with your friends.”
Woosang’s face changed to a strange look again. I awkwardly got up from the sofa, gently grabbed his shoulders, and led him to the front door.
“You said you didn’t want to be involved, remember? I was trying to respect that.”
“Teo.”
“…Does my feeling matter? From the beginning, you pushed me away. Don’t say such things out of pity now.”
I organized his open luggage and handed it to him. Woosang, with luggage in his hands, had an expression of being hurt somewhere. But I couldn’t find anything wrong with what I said.
Woosang had told me from the beginning.
He clearly said with his own mouth that he wouldn’t like anyone.
For that, I turned away from my feelings and mourned the day of departure. Mixed with emotions I couldn’t understand myself, I silently expelled him with a strange sense of betrayal, pain, and affection.
Ignoring the ticklish feeling inside, I greeted him.
“For a while, I think it’s better if we don’t contact each other. I think you’re pitying me. Seeing someone as naive as me, don’t you just want to help?”
“That’s not it…”
“The story of Isadora Duncan, I still remember it.”
“…”
“I don’t want to remain a dirty scandal to you.”
“…Teo.”
“Let’s not misunderstand each other unnecessarily.”
“That’s not…!”
“Goodbye.”
I closed the front door, ignoring Woosang who was looking at me.
For a while, I felt a presence in front of the door, but I ignored it and quietly sat on the sofa, blankly staring at the ceiling.
Woosang’s hurt face swam through my mind.
It seemed like it was the first time I had seen such a painful expression from him. Seeing Woosang, who always had an expression that suggested he didn’t care about anything else, act emotionally made me feel like my throat was blocked.
‘So Woosang gets angry too.’
He was someone who could act so emotionally. Maybe I had misunderstood Woosang.
I should rightfully be disappointed, but strangely, I couldn’t forget that look of his in my mind.
Guilt spread to the tips of my hair, but I tried hard to ignore it.
These emotions were too unfamiliar. It felt like my insides were aching even though my body wasn’t wounded.
“…It hurts.”
Are people accustomed to these feelings?
If just a brief argument makes my whole body ache like this, everyone endures such unfamiliar pain and lives on.
They must all be out of their minds.
I curled up on the sofa and scratched a small stain on the sofa with my fingertips.
As I meaninglessly scratched that mark that would never disappear, I seemed to see my shabby self from afar.
From the edge of my thoughts, the time I spent with Hund gradually approached. I wanted to ask him.
‘Hund, why did you tell me to go out into the world?’
I asked, trembling with fear that had risen to my throat.
I missed the days when I lived as Hund commanded. I wanted to live by serving my master and resolving only what was determined.
I, who had lived as a dog all my life, didn’t like becoming a human and looking up to someone.
My breathing quickened. It felt like I couldn’t control myself.
It would have been better to keep standing still. Having produced a stupid result, I wailed like that.
My whole body still ached and hurt.
I wanted to escape this sensation. I wanted to return to my former self.
